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Jun. 24th, 2018 09:51 pmAfter close to twenty years posting on the internet, I've learned the following:
[Side note - "You" = "ME", I just find it more rhythmically pleasing than "I" or "me".]
1. People, as a general rule, can get really upset over the weirdest and craziest things. Such as someone stating that a popular or not-so-popular character will be recast in a serial or that character is returning and joining a serial. It doesn't matter the fandom. I've seen this happen in about ten different fandoms in various genres. Or they can get really upset about the fact that you are ranting about the horrific nature of brussel sprouts, Joss Whedon's writing, James Marsters personal life, or the space mission to Mars. Or that you personally despise tribalism and are discussing it as a theme in a book in which the writer also despises it. Or the correction of a grammatical mistake - such as whether it should be "could care less" or "couldn't care less" -- which is actually not grammatical but two different cultural takes on the same phrase. [Note - People are crazy. It's a fact of life. And they are especially crazy on the internet, which appears to draw out the crazy in just about everyone.]
2. Do not enter into a heated emotional debate with people on the internet, you won't get anywhere.
*Note - how to know it is a heated emotional debate? When the tone becomes patronizing, one of the people starts cursing, or name-calling, and it derails into a "yes it is, no it isn't" debate. Also when one or the other of the debaters starts morally condemning the other -- is a good indication. You can't change an angry person's mind. Do not try.
3. Do not poke fun of fans on the internet. OR the person you just fought with. Do not be snarky when everyone is squeeing. If it is funny in your head, chances are that it is not funny outside of it. Edit yourself -- particularly if it can be read the wrong way. If you do not follow this rule you will just piss them off. Also, worth noting you* can also get crazy emotional about certain things and probably don't like it when people do this to you. That's one of the tests by the way -- if the tables were turned and someone did it to you, don't do it.
4. If a moderator or administrator or the journal/blog owner/writer goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to inform you that something is not tolerated, that they do not want to discuss something, or they refuse to entertain any discussion on it or to stop talking about it -- Do NOT do it. Respect their wishes, trust me, it is not worth the pain and agony.
5. Never respond to another person's post in anger. Walk away. Wait until your mind is calm. And most likely you won't care any longer and the post will disappear from notice. (You'll only live to regret it later. Most posts that make us crazy on the internet disappear pretty quickly. IF you ignore it, it will go away. If you poke it and pick at it like a scab it will not go away, and it will start to bleed and fester, and get infected. DO NOT PICK AT IT. Ignore it and walk away.)
6. Learn to back away slowly when someone posts an angry response to you...or to leave a heated argument. You do not have to say the last word to win it. It will go away if you leave and you may remain friends. If you do not, it is like the scab that you keep picking at.
7. Do not post on social media sites when depressed, anxious, or angry. It will not make you less so, it will most likely make it worse. Particularly FB. Try to post from a position of kindness not from a position of ego or self-importance.
8. Apologize if you have inadvertently pissed off a moderator or administrator on a discussion board or posting board. If it is their board and you are just a guest, then you have to play by their rules and take your shoes off, speak quietly and politely, as requested. Because if you don't they block you, ban you, remove you, etc with little effort.
9. Do not talk about things on fan discussion boards, friends posts, posts you've subscribed to, correspondence list posts -- that will piss off the person who owns the board or journal to which you are responding.
10. Know the board or journal you are responding to and understand the person's political views, kinks, triggers, tastes, dislikes, anxieties, rules, foibles and values, prior to posting. Respect them, even if they are different from yours and/or clash with yours. If you cannot do that, do not follow that board or that person. And do not post on their site. That's not to say disagreement is not allowed, it is, but if you cannot be civil, do not do it. Stick to your own blog.
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The post above comes to you from recent interactions on a soap opera spoiler board. Although it also could relate to any other board that I've frequented over the years, along with various DW and LJ blogs. I've broken pretty much all of the rules above, so speak from experience regarding why it is a good idea to abide by them. People can be prickly, sensitive, weirdly hypocritical and often not very self-aware on the internet, where their polite masks often come off...you must handle with care.
[Side note - "You" = "ME", I just find it more rhythmically pleasing than "I" or "me".]
1. People, as a general rule, can get really upset over the weirdest and craziest things. Such as someone stating that a popular or not-so-popular character will be recast in a serial or that character is returning and joining a serial. It doesn't matter the fandom. I've seen this happen in about ten different fandoms in various genres. Or they can get really upset about the fact that you are ranting about the horrific nature of brussel sprouts, Joss Whedon's writing, James Marsters personal life, or the space mission to Mars. Or that you personally despise tribalism and are discussing it as a theme in a book in which the writer also despises it. Or the correction of a grammatical mistake - such as whether it should be "could care less" or "couldn't care less" -- which is actually not grammatical but two different cultural takes on the same phrase. [Note - People are crazy. It's a fact of life. And they are especially crazy on the internet, which appears to draw out the crazy in just about everyone.]
2. Do not enter into a heated emotional debate with people on the internet, you won't get anywhere.
*Note - how to know it is a heated emotional debate? When the tone becomes patronizing, one of the people starts cursing, or name-calling, and it derails into a "yes it is, no it isn't" debate. Also when one or the other of the debaters starts morally condemning the other -- is a good indication. You can't change an angry person's mind. Do not try.
3. Do not poke fun of fans on the internet. OR the person you just fought with. Do not be snarky when everyone is squeeing. If it is funny in your head, chances are that it is not funny outside of it. Edit yourself -- particularly if it can be read the wrong way. If you do not follow this rule you will just piss them off. Also, worth noting you* can also get crazy emotional about certain things and probably don't like it when people do this to you. That's one of the tests by the way -- if the tables were turned and someone did it to you, don't do it.
4. If a moderator or administrator or the journal/blog owner/writer goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to inform you that something is not tolerated, that they do not want to discuss something, or they refuse to entertain any discussion on it or to stop talking about it -- Do NOT do it. Respect their wishes, trust me, it is not worth the pain and agony.
5. Never respond to another person's post in anger. Walk away. Wait until your mind is calm. And most likely you won't care any longer and the post will disappear from notice. (You'll only live to regret it later. Most posts that make us crazy on the internet disappear pretty quickly. IF you ignore it, it will go away. If you poke it and pick at it like a scab it will not go away, and it will start to bleed and fester, and get infected. DO NOT PICK AT IT. Ignore it and walk away.)
6. Learn to back away slowly when someone posts an angry response to you...or to leave a heated argument. You do not have to say the last word to win it. It will go away if you leave and you may remain friends. If you do not, it is like the scab that you keep picking at.
7. Do not post on social media sites when depressed, anxious, or angry. It will not make you less so, it will most likely make it worse. Particularly FB. Try to post from a position of kindness not from a position of ego or self-importance.
8. Apologize if you have inadvertently pissed off a moderator or administrator on a discussion board or posting board. If it is their board and you are just a guest, then you have to play by their rules and take your shoes off, speak quietly and politely, as requested. Because if you don't they block you, ban you, remove you, etc with little effort.
9. Do not talk about things on fan discussion boards, friends posts, posts you've subscribed to, correspondence list posts -- that will piss off the person who owns the board or journal to which you are responding.
10. Know the board or journal you are responding to and understand the person's political views, kinks, triggers, tastes, dislikes, anxieties, rules, foibles and values, prior to posting. Respect them, even if they are different from yours and/or clash with yours. If you cannot do that, do not follow that board or that person. And do not post on their site. That's not to say disagreement is not allowed, it is, but if you cannot be civil, do not do it. Stick to your own blog.
--------
The post above comes to you from recent interactions on a soap opera spoiler board. Although it also could relate to any other board that I've frequented over the years, along with various DW and LJ blogs. I've broken pretty much all of the rules above, so speak from experience regarding why it is a good idea to abide by them. People can be prickly, sensitive, weirdly hypocritical and often not very self-aware on the internet, where their polite masks often come off...you must handle with care.