I've thought a lot about this friend thing over the years, too. I have quite a little group of people I've been friends with since our children were little, about 30 years. But from before that, almost no one. And I live in the town where I grew up. But I did do a lot of moving around in my twenties and early thirties, and for years was completely out of touch with people from high school and college, and then moved east and lost all the west coast people. Last time I was in California I spoke briefly to a former roommante I'd really like to see again, and then never called her back. On the other hand, I've recently renewed a friendship with a great roommate from 40 years ago--and appreciate her so much more now, even though I liked her a lot then.
I've only broken up with one or two friends, when I found that I couldn't handle their lives on a moral basis. Much more often, my friends and I drift apart, missing each other at first and gradually forgetting.
I have to say that two things really are central to me in friendship: convenient and sharing a common place in life, on some level. One great thing about LJ friends is that you're always right here, at the touch of a button, and I don't have to worry about bothering you, or about you bothering me. So the convenience is great--and of course we all found each other for that common space. But with real life friends, we float away from each other, and I'm so lazy and worthless that I rarely take the trouble to find someone in another city, or call someone who's moved to the suburbs. When I retired, I deliberated dumped my interest in the place I work, although I still love the people, and so share much less with them and see them rarely. Of course new people have come in where the old ones left, but I really, really envy my mother and my husband, both of whom stayed close to one childhood friend as long as they lived.
I do have that bond with my sister--we live in the same town, share a beach house, etc., but soon she'll move a state away. I'll probably always have contact with her, I guess, but I know it will lessen when she's less convenient.
Sorry for such a long ramble. I know this isn't very interesting to others--just thinking out loud. Good topic, glad you raised it.
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I've only broken up with one or two friends, when I found that I couldn't handle their lives on a moral basis. Much more often, my friends and I drift apart, missing each other at first and gradually forgetting.
I have to say that two things really are central to me in friendship: convenient and sharing a common place in life, on some level. One great thing about LJ friends is that you're always right here, at the touch of a button, and I don't have to worry about bothering you, or about you bothering me. So the convenience is great--and of course we all found each other for that common space. But with real life friends, we float away from each other, and I'm so lazy and worthless that I rarely take the trouble to find someone in another city, or call someone who's moved to the suburbs. When I retired, I deliberated dumped my interest in the place I work, although I still love the people, and so share much less with them and see them rarely. Of course new people have come in where the old ones left, but I really, really envy my mother and my husband, both of whom stayed close to one childhood friend as long as they lived.
I do have that bond with my sister--we live in the same town, share a beach house, etc., but soon she'll move a state away. I'll probably always have contact with her, I guess, but I know it will lessen when she's less convenient.
Sorry for such a long ramble. I know this isn't very interesting to others--just thinking out loud. Good topic, glad you raised it.