This mostly seems right to me. A lyric in Strawberry Fields Forever that reminds me of Willow is 'No one I think is in my tree / I mean it must be high or low.' That Willow fails to connect to others leads Willow to both have major trust issues, and major self-esteem issues. In Restless - she is exposed as a nerd and rejected, which is presumably what she thinks is her fault. But no matter how much of a loser she is - no way should the classroom stand by and watch her be devoted, have the life sucked out of her. Her nightmare is that she is hated forever because she's a loser - but much of the problem is that others failed her. Which is why she alternates between self-hatred and bright hot rage and mistrust.
I think unlike Angel especially - Willow was exactly what her mother apparently wanted her to be. There were no rules she failed to follow, no academic achievements she fell short of. But approval never earned her love. And I think Willow wants love more than approval. I think she wants approval too to an extent - but I think part of that is that she strongly suspects that what little love she gets will disappear with disapproval. When she gets her mother's disapproval in Gingerbread, her mother tries to burn her at the stake. So I think she fears disapproval too. But if she really believes that she has no chance at 'earning' love - I think she did working about approval. Whereas Angel especially, and Cordelia as well, and Wes, seem to care about approval, social standing, more than love, IMO. I think Willow wants to do good - but she has the hubris to believe she knows best at times, which is sometimes, as in something like Weight of the World, true. And she is emotional enough that when she suffers a loss, or risks losing one, her anger takes over - and she starts relying more heavily on her inner instincts.
Willow, I think, wants to have her affection and love for individual others returned. When she goes dark or as a vampire - she wants to have control so she can get the attention she wants. But it's very personal, I think. Even vamp Willow is much more interested in Angel, or Sandy, or Xander, or our universe's Willow, than a large group of people - taking over the Bronze was largely a means to an end, to recreate an environment in which she could have a puppy, and she drops that plan as soon as she meets our Willow. When dark, Willow primarily fights the Trio and then Buffy and Giles - which is very personal; as opposed to even Faith, fighting strangers much of the time. Willow does I think care very much abstractly about the fate of the world - saving it in Chosen, 'saving it' by destroying it in Grave - but she seems even then to be not interested in crowds or groupies. I think it's partly a difference between introversion and caring a great deal about a few individuals and forming one's worldview abstractly from there, and extraversion and caring about a larger number of people at once. I think Willow has the strengths and weaknesses of a sensitive introvert - sometimes villainous, but ultimately heroic, I.e. ultimately like all major BtVS characters who end their stories on BtVS, choosing good after a touch and go period.
IMO, Willow did love Oz and Tara (and Xander, and Buffy, and Giles), and wanted to do right by them. But it was a doomed and incomplete love because she could never really trust then to love her - and part of that is not fully trusting them to love her for her, and I think part of that is that I think she doesn't know who she really is, and is afraid it'd be impossible to love that person. But not all of it - some of it may be that she thinks there is just something about everyone that will make them reject her no matter what she does. I think she is starting to be able to believe that she is loved for herself with Buffy, Xander and Giles in season seven, and I think tries to be as upfront with Kennedy as possible. I think she was ultimately very accepting of them (Oz' werewolfism, Tara's possible demonhood) *except* where their love for her seemed threatened or shaky - and then all bets or off. Fatal flaw, I would say. Which does mean that ultimately their relationships were doomed to fail, because Willow is always overreacting to possible signs of rejection.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2014-10-12 03:49 am (UTC)This mostly seems right to me. A lyric in Strawberry Fields Forever that reminds me of Willow is 'No one I think is in my tree / I mean it must be high or low.' That Willow fails to connect to others leads Willow to both have major trust issues, and major self-esteem issues. In Restless - she is exposed as a nerd and rejected, which is presumably what she thinks is her fault. But no matter how much of a loser she is - no way should the classroom stand by and watch her be devoted, have the life sucked out of her. Her nightmare is that she is hated forever because she's a loser - but much of the problem is that others failed her. Which is why she alternates between self-hatred and bright hot rage and mistrust.
I think unlike Angel especially - Willow was exactly what her mother apparently wanted her to be. There were no rules she failed to follow, no academic achievements she fell short of. But approval never earned her love. And I think Willow wants love more than approval. I think she wants approval too to an extent - but I think part of that is that she strongly suspects that what little love she gets will disappear with disapproval. When she gets her mother's disapproval in Gingerbread, her mother tries to burn her at the stake. So I think she fears disapproval too. But if she really believes that she has no chance at 'earning' love - I think she did working about approval. Whereas Angel especially, and Cordelia as well, and Wes, seem to care about approval, social standing, more than love, IMO. I think Willow wants to do good - but she has the hubris to believe she knows best at times, which is sometimes, as in something like Weight of the World, true. And she is emotional enough that when she suffers a loss, or risks losing one, her anger takes over - and she starts relying more heavily on her inner instincts.
Willow, I think, wants to have her affection and love for individual others returned. When she goes dark or as a vampire - she wants to have control so she can get the attention she wants. But it's very personal, I think. Even vamp Willow is much more interested in Angel, or Sandy, or Xander, or our universe's Willow, than a large group of people - taking over the Bronze was largely a means to an end, to recreate an environment in which she could have a puppy, and she drops that plan as soon as she meets our Willow. When dark, Willow primarily fights the Trio and then Buffy and Giles - which is very personal; as opposed to even Faith, fighting strangers much of the time. Willow does I think care very much abstractly about the fate of the world - saving it in Chosen, 'saving it' by destroying it in Grave - but she seems even then to be not interested in crowds or groupies. I think it's partly a difference between introversion and caring a great deal about a few individuals and forming one's worldview abstractly from there, and extraversion and caring about a larger number of people at once. I think Willow has the strengths and weaknesses of a sensitive introvert - sometimes villainous, but ultimately heroic, I.e. ultimately like all major BtVS characters who end their stories on BtVS, choosing good after a touch and go period.
IMO, Willow did love Oz and Tara (and Xander, and Buffy, and Giles), and wanted to do right by them. But it was a doomed and incomplete love because she could never really trust then to love her - and part of that is not fully trusting them to love her for her, and I think part of that is that I think she doesn't know who she really is, and is afraid it'd be impossible to love that person. But not all of it - some of it may be that she thinks there is just something about everyone that will make them reject her no matter what she does. I think she is starting to be able to believe that she is loved for herself with Buffy, Xander and Giles in season seven, and I think tries to be as upfront with Kennedy as possible. I think she was ultimately very accepting of them (Oz' werewolfism, Tara's possible demonhood) *except* where their love for her seemed threatened or shaky - and then all bets or off. Fatal flaw, I would say. Which does mean that ultimately their relationships were doomed to fail, because Willow is always overreacting to possible signs of rejection.