The Weekend..Finally..
Sep. 24th, 2022 12:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatDeep exhale...I survived the week from heck. Although the last two days were better...so that provides hope.
My eyes still can't handle the contacts, so I'm wearing glasses. Hope this doesn't continue - since my depth perception is completely shot with glasses. I have about 10-20% with contacts, and nada with glasses. Oh well, at least, I got glasses that fit me and are light weight this go-around.
If it continues - I may try to move up the eye doctor appointment - which got rescheduled for November. Getting to see a doctor in NYC is..difficult to say the least. You have to book well in advance, and often get rescheduled.
We need more doctors and less people. Stop having kids folks. Or stop moving to NYC, shoo.
In other news, I was able to replace my hard drive at work with a faster model, and without getting the bothersome lap-top hookup that so many others have.
Me: Just so you know, I'm having technical difficulties. I forgot my cell phone and head phones. And.. my computer keeps crashing, has been doing it for the last few weeks. (Okay not the week before - I wasn't here, out on bereavement.)
BYT: same thing happened with mine. Put in a request, and I'll approve it - but it will take them forever. Probably weeks, so put it in now.
Me: Sigh. Okay. (I'd been procrastinating. I didn't feel like dealing with IT, and am crazy busy.)
Fifteen minutes later.
IT in chat: So you're having issues?
Me: Yes, my computer keeps crashing and its slow.
IT: What's the model number?
Me: I tell them.
IT: Just looking at the model number - I can tell it's your hard drive that is the problem.
Me: So, hardware issue? Which means new hard drive?
It: Yup. And I just happen to have a fast new hard drive laying around - I can install it today if you'd like
Me: Ok. Is it a lap top?
It: No, tower.
Me: (Sighs in relief) Oh good. Yes, I'm here until 4Pm.
It: be right down - what aisle are you in?
Me: B
Looks around.
Me: Oops, A, sorry.
He installs it, we chat, and I find myself telling him ..."it was crashing for past two weeks, well not last week, I was out on bereavement and funeral, my dad's.."
He was nice about it. I have a tendency to say what I think way too much for my own good.
The other thing that went well - is I brought to BYT's attention the evil addendum situation. She quickly resolved it with head-honcho, who agreed it was an unnecessary evil that we had no time for.
So I resolved two problems in one day - by finding a way to talk to BYT. I also begged BYT for the 7 days at Xmas to visit my widowed mother. (Bro is going to Hawaii and feels he's put in his time.) BYT said she hoped to get to that next week and apologized - she's busy dealing with the other things. We're all overwhelmed. I used a lot of honey instead of vinegar, and kind of threw myself at her mercy.
I did this - after I found out that my union's hands were tied and they could do next to nothing. Union is only really useful in regards to getting a raise, little else. (Which is admittedly nothing to shrug off. They also keep us from being worked to death for no pay, so there's that.)
***
Bro still has stomach bug.
I have itchy eyes, which is causing me to wear glasses and am slightly congested. Sis-in-law has hives that won't go away. Brother has severe IBS.
At least niece and mother appear to be okay.
***
ON FB, MD (former church friend turned acquaintance) brought up Microagressions. She'd done microagression training recently.
The difficulty is - is that we're all prejudiced against folks who aren't like us. I've discovered over the years that your race, ethnicity (which is kind of the same as race), religion, sexual orientation, gender, etc does not make you immune to being racist, chauvinistic, misogynistic, ageist, sexist, homophobic, etc. I know because I've met racist POC, sexist women, misogynistic women, ageist 80 year olds, homophobic homosexuals, etc. All that is required to be a bigot or hateful or stupid is being well human? And the animal kingdom kind of is similar - they discriminate too, they are just, as mother states, more brutally honest about it.
And I've realized or become more aware that my desire to help people different than myself - isn't necessarily something they want or require, and it's often better to do nothing at all or sit back and just listen.
And see the differences as cultural ones, and often just perceived differences, while noting the similarities. We're more alike than we are different - and we all are works in prog
But that doesn't mean we can't become better and be more mindful and self-aware?
I've learned it is probably not a good idea to discuss racism with my Black co-workers. Or at all in the work place. As a white woman, the best I can do is watch and listen, but to discuss it or ask them about it - is cruel from their perspective. It's kind of like someone asking me what it is like to be dyslexic, tall, female, childless, unmarried...although a hundred times worse. Because it means - that all you are doing is focusing on that person's color nothing else.
I'm also learning to be more mindful of things. For example - I almost made a remark to my Project Manager who is Indian, about Indian contractors, and stopped myself, realized it was a racist generalization and I'm better than that. Then I beat myself up for thinking it and almost stating it. (Or my father's voice in my head did, although he was far from perfect himself. He did teach me how powerless we often are, and the best we can do is treat everyone with decency and as people. My father had a saying - treat the secretary with the same respect as the CEO. He told me to treat others as I'd want to be treated, and he instilled that strong moral code in my brother and I - with my mother's assistance.)
One of the things I love about social media - is I have no idea what someone's ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, size, shape, etc is when I interact with them. It's for the most part hidden - unless they tell me. And they don't know mine. This changes the interaction. It's why I prefer written interactions to face to face interactions - we don't spend all this time focusing on what we think we are seeing - instead we are paying attention to what the person is saying, and digging deeper to who they are.
I'm tempted, and to an extent I've done it - peeled away more and more physical descriptors from my novel. I remember loving plays in a way - because the physical descriptors are often gone - you rely mainly on dialogue. And many actors when they get a script black out all the directions, adverbs, and physical descriptors, relying only on the dialogue and speech and words.
I ask myself hard questions. Do I treat people differently after I see what they look like? I remember reacting more positively to my project managers after I saw them in person, they came across as less put together, and more human, and struggling as women to make it in a difficult field. Or online, when someone tells me that they are ______, instead of ______, I realize that I change what I say or write or how I comment.
So yes, I kind of do, without intending to. And it worries me. And I'm not sure if it's good or bad or indifferent?
I admittedly have a tendency to treat POC better than White People. Or respect them more. Mainly do to my own experiences with bullying over the years. It's taken me a long time to realize that Race or Skin Color has absolutely no bearing on how a person behaves. It's irrelevant. You can have a nasty, bullying boss who is Black just as easily as you can have one who is White.
Politics also is immaterial. I've had mean liberal bosses, and kind conservative bosses.
People, as my father used to tell me, are more than one thing. As a writer and historian - he knew that, and I learned it first hand. You really cannot define - no you can - let me rephrase that, You really shouldn't define anyone by one trait, physical or otherwise. And we really shouldn't be defining anyone but ourselves, yet we do, regardless. I think it's human?
I didn't respond to her FB post - because I've learned the hard way - not to do that. I'll write about it here - but I won't do it there.
The most I said on FB today was that "My difficulty with oral communication is invariably I'm going to say the wrong thing. Foot and mouth disease. The reassuring thing? Is so will they. I think even a robot would at this point."
**
A few of us realized on Twitter the other day - that we've known various people online for twenty years. Started on the Voy forums, gravitated to LJ, then to DW. Twenty years. Some of you know me better than my family members and close personal friends and co-workers do. You've definitely seen more sides of me.
It's a beautiful fall day. With fall like weather - crisp and cool, but not too cool. I've finally been able to turn off the A/C, as has mother down in South Carolina.
I'm grateful for today and a chance to crash a bit, with no major requirements or duties outside of making lunch ahead of me.
My eyes still can't handle the contacts, so I'm wearing glasses. Hope this doesn't continue - since my depth perception is completely shot with glasses. I have about 10-20% with contacts, and nada with glasses. Oh well, at least, I got glasses that fit me and are light weight this go-around.
If it continues - I may try to move up the eye doctor appointment - which got rescheduled for November. Getting to see a doctor in NYC is..difficult to say the least. You have to book well in advance, and often get rescheduled.
We need more doctors and less people. Stop having kids folks. Or stop moving to NYC, shoo.
In other news, I was able to replace my hard drive at work with a faster model, and without getting the bothersome lap-top hookup that so many others have.
Me: Just so you know, I'm having technical difficulties. I forgot my cell phone and head phones. And.. my computer keeps crashing, has been doing it for the last few weeks. (Okay not the week before - I wasn't here, out on bereavement.)
BYT: same thing happened with mine. Put in a request, and I'll approve it - but it will take them forever. Probably weeks, so put it in now.
Me: Sigh. Okay. (I'd been procrastinating. I didn't feel like dealing with IT, and am crazy busy.)
Fifteen minutes later.
IT in chat: So you're having issues?
Me: Yes, my computer keeps crashing and its slow.
IT: What's the model number?
Me: I tell them.
IT: Just looking at the model number - I can tell it's your hard drive that is the problem.
Me: So, hardware issue? Which means new hard drive?
It: Yup. And I just happen to have a fast new hard drive laying around - I can install it today if you'd like
Me: Ok. Is it a lap top?
It: No, tower.
Me: (Sighs in relief) Oh good. Yes, I'm here until 4Pm.
It: be right down - what aisle are you in?
Me: B
Looks around.
Me: Oops, A, sorry.
He installs it, we chat, and I find myself telling him ..."it was crashing for past two weeks, well not last week, I was out on bereavement and funeral, my dad's.."
He was nice about it. I have a tendency to say what I think way too much for my own good.
The other thing that went well - is I brought to BYT's attention the evil addendum situation. She quickly resolved it with head-honcho, who agreed it was an unnecessary evil that we had no time for.
So I resolved two problems in one day - by finding a way to talk to BYT. I also begged BYT for the 7 days at Xmas to visit my widowed mother. (Bro is going to Hawaii and feels he's put in his time.) BYT said she hoped to get to that next week and apologized - she's busy dealing with the other things. We're all overwhelmed. I used a lot of honey instead of vinegar, and kind of threw myself at her mercy.
I did this - after I found out that my union's hands were tied and they could do next to nothing. Union is only really useful in regards to getting a raise, little else. (Which is admittedly nothing to shrug off. They also keep us from being worked to death for no pay, so there's that.)
***
Bro still has stomach bug.
I have itchy eyes, which is causing me to wear glasses and am slightly congested. Sis-in-law has hives that won't go away. Brother has severe IBS.
At least niece and mother appear to be okay.
***
ON FB, MD (former church friend turned acquaintance) brought up Microagressions. She'd done microagression training recently.
The difficulty is - is that we're all prejudiced against folks who aren't like us. I've discovered over the years that your race, ethnicity (which is kind of the same as race), religion, sexual orientation, gender, etc does not make you immune to being racist, chauvinistic, misogynistic, ageist, sexist, homophobic, etc. I know because I've met racist POC, sexist women, misogynistic women, ageist 80 year olds, homophobic homosexuals, etc. All that is required to be a bigot or hateful or stupid is being well human? And the animal kingdom kind of is similar - they discriminate too, they are just, as mother states, more brutally honest about it.
And I've realized or become more aware that my desire to help people different than myself - isn't necessarily something they want or require, and it's often better to do nothing at all or sit back and just listen.
And see the differences as cultural ones, and often just perceived differences, while noting the similarities. We're more alike than we are different - and we all are works in prog
But that doesn't mean we can't become better and be more mindful and self-aware?
I've learned it is probably not a good idea to discuss racism with my Black co-workers. Or at all in the work place. As a white woman, the best I can do is watch and listen, but to discuss it or ask them about it - is cruel from their perspective. It's kind of like someone asking me what it is like to be dyslexic, tall, female, childless, unmarried...although a hundred times worse. Because it means - that all you are doing is focusing on that person's color nothing else.
I'm also learning to be more mindful of things. For example - I almost made a remark to my Project Manager who is Indian, about Indian contractors, and stopped myself, realized it was a racist generalization and I'm better than that. Then I beat myself up for thinking it and almost stating it. (Or my father's voice in my head did, although he was far from perfect himself. He did teach me how powerless we often are, and the best we can do is treat everyone with decency and as people. My father had a saying - treat the secretary with the same respect as the CEO. He told me to treat others as I'd want to be treated, and he instilled that strong moral code in my brother and I - with my mother's assistance.)
One of the things I love about social media - is I have no idea what someone's ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, size, shape, etc is when I interact with them. It's for the most part hidden - unless they tell me. And they don't know mine. This changes the interaction. It's why I prefer written interactions to face to face interactions - we don't spend all this time focusing on what we think we are seeing - instead we are paying attention to what the person is saying, and digging deeper to who they are.
I'm tempted, and to an extent I've done it - peeled away more and more physical descriptors from my novel. I remember loving plays in a way - because the physical descriptors are often gone - you rely mainly on dialogue. And many actors when they get a script black out all the directions, adverbs, and physical descriptors, relying only on the dialogue and speech and words.
I ask myself hard questions. Do I treat people differently after I see what they look like? I remember reacting more positively to my project managers after I saw them in person, they came across as less put together, and more human, and struggling as women to make it in a difficult field. Or online, when someone tells me that they are ______, instead of ______, I realize that I change what I say or write or how I comment.
So yes, I kind of do, without intending to. And it worries me. And I'm not sure if it's good or bad or indifferent?
I admittedly have a tendency to treat POC better than White People. Or respect them more. Mainly do to my own experiences with bullying over the years. It's taken me a long time to realize that Race or Skin Color has absolutely no bearing on how a person behaves. It's irrelevant. You can have a nasty, bullying boss who is Black just as easily as you can have one who is White.
Politics also is immaterial. I've had mean liberal bosses, and kind conservative bosses.
People, as my father used to tell me, are more than one thing. As a writer and historian - he knew that, and I learned it first hand. You really cannot define - no you can - let me rephrase that, You really shouldn't define anyone by one trait, physical or otherwise. And we really shouldn't be defining anyone but ourselves, yet we do, regardless. I think it's human?
I didn't respond to her FB post - because I've learned the hard way - not to do that. I'll write about it here - but I won't do it there.
The most I said on FB today was that "My difficulty with oral communication is invariably I'm going to say the wrong thing. Foot and mouth disease. The reassuring thing? Is so will they. I think even a robot would at this point."
**
A few of us realized on Twitter the other day - that we've known various people online for twenty years. Started on the Voy forums, gravitated to LJ, then to DW. Twenty years. Some of you know me better than my family members and close personal friends and co-workers do. You've definitely seen more sides of me.
It's a beautiful fall day. With fall like weather - crisp and cool, but not too cool. I've finally been able to turn off the A/C, as has mother down in South Carolina.
I'm grateful for today and a chance to crash a bit, with no major requirements or duties outside of making lunch ahead of me.