With Angel and Connor I think agree with the point you meant to make. What Angel did is justified as being the only way to save Connor but I don't think it did. Not Connor that was. The Connor that he wished for maybe, the one he planned to watch hockey game with and send to college but that Connor never existed. It's the thing with kids, they come with dreams attached. It's so easy to build some perfect future in your head and then be disappointed by the reality. It happens a lot with the parents of disabled children especially fathers (in my experience). It takes time to move past it and some never do. I generally don't care for Angel - he bores me but in Home I feel for him.

I think there was a moment during the bathroom scene that spike did mean to rape Buffy. He says "he'll make her feel it." I think he meant that. He genuinely believed he had the right to make her feel the way he did because he needed her to and also believed she would agree with him if only he could make her. But it would still have been rape.