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Being Seen, The Storied Life of AJ Fickery and other comforting spiritual things..
The Storied Life of AJ Fickery was rec'd to me recently by kerk, whose dreamwidth I forget and am too lazy to look up. It's both a book and a movie - the movie adaptation is currently streaming on Hulu, and is comforting. I adored it. I also cried through a good portion of it - so cathartic - I needed a good cry - it cleared out my sinuses. I was suffering from a sinus headache from hell.
It's a lovely little film about the owner of a book store on Alice Island, off of Rhode Island. The book store is in a purple and white building, with purple trim. And filled with books. He lives upstairs. The owner is grieving, and someone drops a child in the center of his store. And his life changes completely. It's not what you think. The cliches are subverted here and there, and commented on. And it is a tale about writing and reading and connecting with others, while seemingly isolated, and never certain when your life might take a right hand turn or a left hand turn.
Also, listened to a sermon on Youtube from Community Church of New York - it's an UUA Church - which is liberal progressive, with the view of being a church for all people, and respectful of all prophets. Basically after a lot of searching? I have managed to find the most inclusive and liberal religious organization in the US. UU's don't like to be told what to believe or what to do, or how - so also the least "organized". I can't handle authority and neither can most UU's.
Very comforting sermon about interdependence, and struggling with isolation in difficult times. The Rev stated at one point..."I have to find a way to survive without ice cream, and this seems impossible." I can relate. He also said that as important as it was to be seen - by others or feel seen and be able to be your whole self and to make mistakes. It's equally important to admit when your wrong, and to be allowed to be wrong. And say I'll do better tomorrow. Lately I've realized that I do not leave arguments when I should. And as a result cause unnecessary emotional pain in myself and others. This is mainly in regards to online disputes. Offline - are easier to leave - because I can read the body language and energy of the person that I'm in disagreement with. Not that I always do - when I should - but I'm more aware of when I should leave them.
The difficulty with talking with others and being seen? Is we all have different types of trauma? Different things trigger folks? Even different words? I remember being in a group therapy session once - and a group member informing me that the word "trigger" bothered him, he didn't like it. Could we use something else? While being told what words to use or being corrected in word use - bothers me, and upsets me - because I have trauma over it. I've had to learn to get past that. But I also have to remember just because I've had to get past my trauma, doesn't mean that I should expect others to do the same. And that's hard to understand sometimes. It's also hard not to minimize another person's trauma. We feel things differently. What may seem minimal or trivial to me, isn't to another person.
My own church's sermon was also comforting - in that it was a lay person's sermon that included music about the songs of Sufjan. Specifically a song based loosely on the Books of Revelation. The lecturer or worship leader taught me something that I didn't know. Apparently the Books of Revelation were in reality a satiric commentary on what was happening with Roman Civilization at the time - or rather the writer was commenting on the downfall and decline of the Roman Empire - which had gone insane in its later years. That's kind of an epiphany? It also explains a lot. If you look at the New Testament within the context of the Roman Empire, and what it must have been like to be poor and not Roman at that time, and writing against it - it kind of explains a lot of it? It also is weirdly comforting - because honestly? What we're going through now? We've been through before, but far worse. It's survivable. We just need to learn from it, or hopefully take the "right" lessons from it? But of course no one is going to agree on that, I'm not even sure we can agree on the interpretation.
***
Today has been a sleepy day. I ventured out around 10 Am to get Magnesium Citrate from the Pharmacy - it's not my favorite brand. And since I don't feel like walking down to the Health Food Store on Courtelyou in the heat, I may order it via Amazon. My favorite brand is BlueBonnet, which doesn't have anything but Magenisum Citrate in it. Everything else has additives.
But it will tide me over until I can get Bluebonnet's brand.
Also, veggies. And paper towels.
Temperatures are at 90-96 F or 30-36 C, with a humidity level of 50-70%.
It's cooler now, the temperature is 87, feels like 93, as opposed to 90 and feels like 96 or 97.
This is why I have A/C - it lowers the humidity. A fan isn't enough.
Struggling a little with my blood sugar still. I had poached eggs over greens for Breakfast, a bagel made with pysillium husk, with fresh mozerella, pesto and pepperoni for lunch, and a green apple with lemon, cinnamon, dark chocolate ( chocolate mixed with cream, tumeric, chili powder, lemon, and cinnamon) for a snack. (That unfortunately took my blood sugar up to 250 - damn it - I think reducing the metoformin did it).
Dinner will be baked salmon, veggies, and I'll put the other half in a salad for lunch tomorrow. That should bring it down. Been reading a magazine entitled the Handbook on Anti-Inflammation - and for the most part, I'm doing all the things it suggests. I struggle with yoga because I don't really enjoy it, and with exercise (it's boring, unless it's walking and I can't run any longer without serious injury). Also, getting off the screens prior to bed time is problematic. But I'm buying "books" again - so that might help?
But it did drop down to 181-190, after spiking to 250 briefly. And it's not crashing. For the most part it's hovering at 150 and the sensor tends to scan high anyhow.
I need to exercise more and sleep more.
My writing has hit a wall. I've decided the romance novel that I was working on - doesn't really work. Or I don't like it. Or I'm bored with it at the moment. I may have to jump to something else.
***
Everyone writes differently in their DW posts. I write mainly about my thoughts and feelings on things, which jump hither and thither. Some most likely shouldn't be written. But it helps to throw them up onto a screen. Even if I may change my mind about them later.
I want to be seen. As I am. Warts and Moles and Beauty Marks and All. In the hopes that somehow - I'll find others who like what they see and can relate to it.
A few will reject it. I screw up. I step on toes. I question things I shouldn't. I condescend when I get annoyed. Snark. And have a dry sense of humor. I see my father in myself. Although, no gone, he seems all the more elusive. In both dreams and reality.
It's a lovely little film about the owner of a book store on Alice Island, off of Rhode Island. The book store is in a purple and white building, with purple trim. And filled with books. He lives upstairs. The owner is grieving, and someone drops a child in the center of his store. And his life changes completely. It's not what you think. The cliches are subverted here and there, and commented on. And it is a tale about writing and reading and connecting with others, while seemingly isolated, and never certain when your life might take a right hand turn or a left hand turn.
Also, listened to a sermon on Youtube from Community Church of New York - it's an UUA Church - which is liberal progressive, with the view of being a church for all people, and respectful of all prophets. Basically after a lot of searching? I have managed to find the most inclusive and liberal religious organization in the US. UU's don't like to be told what to believe or what to do, or how - so also the least "organized". I can't handle authority and neither can most UU's.
Very comforting sermon about interdependence, and struggling with isolation in difficult times. The Rev stated at one point..."I have to find a way to survive without ice cream, and this seems impossible." I can relate. He also said that as important as it was to be seen - by others or feel seen and be able to be your whole self and to make mistakes. It's equally important to admit when your wrong, and to be allowed to be wrong. And say I'll do better tomorrow. Lately I've realized that I do not leave arguments when I should. And as a result cause unnecessary emotional pain in myself and others. This is mainly in regards to online disputes. Offline - are easier to leave - because I can read the body language and energy of the person that I'm in disagreement with. Not that I always do - when I should - but I'm more aware of when I should leave them.
The difficulty with talking with others and being seen? Is we all have different types of trauma? Different things trigger folks? Even different words? I remember being in a group therapy session once - and a group member informing me that the word "trigger" bothered him, he didn't like it. Could we use something else? While being told what words to use or being corrected in word use - bothers me, and upsets me - because I have trauma over it. I've had to learn to get past that. But I also have to remember just because I've had to get past my trauma, doesn't mean that I should expect others to do the same. And that's hard to understand sometimes. It's also hard not to minimize another person's trauma. We feel things differently. What may seem minimal or trivial to me, isn't to another person.
My own church's sermon was also comforting - in that it was a lay person's sermon that included music about the songs of Sufjan. Specifically a song based loosely on the Books of Revelation. The lecturer or worship leader taught me something that I didn't know. Apparently the Books of Revelation were in reality a satiric commentary on what was happening with Roman Civilization at the time - or rather the writer was commenting on the downfall and decline of the Roman Empire - which had gone insane in its later years. That's kind of an epiphany? It also explains a lot. If you look at the New Testament within the context of the Roman Empire, and what it must have been like to be poor and not Roman at that time, and writing against it - it kind of explains a lot of it? It also is weirdly comforting - because honestly? What we're going through now? We've been through before, but far worse. It's survivable. We just need to learn from it, or hopefully take the "right" lessons from it? But of course no one is going to agree on that, I'm not even sure we can agree on the interpretation.
***
Today has been a sleepy day. I ventured out around 10 Am to get Magnesium Citrate from the Pharmacy - it's not my favorite brand. And since I don't feel like walking down to the Health Food Store on Courtelyou in the heat, I may order it via Amazon. My favorite brand is BlueBonnet, which doesn't have anything but Magenisum Citrate in it. Everything else has additives.
But it will tide me over until I can get Bluebonnet's brand.
Also, veggies. And paper towels.
Temperatures are at 90-96 F or 30-36 C, with a humidity level of 50-70%.
It's cooler now, the temperature is 87, feels like 93, as opposed to 90 and feels like 96 or 97.
This is why I have A/C - it lowers the humidity. A fan isn't enough.
Struggling a little with my blood sugar still. I had poached eggs over greens for Breakfast, a bagel made with pysillium husk, with fresh mozerella, pesto and pepperoni for lunch, and a green apple with lemon, cinnamon, dark chocolate ( chocolate mixed with cream, tumeric, chili powder, lemon, and cinnamon) for a snack. (That unfortunately took my blood sugar up to 250 - damn it - I think reducing the metoformin did it).
Dinner will be baked salmon, veggies, and I'll put the other half in a salad for lunch tomorrow. That should bring it down. Been reading a magazine entitled the Handbook on Anti-Inflammation - and for the most part, I'm doing all the things it suggests. I struggle with yoga because I don't really enjoy it, and with exercise (it's boring, unless it's walking and I can't run any longer without serious injury). Also, getting off the screens prior to bed time is problematic. But I'm buying "books" again - so that might help?
But it did drop down to 181-190, after spiking to 250 briefly. And it's not crashing. For the most part it's hovering at 150 and the sensor tends to scan high anyhow.
I need to exercise more and sleep more.
My writing has hit a wall. I've decided the romance novel that I was working on - doesn't really work. Or I don't like it. Or I'm bored with it at the moment. I may have to jump to something else.
***
Everyone writes differently in their DW posts. I write mainly about my thoughts and feelings on things, which jump hither and thither. Some most likely shouldn't be written. But it helps to throw them up onto a screen. Even if I may change my mind about them later.
I want to be seen. As I am. Warts and Moles and Beauty Marks and All. In the hopes that somehow - I'll find others who like what they see and can relate to it.
A few will reject it. I screw up. I step on toes. I question things I shouldn't. I condescend when I get annoyed. Snark. And have a dry sense of humor. I see my father in myself. Although, no gone, he seems all the more elusive. In both dreams and reality.