(no subject)

[shadowkat]

While at work, hunting places to dream of escaping too...retreats not too far away from the city limits, I hit upon this article about social media on the Kriplau Web Site.

Better is one’s own dharma, though imperfectly carried out, than the dharma of another acted out perfectly.
—Bhagavad Gita

From my hilltop home office, ideal for secluded writing time, I see birds at the feeder and late winter flakes. Though the chickadees seem friendly enough, I eventually crave human interaction. I turn to the dreaded time waster that is Facebook.

Social media sites can be informative and effective. In the time it would take me to post one flyer, I can invite 100 people to a workshop or event. For a self-employed person, this is handy. And, in the right frame of mind, it’s heartening to see what long-distance friends are up to.

I’m more likely to sign in when lonely or bored (the wrong frame of mind). I want to be distracted from myself, which inevitably pulls me in an uncomfortable direction. There is a jelly-like feeling in my gut; I am no longer grounded. Self-judgment ensues.

Yoga teachers encourage us to forego comparisons. As the Bhagavad Gita suggests, I can listen to my own calling and perform it imperfectly. But on Facebook, I see the “feet on sun lounger” post, with brilliant sea beyond, when I’ve just shoveled snow. I see the writer I admire with a stellar review in the New York Times. I feel a clench inside: Am I doing enough? Am I clever enough? Why am I not barefoot on the beach with a best-selling book to my name?

Abstaining from social media would be the healthy option, as many studies note. In one, conducted by the Happiness Research Institute, participants who refrained for a week found their “happiness rating” increased. According to the study, they were “more decisive and enthusiastic and less worried, lonely, and stressed compared to those who remained on Facebook.”

If I scroll long enough, I’ll come across a friend doing just this. “Goodbye,” she posts, tossing her bottle into the murky e-waters. I should do that, I think, and keep scrolling. I crave another dopamine hit, a small burst of pleasure to counteract the feeling of envy about the quitter’s courage. (Animal videos work well, specifically those featuring pandas or elephants.) Recent research describes dopamine as activating “seeking behavior”—causing us to desire and search. The social media vortex is the perfect place to fall into an endless dopamine loop.

I want to be more enlightened than this. I want to move beyond comparisons that lead to jealousy, an unflattering attribute. I know it’s an indicator; something brews beneath. I could look at social media exposure as a chance to test this.

I can relate. Today for instance, and that day at work...where lonely and bored...I find myself hunting solace in the belly of the social media beasts and find none. Craving connections and finding disconnection...because we often find that which mirrors our state of mind, whether or not is precisely accurate. Or at least I do.

I see the friends who haven't granted me access not the ones who have, if I'm on DW. Or I miss the posts I crave as opposed to seeking solace from the ones that are sitting within sight.

And the loneliness I'm attempting to escape descends...often I think it is loneliest in the room filled with people than in a space where only I reside. And as I reach across the oceans and time zones via my computer...I wander if I'm only leaving scant messages in bottles that will never quite hit their destinations. And if they do, will it even matter?

And the conversations in the rooms and the corridors remind one of the lyrics of an old Simon and Garfunkle song. Where people listen only to the bits of sentences...the dangling conversations that ring in the hollow spaces between.

I long for more, but it seems forever just out of reach. An airy mass, not real, and dispersed the moment I touch it.