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[ETA: It's probably worth noting that I wrote this post when I was feeling nauseous, crappy, and altogether miserable this morning...in short, there really should be a icky/uggy not to mention maudlin mood word. Crappy just doesn't quite get it all across. Although my icon may go a long way towards that. I really mean it when I say 'don't fuck with me', some people are kidding when they use that one, me? Not so much.]
Do you ever wonder when you post a blog on livejournal, who is reading and who scrolls by and who has filtered you out entirely, but for reasons that defy logic has kept you on their flist anyhow? Maybe it's just me. But I look at the list of people who have friended me for whatever reason, and some of them, feel a little like ghosts. Haunting the page, unseen, unheard, there but maybe not.
Just finished scrolling through my own livejournal flist - most of the people on it blog on a daily, possibly an hourly basis, while others blog once in a blue moon...like, shadowy presences that you are never quite sure are reading you or aren't. You'll go weeks, possibly months without a post, then whammo - there it is. In some cases a year. And there are others who I think may have left entirely but forgot or decided not to delete their livejournals, just in case they decide to lurk. I defriended a couple of them at one point, because...I'd more or less decided they were gone. Only to see them defreind me, which probably meant they were merely lurking about and didn't much appreciate the exorcism. Of course I'm the worste kind of hypocrite - because I seldom if ever respond to other's blogs, partially because I have zip to say which hasn't already been said by the last ten commentators, and partially because I'm a tad afraid of being kicked in the head for saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood. So I'm a bit of a ghost myself at the moment, lurking over here in my own corner of the internet woods, under an assumed name.
The best bit of advice? Which I tried to copy and repost here but couldn't without getting the whole thing, was :" Take everything you hear on the internet and the news media with a hefty grain of salt" or something to that effect. They were actually referring to the election. I think this should be followed for everything.
( tribute to a fan board wedged in the middle of all of this )
Ghosts are plaguing me this week. Lots and lots of ghosts. The still alive variety. They aren't dead. People who've come and gone from my life, disappeared, leaving a faint resonance behind, but no trail in which I can realistically track them down. The one I miss the most, is oddly, a childhood friend, whom I have not seen since 1985, every time I think of her, I have the overwhelming craving for chocolat chip cookie dough. No idea why exactly. Except that she made the best chocolat chip cookies on the planet. She'd mix the chips in with her hands instead of a mixer, much like you might knead bread, and put in at least four teaspoons of vanilla. What people don't realize about chocolat chip cookies - is they are best when you fiddle around with the recipe.
( Read more... )
The funny thing about life is sometimes the people we thought we cliched with, who helped us, disappear without warning. Reminding us that nothing is permanent in this life, except maybe death. I blame myself for most of these disappearances, even though if I think about it for any length of time, I know they are not entirely my fault. Granted I could have worked harder at it. Pushed more. Did more things. Not let my own insecurities get in the way. My excuses, while justified, feel at times hollow. And it is hard not to sit here and berate myself for what could have been.
The past sometimes whether we like or not, lets out a stink like a long dead skunk that we've run over on the road. Permeating our car for long enough to make us lose our direction, so we miss that next turn and end up lost in the netherlands.
Do you ever wonder when you post a blog on livejournal, who is reading and who scrolls by and who has filtered you out entirely, but for reasons that defy logic has kept you on their flist anyhow? Maybe it's just me. But I look at the list of people who have friended me for whatever reason, and some of them, feel a little like ghosts. Haunting the page, unseen, unheard, there but maybe not.
Just finished scrolling through my own livejournal flist - most of the people on it blog on a daily, possibly an hourly basis, while others blog once in a blue moon...like, shadowy presences that you are never quite sure are reading you or aren't. You'll go weeks, possibly months without a post, then whammo - there it is. In some cases a year. And there are others who I think may have left entirely but forgot or decided not to delete their livejournals, just in case they decide to lurk. I defriended a couple of them at one point, because...I'd more or less decided they were gone. Only to see them defreind me, which probably meant they were merely lurking about and didn't much appreciate the exorcism. Of course I'm the worste kind of hypocrite - because I seldom if ever respond to other's blogs, partially because I have zip to say which hasn't already been said by the last ten commentators, and partially because I'm a tad afraid of being kicked in the head for saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood. So I'm a bit of a ghost myself at the moment, lurking over here in my own corner of the internet woods, under an assumed name.
The best bit of advice? Which I tried to copy and repost here but couldn't without getting the whole thing, was :" Take everything you hear on the internet and the news media with a hefty grain of salt" or something to that effect. They were actually referring to the election. I think this should be followed for everything.
( tribute to a fan board wedged in the middle of all of this )
Ghosts are plaguing me this week. Lots and lots of ghosts. The still alive variety. They aren't dead. People who've come and gone from my life, disappeared, leaving a faint resonance behind, but no trail in which I can realistically track them down. The one I miss the most, is oddly, a childhood friend, whom I have not seen since 1985, every time I think of her, I have the overwhelming craving for chocolat chip cookie dough. No idea why exactly. Except that she made the best chocolat chip cookies on the planet. She'd mix the chips in with her hands instead of a mixer, much like you might knead bread, and put in at least four teaspoons of vanilla. What people don't realize about chocolat chip cookies - is they are best when you fiddle around with the recipe.
( Read more... )
The funny thing about life is sometimes the people we thought we cliched with, who helped us, disappear without warning. Reminding us that nothing is permanent in this life, except maybe death. I blame myself for most of these disappearances, even though if I think about it for any length of time, I know they are not entirely my fault. Granted I could have worked harder at it. Pushed more. Did more things. Not let my own insecurities get in the way. My excuses, while justified, feel at times hollow. And it is hard not to sit here and berate myself for what could have been.
The past sometimes whether we like or not, lets out a stink like a long dead skunk that we've run over on the road. Permeating our car for long enough to make us lose our direction, so we miss that next turn and end up lost in the netherlands.
