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Apt search depressed and stressed the hell out of me today and I realized it's time to scale back on the searching, after being bullied by agent to buy something. We fought a lot in the car. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that maybe I should hunt for apartments to rent that are either rent stablized or rent controlled (close to impossible to find). Or just stay put. See where the other things I've been pursuing take me.
Today was not what I expected. Or it, rather, brought to the forefront many issues I've been grappling with. But not quite sure how to break them down or discuss them. Words fail all of sudden. They've been failing me a lot lately, my blogging seems to be suffering as a result.
And my mind keeps jumping from topic to topic, the topics often having nothing in common with each other, or seemingly unrelated. It's like my creative writing - I have all these ideas, too many ideas, but none of them connect. So I feel a bit diffused or scattered?
Perhaps, should try doing jotting them down one by one, separated with a space, each thought numbered and neatly organized on the page.
1. Church this morning was interesting. One amazing spiritual gospel number that blew me away. It was called "Soon Ah Will Be Done" by William L. Dawson. It's not the words that blew me away but the sound. Music is often like that - it's the sound not the words that move us. But this is true in writing as well, sometimes a poem will move us more because of how it sounds, how the words rub together like sticks starting a spark deep inside, then what the words mean in of themselves. I've always loved how words sound against each other, the alliteration, perhaps it is the poet in me?( Read more... )
2. I worry sometimes, or rather I did this morning, if I come across online as a know-it-all? I hope not. Because I don't feel that way, not really. My knowledge has huge gaps in it. And I often spend my working days bouncing about asking questions, many many questions.( Read more... )
3. I want to write creatively again. It's a constant itch in the back of my skull that won't leave me alone. It's that old Toni Morrison axiom - if you can't find a book that thrills you, write it yourself. Write your own stories. Do it the way you want to see it done.
But I have so many stories, I don't know what to pick. Should just focus on the one I've already written, get it out there. But it scares me a bit. There's so much of me wrapped up inside it - or rather me of five to six years ago. I finished it in 2006.
4. I've thought about contributing to now. Connecting to now, the world as it exists materially before me. Not retreating from it or hiding in cultural mediums and stories inside my head.
I think of my brother who loves to garden. To feel the earth between his finger tips. ( Read more... )
5. I'm reading a new book now - Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, having finally grown weary of hunting for something that I thought was there (a small tiny spark) and isn't in Harrison's novels after all - the writer mislead me. I got all excited about it, too. In much the same way I got all excited about the Whedonverse and obsessed with Buffy. Only to discover it was a tease. An illusion. And from the writer's own spoilers - it's clear she's going off in another direction completely. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, just disappointing is all. I think, writer's shouldn't tease. You lose readers that way. The relationship between reader and writer is a shaky one at best, the reader is trusting the writer and the writer the reader...misleading or teasing the reader can lead to a breakage of trust and the reader will leave, to tell their own tales or to read another tale. Writer's should remember that readers are fickle creatures...
Off to make dinner and prepare for another day. Moment by moment, or so my Granny used to say. Each day at a time. Think no further. You know not what that day will bring. And be thankful for it.
Be that day. Only that day. Not tomorrow or yesterday. Today.
Today was not what I expected. Or it, rather, brought to the forefront many issues I've been grappling with. But not quite sure how to break them down or discuss them. Words fail all of sudden. They've been failing me a lot lately, my blogging seems to be suffering as a result.
And my mind keeps jumping from topic to topic, the topics often having nothing in common with each other, or seemingly unrelated. It's like my creative writing - I have all these ideas, too many ideas, but none of them connect. So I feel a bit diffused or scattered?
Perhaps, should try doing jotting them down one by one, separated with a space, each thought numbered and neatly organized on the page.
1. Church this morning was interesting. One amazing spiritual gospel number that blew me away. It was called "Soon Ah Will Be Done" by William L. Dawson. It's not the words that blew me away but the sound. Music is often like that - it's the sound not the words that move us. But this is true in writing as well, sometimes a poem will move us more because of how it sounds, how the words rub together like sticks starting a spark deep inside, then what the words mean in of themselves. I've always loved how words sound against each other, the alliteration, perhaps it is the poet in me?( Read more... )
2. I worry sometimes, or rather I did this morning, if I come across online as a know-it-all? I hope not. Because I don't feel that way, not really. My knowledge has huge gaps in it. And I often spend my working days bouncing about asking questions, many many questions.( Read more... )
3. I want to write creatively again. It's a constant itch in the back of my skull that won't leave me alone. It's that old Toni Morrison axiom - if you can't find a book that thrills you, write it yourself. Write your own stories. Do it the way you want to see it done.
But I have so many stories, I don't know what to pick. Should just focus on the one I've already written, get it out there. But it scares me a bit. There's so much of me wrapped up inside it - or rather me of five to six years ago. I finished it in 2006.
4. I've thought about contributing to now. Connecting to now, the world as it exists materially before me. Not retreating from it or hiding in cultural mediums and stories inside my head.
I think of my brother who loves to garden. To feel the earth between his finger tips. ( Read more... )
5. I'm reading a new book now - Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, having finally grown weary of hunting for something that I thought was there (a small tiny spark) and isn't in Harrison's novels after all - the writer mislead me. I got all excited about it, too. In much the same way I got all excited about the Whedonverse and obsessed with Buffy. Only to discover it was a tease. An illusion. And from the writer's own spoilers - it's clear she's going off in another direction completely. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, just disappointing is all. I think, writer's shouldn't tease. You lose readers that way. The relationship between reader and writer is a shaky one at best, the reader is trusting the writer and the writer the reader...misleading or teasing the reader can lead to a breakage of trust and the reader will leave, to tell their own tales or to read another tale. Writer's should remember that readers are fickle creatures...
Off to make dinner and prepare for another day. Moment by moment, or so my Granny used to say. Each day at a time. Think no further. You know not what that day will bring. And be thankful for it.
Be that day. Only that day. Not tomorrow or yesterday. Today.
