I think this is the strangest claim of all, that the existence of misogynistic characters on Buffy somehow reveals something about Joss or the intent of the series. I mean, Shakespeare wasn't intending to make lots of little Iagos, he was writing about a bad person whom we're supposed to see as a villain (or the dark side of Othello according to the Sunnydale High English Department). Neither was Milton praising Satan even if his version is fascinating. Almost all literature would be impossible if writers couldn't write villains for fear of some critic accusing them of making the villain into a hero.