Day 168 of Self-Isolation

[shadowkat]

One of the unfortunate side-effects of pushing stuff off to the side constantly, is irritability and aggravation. Little things are starting to get on my nerves.

I'm glad I'm not living with anyone. Also very grateful for a quiet and peaceful apartment. My socialization such as it is - is via technology. I interact with everyone except the random strangers I see around the apartment complex, neighborhood and cemetery, via phone or computer.

Living with someone whose tastes I did not share would be a nightmare. I've dated one too many annoying music critics in my lifetime. Who think my taste in music needs expanding or what's the word exactly? Adjusted?

Was text messaging CW the other night, CW is kind of the conservative version of MD. They are even dating/living with a guy who has the same name as my father. It's funny.

Anyhow, CW stated that she was tired of how every single thing was politicized. And while it was getting tiring working and living with her significant other all the time, at least they got along and had the same interests. It would be horrible living with an asshole.

So, I'm grateful for the small things, I suppose. It's been six months though since I've socialized with anyone. As a result, I find myself wanting to smack people who are either bragging about doing it or whinging about not doing enough of it. I kind of snapped at my mother tonight. She wanted to talk about all her friends, and the social distancing she did, and my niece's social distancing...and I just didn't want to hear it right now. And when I said that - she let me know I was feeling sorry for myself, and look how much worse her situation was. And she feared not getting my father back, but hey look, I was able to live alone with no one and do fine.

I am doing fine. I suppose. Or as good as anyone really. I keep wondering if I've dreamed the pandemic. I'm also beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me.

Also snapped at Wales. She wanted to talk about politics. I did not. We ended up talking over each other.

And I'm starting snap at folks on the music meme. [As an aside - it's not you, it's that I have had a long history of bad experiences with amateur would-be music critics in my lifetime. Let's just say - the main character in the novel High Fidelty - I know a bit too well. It's one of the reasons I don't enjoy singing and do not sing.]



I think I'm just tired. And dreading the fall like everyone else.

The light is waning.

Wales: What are you going to do when Greenwood Cemetery changes its hours? When it gets dark earlier?
ME: With any luck I can switch to the park at that point. But I'm not thinking about it now.

I can only do this one day at a time. I can't look that far ahead.
And I have to keep pushing everything off to one side.

Or I will go insane.

So I meditate each day. I listen to audio-books. I watch tv shows on Netflix. And my soap. I call mother twice a day. I text people. I text my niece. I text my brother. I do my work. I try to write. I post in my dreamwidth journal. I do memes. I share photos. I walk around Greenwood Cemetery. I lift light weights. I do yoga. I listen to music. I do zoom church services and bible studies. I donate money to causes. I work. I order food, I get groceries, I go to the doctor, I wear a mask. I wash my hands. I social distance.

And I ignore the news. I ignore all the things that scare me. Pushing them off to one side, to deal with later...whenever later is...

Comments

[mtbc]

Yes, you need to protect yourself and other people should respect that. Politics is well-known to be a not-always-welcome topic and the state of my taste in food, music, etc. right now is both fine with me and not an extra concern I need! It's sometimes more important to accept than to share.