shadowkat @ 2019-04-03T21:32:00

2019-04-04T03:08:52Z

1. Hee...

Apparently some high school put on a play adaptation of the Ridley Scott Film Alien -- yes, THAT "Alien".

2. And there's FINALLY a movement to do older people in romance What's Age Got to Do With it? It also explains why every romance novel for years has women between the ages of 16-28 in a romance, but no one over that. And we wonder why our society is wacked. Why? Because the publishing industry was under the delusion that people don't want to read about older people getting it on -- all evidence to contrary. (Were they blind to the success of Bridges of Madison County?) Also weirdly more men write older women romance novels. They don't write the younger ones. Interesting. (The article didn't say that -- I just picked up on it.) I noticed it in the fanfic too, women (lesbian and het) wrote young innocent gal older guy erotica, while men did not. Interesting. I wonder why? (Of course I may be completely wrong on this -- it's not like I made a study of it or anything, just a random observation.)

Anyhow, another thing I noticed? It's bloody hard to find historical romance novels with older heroines. I've found a couple. Reading one now, actually. Easier to find contemporary with older heroines. Although, you do have to look. I'm actually sort of writing one -- except my book sort of defies description at the moment.

3. You can stream Jordan Peele's premiere episode of the Twilight Zone for free on Youtube. Go HERE. Yes, this is a blatant attempt to get subscribers. They haven't gotten me yet. But that's mainly because I've more television shows to watch than I know what to do with. Having widely diverse tastes or eclectic ones -- comes with its downsides in content saturated marketplace.

4. Hmmm..

Seeing Red - She begged for her life" post by itsnotmymind (nifty name by the way), is about how the writer's made the interesting choice to have Buffy beg Spike to stop in the attempted rape sequence, not just kick him off right off the bat -- while neither of the slayers he killed begged for their lives.

What I find interesting -- is I saw two television shows deal with domestic violence and assault in the last two weeks. Both showed it solely from the victim's perspective. One showed the aftermath, and the victim's helplessness, and inability to do anything to the attacker or defend themselves, the other showed the victim finally killing him, after literally fighting for her life.
( spoilers for Grey's Anatomy, Seeing Red, and 9-1-1 )

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Dark Stuff About Buffy and Seeing Red...

2018-04-14T03:44:54Z

1. Hmmm...I knew some of this, but not all of it: Dark Secrets of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

And.. 15 examples of behind the scenes drama from Buffy

2. I need to write a bit about this, but I am aware you may not want to read it. So behind a cut it goeth...

But first a few links:

* Buffy and Consent Issues - the Episode Seeing Red

* James Marsters Tells The Story Behind that Buffy Scene that Made You Hate Spike - The Mary Sue

* The Buffy Episode that Changed the Way we talk about television

And in another post I already, provided the Dragon Con bit where James Marsters explains how filming the episode drove him into therapy and almost made him want to commit suicide by concrete. Along with a Q&A clip where Marsters visibly shudders when another actor discusses playing a rapist. [It's about two or three posts prior to this one.]

( My difficulty with how rape is depicted in film and television and the consequences of how it is filmed. )

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Whoa...this is really interesting...

2017-10-22T00:58:51Z

Whoa...found this and it shows how different the conversation is now then it was just a year ago at this time. A year ago at this time, we elected a sexual predator as President of the US, a man who openly harassed women, and treated them as sexual objects. And people stated well, he's just being a guy. Now, 12 months later....

I don’t want to see a single comment under this post saying “This is just guys being guys. This is normal. It’s fine,” or ANY VARIATION on that theme. This was not OK. None of it is excusable. Lots of men are not like this. If it’s your idea of what it is to be a man, it shouldn’t be.
#notallmen—are you sure?

I first started thinking back over my past behaviour after reading a comment thread on Pharyngula about #NotAllMen. Of course what men really meant by this hashtag was “not me“. They were more concerned about clearing their own reputation than listening to women about the problem. Most of the Pharyngula thread was about how this hashtag was an irrelevant distraction from women’s reports of sexual harassment, which it is. But one commenter had a different spin. “Can I really say I’ve never harassed a woman?” they mused (I’m paraphrasing from memory). “Never? Not even when I was drunk? Not even when I was a teenager? Not even unintentionally made a woman feel uncomfortable by staring or touching?”

When I first started writing this post, my intention was to make the point that even regular, ‘good’ guys can be harassers. Now I’ve written down 12 of my worst moments, I doubt I’m the best person to make this point. I’m sure (at least I hope) lots of men have read this and gone “Jeeeeeez, I would never do that.” My behaviour went a long way from what most people consider acceptable.

Still: It’s true, there are predators. There are manipulators and those who consciously choose to hurt women. But there are nowhere near enough of them to account for the near-universal experiences of women being harassed and assaulted. Some of the assaults are being done by regular guys. Check it isn’t you.

Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/leavingfundamentalism/2017/10/17/im-reason-women-posting-metoo/#tj8hGfLPWlommY8B.99

This reminds me a lot of what a male friend stated this week...how scared he was that he'd done this. Not being aware of what he was doing.

We're beginning to have an important nation wide discussion about sexual abuse and bullying. Wow. And it's about bloody time. We've had them before of course, but not like this -- not with people actually listening. It gives me hope. I think things are shifting.

[ETA - there's an even better post that is a direct follow up to this one at the same site!

To Stop Sexual Assault We Must Talk About How to Be a Man

When women tell the world that they have been assaulted, they are met with a chorus of disbelief.

You’re just doing it for attention.

If it’s true, why haven’t you told the police?

If it’s true, why aren’t you naming names? [If they don’t]

Why are you trying to ruin this man’s life? [If they do]

That’s not harassment, it’s just a compliment.

Did you do anything to encourage him?

On and on, a sea of disbelief, or of silence, or doing nothing, or worse, of attacking her for having said anything. Meanwhile I come out and say “Hey world, I did some shocking things but I’m not doing them anymore!” and the response has been largely to hail my brilliance. I did start my Facebook post with “I’m scared to post this”, which might be seen as encouraging the “So brave!” reactions. Still, it seems that there are people who are ready to shower men with praise for doing the bare minimum. The women speaking about their assaults are brave. I am (assuming you believe me about having learned and changed) at best an ex-scumbag. Don’t give me a cookie.

The first thing we could learn from the response to my post is that we can make the world better just by supporting victims of assault and harassment the same way we apparently support (reformed) abusers.

AND...

My last post focused on my time as a Pickup Artist (PUA). PUA ideology absolutely needs to be challenged, but it is not the main cause of the harassment epidemic. Most men are not PUAs, and will never be PUAs. That doesn’t mean that they haven’t absorbed some terrible ideas about what it is to be a man.

PUA ideas are really just a turbocharged version of widely-believed ideas about masculinity. Men want sex all the time. Women want men who are traditionally masculine and powerful, even dominant. The number of women you can attract is a measure of your manliness. Women don’t think like men at all, so to ‘understand’ them you need some kind of system. Manliness is embodied by aggressive heterosexuality. PUAs just take these ideas, treat them as though they are objective facts, and claim to make you a Real Man. Lots of men have similar beliefs without getting sucked into the PUA subculture.

Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/leavingfundamentalism/2017/10/19/stop-sexual-assault-must-talk-man/#mLuffqXl7QhOdyml.99

But it's not just the PUA community. It's wider spread than that. My brother was upset about this a while back -- stating that he didn't subscribe to this view of manliness.

Everything on my list is inexcusable. But I still think it’s worth investigating why I did what I did. It wasn’t because I got physical or emotional pleasure from it. I didn’t really enjoy any of those encounters. And that’s not because of casual sex: I’ve since had lovely, mutually satisfying sex that we both knew wasn’t leading to a long-term relationship.

Everything I described in that post happened more than eight years ago. Back then, I was having sex to prove to myself that I could. Real men want a lot of sex, and it’s a measure of your masculinity how successful you are in getting that sex. I was trying to prove to myself that I was a man. It is pathetic, but it is true.

We need to change our ideas about what it is to be a man.

First and most obviously, if you commit sexual assault or harass women, this makes you a worse man.

Also:

Being ‘dominant’ makes you a bully, not a better man.

Your manliness is not determined by the amount of sex you have.

Thank you. I remember a young woman posting in her LJ ages ago that she was a woman now that she'd had sex with a man. Seriously? I was enraged. So if you never have sex with a man, you're not a woman? WTF? That's dumb. Becoming a woman has zip to do with having sex. Just as becoming a man has zip to do with having sex.

People actually think this way? Yes, they do. They think their sex lives define them.
And worse, define those around them.

I do want to say, his use of the word dominant is not used in any way shape or form to condemn the BDSM community, where men and women are in consensual D/S relationships, with both genders taking on both roles, and with safe words. That's not what this is about.

What he also shines a light on is how men are shamed for not being sexually experienced in our culture. Just as women are often shamed for being too sexually experienced.
We virgin-shame men and women, we slut-shame women.

None of that is remotely excusable or kind. It's bullying.

Men and women are guilty of doing this. He's right, we have to change how we talk about sex. This is effecting us all. No one is immune.

It's funny because our media, art, novels, etc have been reflecting these things for some time now. ]

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Spontaneous Musings

shadowkat @ 2019-04-03T21:32:00

Dark Stuff About Buffy and Seeing Red...

Whoa...this is really interesting...