Day #10 of Year 2...sigh headaches...ugh

[shadowkat]

I'm being plagued with sinus pressure headaches from hell. They wake me up in the middle of the night, and plague me off and on all day. I'm fending off the vertigo headaches with antihistamines, decongestants, and tynenol, which probably doesn't help with the blood pressure.

It's spring, the pollen is out, and my sinuses are driving me nuts. Also I have a pet mouse who lives in the apartment next to mine, and visits me in the evenings. I think I'll name him Jerry. I posted this on FB and pesky uncle decided to scare me with a population explosion story. Except I've had the mice for a while now. I know because I was finding dead ones when they had to paint my ceiling and wall. I have pesky relatives on FB.

The mint tea bags don't appear to be helping, besides getting caught by the robot vacuum.



Spring - see? Above is picture of a daffodile sprouting outside our building.

I took a long walk around Greenwood Cemetery this evening. Upon arriving at 4:20pm, and thinking I'd only get a thirty minute walk in, if that, I learned they were open now until 6pm. Thrilled, I walked around the cemetery for about an hour. So two hour walk this evening or thereabouts. I left at 4:10 pm and arrived home at 5:45 pm. So, almost three miles - it was 2.8 miles.



Listened to a bit more of Michelle OBama's book - which is insightful, if a tad long. Particularly after reading her husband's book - it kind of show's her end of everything - and what it is like being the wife of a driven, ambitious, and charismatic man. (I don't envy her at all on that point.)

I do wonder sometimes how it is that some folks find multiple partners, and others none at all. Her brother got divorced and found someone else. And on a fan board, women were talking about family members who had been married multiple times.

I seem doomed to be solo. Not necessarily a bad thing. But there are days..
or weeks rather. I wish I could find someone who loved to drive. Also was handy. Basically, I want someone who can do all the things my brother does but without his personality or looks.



It was a weirdly warm day today. No wonder I've been battling a headache through most of it. It got up to 80 degrees - I kid you not. I'm in NYC, in mid-March, and it got up to 80 today, and is supposed to jump down to the 40s tonight. We also had 50 mph winds - which were lovely, considering it's the first day of Passover and the crazy conservative Jewish community around me feels the need to "burn" things in their yards and driveways. As a result, smoke was in the air for a good portion of the day. Not quite so bad near me - the Jews near me aren't quite that nutty. But it did wonders to our air quality for a portion of the day.

Got nothing done workwise. After the last few days, I kind of found myself paralyzed with not caring that much. I fiddled on stuff.

Also I was a battling a headache - it's hard to work on a small laptop when you are battling a sinus headache.

When the headache passed, and I got bored - I fiddled with the below Justice League Dialogue Comparison. Be curious if anyone reads it or chooses to comment. I won't be offended if they don't. I've learned people are wonky on how they respond to stuff or what interests them. It's usually things I wouldn't think they'd want to respond to. My Meta on Buffy always surprised me, and the meta that gets the most kudos on Ao3 (my meta not others), is surprising as well. It's not the stuff that I'd praise. Like I said, people are wonky. I have no clue what they are going to do or why. There's no discernible pattern that I can see. So I've given up trying to figure it out.



My mother is scared. The stupid medical personnel, and Aunt K, have scared the poor woman, and me by extension. I'd like to smack them upside the head. My guess is my brother probably feels the same way. I don't know if he does or not - and I'm not going to ask. By mutual agreement - we're not discussing the situation at the moment. I think we're both kind of coping with it by not discussing it.

She doesn't know why her femur bone isn't healing. Why her leg hurts. Why it broke. Why they didn't see it on the X-ray initially. If she's doing any of the right things. And she's terrified she won't be able to walk again, live with my father again, or drive again. She's bored, stir-crazy, lonely and frustrated. And I worry about her. But there's zip I can do.

This not being able to do anything bit - is hard.

I'm also scared. I'm scared I won't be able to see my parents again. But I hope. I have hope that it will get better and by June or July, maybe August, I can fly down and see them.

There's not enough people I feel comfortable visiting. And I feel weirdly trapped in my life. And weirdly angry at myself about it. But alas, not a lot I can do - outside of what I'm already doing, I suppose.

Day by day. Moment by moment. Today I got exercise taking a walk by myself around a cemetery. Today was a good day - not many people walking for whatever reason.




I didn't bring my binoculars with me this trip around the Cemetery- partly due to the wind. Partly due to the fact that I thought the Cemetery closed at 5.

I am struggling to lose weight. My current plan is to cut out desserts. No more ice cream, candy (basically chocolate bars, and chocolate covered Easter candy - I don't eat the rest), etc. Also cut back on cheese (bit harder). And just have fruit. Walk more. Maybe try to ride a bike. We have Citibikes near me now.

I'm lonely but not at the same time. My friends live inside my computer. My mother lives inside my phone.

I'd like to see a friend or family member in person - as opposed to merely co-workers, and the strangers living in my building and area. It's hard to meet new people. It shouldn't be, but it is. At least for me, and at least recently. I've learned not to say too much. Less is more.

People are wonky.

You never know how they will react.



Should go to bed. Because of headaches, have not been sleeping well. Hope to straighten apartment this weekend. I'm getting lazy, I think.

Hmmm..after a quick perusal of the Evening update...

Beverly Cleary, whose children’s books were beloved by tens of millions of young readers, died at 104. With characters like Henry Huggins and his dog Ribsy, Ramona Quimby and her older sister Beezus, and other residents of Klickitat Street, Ms. Cleary constructed a world that children recognized — and one that changed with the times.

And Larry McMurtry, the prolific novelist and screenwriter known for “Lonesome Dove” and “Terms of Endearment,” died at 84. Mr. McMurtry demythologized the American West in dozens of novels, essays, memoirs and history, as well as more than 30 screenplays, including “Brokeback Mountain,” adapted from Annie Proulx’s short story. Here’s a look at the trove of work the Pulitzer Prize-winner left behind.

I'm trying to ignore the political news. It turns me into a ranting banshee.

But I am wondering about the news that the far-right disinformation machine has now abandoned the Big Steal in favor of convincing folks not to take the vaccine. So, this begs the question - do these idiots want to kill their own followers?

New York meanwhile has launched another new program...

As we continue to move vaccination forward we also need to revitalize New York's economy and make sure we reopen safely. To that end, today we launched Excelsior Pass, a free and voluntary platform for businesses & individuals that can be used to easily access secure proof of a recent negative COVID test or vaccination. The question of "public health or the economy" has always been a false choice—the answer must always be both. As more New Yorkers get vaccinated each day and as key public health metrics continue to regularly reach their lowest rates in months, the first-in-the-nation Excelsior Pass will assist as the next step in our fact-driven, science-based reopening. Learn more and have your testing and vaccination information in an easy-to-carry and share digital form.

I don't know. On the other hand - I've reported and uploaded my vaccination information to my company's portal and my health care provider's portal.

My brother got the Moderna - reported side effects included sore arm and a brief bout of brain fog. So everyone in my immediate family is Moderna but me.

I'm worried about this seemingly endless period - it's been going about six days now. But that is also normal. I checked last one - it went six days. It was also after the shot. And I'm in peri-menopause, so there's that. Oh well if it keeps going, I'll contact the gynecologist.




That's it for tonight, going to bed. To nurse the headache.

Comments

[mtbc]

I hope your head feels better now. /-:

I did read the dialogue comparison - though having not read much of the other media nor seen either of the movies, I had little to say. The most interesting part for me was the different facets of Snyder and Whedon's tendencies and skills and how your opinion shifted.

Completely get you with not knowing what people will respond to or how. I can never predict it with my own journal.

For me it helps a lot to just routinely not buy things (especially soda) and to have better stuff on hand but if I'm much craving something then just a bit now and again, or a bit more every week or two, helps me keep that in check. Good luck with what you try! Some things, I don't miss so much once I'm no longer used to having them. Cheese wouldn't be in that category though, I just try to moderate that! Or chocolate, I don't typically have candy bars around, but I may have the occasional couple marshmallows or Lindor truffle or suchlike. Most weeks I do have some cheese in stock, just less of nicer stuff, rather than plenty of regular. I'll also take it as a sign if a store has a heavily discounted bakery item that I rather like. But, of course, your mileage may vary, and these tricks can take experimentation.

[cactuswatcher]

Spring: Back in St. Louis I could assume it was finally going to be spring when there was snow on the daffodils. Seriously, it seemed like every other year the daffodils popped up in the snow or got snowed on shortly after they appeared and in either case that was the last snow till the next winter. Maybe once a decade it snowed in April.

Compared to the last couple years it been cold in the morning here, this March. No daffodils in Tucson, but it snowed high on the mountain this week.

...

I'm solo. I don't think others can put up with me for long one on one. I've had great female friends, but romance never worked for me. The fact both my siblings got married and divorced wasn't encouraging. My sister and her ex-husband started to hate each other. My brother and his ex-wife somehow stayed actual friends.

[shadowkat]

The headache is better - today, thanks. I think the barometric pressure has finally stabilized at least for a bit.

The difficulty with the Justice League comparisons - is they don't quite work unless people have actually seen both films. I tried to show it to folks - who didn't see the films via dialogue, but I don't know if it is possible.

Also, I think to be fair to Whedon - he was in a no-win situation, of having to please a lot of higher-ups, and change the existing work to fit their desires. Never an easy thing. But, that said there were more than a few changes that are pure Whedon (ie - that I've seen elsewhere in his work and are his sense of humor). Which when uplifted from a story Whedon created and added to someone else's stick out in a way that they didn't before. To the degree, that I thought, whoa, I never realized how sexist, objectifying and demeaning this humor truly was - until this moment. It's like a lot of humor actually - when taken out of context, it isn't necessarily flattering or funny.

Regarding diet? My difficulty is I'm restricted as it is. I can't have grains - wheat, barley, rye, or anything that produces or has a gluten protein in it. Also I need to stay away from rice and corn for the most part - which is hard, and I don't always. I had rice last night for example - but it's the only rice I've had in two months. Also I've had rice/quinoa/corn pasta, but rarely. This tends to leave cheese as a substitute - cheese bread. It also leaves almond flour items as substitutes. I don't eat potatoes much, and I can't do eggplant. Also for most part? I'm off diary - with almond milk and coconut milk substitutes (except for cheese, butter (use rarely), and ice cream (rarely and usually made from a substitute). I don't drink soda at all. Don't add sugar to anything. Can't have coffee or baked goods.

Kombuchi - I drink instead of soda. And not often. It's expensive, and has sugar in it - fermented sugar - it's a probiotic. (I can't do yogurt quite as well - because diary issues.)
I could on...and you'd get bored. Most folks do.

I've decided the best way to deal with this is cut out the chocolate, except for darker chocolate, and cut out ice cream. Also pastas, and cut back on the cheese items. I've cut back mostly anyway - cheese is really just added to stuff. I don't tend to eat it alone.

[shadowkat]

Yeah, winter in the mid-west or on the border of Kansas and Missouri was always a bit longer, and a bit more extreme than it is on the East Coast, or rather in NYC which is pretty much a group of islands between NJ, NY, and CT. NYC has ocean currents that effect its weather.

We have had snow once or twice in a decade in April though. Also in March. This week was interesting - the jumping about in temperatures was most likely causing shifts in barometric pressure - resulting in my headache - or so I think. No way of knowing for certain.

**

From watching my parents and brother/sisinlaw's relationship - both have been together a very long time - I think it requires a lot of compromise and making space for that other person? (My brother met his wife when they were both 17, and that's the anniversary they celebrate. They have this "epic" romance. They are each other's first loves. (I don't think of it as that epic, but I watch soap operas and read romance novels, they don't. I have higher standards.) My parents - been together for 57 going on 58 years. Also most of my parents siblings who got married, stayed married to the same person. Only a few got divorced, and of that group - they got remarried. )

But I get your point. And there are people here and there in my family, much like myself, who aren't married and find with that. Not many, but a few.

Marriage and relationships are hard. Not only does the other person have to put up with us, but we have to put with them. I've been reading Michelle Obama's book - and at one stage she and her husband had to do marriage counseling, because they are very different personality types. She likes stability, order, is pragmatic, and somewhat fastidious - he operates best with chaos. She's extroverted and gregarious - loves being around people, he needs to retreat and be by himself for a bit. At one point, and this amazed me - because I don't think I'd have been able to tolerate it? Just after they are married, about six months after their honeymoon, Barack takes off by himself to Bali for four months to finish a book. Leaving Michelle in Chicago. And he decided to do it without consulting her first. It was already done.

Yet, they are happy together and made it work.

My mother told me once that marriage was about compromise. Also curiosity. As crazy as my parents made each other, they were both curious about the other, and preferred each other's company.

I think it's hard to find someone that fits well like that. I don't know. I just know I never have. One guy told me once that he wanted to find the emotional connection, intellectual, and physical, but the best he could do was either the intellectual/physical, intellectual/emotional, or physical/emotional. But I don't think its that simple. Also I think we misread each other?
I know a lot of folks who got divorced after a wild romance - because they misread the other person. That happened to me in college - I misread the guy I fell for - or I saw what I wanted to see, and ignored the other alarm bells (such as the fact that he was alarmingly critical, fickle, addictive, and self-absorbed, not to mention weirdly clingy). Luckily it only lasted two months, we were friends for the four months prior, and managed to stay friendly afterwards. Mainly because it's not his fault - that I misread him and the situation.

I don't know... I think you have to want to make the space for another person in your life, and that's harder than it sounds. Because both people have to want to do that.

[yourlibrarian]

I find I marvel less about people with multiple partners than people with countless friends. To have multiple partners one must really prize company above all other considerations. There's nothing like the pandemic to show how many people will prefer doing anything to not being alone. It makes me wonder if any of them have realized they can do it and re-evaluate their choices.

[shadowkat]

True enough.

I've met countless people, including a few of my relatives, who settle for someone - because it's better than being alone, they want kids, they want to escape a certain situation, etc. I'm like - and you wonder why you got divorced or are having problems? Hello. You married someone you didn't love so you could either escape being by yourself, or get XYZ.

Those relationships rarely work out well.

There have been a lot of divorces because of the pandemic though - or splits. Mainly because people had a working long-distance relationship - where they saw each other periodically or just three days out of the week, as opposed to every single day, all day long.

Regarding folks with multiple friends? I don't wonder so much about that - in that it depends on how you define "friend". And not everyone defines it in the same way or so I've discovered. I mean we're friends, right? We never see each other. We don't really know each other's names. But hey, we correspond and share stuff. Or co-workers - I'm friends with my co-workers, even if I've never visited their homes, don't know their spouses or kids, and rarely speak to them outside of work.

Friendship is an odd thing - it can be defined really broadly or really narrowly. Few people - I think have close friends near them, who would drop everything to help them out. And those type of friends come and go, and are often situational. I mean if you spent most of your life in one spot - it's more likely to happen.

[wendelah1]

But I am wondering about the news that the far-right disinformation machine has now abandoned the Big Steal in favor of convincing folks not to take the vaccine. So, this begs the question - do these idiots want to kill their own followers?


Yeah, I had just read this morning that 49% of Republican men say they are not going to get vaccinated.

Ugh. Angry white men are the worst. I'm not so much worried about them as I am their friends, relations, and colleagues.

[shadowkat]

I'm fed up with the nitwits. I keep wishing the Universe would hand out a few more Darwin Awards.
Instead of killing off the kind folks fighting to keep us safe, who are doing the right things, kill off the selfish assholes. The world would better off for it. But alas no. Sigh.

[mtbc]

Ah, goodness, yes, gluten intolerance, also GERD? Today I got pizza from a place that offers gluten-free crusts but, of course, with cheese. Especially if staying away from grains in general, otherwise I'd have wondered about rice noodles or something. At least almond flour goes some way. I think maybe you've mentioned soy ice cream before? Apologies if I'm mixing things up. At least kombucha's indeed generally considered healthful though I like mine some filtered from the floating bits.

I was surprised to find that a friend with Crohn's finds that milk helps, it's interesting how these things vary. (It took them very nearly dying before finally being diagnosed.) A friend with GERD is having to largely avoid acidic things (tomatoes, citrus, whatever) and spicy things. Dairy I've wondered about anyway from the point of view of environmental impact of ruminants, I feel a bit guilty for what I do have.

I try to appreciate having (for now) a fairly tolerant GI tract.

For what it's worth, some people have found that chocolate scents can themselves be somewhat satisfying.

[shadowkat]

I like the smell of coffee. But the smell of chocolate - just makes me want it. ;-)

Dairy - it clogs up the digestive tract, and causes gas. Also constipation.

I have IBS - issues, which is basically the cocktail - GERD, Gas, Bloating, Constipation...ie. Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Nuts? problematic too - so need to be careful.

Soy - causes changes in hormones - particularly in women. I don't do much in soy - I use almond/coconut milk instead. I will use soy sauce sparingly. I used to avoid it completely, but I've noticed a little doesn't bother me much at all.

It's taken me a while to figure it out. And I keep playing around to see what works, staying clear of glutens, eggplant, anything high in acid, etc. (Eggplant apparently causes acidity for me. Also I don't like it - so not a problem.)

[trepkos]

So, this begs the question - do these idiots want to kill their own followers?

This is what I've been puzzling over. If it weren't for the fact that some of those followers have been the victims of lack of education, I wouldn't care if they did.