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Oct. 16th, 2005 10:37 amDon't normally do this, rec essays. But this essay on the BTVS/ATS shows so perfectly hits well something I've been trying to put my finger on lately. Its one of those essays that you read, nod your head, grin and think, yep, exactly.
I suck at html linking but I think you can find the essay here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/romanyg/66075.html
The essay is about fathers and sons, how father's relate to sons and sons in return are taught to relate to their own sons. The inability to show intimacy, to show love, or pride, yet the desire to. The sins we commit
within that relationship and the losses we fear.
It struck a chord in me that is difficult to explain to people who have never met me face to face or have but don't well, know me (can you ever really know someone else?) or know for instance that I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents. I think, what struck me about the essay, what it pin-pointed was that odd need for love, approval, respect. That consuming desire for those things. Things I think we all want that on some level - if it is from friends, family, or lovers. Without it, we feel lost. And I think it motivates us to do extraordinary, wonderful, outrageous, petty and horrible things. I'm not so sure it's attention I crave so much as love. respect. and approval. And sure I know I'm respected, loved. approved of. Yet at the same time, I wonder at it. That insecure bravado erupts. I wonder if that's part of being human, being stuck inside your own head. Your own point of view. Even when you read or listen to or watch another's experiences, you feel that same odd sense of disconnect, you are looking at it through your eyes.
There was a movie done a while back - "Being John Malkovich" where people got to be inside John Malkovich's head but they weren't John Malkovich. They didn't know what it was like to be him. They were no more than puppeteers moving his hands and legs. OR an unseen spectator watching and feeling what his body felt, the ultimate virtual reality story. Yet they still had no clue what or who John Malkovich really was. We can't know I don't think what someone else feels about something. What influences them. Each person who entered John Malkovich's brain judged him, judged what he did. One character, the anti-hero of the piece, a puppeteer, enters Malkovich and proceeds to take over. He turns Malkovich into a version of himself. Leaving Malkovich the unwilling spectator, closed off from himself and unable to choose. Locked away in his own brain. Not unlike the metaphor of the demon inhabiting the body of a human on BTVS and ATS. Locking away the human, but borrowing portions of the human or the original occupants personality to keep up the charade.
Ugh. enuf.
On another front - still haven't received my Comprehensive Gluten-Free Resource Guide from Amazon, they keep delaying it. Ordered it in August, was delayed until Oct. Now they inform me I won't get it till Novemember? I need that book damn it. (Especially since homemade gluten free cookies did not agree with me, made me sort of sick actually). It's supposed to be the most comprehensive and reliable of the books and tells you which stupid internet links to believe and which ones not to. Highly recommended and used by nutritionists. And please, please do not send me more internet links on going gluten-free, I've seen them all. What I want is a nice handy reference book not a bunch of annoying poorly constructed graphic heavy web sites. There are times I hate the internet.
I suck at html linking but I think you can find the essay here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/romanyg/66075.html
The essay is about fathers and sons, how father's relate to sons and sons in return are taught to relate to their own sons. The inability to show intimacy, to show love, or pride, yet the desire to. The sins we commit
within that relationship and the losses we fear.
It struck a chord in me that is difficult to explain to people who have never met me face to face or have but don't well, know me (can you ever really know someone else?) or know for instance that I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents. I think, what struck me about the essay, what it pin-pointed was that odd need for love, approval, respect. That consuming desire for those things. Things I think we all want that on some level - if it is from friends, family, or lovers. Without it, we feel lost. And I think it motivates us to do extraordinary, wonderful, outrageous, petty and horrible things. I'm not so sure it's attention I crave so much as love. respect. and approval. And sure I know I'm respected, loved. approved of. Yet at the same time, I wonder at it. That insecure bravado erupts. I wonder if that's part of being human, being stuck inside your own head. Your own point of view. Even when you read or listen to or watch another's experiences, you feel that same odd sense of disconnect, you are looking at it through your eyes.
There was a movie done a while back - "Being John Malkovich" where people got to be inside John Malkovich's head but they weren't John Malkovich. They didn't know what it was like to be him. They were no more than puppeteers moving his hands and legs. OR an unseen spectator watching and feeling what his body felt, the ultimate virtual reality story. Yet they still had no clue what or who John Malkovich really was. We can't know I don't think what someone else feels about something. What influences them. Each person who entered John Malkovich's brain judged him, judged what he did. One character, the anti-hero of the piece, a puppeteer, enters Malkovich and proceeds to take over. He turns Malkovich into a version of himself. Leaving Malkovich the unwilling spectator, closed off from himself and unable to choose. Locked away in his own brain. Not unlike the metaphor of the demon inhabiting the body of a human on BTVS and ATS. Locking away the human, but borrowing portions of the human or the original occupants personality to keep up the charade.
Ugh. enuf.
On another front - still haven't received my Comprehensive Gluten-Free Resource Guide from Amazon, they keep delaying it. Ordered it in August, was delayed until Oct. Now they inform me I won't get it till Novemember? I need that book damn it. (Especially since homemade gluten free cookies did not agree with me, made me sort of sick actually). It's supposed to be the most comprehensive and reliable of the books and tells you which stupid internet links to believe and which ones not to. Highly recommended and used by nutritionists. And please, please do not send me more internet links on going gluten-free, I've seen them all. What I want is a nice handy reference book not a bunch of annoying poorly constructed graphic heavy web sites. There are times I hate the internet.
