Day #131 - I Surrender

After fighting with my union rep off and on for two days straight, I surrendered. There's nothing I can do. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've never felt more powerless over my own fate.
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Plagued with a sick head-ache off and on today, and itchy mosquito bites from yesterday. They didn't itch yesterday, they itch today. Also I'm edgy and cranky and having troubles sitting still.



No walk today, due to it being hot and muggy. Okay a bit of a lie - I walked to Carnival - the local Fruit and Vegetable Stand - for fresh salad greens, green beans, and aspergus. I didn't see cucumbers - which go bad fast anyhow, so got "Organic Half Sour Pickles" instead. It had more people than usual, but since I learned that they were going to force us to return to the office, and that people are coming to work in my kitchen next week - I've stopped caring. I'll wear a mask, I'll wash my hands, but other than that - I've no fucking control. If the Universe wants to give me COVID it will, there's not a hell of a lot I can do to prevent it.

Been depressed lately. So I tried to distract myself today with various Comic Con home things on Youtube. They cancelled all the ZOOM gatherings - to hard to schedule, I suspect. Everything that was pre-recorded is there though. Outside of The New Mutants and part of the Picard panel, I was pretty much bored. The His Dark Materials panel is actually the best of the bunch. Also Martina Satris (Deanna Troy) on the Picard panel is hilarious - she loves to give Patrick Stewart a hard time.

Patrick: The big difference was it took me a month to get to know all the new people
Martina: You mean it took you a month to remember everyone's names.
Patrick: First names, I never quite could get their..
Martina: Their last ones, yes, we know. But we've forgiven you for it because you are so old.
Patrick: I'm not that old yet...

Allison: Well, I took the job because of SPS...but don't let him know that I said that.
Patrick looks confused.
Allison: SPS is you Patrick. It's our nickname for you. S is Sir.
Patrick blushes.

Martina: Guys, guys, you have to stop this. He's going to become insufferable.
Panel member: Patrick was a pleasure to work with and blah blah...
Martina: Stop. He's a pleasure because of all the work we did to train him to be that way, it took us years to accomplish it.

I kind of want to check out Picard now. Also Discovery for that matter. The panel was a great ad for both. So too was the New Mutants panel - which was kind of funny, when it pointed out that it had initially been intended for release in August 2018, then April 2019, then August 2019, then April 2020 and now August 2020 - but keep your fingers crossed. Personally, I think, they should just release it to drive ins, it's horror - it'll do well in drive-ins.

Also, watched more of Last Airbender which I'm finding comforting.

Mother: We're bored, there's nothing on.
Me: Well, there are things that are on - you are just discriminating. Try the Major League Baseball -
Mother: That's boring too. I miss the shows in the 50s and 60s, good stuff was on then.
Me: No, it was crap. I saw the reruns, you just think it was good because you don't like what is available now -
Mother: That's not true there was that show 90 something or other
Me: Playhouse 90? There's stuff like that now. You just have to find it.

Sigh. The problem isn't that there is nothing on, it's that there is TOO much on and people can't find what they want to watch - because it involves spending a lot time scrolling through stuff that they don't want to watch.
It's kind of like going to a department store of candy - you don't know what to get. Or a humongous library with millions of books - you don't know what to get unless you have something already in mind.

I've not had good conversations with folks lately. Everyone is cranky. And I'm cranky, stressed, resentful, and angry - which well, isn't exactly conducive for a good conversation.

It's the dread. I dread what lies ahead. The trick, I know from meditating
is not to dwell on what is ahead or what is behind, but stay in the present.

I feel like the months are racing by too quickly, and...I am afraid of what lies ahead.

Meme

Courtesy of wpadmirer

Been to an NFL game? No. Baseball, Hockey, Basketball - yes. NFL - no.

Been to Canada? Yes - Halifax, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia portion of Canada

Visited Florida? Multiple times - in the 70s, 80s, 90s and recently in 2016.

Visited Mexico? Juarez to help build a community center/church

Visited Vegas? Twice - don't recommend. I hate Vegas.

Eaten alone at a restaurant? Yes, not a fan.

Ability to read music? Yes, it's replicating it that I struggle with.
Rode a motorcycle? No.

Ridden a horse? Yes - as a kid took horse-back riding lessons (Western - it was in Kansas), and rode up mountains in Rocky Mountain National Park, also went horse back riding in NYC in Prospect Park in 2006, do not recommend. It was painful. I wrote a post on it - entitled "And Bingo Was His Name" - the horse's name was Bingo.

Stayed in a hospital? Once - over night in the emergency room - it was hellish. City hospitals are hell. Avoid at all costs.

Donated blood?Yes - not a fan - have major issues with needles. Blood doesn't bother me - it's the needles that bother me.

Been snow skiing? Yes - almost killed myself on the models, no broken bones. But once was enough, thanks. Did it up in Breckenridge, Colorado - it was frightening. I want down steep slopes and down the models, all by mistake.

Friends: Wow you are so brave - you did that the first time and you did well.
Me: Brave? That would require intent. It wasn't intentional. I accidentally ended up on the models and had to find a way out without killing myself.

I was badly bruised and sore. I spent the next day in hot tube.

Friends: Come do it again!
Me: Nah, I'm fine in the hot tube, thanks.

Been to Disney World or Disney Land? Disney World - but only in the 70s and 80s, in the early days. Before everything was added. I saw Epocot when it first opened. But that was it.

Slept outside? Yep, a lot as a kid, and went camping in Bandlier National Monument, also Girl Scouts on the East Coast. I don't enjoy it. I like beds, showers, indoor plumbing, and no bugs.

Driven a stick shift? Tried and proceed to strip the gears - the friend in college who thought it would be a great idea, quickly regretted the decision. Stick shift doesn't make logical sense to me.

Ridden in an 18 wheeler? No.
Driven a boat? Yes, kind of, they had me do it a little as kid. And I've driven or steered a sailboat, which was...interesting.

Eaten Escargot? Yes!
Been on a cruise? No. I don't think I'd like cruise ships - unless it was a VERY small cruise ship, and I get seasick or motion sickness easily. I've been on big ferries - which was enough. The ferry from Melbourne to Tasmania - resulted in a horrible bout of seasickness.

Run out of gas? Yep. Another reason, I'm not a fan of cars.

Been on TV? Depends on what you count as tv - I've been videotaped for class and we watched and critiqued it in class on a tv, but no I haven't been on it for millions to see. That sounds horrible actually - you couldn't pay me enough to do that. Bleach. Being videotaped was bad enough. I don't photograph well.

Eaten Sushi? Yes! Love it!

Links

1. Stumptown Panel at ComicCon@Home on Youtube - the stars and writers and creator of Stumptown.

2. Collider does a panel with Guillermo Del Toro and Scott Cooper on the new movie horror film Antlers

This is more interesting than the Stumptown Panel. Heavily focused on process. So much is dependent on the chemistry between the panelists and the moderator. Also less is more. Also, Guillermo is fascinating and has a wealth of knowledge on film and likes to talk. Cooper is kind of intimidated by him - Guillermo is the producer. He's also very kind in this and comforting. I found Guillermo kind of adorable.

Note? I have a love/hate relationship with horror. And Guillermo is one of the few horror directors that I've found to be amazing. Shape of Water and Pans Labrynthe stick with you long after, and are more horrific fairy tales than nightmares. There's a kindness in his films, that you don't always find in horror - and that's all Guillermo, he is a kind man or comes across that way here.

3. What We Do in the Shadows Panel - with the stars and creator of the series

4. Figure Drawing for Popular Media

It's okay. I may go back later and look at it.

5. Disney Plus's The Right Stuff Television Series adapted from the Tom Wolf non-fiction novel moderated by the first African American Woman in Space