I write in lj mostly for myself. I get an idea--a way of phrasing something that I like, or an observation that I want to share--and I put it down where others can see it and maybe they'll be interested, maybe not, but I hate to waste a good idea or rant.
But I have trepidations similar to yours. I feel like I don't fit in--I alwys have, because I didn't fit in. To many problems to deal with, too many moves from one school or state to another. Many times I quit trying to fit in because I resented feeling like I wasn't good enough as I am, or I was sure that nobody would like me anyway. (Even as an adult.) I reach out, then retreat again, torn between wanting contact and fearing judgement.
But a good thing about lj is that I can retreat a little when I feel overwhelmed, and then get back into the flow when I feel more outgoing. I can very quickly make contact, or get into longer conversations. The interesting thing is that people see more of the real me through my writing than they would in months or even years of face-to-face contact. That makes me nervous, but also glad that I can be myself (more or less). It's not face-to-face--it's mind to mind, which is the addicting part, and something I don't want to give up.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 07:38 am (UTC)But I have trepidations similar to yours. I feel like I don't fit in--I alwys have, because I didn't fit in. To many problems to deal with, too many moves from one school or state to another. Many times I quit trying to fit in because I resented feeling like I wasn't good enough as I am, or I was sure that nobody would like me anyway. (Even as an adult.) I reach out, then retreat again, torn between wanting contact and fearing judgement.
But a good thing about lj is that I can retreat a little when I feel overwhelmed, and then get back into the flow when I feel more outgoing. I can very quickly make contact, or get into longer conversations. The interesting thing is that people see more of the real me through my writing than they would in months or even years of face-to-face contact. That makes me nervous, but also glad that I can be myself (more or less). It's not face-to-face--it's mind to mind, which is the addicting part, and something I don't want to give up.