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shadowkatI had a nightmare last night about being the only one still wearing a mask, and everyone else wasn't. I also kept losing my mask (in the nightmare).
I told this to Babs at work.
Me: I think the loosening of restrictions and lifting of mandates is getting to me.
Babs: Yeah, I don't get what they are doing at all. Are they going to try to go back to normal now and lift all the restrictions - until everyone gets sick again? I refuse to stop wearing a mask. I am going to protect myself.
ME: Feel exactly the same way - I am protecting myself for as long as possible.
[Babs wears a N95 Blue mask.)
I told it to mother.
Mother: Yeah, they've decided to treat it like the flu now. Lifting masks on airplanes with public transport to follow according to the news.
Me: Ugh, my anxieties can't take this.
**
Niece sent more photos this morning - this round of Palmero, Italy. Which I shared with mother and Wales.
Meanwhile, Gabe is sharing vacation photos from her family's trip to Columbia. (They went down for a cousin's wedding.) Some folks are a lot closer to their families than I am. My family gets along, we're just not that close. I didn't go to any of my cousin's weddings - I don't know them outside of Facebook. Granted none went to Columbia.
Columbia looks amazing, by the way. I want to travel. I just don't want to do it now - by myself - and during a pandemic.
Call me crazy, but there it is.
Also, I'm crazy busy at work. So there's that. I don't think I'd get approval anyhow. I'm just trying to get my birthday off.
Speaking of crazy work place.
I couldn't remember if I swiped in this morning. BYT took me to Boss' assistant who in turn told me to just send them an email that I was here at 7:57 am or 8 am or thereabouts, and they'd ensure it was verified by the system. We swipe in at security downstairs too - so it can be verified.
Also, they aren't worried about me - since I go out of my way to tell them when I'm not coming in, away on vacation, out sick, or on a personal day. It's much appreciated and makes life easier on them. Apparently not everyone does this? (I even send a reminder email.)
I dread being a bother. Also getting fired (twice) early in my working life (one was in food retail and the other an executive assistant - lets face it I'm not cut out for food service or secretarial work), laid off (five times), and forced into resigning (once) has made me incredibly paranoid when it comes to attendance, job security, etc. It's also why I'm careful with money - although some of that is inherited. Actually a lot of it is inherited - my family has worried about having enough money since I can remember - it's hard-wired in my DNA.
Suffice it to say that I have PTSD when it comes to employment situations. In the book I non-traditionally published - I describe a lot of the job interviews I went out on in 2002-2006 - in detail. It's the only thing in the book that I grabbed from actual experience.
***
Was discussing envy with mother the other day. It's a difficult emotion to navigate in relationships. I've experienced both ends of it in just about every relationship I've had. The hard part - is understanding why folks envy me - from my perspective, I'm not eviable. And it occurs to me that most folks probably feel the same way.
Wrapping my head around that one - is only half the battle, the other half is realizing what I'm envying in another's life is not real, or a facade. I don't know what their life entails. I just see snippets of it.
I was talking to a co-worker the other day - who was smiling and seemed happy. She told me it was just a facade, that she wasn't in actuality happy at all.
Her husband and her - had seen the new West Side Story, they decided to watch the first version first and then see the new one - which according to co-worker did not come close to matching the original. Certain changes, she felt, didn't work that well. Such as Rita Morena singing Somewhere (in the original Tony and Maria sing it as a duet), and it is hard to beat Tamblyn and Chakiris. She said there's a small theater near where they live, they pick a matinee on a weekend, and go get ice cream afterwards. They live out on Long Island - as do most of my co-workers. Her husband's a court reporter.
I felt envious of her ability to go to a nice theater with recliners, fairly empty, and ice cream afterwards. I miss movies. I like watching movies in movie theaters. I also miss the theater. Another co-worker saw the Michael Jackson Broadway Musical - and raved about it. It blew him away. (I told him that I'm not a fan of the "jukebox" musical. To which Chidi retorted - Jackson is not jukebox.) He kind of is, or bio pick which is even worse. I like musicals that have an original story, and original score/music. I had issues with Mamma Mia - which was trying to utilize songs not written for a musical.
Mother said she felt she was becoming a hermit. And was having difficulty motivating herself to do much. She's using a cane, she's 79 years of age,
my father has advanced Alzheimer's (he can no longer stand) and we're in a pandemic. I told her she was being too hard on herself.
She told me that she was proud of me and all I accomplished.
Me: I don't feel I've accomplished all that much - if you consider I haven't worked in a law firm, practiced law, nor am I a Sr. VP or -
Mother: Wait a minute - you are not comparing yourself to that evil lawyer that you despise are you -
Me: Well -
Mother: I wouldn't. You've already said he's incompetent.
BYT and I bonded over our dislike of our management. And their craziness.
Me: I'm so tired of stroking people's egos..
BYT: Tell me about it...I told someone the other day that it's not in my job description to stroke their ego.
Looks like BYT will let me take my birthday off, in two weeks. I'm being reasonable, I just want to take that day. It's not like I am taking the whole week. And it falls on a Wednesday. I tried to push the project due date, but alas, no. My organization gives us our birthday as an additional vacation day - we don't have to use it on our birthday - but as I was taught by a prior boss - I always do. It's the gift - I give to myself each year.
****
Anyhow, the world is depressing me. It's the tail end of February. And I'd rather share a photo of Palmero, Italy, than discuss the news or COVID or much else for that matter. I'm guessing you feel the same.
I told this to Babs at work.
Me: I think the loosening of restrictions and lifting of mandates is getting to me.
Babs: Yeah, I don't get what they are doing at all. Are they going to try to go back to normal now and lift all the restrictions - until everyone gets sick again? I refuse to stop wearing a mask. I am going to protect myself.
ME: Feel exactly the same way - I am protecting myself for as long as possible.
[Babs wears a N95 Blue mask.)
I told it to mother.
Mother: Yeah, they've decided to treat it like the flu now. Lifting masks on airplanes with public transport to follow according to the news.
Me: Ugh, my anxieties can't take this.
**
Niece sent more photos this morning - this round of Palmero, Italy. Which I shared with mother and Wales.
Meanwhile, Gabe is sharing vacation photos from her family's trip to Columbia. (They went down for a cousin's wedding.) Some folks are a lot closer to their families than I am. My family gets along, we're just not that close. I didn't go to any of my cousin's weddings - I don't know them outside of Facebook. Granted none went to Columbia.
Columbia looks amazing, by the way. I want to travel. I just don't want to do it now - by myself - and during a pandemic.
Call me crazy, but there it is.
Also, I'm crazy busy at work. So there's that. I don't think I'd get approval anyhow. I'm just trying to get my birthday off.
Speaking of crazy work place.
I couldn't remember if I swiped in this morning. BYT took me to Boss' assistant who in turn told me to just send them an email that I was here at 7:57 am or 8 am or thereabouts, and they'd ensure it was verified by the system. We swipe in at security downstairs too - so it can be verified.
Also, they aren't worried about me - since I go out of my way to tell them when I'm not coming in, away on vacation, out sick, or on a personal day. It's much appreciated and makes life easier on them. Apparently not everyone does this? (I even send a reminder email.)
I dread being a bother. Also getting fired (twice) early in my working life (one was in food retail and the other an executive assistant - lets face it I'm not cut out for food service or secretarial work), laid off (five times), and forced into resigning (once) has made me incredibly paranoid when it comes to attendance, job security, etc. It's also why I'm careful with money - although some of that is inherited. Actually a lot of it is inherited - my family has worried about having enough money since I can remember - it's hard-wired in my DNA.
Suffice it to say that I have PTSD when it comes to employment situations. In the book I non-traditionally published - I describe a lot of the job interviews I went out on in 2002-2006 - in detail. It's the only thing in the book that I grabbed from actual experience.
***
Was discussing envy with mother the other day. It's a difficult emotion to navigate in relationships. I've experienced both ends of it in just about every relationship I've had. The hard part - is understanding why folks envy me - from my perspective, I'm not eviable. And it occurs to me that most folks probably feel the same way.
Wrapping my head around that one - is only half the battle, the other half is realizing what I'm envying in another's life is not real, or a facade. I don't know what their life entails. I just see snippets of it.
I was talking to a co-worker the other day - who was smiling and seemed happy. She told me it was just a facade, that she wasn't in actuality happy at all.
Her husband and her - had seen the new West Side Story, they decided to watch the first version first and then see the new one - which according to co-worker did not come close to matching the original. Certain changes, she felt, didn't work that well. Such as Rita Morena singing Somewhere (in the original Tony and Maria sing it as a duet), and it is hard to beat Tamblyn and Chakiris. She said there's a small theater near where they live, they pick a matinee on a weekend, and go get ice cream afterwards. They live out on Long Island - as do most of my co-workers. Her husband's a court reporter.
I felt envious of her ability to go to a nice theater with recliners, fairly empty, and ice cream afterwards. I miss movies. I like watching movies in movie theaters. I also miss the theater. Another co-worker saw the Michael Jackson Broadway Musical - and raved about it. It blew him away. (I told him that I'm not a fan of the "jukebox" musical. To which Chidi retorted - Jackson is not jukebox.) He kind of is, or bio pick which is even worse. I like musicals that have an original story, and original score/music. I had issues with Mamma Mia - which was trying to utilize songs not written for a musical.
Mother said she felt she was becoming a hermit. And was having difficulty motivating herself to do much. She's using a cane, she's 79 years of age,
my father has advanced Alzheimer's (he can no longer stand) and we're in a pandemic. I told her she was being too hard on herself.
She told me that she was proud of me and all I accomplished.
Me: I don't feel I've accomplished all that much - if you consider I haven't worked in a law firm, practiced law, nor am I a Sr. VP or -
Mother: Wait a minute - you are not comparing yourself to that evil lawyer that you despise are you -
Me: Well -
Mother: I wouldn't. You've already said he's incompetent.
BYT and I bonded over our dislike of our management. And their craziness.
Me: I'm so tired of stroking people's egos..
BYT: Tell me about it...I told someone the other day that it's not in my job description to stroke their ego.
Looks like BYT will let me take my birthday off, in two weeks. I'm being reasonable, I just want to take that day. It's not like I am taking the whole week. And it falls on a Wednesday. I tried to push the project due date, but alas, no. My organization gives us our birthday as an additional vacation day - we don't have to use it on our birthday - but as I was taught by a prior boss - I always do. It's the gift - I give to myself each year.
****
Anyhow, the world is depressing me. It's the tail end of February. And I'd rather share a photo of Palmero, Italy, than discuss the news or COVID or much else for that matter. I'm guessing you feel the same.