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Why I hate labels.
Sep. 24th, 2010 09:08 pmRather proud of myself today - I overslept, because I stayed up too late writing that last entry and as a result, I got into bed at midnight and forgot to set my alarm clock. This resulted in oversleeping an hour and a half. I woke up at 7:22. My normal time is 6am. My train leaves at 7:29.
Which meant I was going to miss it. But I knew there was another train leaving at 7:43 and another at 7:50. The subway takes about ten minutes to get to the LIRR train station. Then it's a 10-15 min walk to the station from there. I jumped out of bed, jumped in the bathroom, jumped into my clothes, made my bed, ate a hard-boiled egg, drank soy milk, threw on foundation - stuffed the eyeliner in my bag, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, threw on socks and shoes, threw my lunch in my bag and jogged to the subway - all within 15 minutes. I literally made it to the subway by 7:35. I got to the LIRR by 7:43. I hopped on the 7:50 train by 7:48. Go me. And whew - quite the workout. It did cross my mind to call in sick, use a personal day, or say running late (but didn't want to use comp time to make up the hours - figured I'd run and see if I could make it.) Also, oddly enough got a lot done today.
Things been thinking about this week...
1. Words. As much as I adore words. I don't like labels or rather the human tendency to label and name and categorize things even if they defy categorization or stubbornly refuse to be named.
Labeling while an understandable human tendency - it's our way of organizing and making sense of our universe, can also be a fatal flaw leading to discontent, fighting and major problems down the road. Why? Because once we put the label on it, we file it away, dust off our hands and say that's that. Without ever questioning if we might have mislabeled it or worse yet, there are no labels.
We just file it away in our mental index and pull it out whenever we see so and so's face, or hear their name. Or someone who fits the same description of that person. ie. If Joe has red hair, freckles, green eyes, and burns, he must be Irish - because Cynthia has those attributes and is Irish. These traits = Irish. And since the Irish tend to love alcohol and are literary - obviously Joe loves to drink alcohol and is literary. That's what you are - I've identified you now and will deal with you based on how you've been labeled in my head.
People, I've found time and again, really defy labeling. You can't pigeon-hole a person. And no one wants to be pigeon-holed, labeled and neatly filed in a box somewhere between A and Z.
For example - I still get annoyed when people call me liberal or Democrat, I'm not always. There are days in which I'm fairly conservative in my thinking. Or in fandom, when people would slice into whatever argument I was posing, by stating well of course you think that way, you are a "shipper". OR that's the problem with "shippers" they can't see past what they like about their favorite character and romanticize them. In short, I've been written off and the person I was talking with has stopped listening or reading, as the case may be. Assuming of course they were ever listening in the first place.
I find myself doing the same thing, sorry to say.
This brings me to the second thing I've been thinking about...
2. A while ago, a man at church described what it was like to talk with the Dalia Lama.
He said when you speak with the Dalia Lama - his focus is entirely on you. He is listening to you with full attention. Without judgment. Without interruption. Just listening to what you are saying.
Then, in another church session, a week later, a woman read a poem about what it felt like to be listened to. When you are fully listened to, the woman said, you feel the way you must have felt when you read aloud your first poem and it was greeted with applause. When someone listens deeply to you, hears what you say and understands...you feel whole, you feel real, you feel present.
It is a great gift to fully listen to another, and yet we do it rarely.
It's funny, you'd think with all these technological gadgets that have made communication faster and easier - we'd be better at it. Yet, if anything, I think we may be about the same. Possibly worse. ( Read more... )
3. All this week I've had people telling me what to do, unasked for advice. What to watch, what to like, what to buy, what to think. ( Read more... )
Which meant I was going to miss it. But I knew there was another train leaving at 7:43 and another at 7:50. The subway takes about ten minutes to get to the LIRR train station. Then it's a 10-15 min walk to the station from there. I jumped out of bed, jumped in the bathroom, jumped into my clothes, made my bed, ate a hard-boiled egg, drank soy milk, threw on foundation - stuffed the eyeliner in my bag, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, threw on socks and shoes, threw my lunch in my bag and jogged to the subway - all within 15 minutes. I literally made it to the subway by 7:35. I got to the LIRR by 7:43. I hopped on the 7:50 train by 7:48. Go me. And whew - quite the workout. It did cross my mind to call in sick, use a personal day, or say running late (but didn't want to use comp time to make up the hours - figured I'd run and see if I could make it.) Also, oddly enough got a lot done today.
Things been thinking about this week...
1. Words. As much as I adore words. I don't like labels or rather the human tendency to label and name and categorize things even if they defy categorization or stubbornly refuse to be named.
Labeling while an understandable human tendency - it's our way of organizing and making sense of our universe, can also be a fatal flaw leading to discontent, fighting and major problems down the road. Why? Because once we put the label on it, we file it away, dust off our hands and say that's that. Without ever questioning if we might have mislabeled it or worse yet, there are no labels.
We just file it away in our mental index and pull it out whenever we see so and so's face, or hear their name. Or someone who fits the same description of that person. ie. If Joe has red hair, freckles, green eyes, and burns, he must be Irish - because Cynthia has those attributes and is Irish. These traits = Irish. And since the Irish tend to love alcohol and are literary - obviously Joe loves to drink alcohol and is literary. That's what you are - I've identified you now and will deal with you based on how you've been labeled in my head.
People, I've found time and again, really defy labeling. You can't pigeon-hole a person. And no one wants to be pigeon-holed, labeled and neatly filed in a box somewhere between A and Z.
For example - I still get annoyed when people call me liberal or Democrat, I'm not always. There are days in which I'm fairly conservative in my thinking. Or in fandom, when people would slice into whatever argument I was posing, by stating well of course you think that way, you are a "shipper". OR that's the problem with "shippers" they can't see past what they like about their favorite character and romanticize them. In short, I've been written off and the person I was talking with has stopped listening or reading, as the case may be. Assuming of course they were ever listening in the first place.
I find myself doing the same thing, sorry to say.
This brings me to the second thing I've been thinking about...
2. A while ago, a man at church described what it was like to talk with the Dalia Lama.
He said when you speak with the Dalia Lama - his focus is entirely on you. He is listening to you with full attention. Without judgment. Without interruption. Just listening to what you are saying.
Then, in another church session, a week later, a woman read a poem about what it felt like to be listened to. When you are fully listened to, the woman said, you feel the way you must have felt when you read aloud your first poem and it was greeted with applause. When someone listens deeply to you, hears what you say and understands...you feel whole, you feel real, you feel present.
It is a great gift to fully listen to another, and yet we do it rarely.
It's funny, you'd think with all these technological gadgets that have made communication faster and easier - we'd be better at it. Yet, if anything, I think we may be about the same. Possibly worse. ( Read more... )
3. All this week I've had people telling me what to do, unasked for advice. What to watch, what to like, what to buy, what to think. ( Read more... )