shadowkat | Entries tagged with family

I went and hunted it down..;-) So below is the first six days of April.

Weekend wasn't a complete bust. I finished a watercolor of an man who was returning home from the hospital via subway, or homeless (I couldn't figure out which).

( watercolor of homeless man on the subway )

I added the girl with the flower - she wasn't actually there. I've decided to start being a little more creative with my paintings.

Also had a nice long chat with my brother today. ( Read more... )

And asked Super to replace the bulb in my bedroom light. I told her that they can do it after they return from vacation. They are leaving for a week and a half on Wed, for Florida. I will survive. And I received my compost bin, and bought compostable bags for it. This way, I can collect weekly and dispose weekly as opposed to daily.

Finished Somebody Somewhere, it's a lovely show - basically my comfort show, and on Max, also almost done with The Pitt (on Max), and Daredevil Born Again Disney. Spent way too much time on the laptop and phone tracking protests and news on the protests and other things, also writing in my dreamwidth journal. You're probably all sick of me? Took walks. Etc.

***

APRIL QUESTION A DAY MEME

1. Have you ever been the victim of an April Fool’s Day joke? Do you remember any good stories that fooled the public back in the day (in the UK, they once fooled the public that spaghetti grew on trees!)?

Yes, although I managed to forget them. Yes, the best April Fool's Day Hoax was actually around Halloween, when Orson Wells scared the entire nation into believing that they were being invaded by Aliens, per a national radio broadcast of the War of the Worlds.

I keep wishing the fact that the Doofus is President was an April Fools Joke.

2. Do shops/stores have loyalty cards where you live which give you a better price on some items in their store? Have you got any loyalty cards you use regularly?

Yes, we call them "Rewards Cards", Foodtown and Wallgreens both do, and yes, I use the Rewards Card number. Credit cards also use them. As does the Amazon Kindle.

3. If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, have you seen any Spring flowers yet? If you are in the Southern Hemisphere, what is nature doing where you live?

I live in the Northern Hemisphere, and yes, the Narcissus are in full bloom as are the Daffodiles, and Crocuses, and the trees are flowering finally. I foresee a hike through Greenwood Cemetery in my future - hopefully next weekend. I guess I could go after work - but it may be closed.

4. What was the last book you bought? Have you read it yet?

I bought a lot of books all at once? So no. I have a tendency to collect books. Possibly hoard them? I'll just picke one of them at random?

"A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine" - it's a space opera and won the Hugo Award in 2020.

5. Does your phone have the facility to store your payment cards? Do you take advantage of that instead of using your physical card?

Yes. Definitely not. I'm wary.

6. How confident are you about doing your own home renovations? What’s the biggest project you’ve tackled?

Not at all. Hence the reason I rent an apartment, where someone else can do them for me. I am not handy. If I was handy - I'd have bought a house or a condo, but alas, I am not.

March Memage

15. It’s Red Nose Day – a day to raise funds for those in need, particularly for ending poverty in children. Have you ever taken part in a Red Nose Day event? Have you ever bought a red nose to wear?

I watched it once. But no. I do other charitable things, just not Red Nose Day.

16. Do you regularly eat breakfast? What’s your favourite thing to eat?

Yes. I'm diabetic and have always had low blood sugar issues. Also I prefer breakfast to lunch for the most part. And have been known to have breakfast on weekends and skip lunch.

Poached egg over greens, with some lemon juice and pepper every morning. Weekends, I tend to have either an omelet, scrambled eggs and bacon, with a gluten free english muffin or muffin, or gluten free mini-waffels with bacon or sausage and just skip lunch.

17. Do you add things to your ‘to-do’ list just so you can cross them out immediately to say you’ve done them?

Yes, assuming I remember to do the list or where I put it. I'm not an organized thinker.

18. Have you got a dedicated place to keep your shoes?

Yes - two places, one at the entry way, and one in my bedroom. And I have too many shoes, all of which appear to be mainly black in color. I do have a pair of purple sneakers.

19. Do you like scented candles?

Depends on the scent? But yes. I like fresh ocean scent and orange scented candles, also lemon. And pine. I can't do floral or cinnamon - since I'm allergic.

*******

From AP News Wire: "U.S. District Judge Ana Reyes in Washington, D.C., ruled that Trump’s order to exclude transgender troops from military service likely violates their constitutional rights. She delayed her order by three days to give the administration time to appeal." Go HERE

NASA astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams return to Earth after 9 months stuck in space. Their SpaceX capsule parachuted into the Gulf of Mexico in the early evening, just hours after departing the International Space Station. Splashdown occurred off the coast of Tallahassee in the Florida Panhandle, bringing their unplanned odyssey to an end.

And on a purely personal note? My niece and brother are visiting my Mother in South Carolina. Niece (who has been doing cold plunges in Montana) went swimming today. The water is somewhere in the 50s-60s and it was in the upper 60s today on the beach. Anyhow, she went swimming in the ocean, and below her head, and came face to face with a jelly fish. A box jelly fish.
She leapt up screaming, and raced to shore.

The jelly fish had wrapped around her face.

Needless to say - I freaked out when I heard this story.

Me: Is she okay?
Mother: seems to be, no issues at all.
Me: Are you sure?
Mother: (to niece) Tell your Aunt that you are okay.
Niece: I'm fine, it was nothing. My eyelids still sting, but other than that...
Me: So not a man of war?
Niece: no it was small and I think a Box Jelly Fish.
Me: I thought it was too cold for Jelly Fish?
Niece: do did I, but apparently not. There were a ton on the beach, so I probably should have realized they'd be in the water. No one else was out swimming.

On Saturday, Bro took me for a hike along the Rail Trail in Stuveysant Falls, NY. Stuveysant Falls is a small town up in Columbia County near where my brother lives in upstate New York, in and around the Hudson River Valley, East of the Catskills.

The town is aptly named for the falls, which in the late to mid-19th and early 20th centuries, prior to the industrial age, empowered the rail line - a hydro-electric trolley system that ran from roughly New York City to Buffalo, connecting all the small towns, and also provided power to various communities in a sustainable way via the hydro-electric and lumber mill.

I didn't read the above anywhere, I got it mainly from my brother. They have a rusted wrought iron and steel bridge that requires replacement, with signs, help save our bridge.

ME: So are you helping them save their bridge?
Bro: why would I do that?
ME: uh...

The falls are quite lovely, and normally there's a lot of water that goes over them - in cascades. But we've been in a bit of a drought.

Me: Everything is so dry -
Bro: It is fall, things die off.
Me: Yes, but we also have a drought.
Bro says nothing.
Me: so, it's drier than usual.

Bro hadn't slept well, just finished having company the previous week (his wife's cousin visited for a week from Sacramento (she literally left the same day I arrived - this isn't on me, I had no idea she was visiting), and was just a touch cranky.

As you can see, it's a rather dry falls, with not a lot of water cascading down it.

While walking the Trail, we ran across a huge truck, carrying a long tank (one of those tankers). I assumed it was gas, but no, it was human feces (aka poop) and sewage. My Brother informed me that they spray the sewage on the crops as fertilizer - and you can smell it for miles.

Me: I suppose that's a good way to dispose of the sewage - fertlizes the crops, kind of like -
Bro: Not at all. I mean you'd think - but consider all the chemicals in that? And PFAS that are in the sewage and feces (aka poop).
Me: What are PFA's? (I'd heard the term before, of course, but couldn't remember what they are.)
Bro (in full lecture mode): They are forever chemicals, also carcinogens, which can't break down and aren't biodegradable. Once a week - they come out here in the fall, summer, spring months and spry the agricultural fields with this fertilizer. So our food carries all these carcinogens. They think it's ecologically sustainable - but it's not, because of all the other chemicals and things that end up in our sewage. So, the best of intentions and all that...

And people in New York wonder how they get cancer. It's not God folks, or random. It's people unknowingly spraying our crops with carcinogens.

Picture of field being fertilized by human sewage:
( agriculture field that was sprayed )

We talked about this for a good twenty minutes, while walking at a brisk pace. My brother is 6'5 and in good shape. I'm 6 foot and not in good shape. I was huffing along, and just barely managing to keep up, and from his perspective he wasn't walking that fast. It made me appreciate poor Wales and my mother, who don't even bother trying to keep up with me.

Then we switched over to how they dispose of human feces (poop) at camp sites. Mainly because I was trying to come up with an environmentally sustainable way to dispose of human waste. (Short Answer: There really isn't one.) And a safe topic to discuss with my brother, which he was knowledgeable on, and I didn't have to talk all that much during.

So yes, we talked about the disposal of human poop for about an hour.

Without going into too much gritty detail, learned the following:
( Read more... )
If you're thinking at this point that my brother is a wee bit overly concerned about the disposable of human poop - he's not. I swear.

A somewhat better picture of the falls:

And no, I didn't take any photos of the truck or the poop. But I did take a picture of the area in which they were spraying, along with the little fish pound in front of it. As you may or may not be able to see below, it's quite picturesque.

( the cheese stands alone )
***

On the subway ride home, I look up from my book, earphones in place, and catch a young man with spectacles and a goatee drawing me.
( Read more... )
***

Drops of water hit my shoulders on the way home. Kids and their mothers huddle on a patch of grass near an apartment doorway, while a man rolls about in a wheelchair with no legs, and another strums a tune on the guitar behind him. Balding, yet young, the guitar player, not the man with no legs.

***

( Mother broke her nose. )
***

Loneliness slips beneath the cracks
While the world whirls and laughs
Until one feels almost gone
Swallowed whole
Not quite there
At all

Current Mood: depressed

1. I wonder sometimes if I'm incredibly odd for not going off and living with my boyfriend at the ripe old age of 19. I keep forgetting my niece is 19. My mother reminds me that my brother did this with his wife - they didn't get married until their 30s, and in a swimming pool.

My niece has found an apartment in Oregon to move into with her boyfriend, while they work as ski-lift operators at Mount Hood National Park. Apparently ~~the Overlook~~ Mount Hood Hotel doesn't have any room for them. Good news? They won't be eaten by ghosts. (I don't know if ghosts eat people...but I also don't know if there are actually any ghosts. I remain agnostic on the subject.)

She's 19. She graduated with a BA at 19. She drove across country by herself at 19. She got a job as a park ranger at 19. She is moving in with her boyfriend and getting an apartment together in Oregon at 19.

This may be more common than expected? Alix Harrow the author of the book that I'm currently reading - got her BA around 16, and MA by 20.

Why are people racing through their lives?

Feeling rather turtlish at the moment. (Assuming turtlish is a word, most likely not. We like to make up words in my family and pass them off as actual.)

2. I watched Elemental on Disney +, by Pixar - it's an animated Pixar film created by a Korean animator, and inspired by his parents immigration story to NYC setting up a bodega here. The story is about the Firish or Fire Elemental family, who leave the Fire Land to start life in Elemental City, which was created by Water and Air, with land showing up shortly thereafter. Fire has little place there - and after hunting a place to rent, finally stumble upon a broken down building that they rebuild to start their own Fire Restaurant and Shop. Somewhere along the line, they have a daughter - who they dream will inherit and run the shop - but she has a fiery temper and issues with customer service. The story is mainly about how immigrants help, and it takes all to make the world work. Similar in some respects to Zootopia.

I found it clever in the animation style, although I liked Zootopia a little better. There's a romance between two different elementals. And it feels - in some respects very old hat - in that I'd seen this before, but the animation was rather clever in places.

3. Spy X Family - still watching on Hulu, at meal times mainly and off and on. It's fun, here and there. Best when it focuses on Loid aka Twilight. The Anya and Yor shriek alot.

It's typical magna animation style - not quite as good as Hariukuma Misyagi, but a step above Seven Deadly Sins.

4. Discovery of Witches S3 - found it on MAX. Watching it before it disappears from MAX, which may be soon. So I need to hurry. There's seven episodes, now six left. I figure I can do it in one weekend. Tomorrow it's supposed to rain all day long.

Slow to start, but I rather liked the end of S3 Episode 1. Where Michael and Diana team up with two scientists to cure the blood rage, while Michael's brother and another vampire track down the killer - who is following Michael and Diana around, without them realizing it - and stole their painted cameos from the 14th century. (I think he's the little boy they adopted way back when, who became a man and was turned back in the 14th Century - because that's who they gave the cameos too.)

Also there's a nifty scene between Hugo's mate and Emily's spouse (Alex Kingston) regarding grief. Kingston is an underrated actress - she pulled me into her character on ER, and made me love Doctor River Song.

5. Briefly discussed Pride and Prejudice with mother. I told her that a German Academic Poster on DW (selenak) had pointed out how a plausible reading of Austen's P&P would more likely be that Elizabeth married Darcy for his money or estate. And mother agreed - that was Austen. Austen had a sly and biting sense of humor - and was making fun of the economic issues of the time. The Bennets had five daughters to unload, before Mr. Bennett died (he was in perfect health), because his heir was Mr. Collins. Women couldn't inherit. And they either made a good match - or became a live-in Governess or Lady's Companion. Mrs. Bennett would be cared for, but her daughters wouldn't by Collins. You didn't marry for love - you married for economic stability. And all of Austen's books are about economic instability and class, and how women had to marry with that in mind, as did men.

6. Whoa - mother just called to tell me that Mathew Perry (Chandler on Friends) just died at 54. She figured she should tell me - because I'd listened to his book on audible this year and had told her about it.

Mathew Perry died at 54 according to ABC news

That's terribly sad. He was apparently discovered in his hot tub.

The Emmy-nominated actor was found dead of an apparent drowning at his Los Angeles home Saturday, according to the Los Angeles Times and celebrity website TMZ, which was the first to report the news. Both outlets cited unnamed sources confirming Perry's death.

His publicists and other representatives did not immediately respond to messages from The Associated Press seeking comment. Asked to confirm police response to what was listed as Perry’s home address, LAPD Officer Drake Madison told AP that officers had gone to that block "for a death investigation of a male in his 50s.”

Life is different for us all - I think - and hard for us all in different ways. But for the grace of god go I...has become a constant mantra in my mind.

7. My shingles seem to be bothering me this week, after not bothering me at all for two weeks. Just the one arm, and its more of a kind of stinging pin prick of pain from below the elbow to my fingertips. Also stings when the healing wound is pushed against anything.

There was this odd tapping above me - so I looked up and told the ceiling to please not do that - and it stopped. I thanked it.

8. Photos from Today's Walk...

( super goes all out in the decorations for our buildings front facade )

( ocean parkway promenade )

( impromptu house band playing on the front porch of one of the houses on the way to the grocery store in Ditmas )

Leaving with another picture of Broad Creek in South Carolina...

Above is NYC at sunset, taken from the plane, over 20,000 feet above the city.

Returned around 6:30 pm, and disembarked around 6:45 or so, because the gate agent wasn't at the gate. When we left the plane, there was a booming alarm at our gate - and literally no one in that section of the terminal.
It was like an episode out of the Twilight Zone. The entire section was empty. The only people at gates 81-89 were the people on the small plane from Hilton Head. Also upon exiting these gates, there was no one but us on the way to baggage claim or on the way out of the building. There were more people at Hilton Head's tiny airport - and most of those were on the plane with me.

It took a good twenty-five minutes to get to the cab line. And there was no one there, but the person checking in the cabs and well fifty some cabs all waiting for passengers that did not appear. I was the only one who popped up. The guy driving my cab, who hailed from Jordan by way of Suffolk County, Long Island - said he'd been waiting over three hours.

It was kind of unsettling. I've never seen such an empty airport - and Laguardia, no less. I wondered what happened.

The cab ride home was for the most part uneventful - although after driving around Hilton Head for the last eight days - I've decided New York Drivers, specifically NYC drivers are insane. They should all have their licenses revoked. Anyone who thinks it is safer driving a car in NYC - is crazy.
When we pulled up in front of my apartment complex - which is a narrow street along side Ocean Parkway - it's basically one way street, walking/biking median, four lane street, island, one way street. With parked cars on both sides, and street lights. Anyhow, when we pulled up and I was busy hunting money to pay the cabbie - and having troubles seeing it in the dark - all the dingbat cars that lined up behind us and had decided to pull out of their parking spots to do so - honked at maxium volume behind me. I gave them the finger, and cursed them out. So did the cabbie.
It was a red light, they couldn't go anywhere anyhow. Again, I rest my case, New York City Drivers are insane.

Upon entering the apartment building - I discovered two things: 1) that they are replacing all the laundry machines, and the money machine, and raising the prices (per the sign on the door), and 2) my fire alarm was apparently low on batteries after all and beeping a mean streak. It wasn't steam, it was a low battery. The super took it down, told me to get a new batter, and he'd reinstall, early next week. (I have tall ceilings and you need a ladder to get to it.)

I'm tired, and after a week at my mother's house - feel an overwhelming urge to declutter. I need to get rid of books, papers, and organize clothing. It's also cooler here.

Below is a photo of my last day in Hilton Head...we ate at the Crazy Crab (I had a shrimp and crab boil, and mother had crab cakes. I couldn't finish it - so I packed up the rest of the shrimp and potatoes (red potatoes) for Mother to eat tomorrow. The shrimp had to be peeled.) Also had a frozen strawberry margarita - to take the edge off my nerves. Outside of eating, we sat and watched people and boats in the harbor. The Crazy Crab has been on Hilton Head Island for fifty years.

1. Well, Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese, and Paul Thomas Anderson managed to save TCM aka Turner Classic Movies from the evil new executive at Warner Brothers, who attempted to do away with it.

I'm grateful. I agree with them. Our classic films should be preserved.

As IndieWire first reported, the trio placed an "emergency" call to Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav last week following cuts to the majority of the network's leadership, including senior VP of programming and content strategy, Charles Tabesh.

Tabesh, however, will return to TCM with Scorsese, Spielberg, and Anderson acting as unpaid volunteers who will help guide and curate the network's programming, even including host intros and outros. TCM's Classic Film Festival will also continue.

"We have already begun working on ideas with [Warner Bros. executives Michael de Luca and Pamela Abdy], both true film enthusiasts who share a passion and reverence for classic cinema that is the hallmark of the TCM community," the directors said in a joint statement.

Thanks to Petz for the link.

2. Somebody Somewhere on HBO Max of all places, has become my new comfort show. It's a highly relatable series about struggling forty-something singles in Manhattan, Kansas. I finished the first two seasons and was blown away by it.

I'd describe it as hyper-realism. A dramedy, with touching and humorous moments. Relationship drama as opposed to workplace drama, but the focus is on friendship not romantic entanglements, and sibling/family relationships.
The core relationship is between a forty-something woman and a gay forty-something man, and their friends and family. It's among the best shows I've seen, well written and acted. (I admittedly don't find it that funny, but I don't have a raunchy sense of humor. But I found it touching and relatable enough to handwave that. It's also a kind comedy and not cruel like most of the comedies that I've seen to date.)

Here's the Guardian Review - Review of Somebody Somewhere.

( excerpt )

Highly recommend.

3. It's official, apparently, that The Flash bombed at the box office - it's barely gotten to $100M domestically, and just scratched $216M world-wide. The film cost over $200 Million to make.

The linked article explains why it bombed - which is simple enough, people like myself decided not to see it in movie theaters and wait for it to pop up on HBO MAX based on the reviews.

I was interested - until I read the reviews, and thought, Ack, I can watch that better on television with far less annoyance.

Scalzi's kid reviews it - HERE - complete with spoilers, although not all spoilers. I thoroughly spoiled - I've read too many reviews. So I know the unpredictable spoilers.

None of the spoilers endear me to the movie.

The movie did so badly at the box office, that they went ahead and announced that Rachel Bronshanan (Mrs. Maizel) will be Lois, and David Corenswet as Superman. [My favs were Christopher Reeves and Tyler Hoechel, I didn't like Cavill's Superman nor Brandon Rousch's. I'm picky, I like the optimistic and kind take - go too dark and gritty and you get awfully close to fascism. Superman does not work well as an anti-hero. Batman, yes, Superman, no.]

4. Wales and I discussed what we're doing on the fourth, and honestly, I think we'll be lucky if we do much of anything at this point. I want to go to the American Natural History Museum - but I don't want to get reserved pre-paid tickets online - just in case everything falls through, and we don't go. So the current plan is to meet at 11:30 Am in Carroll Gardens, and go from there on Tuesday. Worse case scenario we can wander about and do something else.

I haven't been over to that part of the city in years, so that alone would be entertaining.

5. Twitter is back up and running, and everyone is acting like nothing happened, and they've all flooded back after threatening to jump ship.

I honestly think a lot of them have an abusive love/hate relationship with Twitter. I can relate, I have love/hate relationships with NYC, BookStores, Mass Transit, and my church.

6. I'm tempted to get a ticket via TDF to see Merrily We'll Roll Along, starring Daniel Radcliff and Josh Groff. (I like Groff, a lot.)

7. My brother's air conditioner went out the other day. The earliest the A/C people could look at it was August. We have been having air quality issues all week long. (Canadian Wildfires - apparently mother nature figured she burned enough of the forests on the West Coast of Canada, and it was the East Coast's turn?) Anyhow, my brother went up into his attic and rewired his air-conditioner, and now its working. ( Read more... )

In other news, the frigging NY medical community is still gas-lighting my poor sister-in-law. I swear they gaslight everyone. This is why we have medical malpractice attorneys. ( Read more... )

8. On the book front...

I was reminded recently of my love/hate relationships with book stores. Old Freshman Roommate - who kind of needs a nickname....(Queen Charlotte) - informed FB that she'd sent press releases to area booksellers that she'd published a book. A couple of the booksellers emailed her back that they won't carry anything published via createspace or via Amazon, because Amazon is putting them out of business. And would only carry anything published via Ingram.

That's complete BS.
( long involved somewhat ranty discussion of book-selling - read at your own risk )

9. I have been in a long reading slump. I get through audio books, but not actual books. Almost done with Moonlighting - an Oral History - which could use a better narrator - the one it has - has a very thick nasal New Jersey accent that's annoying me. Also, the author seems to want me to think Cybil Shepard was a diva, but I'm beginning to think she was more a victim of a misogynistic and sexist show-runner/producer who favored Bruce Willis.
( Read more... )

Have made it through graphic novels or comics recently.

X-men Red (2022-Present) is really good. It's kind of like Game of Thrones for the X-men. Lead by Storm and Magneto, also various other lesser known characters.

Actually the current run of the X-men verse falls heavily into speculative science fiction, and focuses on a broader range of characters. It's a nuanced and character driven serial. Not as a much of a relationship soap opera like in the 1990s and 20th Century.

The Cat Sebastian Historical Romance is moving slowly for some reason. And I couldn't get through The Witch King (too much world-building, and war mongering, not to mention speechifying, and not enough character stuff) - I got bored and my attention drifted away from it. Also I'm not a fan of Judeo-Christian mythology, and this relies heavily on that - and witch/demon mythos, which doesn't work for me, personally.

Reading is, as I tried to explain to Wales today without much success, is a subjective sport. What's to one person's taste won't be to another's. Doesn't mean the book isn't any good, just that it isn't to my taste.

10. Finished my latest painting/drawing - this was inspired from a picture of a fictional couple that I've been following on a soap opera. It's not real close to the picture, at all. But I did like how it came out. I found it to be interesting, and better than expected.

So sharing beneath the cut.

( lovers )

My father used to say that, along with things like "Good on you", and "Wherever you are, There you are", and "That's Alright? It's alright." He's been on my mind a lot of late, and I couldn't seem to stop talking about him over the holiday. It was as if...he was everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. If that makes any sense? While down there...mother asked if I wanted my father's left over art supplies, and the wooden suitcase style box that he carted them around in. Also, she wanted me to take his watercolors, which he worked so hard on, and was so proud of, and display them - once she was gone, or if anything happened to her. Here's one of them, and I took pictures of all five. I like them, so I'll take them, no problem. (My father and I had similar tastes in art.)

Although home really is where the folks I love are.. it is nice to be in my own space again, with my laptop, my own bed, fridge, kitchen, etc. My life is in NYC, my Momma is in Hilton Head. Such is life. Also the people I love are kind of across the globe. And in NY, of course.

Also as lovely as Hilton Head is, I did miss NYC in some respects. ( Read more... )

It was a lovely and uneventful visit. Mother has a persistent cough, but it wasn't a contagious one. Although she became convinced this morning, for some reason or other that it was COVID. So insisted on taking a test in her armchair. I tried to tell her it was supposed to be done on a hard service - but to no avail. She took another one after she dropped me off at the airport, and it was negative too. I think it may be a blood pressure medication issue. But she will check with her doctor again. I worry about her, but alas, there is nothing I can do.

We did enjoy each other's company, talked about my Dad, whom she misses every day - but has managed to find a way to enjoy her life without him there. She's lonely though, I think. But she has friends, and people who care about her. Also, in a way, having my father at the Preston and their separation helped her get used to his absence, at least enough, to make it bearable. She reminds me a lot of her own mother, in her resourcefulness and determination to find the joy in small things. I try to emulate them both.

**

I'm not a fan of regaling folks with the gifts that I've received or provided. Let's just say, everyone was grateful and happy. I found this season - that I felt very ambivalent about Christmas. Although I did help Momma decorate her tree, and remove the decorations. It turned out nicely, I think...

She put the other decorations up herself. But the tree - she discovered she could get maintenance to put up and take down. They do so many, and do it faster than we do. There was a brief scare though - on Thursday night, we had a deep freeze, and Mother felt the need to drip her outside faucets. (I figured okay, that's not a big deal, and let her go out and do that. Big mistake.) Mother, without telling me and for reasons that escape me, decided she had to put sheets over her hibiscus and a fern. She was trying to protect them. And due to where the hibiscus is located, she almost fell over. Actually she did, kind of fall, but didn't hurt herself. Just over-exerted herself. She came back inside, wheezing, and I got worried. I also told her not to do that again, and next time to ask me to do it. It was completely futile of course - since it was windy, and the wind blew the sheets off the plants. Both got frozen, and she lost the hibiscus, alas. (Also, most likely the fern.) Hilton Head doesn't usually get temperatures below 32 degrees F.

***

My brother got COVID, most likely from his trip up to Montreal with his family. Fever, cough, sore throat, no voice. His doctor told him to hold off on taking the anti-virals. He's feeling better today, but now, his wife seems to have come down with it. (They had four of the five vaccines, but not the biavalent. I've also had four of the five, but the biavalent, not the booster in May. Also I was all Pfizer, they were all Moderna. Mother has had five of the five - all Moderna. Niece got COVID twice, once in May, and again in October or November, so she's probably immune at the moment.)

He apparently went to a spa that is operated off of a barge in Montreal. And had one of the best prepared meals of his life - six-seven courses, with a different wine entry for each course.

***

Over the holidays, mother and I went to the musical A Christmas Story at the Hilton Head Self Family Arts Center - which puts on repertory and touring productions of various musicals and plays throughout the year. In the past, we've seen Hello, Dolly, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, Singing in the Rain, White Christmas, Newsies, and a few others. Some are better than others. Mother and I went in with low expectations for this one. (Last year they put on Elf, which we skipped, since neither of us have been able to make it through the film version - let alone a musical adaptation. At least we enjoyed the film version of A Christmas Story.)

It was a lot better than I thought it would be. ( Read more... )

****

I think the Universe took pity on me, and decided to give me an uneventful holiday? I didn't get sick. Allergies weren't an issue. No flight delays (outside of a very brief one on the way down. The flight crew was late coming out of Boston, so we were delayed about an hour, if that). By the LaGuardia is amazing. ( Read more... )

When I got into JFK - it was wall to wall people. My god, I've not seen that many people in an airport in a long time. ( Read more... )

***

Mother saw six movies over the holiday.

1. The Last Duel (Hulu) - starring Jodi Comer, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Adam Driver. Directed by Ridley Scott. We were pleasantly surprised by it. It's actually a very good movie. Adapted from a true story - it is told in three perspectives. ( Read more... )

[Available on Hulu]

2. Bullet Train - this was enjoyable and funny. A kind of action/comedy. It stars, Brad Pitt (making fun of action heroes again), Sandra Bullock (she's not really seen through most of the movie), Joey King, and a whole lot of other folks. Directed by David Leitch.

It's fast action. About a group of seemingly unrelated folks brought together on a Japanese Bullet Train to Russia. Except - they are all somehow connected to a Russian Assassin, known as the White Death (portrayed by Michael Shannon). It's better to go in blind, so won't tell you anything else. Half the fun is figuring it out. Mother and I were having a blast figuring out the movie, with it's fast talking banter, and twists and turns.

[Available on Netflix]

3. Glass Onion: Knives Out Mystery directed by Rian Johnson, who is having fun parodying, satirizing and playing homage to Agatha Christie's
parlor room mysteries. Standing in for Hercule Poirot, is Daniel Craig's bumbling Benoit, who has a thick Southern Twang.
( Read more... )

[Available on Netflix.]

4. Wild Mountain Thyme by John Patrick Shanely, who apparently did Moonstruck. (It's not Moonstruck). It stars, Christopher Walken, Emily Blunt, Jamie Dorman, and Jon Hamm.

I found it to be a bit slow in places. ( Read more... )

[Available on Hulu]

5. Code Name Banshee - stars Antonio Banderas in a small role. It's okay.
Lots of action. Kind of boring. I went to sleep during it. ( Read more... )

6. Charade - Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Walter Matheu, George Kennedy, and James Coburn round out the cast of the best Hitchockian film not directed by Hitchcock. It was also recently added to the Library of Congress - one of the 25 selections added to that film library.

It's an interesting film. Charming and twisty. Also, suspenseful. I'd forgotten most of it - even though I'd seen it at least twice previously.

It's available on TCM Movie Classics.

***

Yawn.

Going to bed. I got up early - and had a busy day. Tomorrow will be busy too - my goal is to get rid of things, while waiting for a package. Friday - I plan to go into the city and buy a new, short, coat from Macy's.

Leaving you with a picture of the beach. It was too cold to go to the beach until roughly Tuesday afternoon. So mother and I went, she only went as far as the boardwalk. She can't walk very far. But there's a little gazebo there that she can sit and wait at - which overlooks the ocean. It's a new addition. I walked out to the water - since it was low tide and the beach was flat as a pancake, flatter actually, and the water exceptionally calm.

Hurricane Ian after stomping all over poor Southern Florida (Aunties are okay, however and didn't get any of it - yippee), is headed towards the South Carolina Coastline as a Category 1 Hurricane. But Momma is going to be okay - it's going around her and making landfall in Charleston.
She said that her area is on the outer outer rim of it, and will most likely just get 5-6 inches. So they are not evacuating. (If they were - they'd be in the middle of it any how.)

We are relieved. Also feeling very grateful that this did not happen two weeks ago during the funeral - because if it had, we'd have had to reschedule everything - which would have been a nightmare. The Universe caught us a break on that one. Or maybe my father had a bit of bargaining power.

My Uncle - the Priest - is also okay.

Speaking of my uncle, my mother thinks my father may have had a final say in his funeral after all - and possibly changed his mind regarding having my uncle preside over it.

ME: You think he came to his senses, finally?
Mother: Maybe.
Me: Maybe he saw my uncle's homily and decided - uh, let's not?

I have no idea what was in my uncle's homily - but when he described it to mother, she was kind of leery of it. We never heard it - either way.

1. My allergies are driving me crazy. ( Read more... )

2. In other news? Crazy Org now offers the Biavelent Booster via Pfizer/Biomed. ( Read more... )

3. Bro was sick for a few days and self-isolated. He had some sort of stomach bug. But I think his bottled up emotions caught up with him.
( grief is a tricky thing )

4. In other news, Chidi asked for the title of the book that I published, so he can share it with a friend of his, look it up, and possibly buy it himself. It's free on Kindle Unlimited, and about $2.99 regular Kindle, and $12.99 in paperback (printing costs and all that). I refuse to charge more than $2.99 for a Kindle book. It costs me nothing. And I want folks to be able to read it. I'm not going to make that much off of it.

Chidi also told me that we need to be there for each other during this trying time - and be an ear. I hope I'm doing that for others. Not certain.

5. I'm still reading "Unravel the Dusk by Elizabeth Lim" - it is book two of her "Blood of the Stars" series. Book one was "Spin the Dawn". There's only two books in the series. She's Japanese-American and her stories feature Japanese and Asian mythology.
( Amazon description of novel )
Unfortunately it's poorly paced, and slow going. Either that - or it's just me, and I am having troubles focusing on it? Hard to know. I like the mythology and the world-building more than the characters - which is a problem. Also the fairy-tale nature of the story. But it's told in first person and the voice is kind of weak? Or whiny? I can't quite decide which, which makes it slow going at times. I'm 60% of the way through and wondering if it will ever end. But want to know what happens.

I'm in a horrible reading slump. Someone needs to recommend a page turner to me, right quick. I did get Andy Weir's Project Hail Mary for about $2.99 on Amazon, along with the audiobook for $4.99. It's not like I don't have a lot of books to read.

Just not a lot of attention span.

6. Twitter had an article about how Marvel Studios Reboot of the X-Men is rumored to be based on Joss Whedon and John Cassadays Astonishing X-men

Which might actually work. ( excuse me while I get geeky or nerdy about my favorite comic book series transitioning to film or television )

My cousin J asked if I'd seen all the Marvel films and what I made out of the controversy over the female Captain America. I had to think about it for a minute - because I got confused and thought he was talking about Captain Marvel. But no, he was talking about AU version - Angela Carter becoming Captain America in another universe (she's in the Doctor Strange film as Captain America).

Then his wife asked why I loved superhero films and comics so much, what drew me to them. ( Read more... )

Re-connecting with family last week - particularly my extended family helped me reorient myself a bit in the world and realize that my parents had given me many gifts, and I'm not as alone as I might think.
***

Okay enough of that. Off to bed. I'm tired. And have to do a site tour tomorrow near Fire Island of all places - it's about two-three hours from where I live, by train. So I travel one hour and fifteen minutes to the office. Get everything together, leave for another train, take it an hour and fifteen minutes to the station, facilitate site tour (basically take attendance and babysit), then hop on another train and go home. It's supposed to rain tomorrow - I'm praying it holds off until the afternoon. Because I really don't want to wait in the rain for a train. I also don't want to do a site tour in the rain. I may beg the project manager for a ride to a closer station if it is raining. (With the threat that I can't work on her addendum if I'm stuck in Sayville.)

Family

( the trials and tribulations of Mother's Kidney Stones continues )

Apartment
Took the recycling to the basement, ended up sharing the elevator both ways with a neighbor, who I rarely see, big heavy set blond woman in her thirties who is married to a big heavy-set black man in his thirties. He's a lot friendlier than she is. Neither has ever worn a mask.

Then during dinner - I heard heavy knocking on the neighbor's door catty-corner to mine.

"Open up the door please. We want to see if you have two children here. There are supposed to be two children in this apartment."

I'm thinking WTF? Right? So I look out the peep hole. There are three big burly police officers in the hallway.

This goes on for about twenty minutes, they knock, the neighbor tells them to go away, they knock, the neighbor refuses to open the door, they knock and threaten...and then finally the neighbor responds.

Near as I could figure, his ex-wife or the mother of the kids, called the cops to check and see if they were actually there. They were supposed to go to school today, and hadn't shown up, the school called the mother, and the mother called the cops. Finally she got hold of the kids, but didn't follow up with the police. [ I did not open my door to check. I decided it was best to stay out of it - not my business.]

Crazy workplace

Workwise...I've made progress. ( Read more... )

I feel overwhelmed and silly for being overwhelmed. Like somehow I'm a wimp for feeling this way. It's an odd feeling. I feel like I'm screwing up, without meaning to. I'm not entirely sure who these imaginary people are that are judging me all the time - but I wish they'd stop.

And I just want to work on the many books in my head and in my computer, but also now headspace for it. I've been meditating again - and it's working for the most part - in dislodging negative thought loops and story loops. I don't know if anyone else does this? But I can create an entire narrative in my head, complete with dialogue. It's as if I've played out the conversation or various scenarios long before anything has happened.
Meditation has helped put a halt to that. Telling myself a story is another way to halt it - but it also makes it hard to focus on work or anything really but the story.

Books

Almost done with Spin the Dawn about the Tailor who goes on a journey to capture sunlight, moonlight, and the blood of the stars to make three of the Goddess Amana's dresses for the bride of the Emperor - in order to become the Imperial Tailor, and save her family. If she fails, the bride has condemned her and her family - mainly because the bride doesn't want to marry the Emperor and is a spiteful bitch. Anyhow, the Emperor's Enchanter (a Jinn) goes with her on her journey, and along the way they fall in love. But things go awry, and now he's made a deal with his former teacher, a demon, to take the teacher's place as the Guardian of the Isle of Ghosts for Eternity, in order to free the Tailor from the demon's clutches. It's at the 80% mark, I have a feeling this is ending on a cliff-hanger. Dammit. I don't want to buy the sequel.

I've discovered there are audio memoirs with music on audible. Sheryl Crow, Sting, Common, Smokey Robinson all have them - and they appear to be free.
Interesting.

I was talking to a co-worker about this last week - how I am having issues concentrating on things. Wales is in love with James Baldwin's Another Country, which Chidi was trying to get me to read in 2019. I just don't have the attention span. I can barely concentrate on reading for more than ten minutes at a stretch without my mind wandering. And nothing is really that compelling. It's not grabbing me.

Co-worker told me that a lot of people were having the same issues. He was as well. Difficulty concentrating or getting into a book.

Music Memage

Music Twitter (which along with Art and Cat Twitter) is among the least toxic and least obnoxious of the Twitter groups. Music, Cat and Art fans just like to show-off, they don't appear to want to do much besides that. They aren't nuts like soap, sports, sci-fi, comic book, or film fans. Well, I take that back, they are nuts - just in a different way.

Every once and awhile they do these..."which is your favorite" contests. Most of them are easy, the one's that aren't - are when I have absolutely no clue who the band is or who the singer is or that they even exist. The hard-core Music Fans level of obnoxious - is trying to come up with obscure bands that most people have never heard of. Which is actually kind of charming, if you think about it. I mean you come away from that with a new band to check out. [Or, most people have heard of, and I've even listened to, but I can't remember the name of the band or the singer, and forgot that I had listened to it. This is not a commentary on the band or singer - the fact that I can't remember them has less to do with how memorable or good they happen to be, and more to do with my insane memory, which appears to be horribly indexed, and kind of random.]

Anywho...I went to look and damn twitter is filled to the brim with Liberal Political Twitter, Cat Twitter, and Soap Twitter...with a bit of Book Twitter for good measure. (Spoilers from Soap Opera Digest and Biden spoke so Political Twitter and Soap Twitter took over. Which is the problem with social media - something goes viral, and you don't see anything else. It takes over the board.

My own...from memory:
( which one would you pick? )

1. Kind of fun and definitely useful

As the number of air travelers rises, returning to near-prepandemic levels, so do questions about flying protocols and rules — particularly what travelers can and cannot take in their carry-on luggage when flying within the United States. For instance: Is guacamole a solid or a liquid? (It’s a gel, which falls under the same restrictions as liquids and is not allowed in your carry-on — unless it’s inside a 3.4-ounce container.)

Here’s a guide to help you navigate the more ambiguous carry-on rules — with some quiz questions throughout to test your knowledge, too.

2. Today gave me a headache. That is all.

3. Mother agreed with me, that my father's funeral is beginning to remind her of a wedding, in particular her own - apparently it also only had four Catholics in attendance.

I told her about one of the responses to my post on how my uncle was planning on doing my father's funeral.
( Read more... )
This came up because my brother went to Buffalo and Niagra Falls to get a new suit. (I don't know why he didn't drive to NYC to do it. My brother's logic and me tend to be unmixy things, it's actually one of the reasons we don't get along.)
( Read more... )
Frigging hell, he went to get a suit and to Niagra Falls with his wife.
I want my brother's life.

Meanwhile, I'm day-dreaming about taking an excursion to either The Little Island or Governor's Island - apparently you can camp or glamp on Governor's Island in luxury tents and cabins" (which I don't know, is that even camping? Kind of takes all the allure out of the sport. It's camping for people like myself who hate sleeping on the ground and want my own private bathroom and shower at my beck and call). Of course you have to book months in advance, because hello, NYC. Everything in NYC has to be booked in advance - we've got 12 million people plus tourists, so approximately 15 million people. Apparently there are people fleeing NYC? If so, more power to them - I wish more people would. Go, shoo. Flee to Pennsylvania and preferably Kansas City. (Although it is awfully hot in Kansas City at the moment - I can see why you might not want to flee that far.)

There are things that don't need to be booked in advance - things no one really knows about.

Today on the way home from work - they had cordoned off the streets around BAM for a street fair of sorts. It was a pleasant surprise - it meant I could walk obstacle free to the subway. No pesky cars and bikes to bar my path. Sure there were inflated bounce rooms. One was designed as a giant Wall E (it was ugly and looked like a haunted house), and another was a huge slide or a series of slides. Inflated bounce rooms are weirdly popular at the moment. You'd think the pandemic would make it the opposite - but no. The Worlds Biggest Bounce House is Coming to Brooklyn This Fall - or in September. [It's coming to the park near Brighton Beach or to the east of it. I can't get there - I'd need to find a friend with a kid and a car, and ...well...it's not like I'm into Bounce houses. I've never really understood the point of them to be honest. I'm more of a water park kid. But it would be fun to do with kids.] Anyhow, no clue what the fair was about - something regarding "Epic Solutions", the NYPD even had a booth - so I'm thinking a youth job fair.

It was definitely warm enough - and no rain.

4. Worried again today whether I'm nice. Okay worry isn't quite the right word. I pondered whether I was nice. I really need to block out my co-worker's conversations. I wear earphones, it should be easy. Maybe I should invest in ear pods which I can wander about in?

I don't feel nice at the moment. I'm too frustrated with everybody and everything to feel nice. I feel I have no control over anything and am sort of trapped.

Trying to find the positives. My life's never been that traumatizing, which is why...I can't say things have ever gotten necessarily better.

Mel: We're thinking things have to get better soon, right? You've worked here a long time...what do you think?
Me: I don't know. They got really bad for a bit back in 2009-2014 or thereabouts, before you came on board. We went a good five years without any raises, promotions or hires, and everyone was either over-worked or had no work since we were in a recession and had no money. Then you came on board and we got promoted and got raises, and things were good. Then we all move to 347, and well...hired more people, then wham. So what I can promise? They'll be different. But better? Eh, matter of perspective, I guess.

I pondered this later with mother over the phone.
( Read more... )
I think life is annoyingly vague. And it's really hard to judge anyone's life including our own because of that. For the most part - after a while it feels a bit like a fever dream.

I've been listening to the Sandman, so that's clearly affected my views on this. Well that and this thing I saw on ...Twitter - posted by shipperx,
The Most Famous Paradox in Physics Nears its end

Growing evidence supports what physicists have long suspected: In some way or other, space-time itself seems to fall apart at a black hole, implying that space-time is not the root level of reality, but an emergent structure from something deeper.

So basically time folds in on itself, and as seemingly linear thinkers in a seemingly non-linear universe, our perception of reality itself may in fact be a mere construct of our mind to make sense of things and live in an ever changing and unknowable universe.

And I just gave myself another headache.

Too much thinking for one day. Time for bed.

Here's hoping your day was better than mine, or at the very least no worse.

Aggravating day.

It occurs to me that if we treated each other as beloved family members we'd deeply morn and would do just about anything to help, love unconditionally and without judgement, instead of a bunch of strangers and well the exact opposite of beloved family members - the world would be a a much better not to mention easier place to live in. But the difficulty is we don't get to choose our family or who resides in this world with us. Unfortunately. OR Fortunately, depending on your point of view.

I'm trying to figure out how to help a poor man on the top floor get all his books which were delivered today. ( the woeful tale of the broken apartment complex door and the book reviewer who lives on the top floor )

Spent the morning wrestling with the internet. It won. I honestly don't know why I bothered. I've had it with Ao3. I may put them in my spam email slot to never be heard from again.

All I wanted to do was share my writing with folks. I wasn't hurting anyone.

I don't understand why fandom continues to discriminate against non-fiction fan works. Wales and I were discussing this last night.
( Read more... )
I don't know. I don't understand Ao3. ( Read more... )

I also was rejected by Slayage. The scholarly fanzine and fandom sect. [This is run by the Association of Whedon Scholars, although they did change their name - because, ahem, Whedon apparently is an asshole. Oops.] I worked hard, followed their rules, and they rejected my essays as not up to their standards. Wales and I discussed academia and other professions. Weirdly Crazy Org is no worse than those, if anything it's nicer. Academia is insanely competitive and petty. So too is the publishing world. And the rejection is high.

Being a non-fiction fan writer is not easy. You get rejected and ripped apart a lot. I'd say you get used to it - but you never do. And people don't often publish or save things on merit, or talent, or how good it is from any objective standpoint - but based solely on how it validates them and makes them feel good about themselves, and in some cases perpetuates the lies they've been telling themselves each and every day.

Mother told me last night that she thinks everyone has a negative side their personality. I responded, yes, they do, I call it the demon.

**

I'll be happy when the funeral is over. I'm tired of talking to my mother about it. ( Read more... )

***

Mother's security data breach courtesy of my brother's stupidity (He gave her the number) - has affected me. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: aggravated

1. Werewolf erotica is the latest gig world trend

Well this would certainly explain the sudden surplus of really bad Werewolf erotica novels on the market. I was wondering what was up with that. I keep seeing them advertised on Smart Bitches.

( excerpt )

Sigh. But hey reading this on oursin's page woke me up. I was drifting off to sleep. Nothing like a touch of irritation to get the old adrenaline glands pumping.

2. New Reality Show Looks for America's Next Great Author

America’s Next Great Author is exactly what it sounds like: a reality show about writers, eventually pitting six novelists against each other as they each try to finish a book. Still in early stages, the project is now accepting applications from writers interested in appearing in the pilot episode, reports the Guardian’s David Barnett.

Hosted by Newbery Medal winner Kwame Alexander, the show will put an American Idol-esque spin on the publishing process. At first, contestants in cities across the country will compete in tryouts, where they will pitch a book in one minute. Eventually, the winners of these pitch contests will be narrowed down to six finalists, who will get to compete for the title of America’s Next Great Author....

( Read more... )

To make it more interesting they should rent out The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado for the Winter, isolate all the writers at that hotel, and see if any of them make it out alive? Will they succumb and off each other one by one? Only time will tell.

Now that I might watch.

I'm tempted to write a murder mystery using that set up - something along the lines of The Shining meets And Then There Were None.

3. Went to dinner with Wales tonight. Now, weirdly sleepy. I might go to bed earlier tonight. It's been a week, albeit not as bad as last week. I'm not pissed off like I was last week.

I've kind of hit the comfortably numb stage again.

Wales is upset about her estrangement from her family. She's not really that estranged, she just doesn't get along with her siblings as well as she'd like. Seriously, does anyone? (Okay, I guess a few do. You can go away, we don't want to hear from you - shoo.) I've seen true estrangement - she doesn't have it. But explaining this to her - gets me nowhere. (True estrangement is when people don't talk to each other at all, and have no clue nor care what is happening in each other's lives.)
( Read more... )
Wales recommended The Other Black Girl" - and tried to give it to me. But I told her that I don't tend to read "paperback" novels any longer - because I can't see the small print. The Kindle allows me to enlarge the print - so I can read it without reading glasses. Also, I don't have the space for them. She's going to donate it to the library. Neither of us have space for books - small one bedroom apartments in NYC with not enough book shelves.
I've too many as it is - they are almost falling off my book shelves, and I have them in an old coffee table pushed against the wall, and in bags on top of it. I need more book shelves - or to take more to the basement, although there's no room down there either.

I'm almost through Neil Gaiman's The Sandman Act I - Preludes & Nocturns, and The Dollhouse - on audible. It's kind of grotesque, okay not kind of, it is grotesque. Definitely adult dark fantasy. Has some of the problems that are in all Gaiman novels - too much focus on the world building and all the subsidiary characters, not enough development of the leads. Morpheus feels a bit like a cypher, as do various protagonists, while side characters are more developed.

I actually did read these comics back in the day - I wasn't certain, because I had no memory of them. But listening to it - brings it all back.

Also trying to read another romance novel - it's a historical, takes place in 1522 Spain and Italy, entitled The Devil to Pay by Kate Bateman. ( Read more... )

Anyhow, I've been listening to the Sandman instead - it's more compelling.
I may just be bored of romance novels.

**

Wales and I are pathetic. I suggested Governor's Island, but it requires work to get to and alas planning. As in subway, and ferry. And wait time. It would be about two hours to get there, maybe three, and two-three hours back. By the time we get there- we'll both be spent by the logistics of travel. And we'd have to meet up before hand to coordinate it.

Work is exhausting. I used to be able to do this stuff when I was younger. Now, not so much. I'm always tired after work. And I crash during the weekends. My work has made it difficult to have a life outside of it.

But hey at least everyone including Wales really likes the new haircut. So do I. I may actually pay to maintain it. I liked Wales haircut and color as well.

Hot day. Went out for a bit to pick up food from various spots, and well exercise. (I walk everywhere - so my grocery shopping consists of me walking about an hour or so to various stores and coming back again. It's good exercise, involves lifting, carrying, walking and navigating around human obstacles such as motor vehicles and people.)

Tried Tokoyo Vice on HBO Max, but it put me to sleep. [That could of course be having pancakes for breakfast. I don't know. I've been going to sleep a lot during the lunch hour on weekends.] Ansel Elgort who plays the lead - does nothing for me. I do not understand why this actor keeps getting cast - he's bland and kind of ...dull to look at it. Don Johnson he's not. Seriously the millenial generation's actors are lacking in the charisma department.

Mother is still fussing over her fraud scare. It was bad. She gave the assholes access to her bank account to wire money into it.

I don't know if I want to explain it, but maybe it will help someone?
( Read more... )

**

Me: I watched Jurassic Park World Dominion.
Mother: World Dominion?
Me: Yup the latest one, I've seen all of them - Sam Neil was in this one.
Mother: Isn't he in all of them?
Me: No, just three.
Mother: Wait, how many are there?
Me: About six -
Mother: SIX??
Me: I find them nostalgic - it's sort of reminiscent of the Godzilla films of my childhood and the horror flicks of my teen years (actually Jurassic Park - the first film was in my adolescent to post-adolescent years, we saw it as a family). Plus, not scary, since I know none of that is remotely possible. So I have fun with them.

I rented Jurassic Park: World Dominion via Amazon Prime tonight. Went in with low expectations due to the reviews.

Discovered it was available for rental and went for it. I love the Jurassic Park movies - I've seen all of them. I saw the first three films in the movie theater. I actually think I saw the fourth one in it as well. The last one was on television. I've also seen the first one, and the third one four times.

( frak you, I loved it )
In sum, a fun movie. Quite cathartic. The bad guys got eaten. The good guys survived. Lovely, intelligent, likable, and cool monsters. Didn't require much if any thought, actually the less thought the better, and fluffy. It's a B disaster-action flick with dinosaurs, what's not to love?

***

Prior to this - I watched the first episode of the Canadian Reality series Alone. They basically send about ten people into the Canadian Wilderness alone, with the option to tap out at any time. Although alone is kind of relative - since they have a bunch of camera equipment with them and spend 90% of their time talking to the camera. Plus they have a tap out button or walkie talkie - which enables them to call for help at any time and tap out of the competition. They lose the money, but hey, they also get to live another day. So, there's that.

It comes with a disclaimer - that all these people are skilled outdoors folk, with primative nature survivalist skills. So don't do this on your own. (People have been dumb enough to do that - and did not survive to tell the tale.)

So they are taken out by boat and dropped on the shore of this big lake, in separate sections, miles apart, selected randomly by each contestant, with the same basic conditions. All they can bring with them is their pack, and basic supplies, and they can opt for things like a fire starter or a tooth brush.

Half-way through the first episode, I found myself rooting for the wild animals to take them out. You know there's a problem with the series - when you begin rooting for the bears, mountain lions, and well nature to get rid of these folks. One guy decided to chase the mountain lion because he wanted to hunt and kill it. "Run Mountain Lion, Run. But bring back your friend the Grizzly later..." I think he'll survive though - he's great at catching food and foraging. He just sucks in the shelter department. I was thinking him and the heart attack guy should have teamed up - heart attack guy could build a shelter, but sucked at foraging for food.

I don't know if I'll stay with it or not. These shows seem to be able to find the most annoying contestants. It's my difficulty with game shows. I don't like the contestants - I root against them. Where they find these folks, I do not know, but they do.

***

Mother informed me that her choir directors dogs had died, and he had one left (he had three dogs) and his last dog was his favorite and he loved dearly. But the dog is missing. He's searched everywhere for him. And..

( Read more... )
Mother likes to rattle off the things everyone is doing like some deranged Christmas List from hell.
( Read more... )

**

Tomorrow I get a haircut, from a new stylist. First new stylist in five years. First haircut in well, however long it has been since I got the last one in November.

Wish me luck.

Raises fist impotently at universe and nameless faceless things I can't do anything about.

Me: My father's voice is in my head - "Don't let the turkey's get you down."
Chidi (who is kind of metaphor blind looks at me quizzically).
Me: Turkeys are people annoying you or hurting you.
Chidi: Oh.
Me: I think its time to declare open season on the Turkeys.
Chidi laughs.

***

Me: I don't know why I've been so angry lately...
Mother: That's also part of grief.
Me: Yeah, my beautiful, kind, loving father went through the hell of Alztheimers, and there are all these nasty people who hurt me and others who are perfectly fine. It's not fair.

Alzheimers makes me angry, impotently so.

**
Speaking of nasty people..

Me vs. the idiotic OTW support at Ao3

[By the way, a huge thank you to whomever is sending hostile emails to these folks and making them miserable. They keep complaining about it on Ao3 - on the front page.]

See last post on the nasty email they sent me out of the blue.
What do I think prompted it? I posted two reviews of Twilight movies.
Although weirdly they didn't list either as the problem, but a bunch of movie reviews. Four in fact - Last Chance Harvey, Miss Potter, The Help,
and Bridesmaids.

This is their FAQ's :
( AO3's incomprehensible FAQs or rules, apparently whomever is writing this has English as a second or third language or they are a lawyer. )

( my response, rather lengthy and across five -six emails, because I kept coming up with new things after posting the last reply and they told me to reply to their email if I disagree or wanted to contest the complaint, so I took them at their word and hammered them with replies )
**
I did delete three of the five innocuous movie reviews they cited, along with a few other items (15 People you meet on the internet and in fandom, sociological analysis of television shows, an episode review of an Once episode, and a few movie reviews of two of the Twilight films (which probably resulted in the complaint)... Then gave up. (I'm not sure what they'll make of what I did - except that I got pissed off, tried to comply, gave up, and left them in the lurch. I really don't care as much about my content as they appear to.) I spent too much time uploading them, I've neither the time nor the patience to pull them. They can either let it go. Or they can be assholes and delete and permanently suspend my account.

It's ironic in a way - since non-fiction fanworks are protected by copyright law and aren't considered an infringement, fictional fanworks are not protected under copyright law and in certain areas considered infringement. They'd be better off archiving the non-fictional works.

I feel idiotic for being furious. But I am. Impotently so. Yet another group of nameless faceless people I can't do anything about.

Morale: Do not archive your written works of any kind on sites owned and run by nameless and faceless people with a bunch of hard to understand and vague FAQs. And don't do it while grieving a loved one.

And a site run by volunteers isn't necessarily a nice one.

Plus? I can't help but think it was the Universe's way of getting me to stop obsessively posting reviews, episode reviews, and episode meta to Ao3.
When I should be doing other things. Better things with my time.

Universe: Stop. Work on your book.
Me: In a minute.
Universe: Take a walk.
Me: In a minute, posting this first to Ao3
Universe: Fine, be that way.
Ao3: Take down 90% of your work and stop posting reviews.
Me:You Bleeding Fockers. Curse you! Raises fist at universe.
Universe: ...hee hee?

***

Work.

Ugh.

TGIF

Oh well, my non-management co-workers/colleagues make it worth while. Now if only we can get rid of management.

We kind of help each other. AM actually came up with a way to save us all time on the dreaded excel charts. Turns out I was right - the course she took and her presentation was on a new IT methodology. Brought back memories of when I created a royalty database in Access with IT and Accounting back in the late 1990s, early 00s.

Management tends to ignore anything that isn't on the dreaded charts. It's crazy - because that stuff ends up falling through the cracks and is important.

***

I wanted to smack the conductors on the trains this morning. ( Read more... )

***

Oh well, it wasn't that bad outside at least. And now that the storm clouds passed without doing anything - I'm not edgy, was very edgy all day today and yesterday - which only served to fuel the anger.

Now that the heavy air mass has passed, I no longer feel edgy. Either that or the beta blocker worked, or the cry with mother over the phone...was more cathartic then expected.

Have a hair cut planned on Sunday at 3pm, new stylist, new salon, about a fifteen minute walk from my house. As opposed to a subway. We'll see how it goes. If it goes poorly, in two months, I'll get it fixed.

Actually it wasn't as hot as I thought it would be today. Yesterday was worse with all of the thunderstorms and sticky humidity. Also, my body is a human weather vane and doesn't deal with thunderstorms well - or electricity in the air - it makes me irritable.

Mother told me that the crematorium wrapped my father's body in the flag prior to cremating him (they use old flags to wrap the body's in for cremation) and ...this is the best part. They planted a tree in his name, they wouldn't tell her where, but still - a tree has been planted for my Dad. This makes me so happy. My brother wasn't as impressed - his response was - "I have plenty of trees", my response was "yay, more trees!" I honestly think I was a wood nymph or a tree in a past life.

It's my one caveat regarding a view - sky and trees. I really don't care about seeing anything else.

***

Update on Mother and the pshing scam. ( Read more... )

***

While watching DVR'd GH episode. I usually ff during the commercials, but the DVR isn't making it easy lately.

News update: Next on the news at 4pm.. A man was shot and kill while saving parking spots for Law & Order Television Shoot.
Me: Wait. WTF? [ I looked up from the computer, stared at the screen (because I'm writing/typing this post as I'm watching the soap.) and thought, did I hear that right? I couldn't have. )

Update: I did. Here's the Man shot and killed while holding parking spots for Law & Order Organized Crime Television Shoot

Can we get rid of guns now?

***

I've just about given up on Helen Huang's The Bride Test, at the 84% mark. I may skim the rest - which is doable, it's mostly the two characters navel gazing. ( rant about The Bride Test, skip if you loved it, mileage it varies and all that )

Sorry needed to rant about it. I may move back to the historical which is about a nutty female physician who had taken over her father's practice and been corresponding in his name with various people - trying to convince a former Colonel and heir to a Dukedom, to let her help his foster mother, third cousin twice removed.
( Read more... )

***

Work is still crazy. For the first time in a while, I'm behind on my work.
Coordinated and facilitated two Teams meetings today on project, have one tomorrow, plus sent out agendas, created an addendum, uploaded it, got it approved.

Also Gabe gave me flowers, or did I say that already?

Listening to a song that I listened to as a small child in 1974, entitled Free to be you and me by the New Seekers. It was the theme song of a record put out by Marlo Thomas and Friends in 1972, followed by an ABC Afterschool Special in 1974. What's telling about the record and the special is way back in 1974 - people were trying to get across LGBTA rights, women's rights, trans rights, gender equality and racial equality. The culture wars of today - have been going on for a very long time. Have we made progress?
I think so. But it's all relative really and depends on your perspective.

From mine we have - but that's because I remember what it was like before, and in some respects its gotten better. But again, everything is a matter of perspective.

Thinking about my father...is a matter of perspective, or so it seems. If I don't say or think certain things, it's almost as if he's still here. It all feels rather surreal. But grief always does. I'm still haunted by Maribeth Martell on the internet. I've been going through old posts to see which ones I want or are worth sharing on Ao3, and keep stumbling upon Maribeth's comments. She commented a lot on my posts, often she was the only person who did. We were very close and in my kitchen, I have a ceramic old woman vinegar holder that she made for me one Christmas or was it for a Birthday? I no longer recall.

I asked my mother for a few of my father's clothes - a sweatshirt, and maybe a windbreaker. She has a Maine Sweatshirt he wore a lot, a Penn State one that I gave him recently for Christmas one year, and a Penn State windbreaker. I want something of his. I'm not quite sure why, I just do. My brother is taking his gearjammer wind breaker. They've packed up all his clothes now...and on Saturday they will be delivering them to Good Will. My brother did most of it - for my mother. Last night when she walked into their closet and saw all his clothes gone, she asked my brother for a hug, and then called me, upset by it. It was as if it hit her all at once that he was gone.

I've been fine today. Chipper even. Didn't really cry once - until I wrote that paragraph, and my eyes got briefly wet.
( lengthy ramble about my father )
***

The work week has been insanely busy, but in some respects this is a good thing. It's kept me occupied. Also, well..

Today I had to send out emails to vendors regarding their agendas for next weeks meetings. (I had to schedule the meetings, coordinate them, get them to send me agendas, get the project team to respond, and contact anyone not responding by phone, also I get to facilitate and monitor the meetings next week. )
( sigh )

But I feel the tension of it in my back and shoulders tonight, and the restless legs and the indigestion.

Started listening to The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi, as performed by Will Wheaton. It's funny in places.
It's kind of a sci-fi satire in line with Scalzi's Red Shirts, with an absurdist sense of humor. Basically during the COVID pandemic, a laid off food start-up employee turned delivery guy - gets a job offer he can't refuse, and well...it's biological alternative earth sci-fi.

I'm enjoying it. Actually I'm enjoying it more than The Bride Test which is starting to get on my nerves. My difficulty with contemporary romance novels are the women. I don't know why women are written in this manner. Maybe the writers are like this? The female lead is whiny, and kind of dumb. She has a kid but refuses to tell anyone she has the kid. I get that she's desperate - but honey, you really should have let them know about the kid up front. She also wants a guy to save her - ladies, men don't save you. They want you to save them. They aren't life rafts.
Yes, she works hard, and yes, she's hit hard times, but she's.. ugh. Too girly.

People don't write romance novels about strong tough independent minded women who wouldn't be caught dead in heels, won't wear shoes that hurt their feet, hate makeup, and don't like jewelry. Hence I'm writing my own.
Also the women are always tiny in these books. We had a brief discussion about this at work recently...
( Read more... )
I prefer historicals, mainly because the women are stronger in them and weirdly enough, more independent minded.

Also as an aside? Scalzi doesn't physically describe any of his characters. While Huang does. Women tend to in their novels, men less so. I've stopped doing it a lot. The reader doesn't care. They'll fill in the blanks themselves. They do notice if you go overboard. Also you can frigging offend the reader if you do it. It's better to not describe anyone at all and let the reader fill in the blanks. When it comes to description - my father taught me that less is always more. He told me to cut the words that don't matter and often accused me of being too verbose. "You speak in paragraphs," he'd state or "We've talked for more than fifteen minutes now...", it got to be a joke.

Thanks for all the responses to the last two posts.

I took today off as a personal day. Which I'm really glad I did. I kind of needed that space. Also with the Doctor's appointment - I realized I couldn't juggle both today.

Spent most of it fasting and binge watching "Only Murders in the Building" on Hulu, while archiving. It doesn't require a lot of attention and is rather funny in places.

The archiving of old metas, essays, reviews, fic into Ao3 has born fruit. I've gotten quite a few comments thanking me for doing it - often for meta that I originally didn't think fit or wasn't polished enough. Just got one for an old essay on the Angel the Series S5 episode "Why We Fight", where I made someone's night.

At the Doctor's appointment (a physical), I told her about my grief (mainly to see if some of my ailments are a)grief, b)menopause, c)thyroid, or something else.).
( Read more... )
I told my mother all of this and she agreed with everything but that last bit.
( Read more... )
**

At any rate, I cried myself out yesterday, by 5pm, I was exhausted and all cried out. You can only bawl for so long before you finally wear yourself out and your body calls a halt to it and says, okay that was fun, let's stop now and do something else?

And, I've been grieving my Dad for some time now. But, also, I'm relieved he passed finally. I know he's at peace now. As my Aunt K said, his struggles are finally over. Kind of had a conversation today with him in my head - where he gave me permission not to go down to Hilton Head right now.
Not to rush it. He didn't do that with his parents, he let his siblings take care of things.

I'm comfortably numb now. No longer flooded with thoughts of my father, or memories. They are there. I'm not blocking them. But this weekend they kind of flooded me, along with the realization that I wouldn't hear him laugh again (my father had a booming laugh), or his voice, or see him smile (although my brother does resemble him in some ways).

But his voice is in my head. And what he taught me stays with me.( Read more... )

Finished watching Everything Everywhere All at Once starring Michael Yeoh, and directed/written by Dainel Kwan. It co-stars an unrecognizable Jamie Lee Curtis. [It's now available for rental or purchase on "On Demand", Amazon, and various others.]

The description doesn't quite fit the film. "When an interdimensional rift ruptures reality, a hero must access her newfound powers and set things to rights."

That's not it. I mean it is? But not really? And it is admittedly a very hard film to describe. I amazed it got made, I can just imagine the pitch.

Chidi (coworker) didn't like it, nor did his friends. And I get why. But I ...found it to be surprisingly comforting. It kind of made me feel better?

It is a film that most likely does not work for literal thinkers or anyone who thinks in a concrete matter of fact sort of way. But I don't think like that - I think metaphorically, and in patterns, so it worked for me? I don't know. It just did.

It's a long film. Funny in places, and moving in others. With lots of action and visual jokes, some that are rather crude and phallic in a pseudo-feminist sort of way? But at its heart is a mother/daughter story, about two people who feel very alone and isolated, finding each other somehow.

At any rate - it poses the existential view - "if nothing matters, if we are just specs in a multi-universe, rocks on a cliff, than nothing we do matters - and we should just cease to exist" - then provides the counterpoint, that within all of that are particles of joy, of meaning, of connection. That none of us are truly alone, and there are people who will always love us and care for us. And there are other ways to fight - through kindness. You can let go, but also follow and hold on tight at the same time. And you can feel everything all at once.

At any rate it comforted me. Which was unexpected. I thought it would give me a headache.

***

Mother has informed me that she thinks my father will die this week. My brother has made arrangements to fly up or rather down on Wednesday. But she doesn't want me to come yet. There are reasons for this - unlike my brother, I don't get much time off. I have three weeks of vacation time left, two personnel days, and three bereavement days. She doesn't know when they can have the funeral and she wants me to come at Christmas time (she doesn't want to spend Christmas alone.)
( Read more... )
So.

I really could use a couple of real hugs about now. Tight warm hugs. The type that knocks the wind out of you.

I read an article today that explained why I've been feeling kind of ill the last few weeks. Upset stomach. IBS. Headaches. Fatigue. Hot flashese, more than usual. Low energy. Lack of focus. Irritable.

Apparently ... There are Physical Effect of Grief. I guess this is kind of obvious. But I didn't realize it. Also my Dad's still here so why...but I guess I'm losing him and well, grief.
( excerpt )

Had this the last two weeks now - and was wondering what was wrong with me. Was it the metroformin? Menopause? Nah. Grief. Good to know.

Off to order more CBD, I guess. (I get them via Winged)

Have a horrible headache, combination tension sinus headache. Took a herbal sleep aid. (I can't do anything stronger than herbal. It will make me ill. So Melotonin, Chamomille, Lavender, and L-Thenanine, is about the best I can manage.)

All of which is made worse - by the fact that I've no clue what to do about my family situation next week. This is the main source of my stress - not having a clue what to about anything. I've gotten loads of advice - none of it remotely useful. I feel like I'm being pulled in various directions or everything everywhere all at once. [Do not give me more advice on this subject. Also the decision has been made by my family - that I'm to stay put until further notice.]

***

It was a pretty day today. Did take a brief walk to the fruit and veggie store (digestive track was too troublesome to do more than that) and got ice cream (I know, don't care. It made me feel better. )

Also finished Obi Wan Kenobi on Disney Plus, which I enjoyed but with one caveat. I could not see a good portion of the action sequences, and Obi Wan's reunion with Anakin due to the darkness of the film. It was as if it was all filmed in the same dark caverns as Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, Dune and one too many sci-fi films to count. Stop this. I need to be able to see the bloody thing to enjoy it. It's headache inducing - literally - it gave me a headache.

Other than that - I enjoyed it. ( Read more... )

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Page generated Apr. 23rd, 2025 10:21 am

Spontaneous Musings

from a curious soul

Entries tagged with family

April Memage

Tuesday needs more sleep (but more march memage, etc)

Stuveysant Falls, New York & discussing the best way to dispose of poop

Notations on a Monday

This that and the other thingamig

Home again...

A bit of everything? Plus a painting...

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig..

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Allergies, COVID, X-Men, Books...basically this that and the other thing..

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Sorry, still drawing a blank in terms of subject headings...

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Friday

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It's been a week..

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Matter of perspective...

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Everything Everywhere All At Once...(and other crap)

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