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Day #86 of Self-Isolation
Jun. 11th, 2020 09:08 pm
I thought I'd share flowers today.
Sent emails to a couple of co-workers (all female), they did not respond. The men are more responsive. I am admittedly closer to the men in my workplace than the women, I've no clue why. Maybe because I've more in common with them? I'm not into clothes, planting, children, pets, relationships, makeup, jewelry, sewing, knitting, my health, or cooking. However, I can chat about television shows, movies, books, sports, and work. Men are kind of easier to talk to at work - they don't feel a need to share all the personal relationship stuff. It's very odd. Although I am close to Jay - who I've talked to a lot. She's one of the Managers and my age.
Talked to mother twice today, as I do everyday - keeps me and her sane, I guess. Although she talks to more people than I do. I did talk to three people at work - via the my cell phone. One was a project manager on a signage project.
Project Manager: So can you bug the consultant for the cost proposal?
Me: We just sent them the scope, and considering how long it took for us to get it to them, I figure I owe them at least seven business days.
Project Manager: I'm so busy you have no idea. I answer email or send one, and it comes back with response, no wait.
Me: I wish I had that problem - I send one and I'm lucky to get a response within a month.
Project Manager: It just never stops -
Me (here we go - I get to be told how busy people are. I've listened to three rants this week so far regarding this. And he rants for twenty minutes. Honestly, I'm not assigning their work.)
Project Manager: I just keep working, I work more at home than I did at work, I didn't even have breakfast yet -
Me: Well that's kind of on you. I mean no one is making you do that. You can leave the computer. You're a bad boss. I wouldn't work for you.
Project Manager agrees with me and decides to get something to eat.
Anyhow, a few days ago, on a phone call with my mother...
Mother: You want to hear the latest way that your father has driven me insane?
Me: Uhm..do I have a choice?
Mother: He thinks your brother is gay.
I burst out laughing. (My brother is about as far from gay as you can get. The boy prefers women. Men tend to make him edgy. He does have male friends though, quite a few, but he prefers women. Also women love him as a result. They will curl up in his lap like cats. It's insane.)
Mother: All of a sudden he got it into his head.
Me: Well my brother is married and has a daughter -
Mother: I know! It makes no sense.
ME: Please tell my brother that.
My poor father, he's so confused.
Mother also tries to get me to feel empathy for her Trumper friends. It's hard. Mother is liberal.
Mother to Trumper: I know you are a Republican and probably voted for him, but I despise Trump. I really do.
Trumper: Better than Biden.
Mother: No. Actually everyone on the planet is better than Trump.
Trumper: yeah, you silly liberal, the economy is good.
Me: Can you stop telling me this story, please?
Mother: I feel for him though - he's a kind generous man.
ME: He's a Trump supporter.
Mother: No, just a Republican.
ME: Failing to see -
Mother: He's been generous to us -
ME: Mother, this is not helping.
Mother: I feel for him - he's stuck in a room with his wife who is a vegetable, she has no mind left and he's lying there infirm himself. Can you imagine how painful that is.
I'm trying not to see it as karmic. It's hard. God, whoever thought a New Year's Resolution to be a kinder person would so frigging hard to keep?
He's a person, misguided, but a person. Who has lived a complicated life. His kids are Democrats and despise Trump. He doesn't understand them. And he's been kind to my parents. I have to keep reminding myself not to demonize people - that people are more than one thing, complicated.
The world does not make this easy. At all.
In other news...The Governor reminded everyone to stick to the course and the only reason NY State was down in cases was because well, we had opened slowly in phases. While people on FB Neighborhood Page are fighting over Black Lives Matter protests in our neighborhood. One guy who works in social services is having issues with the whole concept of defunding the police, confusing it with abolishing the police - which to be honest, I can understand. While there's others who are kind of seeing it as the same thing and pushing for that. Eh, people do realize that we still have a high murder rate? I don't know how former college friend expects sexual offenders to be caught without any police. (She's white by the way. My black friends aren't suggesting that we abolish the police at all, my liberal white friends are. Life continues to be ironic.)
Trying to hog-tie my own tendency to be self-righteous. I moved away from human rights advocacy - because my emotions kept getting in the way. I couldn't do it calmly, and I had a tendency to go into lecture mode or get didatic. I get impatient with people.
I'm tired of being cooped up in my apartment. But it's kind of risky to go very far. My cousin in Texas posted pictures from his weekend retreat up to Colorado - and....
Okay.
My brother is considering visting the Finger Lakes this summer as a day trip with his family.
Meanwhile, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to visit anyone again or go anywhere outside of where I live?
I feel trapped. It's not a bad trap. Nice view of the sunset outside my window, with shifting clouds and blue sky. I'd take a picture, but it never shows up well. The apartment is quiet for the most part - there was a weird high pitched buzzing about two hours ago - outside the kitchen window that was giving me a headache but it's gone away now. And I get decent light, but not too much light - easy to work at my desk - no glare.
Life rolls onwards...and I keep hoping things will get better. Trying to have faith in uncertainity...and there is so much uncertainity at the moment.
