I recently learned what "narcissist" means - it's someone who does not have a strong sense of self, at the core for whatever reason, they have no true sense of their own self-worth or their own inner voice. They can't get value internally - they have to get it externally - from other sources.
This need for approval, for acceptance - to be a hero or champion in others eyes may be the fatal flaw in Angel and Cordy's characters. And the reason they need it - is in part environmental - neither had unconditional love. Buffy had her mother's unconditional love. Cordy and Angel seem to be without that. And if you look through all the episodes of both series - it is in a way a recurring theme. The characters who seek external approval or glory, tend to fall apart. You can't get your self-worth from others, that's not how it works.
The metaphor of the vampire - and the inability for Angel to cast a reflection (except in photographs) is interesting - for the narcissist desperately needs to see his reflection in another - to get that approval. Angel's need for approval, for that positive reflection was what motivated Liam (who rebelled because he couldn't have his father's approval), and it motivated Angelus (to become the worst vampire ever to obtain the Master's approval and admiration - which he did), and Angel (to become a hero/champion to obtain the PTB, Buffy, and possibly God's approval and admiration). Note everything Angel does is to obtain approval from another source. He can't get it from himself. He has no core self. And with Angel, more so even with Spike - we constantly see him looking in mirrors - and wishing to see himself.
Cordelia is similar - everything she does is to obtain external approval. Cordy is constantly talking to mirrors in the series as well. Ironically, the song she selects to sing, while possessed by the Gods that tricked her, is "The Greatest Love of All" - which is of course your self. You really can't love anyone else until you love yourself first. Because otherwise all you are doing is attempting to fill an empty void. Being self-less is really no better than being selfish. The Gods in a way are telling us what is wrong with Cordy. She needs someone else to tell her what is right.
Same with Angel - he needs the oracles, Doyle or Cordy's visions to tell him what to do. Who to save to obtain that approval.
This by the way is why Cordy and Angel could not work as a couple. They enabled each other - their relationship at its core was about mirroring what they wished to see about themselves reflected in the other.
What neither can wrap their heads around, even though various people tell them at different points - "that it's the choices we make each day, the individuals we save or help or care about along the way. The seemingly unimportant people. Not the big stuff." In Epithany - Angel is told that - but he promptly forgets it.
But Buffy seems to get it -in part because she is loved. She's not self-less. And doesn't need to obtain approval. She knows in her core, in her heart, who she is. That's what makes Buffy powerful enough to say no to the shamans in Get it Done.
I think this is a theme in both series. Superstar - is about a boy with no sense of self, who makes a deal with the devil to become a star - to do all the things that he believes will obtain love and approval. But it's never enough. He's never satisfied. And it feels empty, not real. And Superstar is very similar in construct to Birthday. The theme explored seems to be: How we view and define and feel about ourselves - has a huge affect on how we interact with the world around us and the decisions we make. I think you need to be your own hero/champion before you can be anyone elses - if that makes sense?
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Regarding Cordelia & Angel and what narcissism:
I recently learned what "narcissist" means - it's someone who does not have a strong sense of self, at the core for whatever reason, they have no true sense of their own self-worth or their own inner voice. They can't get value internally - they have to get it externally - from other sources.
This need for approval, for acceptance - to be a hero or champion in others eyes may be the fatal flaw in Angel and Cordy's characters. And the reason they need it - is in part environmental - neither had unconditional love. Buffy had her mother's unconditional love. Cordy and Angel seem to be without that. And if you look through all the episodes of both series - it is in a way a recurring theme. The characters who seek external approval or glory, tend to fall apart. You can't get your self-worth from others, that's not how it works.
The metaphor of the vampire - and the inability for Angel to cast a reflection (except in photographs) is interesting - for the narcissist desperately needs to see his reflection in another - to get that approval. Angel's need for approval, for that positive reflection was what motivated Liam (who rebelled because he couldn't have his father's approval), and it motivated Angelus (to become the worst vampire ever to obtain the Master's approval and admiration - which he did), and Angel (to become a hero/champion to obtain the PTB, Buffy, and possibly God's approval and admiration). Note everything Angel does is to obtain approval from another source. He can't get it from himself. He has no core self. And with Angel, more so even with Spike - we constantly see him looking in mirrors - and wishing to see himself.
Cordelia is similar - everything she does is to obtain external approval. Cordy is constantly talking to mirrors in the series as well. Ironically, the song she selects to sing, while possessed by the Gods that tricked her, is "The Greatest Love of All" - which is of course your self. You really can't love anyone else until you love yourself first. Because otherwise all you are doing is attempting to fill an empty void. Being self-less is really no better than being selfish. The Gods in a way are telling us what is wrong with Cordy.
She needs someone else to tell her what is right.
Same with Angel - he needs the oracles, Doyle or Cordy's visions to tell him what to do. Who to save to obtain that approval.
This by the way is why Cordy and Angel could not work as a couple. They enabled each other - their relationship at its core was about mirroring what they wished to see about themselves reflected in the other.
What neither can wrap their heads around, even though various people tell them at different points - "that it's the choices we make each day, the individuals we save or help or care about along the way. The seemingly unimportant people. Not the big stuff." In Epithany - Angel is told that - but he promptly forgets it.
But Buffy seems to get it -in part because she is loved. She's not self-less. And doesn't need to obtain approval. She knows in her core, in her heart, who she is. That's what makes Buffy powerful enough to say no to the shamans in Get it Done.
I think this is a theme in both series. Superstar - is about a boy with no sense of self, who makes a deal with the devil to become a star - to do all the things that he believes will obtain love and approval. But it's never enough. He's never satisfied. And it feels empty, not real. And Superstar is very similar in construct to Birthday. The theme explored seems to be: How we view and define and feel about ourselves - has a huge affect on how we interact with the world around us and the decisions we make. I think you need to be your own hero/champion before you can be anyone elses - if that makes sense?