I had decided to go with the grammatical rule - are.
Two objects = are. But the mathematician response was of course neither.

I think the correct one may be neither for both. But I'm not sure. Bizarre question.

It's one of those things you hear outside your cubicle, interject, then sort of wish you'd kept your mouth shut and pretended you didn't hear. The multi hazards of cubicle land. ;-)

And yep, it does have a definite orwellian vibe.