I get Knocked Down
Apr. 13th, 2022 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatTitle is from a song playing on This is Us which I'm half-watching, decided it didn't fit, then changed my mind, since it kind of does? Use your imagination and really I'm not sure I care if no one else sees the connection..."I get knocked down, but I get up again.."
I do. Sometimes. But lately, part of me just wants to stay down. One gets tired. You know?
But in a romance novel I've been reading on the train to and from work...there was a statement about how life is rather capricious, and precious, and we're all lucky to have it - since it's kind of a gift and all we have.
So. There's that.
***
Last night I got annoyed, at 10 pm, reading emails, so had troubles settling down for sleep. Note to self - don't read emails at 10 pm or later.
1. Email #1 was from credit card telling me that they'd declined my payment request on two items - because I hadn't paid the last amount, even though I paid in mid-March. And was only five-eight days late. [I discovered it while buying more masks on Amazon - because I'm almost out of KN94's again.]
Mother: What? Why not just charge a late fee?
ME: They did that. They also charged interest.
Mother: What? And they declined payment?
ME: Yep, even though, I always pay the full amount, and did this round.
I'd kick it to the curb, but it's my mileage card, and my credit rating will go down if I cancel.
Mother: Do you have a back up card?
ME: Yeah, Amazon grabbed it, and Apple did. I used it to back up before - it's through my bank.
But it was annoying. Since it's into me paying on the due date - I set up auto minimum payments.
2. Email #2 was from Weaving Fabric of Diversity - about an auction at the church. Only problem? Two folks in the group responded that since there was segregation going on in the church - they were setting up their own event.
Author of original email (AOE): Segregated? What??
MDW (respondent): We're segregated because the church requires people to be vaccinated to wear masks - so those of us who don't want to (lists all the reasons in tiny print), are segregated.
Those who have been "fully vaccinated"- definition about to be four shots from certain Big Pharma manufactures- Two original shots designed to deal with the Alpha strain of Covid and two "boosters" designed to also deal with the spike protein shape on the Alpha stain, not truly effective against Delta and Omicron etc. (plus follow strict mask wearing rules), and
Everybody else. Who is everyone else?:
1.People who have had Covid and have a durable, robust natural immunity far surpassing mere shots that wear off now in less than three months.
2. People who have been advised buy there doctors not to risk getting shots.
3. People who had really bad reactions from the shots or were vaccine injured and are not getting the shots. (Ditto those with perhaps genetically similar family members in this category)
4. People who are concerned about all the coverage (including first page of the NY Times) about how frequent shots wear down and exhaust the immune system making one more susceptible to illness. One reason flu vaccines are not more often than annual.
5. People who had Covid so recently they can't get another shot not if they follow the CDC advised waiting period.
6. People who don't trust Big Pharma, Bio-tech or its relationship with government and accordingly won't get the shots
7. People who are waiting for the Emergency Use Authorization to be replaced by an actual authorization so that if they are injured by the shots they will have access to the vaccine injury fund that normally applies to other actually approved vaccines.
8. People who are waiting for Pfizer's secrete data to be made public as how now been court ordered, but will take a while- Pfizer and the FDA originally wanted to make it public 75 years from now.
9. People who agree with the head of Pfizer (and Bill gates) that Omicron is actually an effective low-risk natural vaccine that should be preferred as superior to and more effective than the Pfizer shots.
10. People who consider their risk from Covid to be extremely low, especially when things like adequate Vitamin D levels are maintained.
11. People who are sick and tired of wearing masks and not seeing faces and smiles, so they don't wear them, especially since the verdict came in that they didn't really offer protection.
These magical thinking divisions are the way that our religious community chooses to separate one not-sick, not-diseased group from another as if they are lepers. That's despite the fact that we are all now going without masks or "vaccinations" in our supermarkets, restaurants, flower shops (inhaling flower scents deeply), co-ops and all their common areas everywhere.
It goes on to provide a list of sources - all of which are medical studies done by academia and medical journals that she found on the internet. Neither of these people are license virologists or epidemologists. They don't have backgrounds in this. And know zip about it.
Start with the conservative Oxford Study
One-year sustained cellular and humoral immunities of COVID-19 convalescents
https://academic.oup.com/cid/advance-article/doi/10.1093/cid/ciab884/6381561
Dr Cambell New study- natural immunity is best, and if you have vaccination on top doesn’t do anything also from CDC, but unreported in the US media.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25-iJKPA1CA
Paul Elias Alexander PhD. And
The Brownstone Institute have been tracking and compiling the studies on natural immunity. Dr Alexander has experience in epidemiology and in the teaching clinical epidemiology, evidence-based medicine, and research methodology. Dr Alexander is a former Assistant Professor at McMaster University in evidence-based medicine and research methods; former COVID Pandemic evidence-synthesis consultant advisor to WHO-PAHO Washington, DC (2020)
https://brownstone.org/articles/79-research-studies-affirm-naturally-acquired-immunity-to-covid-19-documented-linked-and-quoted/
“If natural immunity is strongly protective, as the evidence to date suggests it is, then vaccinating people who have had COVID-19 would seem to offer nothing or very little to benefit, logically leaving only harms — both the harms we already know about as well as those still unknown,” says Christine Stabell Benn, vaccinologist and professor in global health at the University of Southern Denmark. The CDC has acknowledged the small but serious risks of heart inflammation and blood clots after vaccination, especially in younger people. The real risk in vaccinating people who have had COVID-19 “is of doing more harm than good,” she says.
https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/cdc-covid-natural-immunity/
I am sad for all the losses from Covid. I’m even more sad about the unnecessary deaths of people in the US who weren’t offered prevention or safe treatments that could have prevented hospitalization. My doctor did offer preventative steps to her patients starting in March of 2020. I followed her advice and tested positive for antibodies 2 months after Michael had covid even though I didn’t get sick.
I am also sad for the vaccine injured. I have family, friends, and clients who are struggling with vaccine injuries. Here are the caring and courageous people helping them. https://www.react19.org/
I am also sad and disturbed by the tragic effects of the lockdown and mandates. Do you know what the effects of the Lockdown and mandates are on poverty and mental health? Here’s a comprehensive documentation.
https://thegrayzone.com/2021/12/03/flattening-curve-global-poor-covid-lockdowns-human-rights-vulnerable/
What happened in Sweden with no mandates?
https://www.manilatimes.net/2021/01/14/opinion/columnists/topanalysis/sweden-keeps-schools-open-for-1-million-kids-no-masks-no-lockdown-no-deaths/827512
What is sad for us is we tried to work with church leadership. M and I both wrote letters. We had a range of little suggestions so “all could be welcome here”. We received a warm response from MH and an enthusiastic interest in our suggestions. However, a month later a board member met with us and let us know the board said no to all ideas. In fact they went further to say we needed to stop talking about it. They wouldn’t disclose where the decision makers were getting their information and they didn’t want the decision makers to be communicated with. The olive branch was rejected.
With no interest in our suggestions and with a mandate to shut up, I stopped attending zoom services. I shortly began looking for groups that accepted me and found several. What a sad ending to a 30 year relationship with our spiritual community. I am still struggling with the hurt, sadness, and anger from being pushed away. That’s a work of healing that many people are in need of help with.
I was an on-site counselor for Pfizer for 12 years. I understand some things about how studies are done and conflicts of interest. The head of the FDA recently left to join the board of Pfizer.
It’s almost hard to find groups of people where someone doesn’t have some kind of direct or indirect business relationship with big Pharma. Do the decision makers of the church on COVID have conflicts of interest?
Okay. Last Night I was furious. And it took me a little bit to calm down. I did - I've been meditating for well over five years now, and can kind of do it on my own. Push things off to one side - the uncontrollables - and dear god, there are so many. Aren't there? Uncontrollables? My father used to call them that - he'd tell me, "Don't sweat the uncontrollables" - the things outside of our control. And try as I might? I cannot control what other people do. Or the choices they make. I can only control my own and even that - is often questionable.
I knew the hardest part of the pandemic wouldn't be the beginning of it, but this section here - after we got the vaccine. Because I've read my history books and seen it happen over and over again. People don't trust things, easily. And the things they do trust often make no sense.
I knew there would be people not taking the vaccine for well the reasons cited in the reprinted emails above. I knew folks wouldn't wear masks. I knew people would go back to normal and think it was just the flu.
Tomorrow, I get to share a car with a man who most likely won't be wearing a mask - and that I have never met until tomorrow - my project manager. We've only spoken on the phone. And do a site tour with a bunch of people wandering about Long Island. The drive out there is about 50 minutes. And the locations aren't close.
Increasingly no one in the office wears masks. Old Boss no longer does. None of my management does. Fewer and fewer of my co-workers.
While an assistant project manager on another project came down with COVID, and the city has risen to 4%, along with the State.
Mother told me over the phone that she can't go to her church because they have 0 restrictions in place. And she desperately needs to. And the whole city of Shanghai, China has been shut down - it's under lockdown for less cases than we currently have.
Meanwhile my doctor has told me to continue wearing a mask, social distance, and take precautions, also get the fourth booster - even though I the current one appears to still be protecting me sufficiently.
I'm posting the above, because I'm keeping a record of how humanity is handling the pandemic. I wish, I fervently wish, that I was wrong in what I predicted - but I knew going in - that humanity would handle it like it has - we don't learn from history. We're too self-involved and far too selfish - as the woman above's emails illustrate. She's completely unself-aware.
And makes assumptions and judgements when she doesn't get her way. She is a psychologist specializing in couples therapy. (Not a psychiatrist.) And does not have a medical background. Her knowledge is about as much as mine, although I think I know more than she does. She has however been lucky.
***
Subway Shooter - was caught today. As you most likely know already - since it was plastered all over the news. I found out from folks at work and Mother, then saw it on the news before my recorded soap opera, which it partially preempted.
The Kensington FB page informed me that he had escaped from the Gravesend Subway Stop through Greenwood Cemetery. (The shooting happened on the train to the Gravesend Stop (which is the stop just outside Greenwood Cemetery) or on the Sunset Park end of the Cemetery. I'm on the Kensington/Windsor Terrace end of the Cemetery.
Kind of disturbing. They know this - because there were helicopters checking out the Cemetery yesterday and last night.
Where'd they catch him? Out front of a wine store in the East Village (Manhattan). He'd just left the McDonalds. Various patrons took his picture on their cell phones and sent it to the police. Because of the "good samitarians" the man was caught. He brought the city to a standstill yesterday, and caused disruptions, and injured 26 people - then today wandered about as if nothing had happened. Also he drove here - apparently from Wisconsin. And had been posting rants on social media.
It's sad. If guns weren't readily available - this wouldn't be an issue.
But alas they are. NY even has one of the toughest gun laws in the US, and the Mayor of NYC has an initiative in place in which they are collecting as many guns as possible.
On the Morning News - the broadcasters were discussing whether people would use the subways and trains today. Their response was - "of course they are, they have no other choice, just like we didn't - we have to use the trains to get to work, go to school, etc."
I didn't think about it - and did it. Although Babs came by today to ask if I got home okay last night - and how my commute was.
***
Tomorrow, I may throw caution to the winds and find a place to eat with project manager. Poor guy - just returned from a vacation in Northern Mexico with his wife who is from there. He doesn't have COVID.
***
Finished watching This is Us episode which is about a divorce, and a remarriage. I liked it, and didn't at the same time. This is Us tends to swing just short of maudlin, and often jumps over in it, and sinks deep in without mercy. It's soapy, it's more cliche melodrama or sentimental. The bit that took me out of the episode? Kate's date informs her that he's not avoiding pain or relationships, he's trying to get happy again. He'd been married. They tried to have kids. After the third try - he no longer recognized their marriage. (So far so good). His wife was blind. (Uhm okay, not necessary but I'll handwave it). She insisted on having a fourth try with artificial insemination, then walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. (okay). And...didn't make it across the street until she was hit by a truck (Really? You just lost me. The proverbial let's kill the character off with a bus mistake.)
Kate's jaw drops in stunned shock.
And I'm thinking, really show? really? Also, why'd you tell me the story out of order? Mother stopped watching because she couldn't follow the bloody thing. The episode was told out of linear order or time. And just jumped all over the place. There was no real chronology to it, it was just a handful of memories.
**
Romance novel is slightly better. In it, the heroine's father is blown off a jetty by a wave, and she never sees him again. That I can buy. And isn't quite as cliche tragedy.
**
Off to bed. Wish me luck tomorrow - I just want to make it through the first site tour I've had since 2020. (I've been dreading it for well over a year now, tried to get out of doing it twice - I can't. And the guy I could have convinced to sub for me - took off. So I'm stuck with it.)
Leaving you with... I get Knocked Down....
I do. Sometimes. But lately, part of me just wants to stay down. One gets tired. You know?
But in a romance novel I've been reading on the train to and from work...there was a statement about how life is rather capricious, and precious, and we're all lucky to have it - since it's kind of a gift and all we have.
So. There's that.
***
Last night I got annoyed, at 10 pm, reading emails, so had troubles settling down for sleep. Note to self - don't read emails at 10 pm or later.
1. Email #1 was from credit card telling me that they'd declined my payment request on two items - because I hadn't paid the last amount, even though I paid in mid-March. And was only five-eight days late. [I discovered it while buying more masks on Amazon - because I'm almost out of KN94's again.]
Mother: What? Why not just charge a late fee?
ME: They did that. They also charged interest.
Mother: What? And they declined payment?
ME: Yep, even though, I always pay the full amount, and did this round.
I'd kick it to the curb, but it's my mileage card, and my credit rating will go down if I cancel.
Mother: Do you have a back up card?
ME: Yeah, Amazon grabbed it, and Apple did. I used it to back up before - it's through my bank.
But it was annoying. Since it's into me paying on the due date - I set up auto minimum payments.
2. Email #2 was from Weaving Fabric of Diversity - about an auction at the church. Only problem? Two folks in the group responded that since there was segregation going on in the church - they were setting up their own event.
Author of original email (AOE): Segregated? What??
MDW (respondent): We're segregated because the church requires people to be vaccinated to wear masks - so those of us who don't want to (lists all the reasons in tiny print), are segregated.
Those who have been "fully vaccinated"- definition about to be four shots from certain Big Pharma manufactures- Two original shots designed to deal with the Alpha strain of Covid and two "boosters" designed to also deal with the spike protein shape on the Alpha stain, not truly effective against Delta and Omicron etc. (plus follow strict mask wearing rules), and
Everybody else. Who is everyone else?:
1.People who have had Covid and have a durable, robust natural immunity far surpassing mere shots that wear off now in less than three months.
2. People who have been advised buy there doctors not to risk getting shots.
3. People who had really bad reactions from the shots or were vaccine injured and are not getting the shots. (Ditto those with perhaps genetically similar family members in this category)
4. People who are concerned about all the coverage (including first page of the NY Times) about how frequent shots wear down and exhaust the immune system making one more susceptible to illness. One reason flu vaccines are not more often than annual.
5. People who had Covid so recently they can't get another shot not if they follow the CDC advised waiting period.
6. People who don't trust Big Pharma, Bio-tech or its relationship with government and accordingly won't get the shots
7. People who are waiting for the Emergency Use Authorization to be replaced by an actual authorization so that if they are injured by the shots they will have access to the vaccine injury fund that normally applies to other actually approved vaccines.
8. People who are waiting for Pfizer's secrete data to be made public as how now been court ordered, but will take a while- Pfizer and the FDA originally wanted to make it public 75 years from now.
9. People who agree with the head of Pfizer (and Bill gates) that Omicron is actually an effective low-risk natural vaccine that should be preferred as superior to and more effective than the Pfizer shots.
10. People who consider their risk from Covid to be extremely low, especially when things like adequate Vitamin D levels are maintained.
11. People who are sick and tired of wearing masks and not seeing faces and smiles, so they don't wear them, especially since the verdict came in that they didn't really offer protection.
These magical thinking divisions are the way that our religious community chooses to separate one not-sick, not-diseased group from another as if they are lepers. That's despite the fact that we are all now going without masks or "vaccinations" in our supermarkets, restaurants, flower shops (inhaling flower scents deeply), co-ops and all their common areas everywhere.
It goes on to provide a list of sources - all of which are medical studies done by academia and medical journals that she found on the internet. Neither of these people are license virologists or epidemologists. They don't have backgrounds in this. And know zip about it.
Start with the conservative Oxford Study
One-year sustained cellular and humoral immunities of COVID-19 convalescents
https://academic.oup.com/cid/advance-article/doi/10.1093/cid/ciab884/6381561
Dr Cambell New study- natural immunity is best, and if you have vaccination on top doesn’t do anything also from CDC, but unreported in the US media.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25-iJKPA1CA
Paul Elias Alexander PhD. And
The Brownstone Institute have been tracking and compiling the studies on natural immunity. Dr Alexander has experience in epidemiology and in the teaching clinical epidemiology, evidence-based medicine, and research methodology. Dr Alexander is a former Assistant Professor at McMaster University in evidence-based medicine and research methods; former COVID Pandemic evidence-synthesis consultant advisor to WHO-PAHO Washington, DC (2020)
https://brownstone.org/articles/79-research-studies-affirm-naturally-acquired-immunity-to-covid-19-documented-linked-and-quoted/
“If natural immunity is strongly protective, as the evidence to date suggests it is, then vaccinating people who have had COVID-19 would seem to offer nothing or very little to benefit, logically leaving only harms — both the harms we already know about as well as those still unknown,” says Christine Stabell Benn, vaccinologist and professor in global health at the University of Southern Denmark. The CDC has acknowledged the small but serious risks of heart inflammation and blood clots after vaccination, especially in younger people. The real risk in vaccinating people who have had COVID-19 “is of doing more harm than good,” she says.
https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/cdc-covid-natural-immunity/
I am sad for all the losses from Covid. I’m even more sad about the unnecessary deaths of people in the US who weren’t offered prevention or safe treatments that could have prevented hospitalization. My doctor did offer preventative steps to her patients starting in March of 2020. I followed her advice and tested positive for antibodies 2 months after Michael had covid even though I didn’t get sick.
I am also sad for the vaccine injured. I have family, friends, and clients who are struggling with vaccine injuries. Here are the caring and courageous people helping them. https://www.react19.org/
I am also sad and disturbed by the tragic effects of the lockdown and mandates. Do you know what the effects of the Lockdown and mandates are on poverty and mental health? Here’s a comprehensive documentation.
https://thegrayzone.com/2021/12/03/flattening-curve-global-poor-covid-lockdowns-human-rights-vulnerable/
What happened in Sweden with no mandates?
https://www.manilatimes.net/2021/01/14/opinion/columnists/topanalysis/sweden-keeps-schools-open-for-1-million-kids-no-masks-no-lockdown-no-deaths/827512
What is sad for us is we tried to work with church leadership. M and I both wrote letters. We had a range of little suggestions so “all could be welcome here”. We received a warm response from MH and an enthusiastic interest in our suggestions. However, a month later a board member met with us and let us know the board said no to all ideas. In fact they went further to say we needed to stop talking about it. They wouldn’t disclose where the decision makers were getting their information and they didn’t want the decision makers to be communicated with. The olive branch was rejected.
With no interest in our suggestions and with a mandate to shut up, I stopped attending zoom services. I shortly began looking for groups that accepted me and found several. What a sad ending to a 30 year relationship with our spiritual community. I am still struggling with the hurt, sadness, and anger from being pushed away. That’s a work of healing that many people are in need of help with.
I was an on-site counselor for Pfizer for 12 years. I understand some things about how studies are done and conflicts of interest. The head of the FDA recently left to join the board of Pfizer.
It’s almost hard to find groups of people where someone doesn’t have some kind of direct or indirect business relationship with big Pharma. Do the decision makers of the church on COVID have conflicts of interest?
Okay. Last Night I was furious. And it took me a little bit to calm down. I did - I've been meditating for well over five years now, and can kind of do it on my own. Push things off to one side - the uncontrollables - and dear god, there are so many. Aren't there? Uncontrollables? My father used to call them that - he'd tell me, "Don't sweat the uncontrollables" - the things outside of our control. And try as I might? I cannot control what other people do. Or the choices they make. I can only control my own and even that - is often questionable.
I knew the hardest part of the pandemic wouldn't be the beginning of it, but this section here - after we got the vaccine. Because I've read my history books and seen it happen over and over again. People don't trust things, easily. And the things they do trust often make no sense.
I knew there would be people not taking the vaccine for well the reasons cited in the reprinted emails above. I knew folks wouldn't wear masks. I knew people would go back to normal and think it was just the flu.
Tomorrow, I get to share a car with a man who most likely won't be wearing a mask - and that I have never met until tomorrow - my project manager. We've only spoken on the phone. And do a site tour with a bunch of people wandering about Long Island. The drive out there is about 50 minutes. And the locations aren't close.
Increasingly no one in the office wears masks. Old Boss no longer does. None of my management does. Fewer and fewer of my co-workers.
While an assistant project manager on another project came down with COVID, and the city has risen to 4%, along with the State.
Mother told me over the phone that she can't go to her church because they have 0 restrictions in place. And she desperately needs to. And the whole city of Shanghai, China has been shut down - it's under lockdown for less cases than we currently have.
Meanwhile my doctor has told me to continue wearing a mask, social distance, and take precautions, also get the fourth booster - even though I the current one appears to still be protecting me sufficiently.
I'm posting the above, because I'm keeping a record of how humanity is handling the pandemic. I wish, I fervently wish, that I was wrong in what I predicted - but I knew going in - that humanity would handle it like it has - we don't learn from history. We're too self-involved and far too selfish - as the woman above's emails illustrate. She's completely unself-aware.
And makes assumptions and judgements when she doesn't get her way. She is a psychologist specializing in couples therapy. (Not a psychiatrist.) And does not have a medical background. Her knowledge is about as much as mine, although I think I know more than she does. She has however been lucky.
***
Subway Shooter - was caught today. As you most likely know already - since it was plastered all over the news. I found out from folks at work and Mother, then saw it on the news before my recorded soap opera, which it partially preempted.
The Kensington FB page informed me that he had escaped from the Gravesend Subway Stop through Greenwood Cemetery. (The shooting happened on the train to the Gravesend Stop (which is the stop just outside Greenwood Cemetery) or on the Sunset Park end of the Cemetery. I'm on the Kensington/Windsor Terrace end of the Cemetery.
Kind of disturbing. They know this - because there were helicopters checking out the Cemetery yesterday and last night.
Where'd they catch him? Out front of a wine store in the East Village (Manhattan). He'd just left the McDonalds. Various patrons took his picture on their cell phones and sent it to the police. Because of the "good samitarians" the man was caught. He brought the city to a standstill yesterday, and caused disruptions, and injured 26 people - then today wandered about as if nothing had happened. Also he drove here - apparently from Wisconsin. And had been posting rants on social media.
It's sad. If guns weren't readily available - this wouldn't be an issue.
But alas they are. NY even has one of the toughest gun laws in the US, and the Mayor of NYC has an initiative in place in which they are collecting as many guns as possible.
On the Morning News - the broadcasters were discussing whether people would use the subways and trains today. Their response was - "of course they are, they have no other choice, just like we didn't - we have to use the trains to get to work, go to school, etc."
I didn't think about it - and did it. Although Babs came by today to ask if I got home okay last night - and how my commute was.
***
Tomorrow, I may throw caution to the winds and find a place to eat with project manager. Poor guy - just returned from a vacation in Northern Mexico with his wife who is from there. He doesn't have COVID.
***
Finished watching This is Us episode which is about a divorce, and a remarriage. I liked it, and didn't at the same time. This is Us tends to swing just short of maudlin, and often jumps over in it, and sinks deep in without mercy. It's soapy, it's more cliche melodrama or sentimental. The bit that took me out of the episode? Kate's date informs her that he's not avoiding pain or relationships, he's trying to get happy again. He'd been married. They tried to have kids. After the third try - he no longer recognized their marriage. (So far so good). His wife was blind. (Uhm okay, not necessary but I'll handwave it). She insisted on having a fourth try with artificial insemination, then walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. (okay). And...didn't make it across the street until she was hit by a truck (Really? You just lost me. The proverbial let's kill the character off with a bus mistake.)
Kate's jaw drops in stunned shock.
And I'm thinking, really show? really? Also, why'd you tell me the story out of order? Mother stopped watching because she couldn't follow the bloody thing. The episode was told out of linear order or time. And just jumped all over the place. There was no real chronology to it, it was just a handful of memories.
**
Romance novel is slightly better. In it, the heroine's father is blown off a jetty by a wave, and she never sees him again. That I can buy. And isn't quite as cliche tragedy.
**
Off to bed. Wish me luck tomorrow - I just want to make it through the first site tour I've had since 2020. (I've been dreading it for well over a year now, tried to get out of doing it twice - I can't. And the guy I could have convinced to sub for me - took off. So I'm stuck with it.)
Leaving you with... I get Knocked Down....