Is this Day #98? Or day 99?
Jun. 23rd, 2020 06:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatI really suck at counting. I think it is Day 98? I may have lost track?
Call me crazy, but I miss the Governor's daily briefings. I found them comforting. Now I feel as if I've been set adrift in a rocky sea with none too sturdy raft and no captain.
Saw an apt blog post - on Facebook - from scarymommy - New Pandemic Phase More Stressful Than Lockdown
Because, what seems like five minutes ago, we were all on lockdown. Because people in every nook and cranny of the U.S. are still getting sick. Because even though it feels like we’ve aged 10 years since February, the coronavirus is still very new and we don’t know a lot about it. Because my number one job is to protect my family.
But it’s this “decision fatigue” that’s the new tired. Before, it was the holy-crap-what-is-happening-is-it-safe-to-get-the-mail daily fears that made us crash by 9 p.m. every night. Now, it’s the everyone-else-is-going-out-and-living-again-but-what-if-its-not-safe-and-there-is-a-new-spike-next-week fear that’s bringing me down.
It’s the sadness in my kids’ eyes when they get wind of me declining another invite to see friends.
It’s the overwhelming burden of how to pass these summer days with no camps or really anything planned as I work from home and three sets of eyes stare at me every morning wondering what we might do that day.
It’s the constant second-guessing—is it more detrimental to my kids’ health if I expose them to the outside world or keep them at home in isolation from their peers? One expert says it’s safe as long as we social distance and wear masks. Will kids even social distance and wear masks? Another expert says no way. Stay home. All I know is that my kid are desperate for interaction with the world outside the walls of our home. But I’m scared AF of bringing COVID-19 into our home. Of them getting it. Of my husband getting it. Of me getting it."
My takeaway..."It's the constant second guessing...."
Thank god, I don't have kids. That would be driving me insane. I feel for those who do.
People: Life is risk! Go out and live.
Inner Hulk: GRRR-ARRRRGH, STRANGLE PUNY HUMANS! GRRR!
Me: yeah, you may not mind living on a respirator or having a serious heart condition for the rest of your life, but I kind of do.
This situation is not good for anyone with anxiety. Just saying.
That said, it should be noted that I took a walk around Greenwood Cemetery today. And had food delivered. Went to the doctor last week. Also had a mini-panic attack related to the electrical guys resuming the rewiring that they are doing in the apartments. Good news - they aren't getting to my apartment until early to mid July. Next two weeks are going to be H, I, and J. I'm on the M line. They are still on the opposite side of the building.
Mother: I wouldn't worry too much, and you could potentially go into your office on that day. It might be good for you.
Me: Going to the office isn't exactly as easy as you might think.
Mother: Oh I know, I'll worry about you the whole time. But I also remember you were commuting in and out of there at the height of the virus in NYC.
ME: This is true. Oh well it hasn't happened yet.
Mother: Exactly. Wait until it happens. Keep to the one day at a time approach.
I wish the idiots in the apartment complex next to mine would get rid of all of the junk in their backyard and clean it up. But, that said, they did at least get rid of the bags and wooden planks, so progress.
And it's been too hot and sticky here to open the windows. I've got the A/C on, along with the air purifiers. There was also a large wasp wandering about the outside of my windows, so very happy they are closed. I have a half screen in one, but how effective it is in keeping critters out is open for debate.
Also very dry. No rain. Humid. Sticky. But no rain. We desperately need rain. Particularly with all the idiots setting off firecrackers. Yes, that' s the next crazy thing 2020 has thrown our way. And apparently this phenomena is nation-wide and not just isolated to NYC or Brooklyn, like some of the people in my neighborhood had assumed. The newspapers are commenting on it, along with people across social media... What's up with all the fireworks?. This by the way has been going on for a while now. Every night for the past three weeks, I hear them. Not too bad. Usually between 8-9pm. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. I'm tucked away behind the streets, so don't hear them as clearly as a lot of folks. Also, I don't own any pets. But according to the articles I've read and the neighborhood sites, there's over a million 3-1-1 calls to the city daily. People complain about them across Facebook - in Queens, Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx. Also Philadelphia. Boston. And Chicago.
Everyone is saying do not call the cops. Do not call 9-1-1. Some people believe it's a conspiracy - and the cops are setting them off. I don't know.
Meanwhile, The American Natural History Museum has decided to remove the Statue of Theodore Roosevelt - I was kind of surprised by this one. I didn't really know he was a problem. My mother didn't either. But upon reading the article, yes he definitely is. While Roosevelt was an acclaimed naturalist and cared deeply for our environment, also one of the founders of the American Natural History Museum, he was also racist and had troubling views on race. This is controversial of course, as is the tearing down of two Presidential statues in DC and the Jefferson Monument. Might as well keep going and tear down the Washington Memorial. I get tearing down the Confederacy monuments and Generals, that makes sense, but The Presidents? The Naturalists? The people who were racist in thought but not necessarily in deed? (Well, with the exception of Andrew Jackson, who was in thought and deed. Although, you can sort of say that about Washington (slave-holder), Jefferson (slave holder), and various others. Even Regan and Nixon were racist.) I thought about it during my walk around the Cemetery, because I passed a vandalized statue who had lost its head. How it lost its head, I've no clue.
Do I care about them removing statues? No, not really. I don't like most of them. And as my mother put it - would we want a statue of Hitler? No. But, I kind of like the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument - they are cool. And now, I feel guilty for thinking that. Also it's worth noting that in the Muslim religion and in Muslim countries they don't tend to allow it. Recreating the human image in art is just NOT done in that religion. Which I remember being fascinated by when I visited Turkey. I'm not sure having statues of famous people or leaders is a good thing?
Anyhow...I mailed in my ballot yesterday. People kept trying to get me to go to the polls today, because said ballot didn't have all the races on them. Uhm, no. That would defeat the purpose of getting said absentee ballot. Also do not care about the primary. I rarely vote in them, anyhow.
But I did email the Board of Elections to complain - I doubt they'll respond. I did tell the Lindsey Bolan campaign that I did - they thought it was a good idea, but didn't pressure me into risking the polls.
Got food order today - the delivery guy was uber cautious. He left it in the middle of the hall and backed away before I got there. We stayed six feet apart, with masks. I wish people on the sidewalks felt the same. Europe is considering banning all US travelers from its shores, because it doesn't like how the US has handled the pandemic. (Kind of ironic, considering the US banned Europe, and probably should have done so in January or December). And my Auntie M, who was disinfecting everything that came into her house and giving me lectures on how to wear a mask - had a birthday party with her friends, who don't social distance, don't wear masks and gave her a metal pole to dance on and decorate in Florida. (She lives in Florida.) She wore a mask. But her sister, Auntie K told her " You go girl! But you are going to quarantine yourself for 16 days before I go anywhere near you." Meanwhile Auntie D is still recovering from the virus - she contracted it in February and will most likely have serious health complications because of it for most of her life.
In the 1990s through the early 00s, I read or watched a lot of pandemic shows, books, and films. What none of them tell you or convey - is this feeling of limbo. Nor do they show you the people who don't take it seriously. Although the paranormal series kind of did - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vampire Diaries, Angel the Series, Supernatural, etc...they got across that weird feeling of being gaslight. Gas-lighting is when people make you question your own judgement, perception, what is real - it comes from a 1930s movie with Ingrid Bergman, where her husband makes her question her own mind, when he turns on and off the gaslights, after she does the opposite. She'll light them. He'll turn them off. Or she'll turn them on and he'll turn them off. And pretend he didn't. That's where the term "gaslight" comes from. I feel at times as if we are all inadvertently gaslighting each other - just to keep ourselves sane.
Call me crazy, but I miss the Governor's daily briefings. I found them comforting. Now I feel as if I've been set adrift in a rocky sea with none too sturdy raft and no captain.
Saw an apt blog post - on Facebook - from scarymommy - New Pandemic Phase More Stressful Than Lockdown
Because, what seems like five minutes ago, we were all on lockdown. Because people in every nook and cranny of the U.S. are still getting sick. Because even though it feels like we’ve aged 10 years since February, the coronavirus is still very new and we don’t know a lot about it. Because my number one job is to protect my family.
But it’s this “decision fatigue” that’s the new tired. Before, it was the holy-crap-what-is-happening-is-it-safe-to-get-the-mail daily fears that made us crash by 9 p.m. every night. Now, it’s the everyone-else-is-going-out-and-living-again-but-what-if-its-not-safe-and-there-is-a-new-spike-next-week fear that’s bringing me down.
It’s the sadness in my kids’ eyes when they get wind of me declining another invite to see friends.
It’s the overwhelming burden of how to pass these summer days with no camps or really anything planned as I work from home and three sets of eyes stare at me every morning wondering what we might do that day.
It’s the constant second-guessing—is it more detrimental to my kids’ health if I expose them to the outside world or keep them at home in isolation from their peers? One expert says it’s safe as long as we social distance and wear masks. Will kids even social distance and wear masks? Another expert says no way. Stay home. All I know is that my kid are desperate for interaction with the world outside the walls of our home. But I’m scared AF of bringing COVID-19 into our home. Of them getting it. Of my husband getting it. Of me getting it."
My takeaway..."It's the constant second guessing...."
Thank god, I don't have kids. That would be driving me insane. I feel for those who do.
People: Life is risk! Go out and live.
Inner Hulk: GRRR-ARRRRGH, STRANGLE PUNY HUMANS! GRRR!
Me: yeah, you may not mind living on a respirator or having a serious heart condition for the rest of your life, but I kind of do.
This situation is not good for anyone with anxiety. Just saying.
That said, it should be noted that I took a walk around Greenwood Cemetery today. And had food delivered. Went to the doctor last week. Also had a mini-panic attack related to the electrical guys resuming the rewiring that they are doing in the apartments. Good news - they aren't getting to my apartment until early to mid July. Next two weeks are going to be H, I, and J. I'm on the M line. They are still on the opposite side of the building.
Mother: I wouldn't worry too much, and you could potentially go into your office on that day. It might be good for you.
Me: Going to the office isn't exactly as easy as you might think.
Mother: Oh I know, I'll worry about you the whole time. But I also remember you were commuting in and out of there at the height of the virus in NYC.
ME: This is true. Oh well it hasn't happened yet.
Mother: Exactly. Wait until it happens. Keep to the one day at a time approach.
I wish the idiots in the apartment complex next to mine would get rid of all of the junk in their backyard and clean it up. But, that said, they did at least get rid of the bags and wooden planks, so progress.
And it's been too hot and sticky here to open the windows. I've got the A/C on, along with the air purifiers. There was also a large wasp wandering about the outside of my windows, so very happy they are closed. I have a half screen in one, but how effective it is in keeping critters out is open for debate.
Also very dry. No rain. Humid. Sticky. But no rain. We desperately need rain. Particularly with all the idiots setting off firecrackers. Yes, that' s the next crazy thing 2020 has thrown our way. And apparently this phenomena is nation-wide and not just isolated to NYC or Brooklyn, like some of the people in my neighborhood had assumed. The newspapers are commenting on it, along with people across social media... What's up with all the fireworks?. This by the way has been going on for a while now. Every night for the past three weeks, I hear them. Not too bad. Usually between 8-9pm. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. I'm tucked away behind the streets, so don't hear them as clearly as a lot of folks. Also, I don't own any pets. But according to the articles I've read and the neighborhood sites, there's over a million 3-1-1 calls to the city daily. People complain about them across Facebook - in Queens, Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx. Also Philadelphia. Boston. And Chicago.
Everyone is saying do not call the cops. Do not call 9-1-1. Some people believe it's a conspiracy - and the cops are setting them off. I don't know.
Meanwhile, The American Natural History Museum has decided to remove the Statue of Theodore Roosevelt - I was kind of surprised by this one. I didn't really know he was a problem. My mother didn't either. But upon reading the article, yes he definitely is. While Roosevelt was an acclaimed naturalist and cared deeply for our environment, also one of the founders of the American Natural History Museum, he was also racist and had troubling views on race. This is controversial of course, as is the tearing down of two Presidential statues in DC and the Jefferson Monument. Might as well keep going and tear down the Washington Memorial. I get tearing down the Confederacy monuments and Generals, that makes sense, but The Presidents? The Naturalists? The people who were racist in thought but not necessarily in deed? (Well, with the exception of Andrew Jackson, who was in thought and deed. Although, you can sort of say that about Washington (slave-holder), Jefferson (slave holder), and various others. Even Regan and Nixon were racist.) I thought about it during my walk around the Cemetery, because I passed a vandalized statue who had lost its head. How it lost its head, I've no clue.
Do I care about them removing statues? No, not really. I don't like most of them. And as my mother put it - would we want a statue of Hitler? No. But, I kind of like the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument - they are cool. And now, I feel guilty for thinking that. Also it's worth noting that in the Muslim religion and in Muslim countries they don't tend to allow it. Recreating the human image in art is just NOT done in that religion. Which I remember being fascinated by when I visited Turkey. I'm not sure having statues of famous people or leaders is a good thing?
Anyhow...I mailed in my ballot yesterday. People kept trying to get me to go to the polls today, because said ballot didn't have all the races on them. Uhm, no. That would defeat the purpose of getting said absentee ballot. Also do not care about the primary. I rarely vote in them, anyhow.
But I did email the Board of Elections to complain - I doubt they'll respond. I did tell the Lindsey Bolan campaign that I did - they thought it was a good idea, but didn't pressure me into risking the polls.
Got food order today - the delivery guy was uber cautious. He left it in the middle of the hall and backed away before I got there. We stayed six feet apart, with masks. I wish people on the sidewalks felt the same. Europe is considering banning all US travelers from its shores, because it doesn't like how the US has handled the pandemic. (Kind of ironic, considering the US banned Europe, and probably should have done so in January or December). And my Auntie M, who was disinfecting everything that came into her house and giving me lectures on how to wear a mask - had a birthday party with her friends, who don't social distance, don't wear masks and gave her a metal pole to dance on and decorate in Florida. (She lives in Florida.) She wore a mask. But her sister, Auntie K told her " You go girl! But you are going to quarantine yourself for 16 days before I go anywhere near you." Meanwhile Auntie D is still recovering from the virus - she contracted it in February and will most likely have serious health complications because of it for most of her life.
In the 1990s through the early 00s, I read or watched a lot of pandemic shows, books, and films. What none of them tell you or convey - is this feeling of limbo. Nor do they show you the people who don't take it seriously. Although the paranormal series kind of did - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vampire Diaries, Angel the Series, Supernatural, etc...they got across that weird feeling of being gaslight. Gas-lighting is when people make you question your own judgement, perception, what is real - it comes from a 1930s movie with Ingrid Bergman, where her husband makes her question her own mind, when he turns on and off the gaslights, after she does the opposite. She'll light them. He'll turn them off. Or she'll turn them on and he'll turn them off. And pretend he didn't. That's where the term "gaslight" comes from. I feel at times as if we are all inadvertently gaslighting each other - just to keep ourselves sane.