![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Day #320 - Passing flurries..
Basically the snowstorm continued into today, although it was mainly passing flurries.
Below is one of my many attempts to take photos of the myriad of birds that I've been watching in my back yard. They love the snow. Been playing in it all day long like a bunch of kids. I think they even peed and pooped in it, and trounced about in it.
I know this because I saw little stains of yellow dotting the snow.
Tomorrow, I think I might actually venture out in it - it's supposed to be in the 40s tomorrow. I'll pick up my prescription, and maybe wander about. Greenwood Cemetery is closed - until they can pave and shovel it, ie make it safe for visitors. I'm on their mailing list now - because I donated money to them. I figured it was the least I could do - considering I've been basically using it as my retreat from the world for the last eight months and counting.
New York vs. the Snow Storm and the Corona Virus, and well the media
Our Governor was in a good mood today, as was the Mayor - because people behaved themselves yesterday - so the sanitation department was able to clear the roads with incident. Outdoor dining will be back in operation by this evening. (Yes, dining outdoors in little plastic and wooden cabins on the sidewalks, surrounded by slush and snow - with wait staff wading in and out of it - seems bizarre to me too, not to mention unappealing, but what do I know? Restaurants aren't missing me exactly - I've rarely if ever gone out to eat. People come visit me and say - okay pick a place you love or frequent. And I'm like - uh, what if I don't? )
Anyhow, because the Governor was in a good mood, one of the reporters ventured to ask..why his public health managers quit? Was it a personality conflict with him? Issues with Covid? Not knowing enough? Overwork? What exactly? (It was a non-confrontational question that I highly appreciated.)
The Governor with a smile, stated that COVID threw everyone for a loop and people got overwhelmed by it. And many quit, with no judgment, under the pressure. It's an unforeseen situation that we've never dealt with before.
He was telling people to come into the city and visit the new train station. Eh. I'll wait until I have to go to the Jacobs Javits Center to get the vaccine. I can't decide if I want to brave the New York State's site and schedule an appointment based on sketchy eligibility - I'm considered eligible and a non-essential worker via my workplace. Or if I want to wait until crazy workplace sets an appointment for me, based on actual eligibility. I'm not going to venture in right now - unless I have to. I limit travel to exercise, and going to the pharmacy and grocery store. For heaven's sake - I'm working remotely from home for the first time in my life and had caved to buy a printer - which I need to request IT to let me print one drive and Teams docs to.
Oh and some good news, I guess...
We received some good news from the federal government today. The federal vaccine supply to the states will increase by about 20 percent for the next three weeks, up from the initial 16 percent expected bump in allocations. Additionally, private pharmacies in the state who are charged with prioritizing the 65-plus population will now receive an additional 10 percent, or about 30,000 doses, directly from the federal government. This will supplement doses allocated to them by the State. Following the snowstorm, all New York State-run vaccination sites will be open and ready to administer doses during regularly scheduled hours starting tomorrow (by appointment only). If your appointment was canceled due to the weather, don't worry — you have been rebooked. Be sure to check for an email or text rescheduling your appointment.
That explains why he was in a good mood, at least.
Oh and remember how Australia and New Zealand shut down with one case or 100 cases, and go nuts?
From the Governor's email, here's the numbers:
COVID hospitalizations ticked up to 8,067. Of the 150,199 tests reported yesterday, 8,215, or 5.47 percent, were positive. The 7-day rolling average of test positivity, 4.95 percent, is the lowest since December 6. There were 1,053 patients in the ICU yesterday, up three from the previous day. Of them, 1,004 are intubated. Sadly, we lost 146 New Yorkers to the virus. [We're happy that we only have 8,215 testing positive instead of 15,000, and oh at least it's just 146 people dead as opposed to 172, which it had been for a while. I envy Australia.]
2. Over 2 million total vaccine doses have been administered in New York State. This total includes the federal Long Term Care Facility program. As of 12pm today, 91 percent of first doses allocated to state health care distribution sites have been administered. This represents 1,414,241 first doses administered of the 1,554,450 first doses received from the federal government (NYS health care distribution sites only). 321,204 second doses have been administered out of 725,050 second doses received. See data by region on the State's Vaccine Tracker. [Well that's good news. We got roughly 1.4 million people vaccinated with the first dose, and 321,204 with both out of 19 million, not too bad, just have 18 million to go.]
3. The Bronx continues to have the highest test positivity rate of the New York City boroughs. The Bronx's positivity rate is 6.57 percent, followed by Queens at 5.21 percent, Brooklyn at 5.17 percent, Staten Island at 4.65 percent, and Manhattan at 3.06 percent (7-day rolling averages). Later this week, Yankee Stadium will open as a mass vaccination site specifically and exclusively for Bronx residents who are 65 or older or in other eligible groups. [Gee, I wonder why? Could the fact that they keep having huge parties up there be a factor? The police according to NBC News had to break up two huge parties over the weekend in the Bronx - both with over 400 people, and no one wearing masks. I told this to mother who retorted that she just did not understand people sometimes. Neither do I - is your life really worth attending a crowded party with loud music? Really?]
4. Among the regions of New York, Long Island has the highest test positivity rate. Long Island's positivity rate is 6.03 percent, followed by the Mid-Hudson Region at 5.76 percent, the North Country at 5.51 percent, New York City at 5.09 percent, Western New York at 5.01 percent, the Capital Region at 4.67 percent, Mohawk Valley at 4.09 percent, the Finger Lakes at 3.79 percent, Central New York at 3.08 percent, and the Southern Tier at 1.92 percent (7-day rolling averages). No matter where you live, please continue to take the recommended health precautions, including wearing a mask and washing your hands often. [Also not surprising, Long Island is filled with Maskless Assholes Gone Awol.]
In brighter news..another inept attempt to capture a bird on film..
Honestly birds are impossible. I need to buy a bird house or feeder - except I'm afraid I'll just be dealing with squirrels, who have an uncanny ability to go anywhere.
The Science of Dealing with Unreasonable People - I need to take this guy's advice.
Several decades ago, when treating substance abuse problems, psychologists developed a technique called motivational interviewing. The central premise: Instead of trying to force other people to change, you’re better off helping them find their own intrinsic motivation to change. You do that by interviewing them — asking open-ended questions and listening carefully — and holding up a mirror so they can see their own thoughts more clearly. If they express a desire to change, you guide them toward a plan.
Say you’re a student at Hogwarts, and you want to help your uncle reject Voldemort. You might start like this:
In controlled trials, motivational interviewing has helped people to stop smoking, abusing drugs and alcohol, and gambling; to improve their diets and exercise; to overcome eating disorders; and to lose weight. The approach has also motivated students to get a good night’s sleep; voters to reconsider their prejudices; and divorcing parents to reach settlements.
Recently, thanks to a vaccine whisperer, it has been applied to immunization. Arnaud Gagneur is a pediatrician in Quebec who encourages reluctant parents to immunize their children. In his experiments, a motivational interview in the maternity ward after birth increased the number of mothers willing to vaccinate their children from 72 percent to 87 percent; the number of children who were fully vaccinated two years later rose by 9 percent. A single conversation was enough to change behavior over the next 24 months.
I set up a conversation between Dr. Gagneur and my friend. After 90 minutes, it was clear to me that R.’s vaccination stance had not changed.
“I have tried to apply all the principles of motivational interviewing, but I have had the unpleasant feeling of not doing so well,” Dr. Gagneur wrote to me in email. “R. is very knowledgeable and always ends up finding arguments that support his decision.”
Strangely, I didn’t feel defeated or irritated. I wanted to learn how my friend’s views could evolve.
The pioneers of motivational interviewing, William Miller and Stephen Rollnick, have long warned against using the technique to manipulate people. It requires a genuine desire to understand people's motivations and help them reach their goals. Although R. and I both want to keep his children healthy, I realized I had never tried to understand his perspective on vaccines before. So the next morning, I called him.
In our past debates, R. had focused only on the potential downsides of vaccinations. With Dr. Gagneur, though, he acknowledged that vaccines could be good for some but not necessarily for others. If he lived in a country experiencing an outbreak of, say, malaria, would he consider immunization? “You weigh the pros and cons,” he said.
Psychologists find that when we listen carefully and call attention to the nuances in people’s own thinking, they become less extreme and more open in their views. I wondered how my friend’s ambivalence applied to Covid, and I knew that the kinds of questions I asked would matter. Social scientists have found that asking people how their preferred political policies might work in practice, rather than asking why they favor those approaches, was more effective in opening their minds. As people struggled to explain their ideal tax legislation or health care plan, they grasped the complexity of the problem and recognized gaps in their knowledge.
I got into a disagreement with the moderator of a fanboard (which is actually rare for me - except on this particular board], who'd clearly lost her patience with folks not going along with the spoilers she'd released and so diligently found an provided. [Note if she provides a spoiler - it is fact and you must accept it without disagreement.] And she felt the need to pontificate and state facts - basically bully me into agreeing with her perspective on things. (Even though a scant six months ago she'd agreed with me.) I don't deal with bullying well. And people often fall into bullying when they get impatient or stressed. It's ironic because she's anti-bullying but I don't think she's very self-aware, and I apparently grate on her ever living nerve. (Shrugs) I'm willing to admit that my dry sense of humor is far from universal, and my logic and quirky wit gets on folks nerves. Also I make fun of things, myself, situations, fandom, etc. And I'm known to pontificate at times. People annoy me too. Quite often actually.
What she should have done was ignore me, and ignore the woman I was talking to and just let us kid around. Honestly, why she attacked me, I don't know. It was silly. There was no need for her to bully us into accepting her perceptive on the story or the bill of goods she'd been advised to sell. It's a fan board. And worse, it was a soap opera fan board. Nothing is set in stone in a soap opera. They are basically fanfiction by hired guns.
Ah, well. Don't get me wrong I don't really care all that much. I'm not emotionally invested. I've not been emotionally invested in a fanboard since ATPOBTVS, and even then... Although with ATPOBTVS and even Buffy Cross & Stake, the moderators were extremely good. The best I've seen. They stayed in the background, rarely got into fights, and never interferred unless absolutely necessary. Most of the time they let their boards police themselves. Which granted is easier to do on Voy than Facebook, and on a Buffy board than a soap opera board, different level of clientele. But I saw nasty Buffy boards in my time.
In 2021, I'm kind of used to internet fights and kerfuffles. I back away for a bit. And I'm learning to just not engage or ignore. It'll go away faster if you don't. But I report on the above - because I found it to be a learning experience - for me. Not so much for anyone else. Or rather I doubt it.
In our fight, the other woman told the moderator - "Why do you have to prove that you are right?" And that's I think the root of most disagreements - a need to gloat or one-up-manship. To boast. Or show how bright or superior one is, or look at me lord my knowledge and expertise over you. I'm "educating" you! Ha!
But in the end, all you or I or anyone does is alienate the other person.
They've left the conversation. We've not changed their mind. We've not made a friend. We've lost someone. Where's the gain in that? So our ego feels momentarily assuaged? Or validated? It's pointless. I've fallen into this trap so many times - and it always comes back to bite me. I've alienated people I could have been friends with - because I had to gloat or be right. It's dumb. I learned again today on a soap board of all places how dumb these interactions truly are. I'm going to stop having them, and try to be more mindful of the other person in the future. I don't need to be right - there is no right or wrong, there is just people and ideas floating through our head, often forgotten in time. Meditation has taught me that.
Family
Mother: I did well last night without the home health care aid.
Me: Okay.
Mother: Just wanted to let you know. Only one problem...
ME: What?
Mother: I need to figure out how to have someone help me take a shower - I get do it on my own quite yet. And I can't get someone to help me do it at night - they have other people they have to help get to bed, and in the morning, they have to help other people get up and get their breakfasts and showers.
Me: Aren't you paying these people? And quite a lot for that matter??
Mother: Yes.
Me: Then tell them to resolve this problem.
Mother: I could maybe take it in the afternoon.
Me: It's their job to resolve this sort of thing, you're being a bit too -
Mother: You think I'm being too accommodating?
Me: Well, yes. Do you want me to call them.
Mother: No.
Later...
Mother: I know it's late but I thought I'd call -
Me: You got lonely because no home health care aid?
Mother (laughs): Well, no...I just got off the phone with your brother and I told him and...I just got off the phone with your Uncle R.
Me (bracing myself for bad news): Okay.
Mother: Your uncle R called and his wife, who is 75, has just been diagnosed with alzheimers. And he's very distraught. He doesn't know what to do. He can't help her.
Me: Oh no.
Mother: He can't be with her - she's going to stay in California and they will put her in a place and take care of her there. But he fears he'll be cut out of her life. And he can't afford to move back to California. He has no where to go. He can't stay where he is.
Me: Oh, this is horrible. I feel so for him.
Mother: He called your Aunt K, who I also just talked to - who says that he apparently b - some of his siblings.
ME: This connection is horrible - I have no idea what you just said.
Mother: Bullied some of his siblings.
Me: You mean pontificated, like they do.
Mother: Yes, your brother calls it patronizing.
Me: It's pontificating, it alienates folks. (Although everyone seems to do it, people are horribly unselfaware hypocrites, just saying.)
Mother: So she thinks the rest of the siblings will handwave it off as just his problem -
ME: Yeah, well, with the snap of the fingers they could find themselves in a similar situation. But for the Grace of God go I. (Wishing I could do something and I can't and fearing folks will treat me like that when I'm in a similar situation. My heart goes out to him.)
Mother: Your Aunt K is hunting places he can move to down where she is. Your father has always been very close to him. Although your Uncle D did send him a typewriter.
This is so sad. And again nothing I can do, but rail at the Universe. Also is it just me or are an awful lot of folks over the age of 70 coming down with Alzheimers or dementia lately?
Other news..
I'm ignoring the stuff about the impeachment as much as I can. Although apparently not quite enough. It's horrible. Made worse by the fact that all you have to do is look at Burma - to see where things could have gone if the crazy Maskless Assholes Gone Awol had their way.
Although I'm beginning to think our Queens Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a little full of herself. She's always putting herself in the center of everything. And making it all about her. Now, she's revealing how the situation triggered her PTSD over a past sexual assault.
Which could very well be the case - but why does she have to broadcast it?
And it's a tad convenient. She's a representative - which means she's always campaigning for re-election, but I've yet to see hard-core results. Oh well, I'm not in her district, so don't really care all that much. My reps are being rather stoic and pragmatic about the whole thing. But I'm not sure she's helping the cause as much as she thinks she is. I know a lot of folks at work (also not in her district) who hate her.
NY Times provides a map where you can explore in extreme detail the actual voting percentages for Trump and Biden across the country. I'd post it - but it gave me a headache, and I found it difficult to read, follow or make heads or tails of. They aren't as clever with these techno maps as they thing they are. Also, I'm apparently paying $165 a year now for the Times Digital Subscription - so getting my full use of it. (I initially subscribed for $99 a year - they hoodwinked me.)
The impeachment trial is giving me a headache. I'm afraid these idiots are going to get away with little more than a slap to the wrist. When they should be stripped naked, tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail.
Meanwhile...
* President Biden is still at work rolling back his predecessor’s policies, this time his assault on immigration.
Mr. Biden signed three executive orders: one that created a task force to reunite several hundred families who were separated at the Mexican border, and two that authorized a review of the former president’s measures on asylum and legal immigration. Above, Honduran migrant families in McAllen, Texas, in 2019.
“I’m not making new law,” Mr. Biden said. “I’m eliminating bad policy.”
* Separately, the Senate confirmed Alejandro Mayorkas as secretary of homeland security, making him the first Latino and the first immigrant to hold that job. [YES! FINALLY!]
* Pete Buttigieg, 39, was confirmed as transportation secretary, the first openly gay cabinet secretary to have been approved by the Senate and the youngest member of Mr. Biden’s cabinet.[Thank god!]
Now if only Congress can get its bloody act together.
But enough...good night and as they say, good luck, wherever you may be in the world tonight. Hopefully it is someplace safe, warm and kind.
For me? It's overlooking a snowy backyard, and white and black and gray landscape...but it is warm inside, and the lights are cozy.
Below is one of my many attempts to take photos of the myriad of birds that I've been watching in my back yard. They love the snow. Been playing in it all day long like a bunch of kids. I think they even peed and pooped in it, and trounced about in it.
I know this because I saw little stains of yellow dotting the snow.
Tomorrow, I think I might actually venture out in it - it's supposed to be in the 40s tomorrow. I'll pick up my prescription, and maybe wander about. Greenwood Cemetery is closed - until they can pave and shovel it, ie make it safe for visitors. I'm on their mailing list now - because I donated money to them. I figured it was the least I could do - considering I've been basically using it as my retreat from the world for the last eight months and counting.
New York vs. the Snow Storm and the Corona Virus, and well the media
Our Governor was in a good mood today, as was the Mayor - because people behaved themselves yesterday - so the sanitation department was able to clear the roads with incident. Outdoor dining will be back in operation by this evening. (Yes, dining outdoors in little plastic and wooden cabins on the sidewalks, surrounded by slush and snow - with wait staff wading in and out of it - seems bizarre to me too, not to mention unappealing, but what do I know? Restaurants aren't missing me exactly - I've rarely if ever gone out to eat. People come visit me and say - okay pick a place you love or frequent. And I'm like - uh, what if I don't? )
Anyhow, because the Governor was in a good mood, one of the reporters ventured to ask..why his public health managers quit? Was it a personality conflict with him? Issues with Covid? Not knowing enough? Overwork? What exactly? (It was a non-confrontational question that I highly appreciated.)
The Governor with a smile, stated that COVID threw everyone for a loop and people got overwhelmed by it. And many quit, with no judgment, under the pressure. It's an unforeseen situation that we've never dealt with before.
He was telling people to come into the city and visit the new train station. Eh. I'll wait until I have to go to the Jacobs Javits Center to get the vaccine. I can't decide if I want to brave the New York State's site and schedule an appointment based on sketchy eligibility - I'm considered eligible and a non-essential worker via my workplace. Or if I want to wait until crazy workplace sets an appointment for me, based on actual eligibility. I'm not going to venture in right now - unless I have to. I limit travel to exercise, and going to the pharmacy and grocery store. For heaven's sake - I'm working remotely from home for the first time in my life and had caved to buy a printer - which I need to request IT to let me print one drive and Teams docs to.
Oh and some good news, I guess...
We received some good news from the federal government today. The federal vaccine supply to the states will increase by about 20 percent for the next three weeks, up from the initial 16 percent expected bump in allocations. Additionally, private pharmacies in the state who are charged with prioritizing the 65-plus population will now receive an additional 10 percent, or about 30,000 doses, directly from the federal government. This will supplement doses allocated to them by the State. Following the snowstorm, all New York State-run vaccination sites will be open and ready to administer doses during regularly scheduled hours starting tomorrow (by appointment only). If your appointment was canceled due to the weather, don't worry — you have been rebooked. Be sure to check for an email or text rescheduling your appointment.
That explains why he was in a good mood, at least.
Oh and remember how Australia and New Zealand shut down with one case or 100 cases, and go nuts?
From the Governor's email, here's the numbers:
COVID hospitalizations ticked up to 8,067. Of the 150,199 tests reported yesterday, 8,215, or 5.47 percent, were positive. The 7-day rolling average of test positivity, 4.95 percent, is the lowest since December 6. There were 1,053 patients in the ICU yesterday, up three from the previous day. Of them, 1,004 are intubated. Sadly, we lost 146 New Yorkers to the virus. [We're happy that we only have 8,215 testing positive instead of 15,000, and oh at least it's just 146 people dead as opposed to 172, which it had been for a while. I envy Australia.]
2. Over 2 million total vaccine doses have been administered in New York State. This total includes the federal Long Term Care Facility program. As of 12pm today, 91 percent of first doses allocated to state health care distribution sites have been administered. This represents 1,414,241 first doses administered of the 1,554,450 first doses received from the federal government (NYS health care distribution sites only). 321,204 second doses have been administered out of 725,050 second doses received. See data by region on the State's Vaccine Tracker. [Well that's good news. We got roughly 1.4 million people vaccinated with the first dose, and 321,204 with both out of 19 million, not too bad, just have 18 million to go.]
3. The Bronx continues to have the highest test positivity rate of the New York City boroughs. The Bronx's positivity rate is 6.57 percent, followed by Queens at 5.21 percent, Brooklyn at 5.17 percent, Staten Island at 4.65 percent, and Manhattan at 3.06 percent (7-day rolling averages). Later this week, Yankee Stadium will open as a mass vaccination site specifically and exclusively for Bronx residents who are 65 or older or in other eligible groups. [Gee, I wonder why? Could the fact that they keep having huge parties up there be a factor? The police according to NBC News had to break up two huge parties over the weekend in the Bronx - both with over 400 people, and no one wearing masks. I told this to mother who retorted that she just did not understand people sometimes. Neither do I - is your life really worth attending a crowded party with loud music? Really?]
4. Among the regions of New York, Long Island has the highest test positivity rate. Long Island's positivity rate is 6.03 percent, followed by the Mid-Hudson Region at 5.76 percent, the North Country at 5.51 percent, New York City at 5.09 percent, Western New York at 5.01 percent, the Capital Region at 4.67 percent, Mohawk Valley at 4.09 percent, the Finger Lakes at 3.79 percent, Central New York at 3.08 percent, and the Southern Tier at 1.92 percent (7-day rolling averages). No matter where you live, please continue to take the recommended health precautions, including wearing a mask and washing your hands often. [Also not surprising, Long Island is filled with Maskless Assholes Gone Awol.]
In brighter news..another inept attempt to capture a bird on film..
Honestly birds are impossible. I need to buy a bird house or feeder - except I'm afraid I'll just be dealing with squirrels, who have an uncanny ability to go anywhere.
The Science of Dealing with Unreasonable People - I need to take this guy's advice.
Several decades ago, when treating substance abuse problems, psychologists developed a technique called motivational interviewing. The central premise: Instead of trying to force other people to change, you’re better off helping them find their own intrinsic motivation to change. You do that by interviewing them — asking open-ended questions and listening carefully — and holding up a mirror so they can see their own thoughts more clearly. If they express a desire to change, you guide them toward a plan.
Say you’re a student at Hogwarts, and you want to help your uncle reject Voldemort. You might start like this:
You: I’d love to better understand your feelings about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Uncle: Well, he’s the most powerful wizard alive. Also, his followers promised me a fancy title.
You: Interesting. Is there anything you dislike about him?
Uncle: Hmm. I’m not crazy about all the murdering.
You: Well, nobody’s perfect. What’s stopped you from abandoning him?
Uncle: I’m afraid he might direct the murdering toward me.
You: That’s a reasonable fear — I’ve felt it too. Are there any principles that matter so deeply to you that you’d be willing to take that risk?
In controlled trials, motivational interviewing has helped people to stop smoking, abusing drugs and alcohol, and gambling; to improve their diets and exercise; to overcome eating disorders; and to lose weight. The approach has also motivated students to get a good night’s sleep; voters to reconsider their prejudices; and divorcing parents to reach settlements.
Recently, thanks to a vaccine whisperer, it has been applied to immunization. Arnaud Gagneur is a pediatrician in Quebec who encourages reluctant parents to immunize their children. In his experiments, a motivational interview in the maternity ward after birth increased the number of mothers willing to vaccinate their children from 72 percent to 87 percent; the number of children who were fully vaccinated two years later rose by 9 percent. A single conversation was enough to change behavior over the next 24 months.
I set up a conversation between Dr. Gagneur and my friend. After 90 minutes, it was clear to me that R.’s vaccination stance had not changed.
“I have tried to apply all the principles of motivational interviewing, but I have had the unpleasant feeling of not doing so well,” Dr. Gagneur wrote to me in email. “R. is very knowledgeable and always ends up finding arguments that support his decision.”
Strangely, I didn’t feel defeated or irritated. I wanted to learn how my friend’s views could evolve.
The pioneers of motivational interviewing, William Miller and Stephen Rollnick, have long warned against using the technique to manipulate people. It requires a genuine desire to understand people's motivations and help them reach their goals. Although R. and I both want to keep his children healthy, I realized I had never tried to understand his perspective on vaccines before. So the next morning, I called him.
In our past debates, R. had focused only on the potential downsides of vaccinations. With Dr. Gagneur, though, he acknowledged that vaccines could be good for some but not necessarily for others. If he lived in a country experiencing an outbreak of, say, malaria, would he consider immunization? “You weigh the pros and cons,” he said.
Psychologists find that when we listen carefully and call attention to the nuances in people’s own thinking, they become less extreme and more open in their views. I wondered how my friend’s ambivalence applied to Covid, and I knew that the kinds of questions I asked would matter. Social scientists have found that asking people how their preferred political policies might work in practice, rather than asking why they favor those approaches, was more effective in opening their minds. As people struggled to explain their ideal tax legislation or health care plan, they grasped the complexity of the problem and recognized gaps in their knowledge.
I got into a disagreement with the moderator of a fanboard (which is actually rare for me - except on this particular board], who'd clearly lost her patience with folks not going along with the spoilers she'd released and so diligently found an provided. [Note if she provides a spoiler - it is fact and you must accept it without disagreement.] And she felt the need to pontificate and state facts - basically bully me into agreeing with her perspective on things. (Even though a scant six months ago she'd agreed with me.) I don't deal with bullying well. And people often fall into bullying when they get impatient or stressed. It's ironic because she's anti-bullying but I don't think she's very self-aware, and I apparently grate on her ever living nerve. (Shrugs) I'm willing to admit that my dry sense of humor is far from universal, and my logic and quirky wit gets on folks nerves. Also I make fun of things, myself, situations, fandom, etc. And I'm known to pontificate at times. People annoy me too. Quite often actually.
What she should have done was ignore me, and ignore the woman I was talking to and just let us kid around. Honestly, why she attacked me, I don't know. It was silly. There was no need for her to bully us into accepting her perceptive on the story or the bill of goods she'd been advised to sell. It's a fan board. And worse, it was a soap opera fan board. Nothing is set in stone in a soap opera. They are basically fanfiction by hired guns.
Ah, well. Don't get me wrong I don't really care all that much. I'm not emotionally invested. I've not been emotionally invested in a fanboard since ATPOBTVS, and even then... Although with ATPOBTVS and even Buffy Cross & Stake, the moderators were extremely good. The best I've seen. They stayed in the background, rarely got into fights, and never interferred unless absolutely necessary. Most of the time they let their boards police themselves. Which granted is easier to do on Voy than Facebook, and on a Buffy board than a soap opera board, different level of clientele. But I saw nasty Buffy boards in my time.
In 2021, I'm kind of used to internet fights and kerfuffles. I back away for a bit. And I'm learning to just not engage or ignore. It'll go away faster if you don't. But I report on the above - because I found it to be a learning experience - for me. Not so much for anyone else. Or rather I doubt it.
In our fight, the other woman told the moderator - "Why do you have to prove that you are right?" And that's I think the root of most disagreements - a need to gloat or one-up-manship. To boast. Or show how bright or superior one is, or look at me lord my knowledge and expertise over you. I'm "educating" you! Ha!
But in the end, all you or I or anyone does is alienate the other person.
They've left the conversation. We've not changed their mind. We've not made a friend. We've lost someone. Where's the gain in that? So our ego feels momentarily assuaged? Or validated? It's pointless. I've fallen into this trap so many times - and it always comes back to bite me. I've alienated people I could have been friends with - because I had to gloat or be right. It's dumb. I learned again today on a soap board of all places how dumb these interactions truly are. I'm going to stop having them, and try to be more mindful of the other person in the future. I don't need to be right - there is no right or wrong, there is just people and ideas floating through our head, often forgotten in time. Meditation has taught me that.
Family
Mother: I did well last night without the home health care aid.
Me: Okay.
Mother: Just wanted to let you know. Only one problem...
ME: What?
Mother: I need to figure out how to have someone help me take a shower - I get do it on my own quite yet. And I can't get someone to help me do it at night - they have other people they have to help get to bed, and in the morning, they have to help other people get up and get their breakfasts and showers.
Me: Aren't you paying these people? And quite a lot for that matter??
Mother: Yes.
Me: Then tell them to resolve this problem.
Mother: I could maybe take it in the afternoon.
Me: It's their job to resolve this sort of thing, you're being a bit too -
Mother: You think I'm being too accommodating?
Me: Well, yes. Do you want me to call them.
Mother: No.
Later...
Mother: I know it's late but I thought I'd call -
Me: You got lonely because no home health care aid?
Mother (laughs): Well, no...I just got off the phone with your brother and I told him and...I just got off the phone with your Uncle R.
Me (bracing myself for bad news): Okay.
Mother: Your uncle R called and his wife, who is 75, has just been diagnosed with alzheimers. And he's very distraught. He doesn't know what to do. He can't help her.
Me: Oh no.
Mother: He can't be with her - she's going to stay in California and they will put her in a place and take care of her there. But he fears he'll be cut out of her life. And he can't afford to move back to California. He has no where to go. He can't stay where he is.
Me: Oh, this is horrible. I feel so for him.
Mother: He called your Aunt K, who I also just talked to - who says that he apparently b - some of his siblings.
ME: This connection is horrible - I have no idea what you just said.
Mother: Bullied some of his siblings.
Me: You mean pontificated, like they do.
Mother: Yes, your brother calls it patronizing.
Me: It's pontificating, it alienates folks. (Although everyone seems to do it, people are horribly unselfaware hypocrites, just saying.)
Mother: So she thinks the rest of the siblings will handwave it off as just his problem -
ME: Yeah, well, with the snap of the fingers they could find themselves in a similar situation. But for the Grace of God go I. (Wishing I could do something and I can't and fearing folks will treat me like that when I'm in a similar situation. My heart goes out to him.)
Mother: Your Aunt K is hunting places he can move to down where she is. Your father has always been very close to him. Although your Uncle D did send him a typewriter.
This is so sad. And again nothing I can do, but rail at the Universe. Also is it just me or are an awful lot of folks over the age of 70 coming down with Alzheimers or dementia lately?
Other news..
I'm ignoring the stuff about the impeachment as much as I can. Although apparently not quite enough. It's horrible. Made worse by the fact that all you have to do is look at Burma - to see where things could have gone if the crazy Maskless Assholes Gone Awol had their way.
Although I'm beginning to think our Queens Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a little full of herself. She's always putting herself in the center of everything. And making it all about her. Now, she's revealing how the situation triggered her PTSD over a past sexual assault.
Which could very well be the case - but why does she have to broadcast it?
And it's a tad convenient. She's a representative - which means she's always campaigning for re-election, but I've yet to see hard-core results. Oh well, I'm not in her district, so don't really care all that much. My reps are being rather stoic and pragmatic about the whole thing. But I'm not sure she's helping the cause as much as she thinks she is. I know a lot of folks at work (also not in her district) who hate her.
NY Times provides a map where you can explore in extreme detail the actual voting percentages for Trump and Biden across the country. I'd post it - but it gave me a headache, and I found it difficult to read, follow or make heads or tails of. They aren't as clever with these techno maps as they thing they are. Also, I'm apparently paying $165 a year now for the Times Digital Subscription - so getting my full use of it. (I initially subscribed for $99 a year - they hoodwinked me.)
The impeachment trial is giving me a headache. I'm afraid these idiots are going to get away with little more than a slap to the wrist. When they should be stripped naked, tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail.
Meanwhile...
* President Biden is still at work rolling back his predecessor’s policies, this time his assault on immigration.
Mr. Biden signed three executive orders: one that created a task force to reunite several hundred families who were separated at the Mexican border, and two that authorized a review of the former president’s measures on asylum and legal immigration. Above, Honduran migrant families in McAllen, Texas, in 2019.
“I’m not making new law,” Mr. Biden said. “I’m eliminating bad policy.”
* Separately, the Senate confirmed Alejandro Mayorkas as secretary of homeland security, making him the first Latino and the first immigrant to hold that job. [YES! FINALLY!]
* Pete Buttigieg, 39, was confirmed as transportation secretary, the first openly gay cabinet secretary to have been approved by the Senate and the youngest member of Mr. Biden’s cabinet.[Thank god!]
Now if only Congress can get its bloody act together.
But enough...good night and as they say, good luck, wherever you may be in the world tonight. Hopefully it is someplace safe, warm and kind.
For me? It's overlooking a snowy backyard, and white and black and gray landscape...but it is warm inside, and the lights are cozy.