Day #32 - Yet another gloomy Saturday...

While my brother went to the beach in coastal Maine, I went to the grocery store. He had weather in the forties and gloomy skies, and I had weather in the fifties and gloomy skies...




As you can see - folks are still wearing masks, thankfully. Although I did for the first time since March 18, leave my apartment without a mask to throw trash down the shoot. (There was no one in the hallways, so this was hardly an issue.) I'm taking baby steps. I've learned the best way to handle my anxiety is to move slowly. Like I did last year - slowly got up the nerve to do the recyclables, then the laundry, then the groceries and pharmacy, and the walks. I refuse to let my anxieties control me - except with driving, which to be fair is kind of difficult to ahem over come when you live in NYC. I was able to kind of deal with it in Kansas, but even there I had nightmares - and still get anxiety thinking about it. It's impossible to explain this to folks who don't think the way I do. I've tried. It's the sort of thing that you either get or you don't. No problems getting on subway or train for the most part - there's not that many folks on them, and they mostly wear masks. Also I got on them before I was vaccinated - kind of had to - to get the vaccine, get transportation passes renewed, and go to doctor's appointments.



As you can see - I love taking photos of flowers and trees - they hold still unlike other things. (Well those who can see them at any rate.)

Today, mostly lounged about - not doing all that much. Had a mushroom, tomato, onion, spinach and cheese omelete with fresh greens and fruit for brunch. Then a couple of tiny mousses, a few proscutti wrapped cheese sticks, and for dinner rice paper spring rolls - with tuna and veggies over greens. My mother can't figure out how it is I'm gaining weight and not losing it.

Doesn't appear to be my thyroid. I've always struggled with diet and weight, also I'm a bit of a foodie - who doesn't like to follow recipes. Wish I was an exercise freak instead - like my brother and niece, would be better both.



COVID is still affecting television in interesting ways. The Great Pottery Throw-Down (filmed in Britain) was apparently shut down for seven days due to COVID. I didn't notice - outside of the fact that they told us in a quick blurb, and as a result didn't boot anyone off that week.

Also, one of the long-term actresses on a soap deigned not to return for her minor supporting role during COVID. Honestly I don't blame her - she had hardly much role at all. I'd have said no, too.

Meanwhile, a lot of prime time network shows are depicting COVID in various ways. I kind of wish they wouldn't - it's either depressing or jarring. I mean 9-1-1, wears masks and doesn't, and people social distance and don't, it's not consistent. I found it cringe-inducing at times. Same with A Million Little Things, This is Us, The Connors, and Station 19. Grey's Anatomy is just grim. And? I'm finding it difficult to watch medical shows at the moment. I don't want to watch shows about people being sick and dying. 9-1-1 isn't so bad - because its people in absurd situations, like a volcano in Texas, or a bus stuck in a building in LA.

I'm veering more towards fantasy at the moment or soaps.

I also came to an odd sort of epithany today while talking to mother - which is, we can't judge others for what they did or didn't do for us or anyone else during a crisis, whether it be a pandemic, a terrorist attack, or anything really. And we shouldn't judge ourselves. I don't know about anyone else? But I tend to judge myself more than others. I hold myself to a high standard. But I also have and still do struggle with anxiety and depression.
And I realized it is important to be kind to each other and to myself. And it is easy to be kind to the folks who do stuff that make life easier, or step up, or are every day heroes...it's so much harder to be kind to those who are struggling, and can't step up. Who can't be bright and sunny, etc.
But, I think sometimes - they need it more?

What I mean is - we don't know what someone else is struggling with. All the little bits and pieces they don't say. Or can't say. I was watching Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist today - and the psychic got across to Zoey that she was relying purely on her ability to hear other's hearts songs, and not on listening to the person, or paying attention to them. So was missing things they were trying to tell her.

Be gentle with yourself, I thought. And with the world. It's wounded, and in pain, suffering and struggling and trying to make sense of shit in its own way. Sometimes sitting still is the best and only thing to do. If only for a minute or two.

Television round up..

1. Falcon and the Winter Solider - Episode #4

The actor playing Zenmo is excellent by the way. He's playing a sketchy villain, yet making him relatable. Actually kudos to the entire cast.

Episode 4 was one of the more interesting episodes because it digs even deeper into what it means to be a hero or heroic. And also examines our modern or post-modern notions of it, along with the classical definitions of "War hero" which is kind of an oxymoron even to those who've been classified as such.

( spoilers )

2. Nancy Drew

The lead is quite good. And the mysteries are getting more interesting. Although I could do without the conspiracy theory crap - or the secret cabal of dark money fueling everything.

The Hudson's still manipulating Nancy - so that she won't get killed, is kind of fun - especially it being her grandmother, Cecilia. While Nick and Ryan attempt to take the Hudson's down.

Also loving George/Odette - well played by the actress who seamlessly plays both.

3. Great British Pottery Throw Down

The first season is still far and away the best, less episodes, less people, and best group of judges/hosts - also it had some of the better challenges, and more objective judging. Second Season also good.

The rest, are uneven. I am however enjoying the fourth season more than expected. And there are some interesting challenges. They are wisely veering away from doing the same challenges they did in the previous seasons.

My favorite so far was the building of the houses with the lights. Also the Raku. Not a fan of the fruit bowls though.

I find it to be comforting television to watch. But alas - HBO Max - which has the worst interface of any of the streaming channels to date.

4. Review of streaming channels

* Diseny Plus is the easies to find stuff on, and access content on. It wisely groups things under various franchises, and it's fast. Like the others it feels the need to rec new content based on what you previously watched - which can be annoying.

But by far the easiest.

* Hulu is a close second - it is problematic in places, but it also groups content well, with separate categories for anime, etc.

* Netflix - has a tendency to crash, and it is hard to find things on, but doable. The other problem with Netflix is it cycles stuff off its platform with little warning. Mother tried to find Ma Rainey's Black Bottom and couldn't - that's just one example.

* Amazon - is worse than Netflix in regards to accessibility, but easier to find stuff on. It's interface is better than Netflix's. It just doesn't have the wide range of content Netflix does yet.

*HBO Max - has plenty of great content - it just has the worst interface, and is hard to use. Also hard to rewind. I keep getting myself booted out.
And, it's close captioning can be wonky at times. (So is Disney's for that matter). In addition - it takes forever to get into the streaming service, and to get access to the content, which is weirdly grouped and hard to search. Of the streaming services? This one needs the most work - it's hard to find stuff on HBO Max, you have to work at it.

5. Almost forgot... TCM and HBO MAX - Classic Movie Film Festival Some good films in that line up.

Schedule on HBO MAX

I need to remember to partake of it. I love movies. I do. Culture Junkie. (I'm not however a culture vulture - in that I like a wide range, and don't find myself overly critical for the most part. Even the most flawed film has something to it. Also, it's a subjective exercise. For the most part, I love culture - because it is subjective, and others opinions while fascinating in what they convey about others, do not matter all that much in regards to the art itself.)