Right. In terms of LMPTM itself, we know that Robin and William both lost their mothers, and then were "raised" by others. Spike was "raised" by Drusilla, Angelus and Darla (well, Darla seemed pretty hands-off when it came to Spike) and became like them -- a mostly-indiscriminate killer. Wood was raised by Crawley the Watcher, and so her internalized their values -- a killer of vampires, yes, and also someone who translated personal pain into becoming a better killer. It occurs to me that Crawley's approach to Wood may have been similar to Wesley's attitude with Faith in season four of AtS -- insist on playing on her anger and rage (and in Faith's case, self-loathing) to make her a better weapon. Or maybe not -- this is just speculation.
I really appreciate that you mention how hard it is to get over minor slights. I am the same way. In a way, there are no slights others have done to me that I haven't *somewhat* forgiven -- and yet, there are a lot of people I have cut out of my life, quite dramatically. I am divided -- I "forgive" them in the abstract sense that I hope that their lives are good now, but it's too painful (or in some *more minor* cases, awkward) to try to rebuild those relationships or genuinely move past the injuries, which mostly stay. It is sort of hypocritical, but also not -- because there is a difference between forgiveness in the abstract sense, and a matter of protection of self and others. Similarly, there are actually people I stay away from specifically because of guilt I have about how I have acted in the past. And they are sometimes minor things -- not all, but some of them are really just a matter of embarrassment, which I still cannot quite imagine getting over.
And so there are these different levels simultaneously -- it's like I want to believe that there are no unforgivable sins, and yet I also have the reality that there are things I personally can't get past. And yet they also are different. In the case of LMPTM, for example, there is a difference between Wood having to forgive Spike, and Wood having to accept that he can't kill Spike and try to make peace with that. That is a distinction that sometimes gets lost. There is a case to be made that Wood *shouldn't have to* deal with the person who killed his mother walking about, and that is still left somewhat open...but I think even Buffy, who defends Spike, is not saying that Wood has to forgive Spike and be friends with him.
Someone I know recently reported meeting someone who killed someone (or people) while drunk driving, and are now sober and have to live with it. And that's a more minor instance of the Spike story (though there are alcoholism metaphors -- still, it's not quite the same). And it makes me think how difficult that must be for both the drunk driver and the family of the people who were killed.
What makes it harder, and worse, is that I don't have too much faith in the justice system -- which I admit is something I know far less about than you, obviously, since I don't have personal experience. What I mean in particular is that it is hard for me to accept that prison is an ethical way of treating people who have transgressed -- because North American prisons, though they vary from place to place, are still often not humane places. And I think that this contributes to the confusion. Victims of domestic violence often protect the perpetrators. I'm not talking here about cases where they doubt that the perpetrators will be arrested -- but cases where they think it's likely they will be, and then are afraid that they will suffer disproportionate to what they have done. Which I think in some cases might be true. But even then, there has to be an agreed upon standard (at least internally) about what is "proportionate," particularly when people do bad things and hurt others for all kinds of reasons.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 11:11 pm (UTC)I really appreciate that you mention how hard it is to get over minor slights. I am the same way. In a way, there are no slights others have done to me that I haven't *somewhat* forgiven -- and yet, there are a lot of people I have cut out of my life, quite dramatically. I am divided -- I "forgive" them in the abstract sense that I hope that their lives are good now, but it's too painful (or in some *more minor* cases, awkward) to try to rebuild those relationships or genuinely move past the injuries, which mostly stay. It is sort of hypocritical, but also not -- because there is a difference between forgiveness in the abstract sense, and a matter of protection of self and others. Similarly, there are actually people I stay away from specifically because of guilt I have about how I have acted in the past. And they are sometimes minor things -- not all, but some of them are really just a matter of embarrassment, which I still cannot quite imagine getting over.
And so there are these different levels simultaneously -- it's like I want to believe that there are no unforgivable sins, and yet I also have the reality that there are things I personally can't get past. And yet they also are different. In the case of LMPTM, for example, there is a difference between Wood having to forgive Spike, and Wood having to accept that he can't kill Spike and try to make peace with that. That is a distinction that sometimes gets lost. There is a case to be made that Wood *shouldn't have to* deal with the person who killed his mother walking about, and that is still left somewhat open...but I think even Buffy, who defends Spike, is not saying that Wood has to forgive Spike and be friends with him.
Someone I know recently reported meeting someone who killed someone (or people) while drunk driving, and are now sober and have to live with it. And that's a more minor instance of the Spike story (though there are alcoholism metaphors -- still, it's not quite the same). And it makes me think how difficult that must be for both the drunk driver and the family of the people who were killed.
What makes it harder, and worse, is that I don't have too much faith in the justice system -- which I admit is something I know far less about than you, obviously, since I don't have personal experience. What I mean in particular is that it is hard for me to accept that prison is an ethical way of treating people who have transgressed -- because North American prisons, though they vary from place to place, are still often not humane places. And I think that this contributes to the confusion. Victims of domestic violence often protect the perpetrators. I'm not talking here about cases where they doubt that the perpetrators will be arrested -- but cases where they think it's likely they will be, and then are afraid that they will suffer disproportionate to what they have done. Which I think in some cases might be true. But even then, there has to be an agreed upon standard (at least internally) about what is "proportionate," particularly when people do bad things and hurt others for all kinds of reasons.
...