Really, I don't think Willow objectively gets more grief in fandom than Xander, or Spike, or Angel, or Buffy herself. It feels like more grief to me sometimes -- but I know that's just because it bothers me the most. When people rant against Xander or Spike or Buffy or whoever, it still bothers me, sometimes a lot -- but most of the time, it feels a little easier to dismiss.
You aren't alone in that. In fact from what I've seen on lj, various fanboards, and various fandoms - it seems to be true for people across the board. I know it was true of me, when people bash (because really there's no other term for it) my favorite character -- it feels like they are bashing me. What people forget, and it's admittedly easy to forget this, is when you are bashing someone else's favorite character, keep in mind someone out there may come along and kick yours...in fact it is more likely they will do so.
When people are fannish about something, myself included, it is very hard to separate the object of your fannish devotion from yourself. And almost impossible not to take attacks on the object of your devotion, personally. As if someone is attacking you or mocking you. It's even harder not to take it personally, when the person launching the attack or criticism is doing it sanctimoniously. (Nothing like a sanctimonious attack or post to bring out the devil in me.)
At any rate, as you've no doubt witnessed, I never handled it all that well. And since I was trained as a defense attorney....and in debate....oh dear.
I used to rip into sanctimonious Angel fans on the boards and in my lj who felt the need to attack my favorite characters. It never ended well. And I always lived to regret it. (Note to self --- if it upsets you so much that you can't type -- then that's a message from your body to not respond. It's always better to say nothing, then to say something hurtful.)
I think what a lot of folks forget is we all think differently, And when we watch the tv show, we're seeing it through our own lense, our own perception. But most importantly - there's no right or wrong way to watch the tv show, or right or wrong way to love or view the characters. How people watch or view the characters doesn't say anything about their personal values or how they choose to live their lives. Sometimes it's something as simple as liking an apple over an orange.
But, I think, we or rather people in general, have a tendency to judge, and rather harshly at that, those who think differently than they do. Or perceive the world differently.
I think the trick is not to internalize that judgment or take it personally. Because at the end of the day it really isn't about you or me, but about the person who is inflicting the judgment. It's about their ego, not you. That's hard to remember though, at least it is for me. Also, it's all very well and good to say this - but it doesn't change how it feels to be on the receiving end of that judgement.
Fans can be unnecessarily cruel, and often unknowingly cruel in this regard. It's one of the reasons why I haven't joined any fandoms since Buffy -- I grew tired of the drama. Well that and I find I have 0 tolerance for the new fandom forums - twitter and tumblr and pininterest ...
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You aren't alone in that. In fact from what I've seen on lj, various fanboards, and various fandoms - it seems to be true for people across the board. I know it was true of me, when people bash (because really there's no other term for it) my favorite character -- it feels like they are bashing me. What people forget, and it's admittedly easy to forget this, is when you are bashing someone else's favorite character, keep in mind someone out there may come along and kick yours...in fact it is more likely they will do so.
When people are fannish about something, myself included, it is very hard to separate the object of your fannish devotion from yourself. And almost impossible not to take attacks on the object of your devotion, personally. As if someone is attacking you or mocking you. It's even harder not to take it personally, when the person launching the attack or criticism is doing it sanctimoniously. (Nothing like a sanctimonious attack or post to bring out the devil in me.)
At any rate, as you've no doubt witnessed, I never handled it all that well. And since I was trained as a defense attorney....and in debate....oh dear.
I used to rip into sanctimonious Angel fans on the boards and in my lj who felt the need to attack my favorite characters. It never ended well. And I always lived to regret it. (Note to self --- if it upsets you so much that you can't type -- then that's a message from your body to not respond. It's always better to say nothing, then to say something hurtful.)
I think what a lot of folks forget is we all think differently, And when we watch the tv show, we're seeing it through our own lense, our own perception. But most importantly - there's no right or wrong way to watch the tv show, or right or wrong way to love or view the characters. How people watch or view the characters doesn't say anything about their personal values or how they choose to live their lives. Sometimes it's something as simple as liking an apple over an orange.
But, I think, we or rather people in general, have a tendency to judge, and rather harshly at that, those who think differently than they do. Or perceive the world differently.
I think the trick is not to internalize that judgment or take it personally. Because at the end of the day it really isn't about you or me, but about the person who is inflicting the judgment. It's about their ego, not you.
That's hard to remember though, at least it is for me. Also, it's all very well and good to say this - but it doesn't change how it feels to be on the receiving end of that judgement.
Fans can be unnecessarily cruel, and often unknowingly cruel in this regard. It's one of the reasons why I haven't joined any fandoms since Buffy -- I grew tired of the drama. Well that and I find I have 0 tolerance for the new fandom forums - twitter and tumblr and pininterest ...