Ohhh....THIS, all of the above! I've felt that way as well and on so many occasions. It's good to know I'm not the only one. ;-)
It's a little hard to explain fandom to people outside it. And how the weird sectarian nature of fandom can cause connection or division.
Nods. I attempted to do the same thing with various people and got nowhere. Actually, they usually look at me as if I've sprouted two heads. One person told me that I was using the fan boards as a sort of group therapy, and we were all crazy together. She didn't get it. If you've never been in a fandom, you won't understand it. And...I've discovered that people are very judgemental about it. To such an extent, that I tend to avoid telling people I was in a fandom or am in one.
I think the thing that I find hardest about opinions which diverge with mine isn't that other people are "wrong" or even have different opinions than mine...but that I struggle with the confidence to believe that I'm still "right," not even in a universal sense, but for me.
Yes, nods. I was once accused of being wishy-washy, mainly because I question my own opinion. I see the validity in their argument, and often will question my own, and change sides. I have the ability to see both sides of the argument, and often both seem relevant to me and valid. So I question myself.
Also, I admittedly hate conflict. So there's that.
I don't know for sure that my reactions are authentic -- and if someone else seems so much surer of their take than I am of mine, does that mean that my views (which are based on values, emotional connections, etc.) are illegitimate, or fake, or inauthentic? Am I deluded, or am I genuinely so different from others that I might as well be a pariah, even if the difference is on some point which most of the world would consider trivial?
Yes, me too.
I wonder if my reactions are authentic...perhaps they are in the moment? I've changed my mind so many times in regards to how I feel about the ending of Chosen, for example, that I no longer know what I feel about it. If anything. While, I will state that my views in regards to the death penalty and abortion are fairly unchangeable. I'm certain on these. Just as I know without a shadow of a doubt that voting for Donald Trump is morally abhorrent and wrong.
Perhaps, it matters what the issues are?
And I can't help but wonder if this true for most of us? If it's not all that important, perhaps our reactions and views are less written in stone?
Then again, today, I questioned my political stance on various issues...because I could see the other side, and got a bit confused.
I think for me at least the difficulty is that I can see and more importantly feel both sides of any issue. I can hear the other person in my head. I often know what they will say before they say it. And I can't always say from their perspective that they are wrong. I can see their perspective clearly, often as clearly as I see my own. And I find it confusing -- because both seem right. This happened to me a lot on the Buffy boards -- I often found myself jumping back and forth in the argument.
And it's hard to connect to others at times, when there's always a nagging sense that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying, and I am trying to be honest but also trying not to spend every few sentences loudly proclaiming that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying. And to try not to get into arguments with people who disagree with me because what I really want is to convince myself. Discussions are fine, of course.
I've had this feeling a lot. I prefer sometimes to just write -- because I'm less aware of their emotional stance or view and feel, I can say what I need to say. I've gotten better at not using disclaimers and my boss has weeded me off of "believe" -- I say, think, instead. I also try to avoid getting into arguments...they are just painful, my blood pressure goes up , and I feel sick. Also in most cases -- it's just an argument with myself.
no subject
It's a little hard to explain fandom to people outside it. And how the weird sectarian nature of fandom can cause connection or division.
Nods. I attempted to do the same thing with various people and got nowhere. Actually, they usually look at me as if I've sprouted two heads. One person told me that I was using the fan boards as a sort of group therapy, and we were all crazy together. She didn't get it. If you've never been in a fandom, you won't understand it. And...I've discovered that people are very judgemental about it. To such an extent, that I tend to avoid telling people I was in a fandom or am in one.
I think the thing that I find hardest about opinions which diverge with mine isn't that other people are "wrong" or even have different opinions than mine...but that I struggle with the confidence to believe that I'm still "right," not even in a universal sense, but for me.
Yes, nods. I was once accused of being wishy-washy, mainly because I question my own opinion. I see the validity in their argument, and often will question my own, and change sides. I have the ability to see both sides of the argument, and often both seem relevant to me and valid. So I question myself.
Also, I admittedly hate conflict. So there's that.
I don't know for sure that my reactions are authentic -- and if someone else seems so much surer of their take than I am of mine, does that mean that my views (which are based on values, emotional connections, etc.) are illegitimate, or fake, or inauthentic? Am I deluded, or am I genuinely so different from others that I might as well be a pariah, even if the difference is on some point which most of the world would consider trivial?
Yes, me too.
I wonder if my reactions are authentic...perhaps they are in the moment? I've changed my mind so many times in regards to how I feel about the ending of Chosen, for example, that I no longer know what I feel about it. If anything.
While, I will state that my views in regards to the death penalty and abortion are fairly unchangeable. I'm certain on these. Just as I know without a shadow of a doubt that voting for Donald Trump is morally abhorrent and wrong.
Perhaps, it matters what the issues are?
And I can't help but wonder if this true for most of us? If it's not all that important, perhaps our reactions and views are less written in stone?
Then again, today, I questioned my political stance on various issues...because I could see the other side, and got a bit confused.
I think for me at least the difficulty is that I can see and more importantly feel both sides of any issue. I can hear the other person in my head. I often know what they will say before they say it. And I can't always say from their perspective that they are wrong. I can see their perspective clearly, often as clearly as I see my own. And I find it confusing -- because both seem right. This happened to me a lot on the Buffy boards -- I often found myself jumping back and forth in the argument.
And it's hard to connect to others at times, when there's always a nagging sense that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying, and I am trying to be honest but also trying not to spend every few sentences loudly proclaiming that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying. And to try not to get into arguments with people who disagree with me because what I really want is to convince myself. Discussions are fine, of course.
I've had this feeling a lot. I prefer sometimes to just write -- because I'm less aware of their emotional stance or view and feel, I can say what I need to say. I've gotten better at not using disclaimers and my boss has weeded me off of "believe" -- I say, think, instead. I also try to avoid getting into arguments...they are just painful, my blood pressure goes up , and I feel sick. Also in most cases -- it's just an argument with myself.