Spontaneous Musings

shadowkat @ 2023-05-01T20:55:00

2023-05-02T01:59:04Z

Well, I finished another watercolor tonight. This one was of a girl reading on the train. Proof people still read books, not kindles, not cell phones, but books on trains.

Wales was surprised I stated this. She reads books all the time on the train and sees other people doing it too. So maybe it's a Manhattan thing?
Wales works in Manhattan. I work at the tail end of Queens.

Speaking of...Lee told me today that this is her last week at the Queens location, next week she moves back to the Manhattan one. I burst out laughing.
( Read more... )
**

I have somehow managed to get my AIC to 6.2. So my diet choices are working. (Basically no carbs or limited. Lots of greens, proteins, and limit on sugar.)

The Polish Super who doesn't actually know English but speaks Russian fluently, came by to check the fire safety in my apartment. I told him one of fire alarms wasn't working - he ignored it. And seemed to be okay with the fact that kitchen windowsill wasn't completely clear for escape (it was clear enough - I can get out). Personally, I'd rather have the fire escape out the bedroom - because if a fire enters my home - it's coming to the kitchen. At any rate - I don't see myself surviving a fire in this building. Without some serious injury.

Back hurt from Saturday's shenanigans. (I cleaned out the bottom of my hall closet). Everyone I've told was impressed - if they'd seen the closet, they would have been more so. Although - I still need to get rid of the extension chords, television cables, and humidifiers.

****

Talked to Wales on Sunday - she told me that she could set up a show for my work if I wanted. She thinks I should have an art show - and the watercolors are good. I, of course, see flaws. Some are better than others. I should probably go back to just doing one person portraits. With the two people portraits, one of the people doesn't quite work. She said they reminded her of another artist's work - who did subway passengers, but he did long rows of people from more of a distance. Mine were more initimate portraits.

I'm think of doing superheroes on subways next. Except drawn as real folks. Such as an out of shape Batman. Basically folks going to Comic Con.
( watercolor of girl on train )

It didn't quite come out like I wanted. The man's outfit should have been more of lighter yellow, than orange and red, but I was trying to cover up the harsh pencil lines. Also while his face is dark, I think I screwed up with his features.

The girl reading is perfect however. She actually looked like that. Even down to the outfit. I just wanted the light green to come out more. It does in person. Photographs tend to darken or brighten colors and flatten the painting a bit.

Here's the Work in Progress...
( girl in train painting in progress )

***

Killing John Wayne has about four hours left in it. It's a long-ass book. I've gotten through the filming of the Conqueror - dear lord, that was harrowing.

( more on the making of the film and the fallout )

I discussed this with mother, who informed me that she'd seen the film too - just didn't remember it, outside of seeing it and that it was awful.

Me: That bad eh?
Mother: Well can you envision John Wayne as Genghis Khan?

No. LOL!

Wayne went back to safe territory - Westerns with John Ford, and ended up doing one of the best films of his career, best roles of his career, and later determined to be among the best films of the genre - "The Searchers".

Ironically, the Searchers and The Conqueror (that's what the Genghis Khan film was called) were released at the same time. ( how well the Conqueror did at the box office - a heck of a lot better than you'd expect, seriously people are weird )

The reason it was released so late - was Howard Hughes, who was holding it as collateral in the sale of RKO. He refused to release it until he got paid fully for the sale of the film studio.

It took the buyer of RKO (Mike Lee (I think that was his name, might have been Tom Lee), about four years to pry the film from Howard Hughes.

The reason it did so well - was it had Hayward and Wayne as box office draws. And people were curious - due to the marketing blitz. They went nuts with the marketing, and premiers and the red carpet. People lined up for blocks to see their idol - John Wayne. (He was kind of the equivalent of Tom Cruise - now, except even more popular and much bigger?)

But it was really bad.

Oh, I found the original theatrical trailer!
( The Trailer for The Conqueror )

It's basically a toxic male historical romance or boddice ripper. And the dialogue and performances are astonishingly bad - as you can tell from the trailer. There were good films made in the 1950s, this just wasn't one of them.

The audiobook goes into detail. ( the details of why it was so bad )

I've not gotten to the bit about a quarter of the cast and crew contracting and dying of cancer. The Director, all four of the leads, and several of the supporting cast, and crew all died of cancer ten to fifteen years later. And their kids who were on the set - all had brushes with cancer.
I did read about it on Wiki though. A lot of people from that film ended up dying of cancer - the percentage was so high, people wondered, but not high enough to get money from the government. Agnes Moorehead's estate sued. Wayne said it was probably his six pack of cigarettes a day habit that did him in, and June Allison said the same of Dick Powell. Both died of lung cancer.

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Can we continue to love the works of an artist - if the artist is an asshole?

2021-02-11T01:49:46Z

Decided to separate this stuff from my daily lockdown update.

Well, we now have confirmation on why Whedon left social media completely in November, and HBO's The Nevers in October - with only six episodes completed (there's a new show-runner hired - who is a British female feminist writer and activist). (Kind of already knew why - but it was admittedly at that point mainly speculation.) I was speculating and giving Whedon the benefit of the doubt on why he left - because it could have been for personal reasons like he said. But I also thought it was a touch suspicious that he left Twitter completely in November 2020. (The man had been tweeting constantly during the summer). And he was a no-show at San Diego Comic Con, after having a scheduled one-on-one - to advertise the Nevers. He did kind of make a quick appearance on Fillion's chat but that was it. The cancellation of his Zoom chat came soon after the Fisher accusations arose.

What happened? Hmmm...

* Buffy the Vampire Star Charisma Carpenter speaks out about Joss Whedon.

* To date... Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amber Bensen and Michelle Trachenberg have verified Charisma's statements

Gellar and Trachenberg did it on Instagram - neither are on Twitter. Amber Bensen and Charisma posted it on Twitter.

Gellar and Trachenberg's Instagram posts:
( Read more... )

Charisma's on Twitter - which sheds more light on the pregnancy bit than we knew. ( the story I was told back in 2002 by a social media friend )

Go HERE for Carpenter's lengthy statement on Twitter.

And Amber Benson (Tara) who supports it and retweeted Charisma's with this : Buffy was a toxic environment and it starts at the top. allcharisma
is speaking truth and I support her 100%. There was a lot of damage done during that time and many of us are still processing it twenty plus years later. #IStandWithRayFisher #IStandWithCharismaCarpenter - Amber Benson
amber_benson

[Which explains why Benson refused to return to Buffy and hasn't worked with Whedon again. Nor have the others that came forward.]

And.. Wonder Woman Star Gail Gadot states she did not have the best experience with Whedon.

This is all on top of...Ray Fishers accusations about Whedon's behavior on the set of The Justice League reshoot. (Note HBO MAX is due to release the Zack Snyder cut on Justice League sometime this month.)

Ray Fisher accuses Joss Whedon of inappropriate behavior on the set of Justice League which lead to an investigation at Warner [Note Fisher's accusations came out in July, right after this, Whedon dropped out of San Diego Comic Con - he was scheduled for Q&A with Whedon. Also Whedon was supposed to be the new show-runner for DC, but they changed their mind after Justice League.]

Kai Cole comes forward with Whedon is a Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals

And... The Cut - Joss Whedon's Controveries and Alleged Bad Behavior - A Guide AND Screen Rant - Whedon's abuse misconduct allegations and accusations explained.

And...sigh, I know from various Q&A'swith both the Buffy and Angel casts, along with remarks made by Whedon himself, that Whedon allowed and thought it was hilarious that David Boreanze wandered around the set flashing female cast and crew members with his penis. He didn't wear pants. He also really only did it with the women. (Marsters was shocked when Dusku and Benz were discussing it with laughter during a Q&A.)

Once again...that ever-troubling quandry, can we look past the personal actions of the writer/creator and still enjoy his/her/their art? I believe so, particularly in television - since it's collaborative and more than one voice was involved. It can be more difficult in other art forms of course. Also people are more than one thing - so an abusive person can create beautiful art - see Orson Scott Card, George RR Martin, Denis Quaid, Bruce Willis, TS Eliot , F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Virgina Woolf, JK Rowling, Ronald Dahl, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, Owen Tarrantino, Mel Gibson, etc.. Still it is troubling. Can we love the art, without supporting actions we despise?

I can't say any of this surprises me, as you know from reading this journal, I've known about most of this for quite some time now and struggled over the years - because it brings up a troubling dilemma.

Can you continue to love the works of an artist - who is proven to be abusive?
( lengthy musing on this dilemma - because I need to write about it...and feel better for it )

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shadowkat @ 2020-09-23T22:00:00

2020-09-24T02:18:06Z

1. Interesting Art vs. The Artist - and read the comments, they are more interesting than the post. I know, it's an odd thing to actually tell people to read the comments - usually you want to avoid them at all costs, but in this case - READ THEM. Scalzi does an excellent job of monitoring comments. The post is by his daughter.

And so comes the age-old question; how much can you separate an artist from their art? Are you a bad person if you enjoy the creations of a flawed creator? Can I still watch Baby Driver even though Kevin Spacey is in it? Can someone enjoy a Woody Allen movie or does that make them complicit in his awfulness? Can I still love a book series even if the author turns out to be really problematic?

If you consume the creation and enjoy it and don’t know about the bad deeds of the creator, does that make it okay because you simply didn’t know? And then if you find out and continue to enjoy that thing, does that make you a bad person? What if it’s been years and years since said celebrity got “cancelled”? After a certain time period, is it okay to enjoy your problematic faves again? If you acknowledge that the creator is flawed and keep that in mind while consuming their media, does that make it acceptable, or worse?

Sample comment:

I think most of the comments have hit it on the head with “it’s up to the person consuming the artist’s work”. My personnel opinion boils down to a saying I was recently given by a co-worker “There are people I can work with, but never drink beer with; and there are people I can drink beer with, but never work with”. I believe people and artists are multi-faceted and it is ok to only like or deal with certain parts of that person/artist and acknowledge that there are parts of that person that you don’t or won’t deal with.

I agree with that comment. I decided not to post one - since it had already been covered. My view has always been that people are not all one thing.

I knew a sociopath in a Federal Penitentiary who created beautiful art. His art was in no way diminished by his actions.

2. Quick Poll on What Meme To Do Next

View Poll: Meme

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Day #90 of Self-Isolation in Epidemic Central

2020-06-15T23:00:00Z

Deep breath and sigh - it's now day 90. Ninety Days.

1. Tomorrow is a doctor's appointment, which requires a subway ride. Granted it is really only a twenty-thirty minute subway ride. About nine to ten stops. Not too bad. The subways are supposed to be clean. Masks are allegedly mandatory - curious to see how that's being enforced.

It also requires some walking along residential streets. Sitting in a doctor's office waiting room, and a doctor's exam room. The question is which mask to wear - the one with the additional filter? The surgical blue and white masks? The new ones I got with two layers?

I'm dreading it. ( Read more... )

2. In other news, the Supreme Court determined by a 6-3 vote that the Civil Rights Act did protect LGBTQA folks from getting fired from a job for being LGBTQA. The ACLU was rather proud of this victory - considering it had been fighting for it for a while now. There's still more ground that needs to be covered, but a spot of good news. Kind of justifies my donations to the ACLU over the years.

3. Crazy Workplace

( Read more... )

4. Mother's depressed. God, who isn't? Also, while I knew 2020 was going to be a roller-coaster ride, I didn't realize it would be this bad of one. I should have - we have the Anti-Christ in the White House (Lando's nickname for him), I don't know what I was expecting.

I almost burst into tears twice today - feeling sorry for myself. Thinking I should have prepared for this better. But honestly, I tried. I did what I could with what was available.

And I'm tired of being scared and anxious over simple things. Latest, an area of my tub that appears to be wearing away and I don't know what to do about it. It's now rust colored. And rough. I can't figure out how to fix it or stop it. I think it's the water that pools in that place. I can't call the super to fix or look at it right now.

Routine helps. I am a creature of habit. And I've a strict routine that I more or less stick to. That provides sanity, as does taking long walks through a cemetery - yesterday's was five miles for three hours. Or meditation. Writing daily in this journal. Calling my parents. Texting my brother. Interacting on FB. Completing work assignments. Watching the Governor's live news briefings - which my mother is catching via youtube now.

My mother worried today about never being very good at anything. She wanted to be a good artist.
( Read more... )
I don't think she understood. But it's something I've learned over the past ten years - that I can't get validation from outside myself. Nor can other's define or tell me who I am or what I can or can't do or what I enjoy, or what I'm even good at.

Most people have no clue who they are, how are they supposed to figure out who I am? ( Read more... )

At any rate, I've learned to write what is inside me, and let the chips fall where they may. I no longer desire fame or fortune, just a handful of souls here and there who may find something of value in it, whatever that may be.
Sometimes, I just write as I am tonight, to let off steam as one might with a pressure valve. If people enjoy it, find meaning in it, can relate...all the better, if not...it is what it is. I've little control over it either way.

I leave you with...a big fluffy cat, my niece's to be exact.

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Day #81 of Self-Imposed Isolation in Epidemic Central

2020-06-06T21:59:10Z

Personal Milestone.

Eighty days.

Eighty days since I was on a subway or any other mode of transportation. Eighty days since I walked further than Greenwood Cemetery or Prospect Park.

Eighty days.

And yes, the number of hospitalizations, cases, deaths, etc are down - they are at the numbers they were on March 6. According to the Governor, we not only flattened the curve - we frigging bent it - something he claims no one else has done. (Keep in mind he's a born and bred New Yorker from Queens, with Brooklyn roots.) More on that later.

But first...

1.) To celebrate? My desk chair arrived.

Good news? It was fully assembled.

Bad news? They left it in a enormous box in the lobby of my apartment building. Apparently, it was too much trouble to lug it upstairs and place it outside my apartment like they did with the paper towels.

I went downstairs and stared at the enormous 75 pound box and it stared back at me. ( getting a fully assembled 75 pound desk chair in a huge box up to a third story apartment is not as easy as it looks )

See - a fuzzy picture of the partially dismantled box containing the chair in the hallway in front of my apartment. It's fuzzy because I hadn't eaten yet, my hands were shaking.

( fuzzy picture of box with chair inside it )

Took a while to pull it out - it was not easy pulling that chair out of the box. There are downsides to living alone. Such as pulling heavy desk chairs out of boxes.

Why did I get it? Because current desk chair has been threatening to collapse on me since April. I live in fear it will - when I least expect it.
Also, my boss informed us all at the last staff meeting that we would most likely be working remotely from home for the foreseeable feature - my work does not require me to be in the office. I can do it from home with little difficulty. It's actually cheaper and easier for the organization if I continue to do it from home. Saves them a hell of lot of problems.

Anyhow pictures of new desk chair and old one...aren't you happy that I figured out the picture downloading thing? Also shows you my work space, computer table, wireless mouse, and lap-top lift top. Along with the window that I get to look out of each day.
( pictures of old and new desk chairs side by side )

Shitty desk chair is on the left, I think. You can sort of tell. The new one has adjustable lumbar support, headrest support, back inclination, arm rests, and seat height. Also it's very sturdy. It's not going to collapse on me.

( picture of work station with desk chair - only laptop is missing )

I can deduct the cost from my taxes next year as a business expense, along with wifi, and other related computer expenses. Also I got it on sale via Amazon (I did buy the warranty - in case the damn thing came damaged or broke), I didn't go for the premium leather - and it was the version rec'd by wirecutter magazine and New York Times for best ergonomic chair on the market at the moment. It's the Steelcase Leap Erogonomic Chair - I got black. It goes better with my apartment design scheme. (I do care about these things on some level.)

2. It looks like it is going to storm - the clouds are dark and ominous and it's in the upper 80s with 100% humidity. ( Read more... )

Mother talked to brother this morning, and apparently my brother is doing well with his vegetable farm in upstate New York. He's even built his own outdoor kitchen next to a fire pit for canning, and making maple syrup. Meanwhile..his wife, besides designing her own jumpsuit, has been harassing museum curators.

( sisinlaw vs. museum curators, also New York Counter Culture Fashion design )

3. New York vs. the Corona Virus

New York has managed to do what was seemingly impossible a mere month ago - it has defeated the Corona Virus. It's reached almost 0% infection rate. We went from 57% infection rate on testing to almost 0% in a little over 96 days.

We've bent the curve. We also lost over 30,000 lives (confirmed) to the virus - possibly more if you add the probable. And over 379,000 have been infected in the State of New York. We were the hardest hit. But we've rallied - apparently, and the infection rate is at an all time low - which means NYC is scheduled to enter Phase #1 next week and other counties will enter Phase #2.

In other news, this is what the Entertainment Community has sent the Governor's of New York and LA regarding how they plan on handling COVID-19 in their filming and workplaces.

( excerpt )

Rumor has it that they will be back to filming or back to work at any rate by June 12. New York has kind of laid the ground work for how they can continue to move forward in the age of COVID-19.

*Contact Tracing
* Test, Test, Test
* Temperature Taking
* Social Distancing
* Masks
* Washing hands
* Disinfectant

Apparently Mass Transit - subways and Long Island Railroad Trains are disinfected trains now - according to the Governor - they are cleaner than his house and bathroom or anyone's. Like I said at the beginning of this whole trip down the rabbit hole - New York is certainly going to be really clean.

4. The Black Lives Matter Movement vs. the Police & the US Government & All Lives Matter

Right now, the Black Lives Matter Movement has encompassed us all. Also the police infractions and brutality has ...become widespread. It kind of always was. I remember being robbed back in 2005, and the police coming to my apartment and laughing at me. I did have a decent conversation with two black female cops about Buffy. I went to the station to see if they'd recovered my goods and they laughed at me again. The white male cops did.
Then, in 2009, when I left my wallet at work - a black cop, kindly gave me enough money to get home and talked me out of cancelling all my credit cards - stating it was probably at work. (It was.)

[Speaking of work - my old MP3 player is still there - although I no longer use it - preferring the phone. But still.]

There are some good articles out there on it:

* How to Actually Fix Americas Police

( excerpt )

* Interesting take on the Black Lives Matter vs. All Lives Matter Controversy
( Read more... )

Buffalo Police Officers Suspended and Charges Filed After Allegedly Shoving 75 Year Old Protestor

This is the video that enraged and sickened the Governor of New York and everyone else. One woman from my church, who is an attorney, went so far as to call the Erie County Mayor's Office and asked why the other policemen weren't charged for walking by the man, and even kicking him to one side.
The Mayor's office explained - they were investigating it, and that actions were being taken, and they had a lovely discussion.

I also saw the Governor and Lt. Governor address it at the latest news briefing this morning. (I try to watch them every day because I don't quite trust the media - as much as I once did. They are bored and like to exaggerate things. I watched them do it.)

Apparently the policemen who resigned - didn't really resign, so much as have their unit resigned and sent home with pay. They are removed from emergency duty and collecting a paycheck for the time being. The reason for this is that they are covered under a "union" contract. If you are under a "contract" or collective bargaining agreement - then you are protected from certain things like being fired. Only "at-will" employees can be fired outright or with cause. A Union employee under a contract - requires a bit more information and investigation. You can't just fire them. There's good reasons for this - it is in part to protect the police, firemen, teachers, nurses, transit workers, etc from being arbitrarily fired without cause or for doing something right. Unfortunately, it also protects the assholes.
(Kind of like the First Amendment.)

There is an investigation underway. And this week - New York plans to pass into law legislation that will aid in the investigation and firing of police who commit these violations of power. I don't think it is enough - but it is a start.

A Letter Not From a Birmingham Jail

( excerpt )

What have I done?

( Read more... )

I leave you with...a picture of the earth taken from a plane window ages ago...showing how tiny we all are and how we are truly a part of each other and this world we live in, whether we can see it or not from down on the ground.

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