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The Walking & Talking With God (aka Unitarian Bible Study) session seemed to help, or get me over the hump so to speak. We talked about grief - and I didn't realize I was grieving - until we had the session.
This is the passage we were discussing:
John 16:22 (New International Version) So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy
I found it comforting. Grief is weird. They say there are five stages, but I've noticed that they don't necessarily come in order or linear fashion. Also I may think I'm over something I've been grieving, and feel fine, and then five years later - it hits me like a two by four.
I realized this week that the grief I was pushing off to one side throughout the pandemic, had finally caught up to me in May. Like a dam wall had finally broken. And there it was. Grief. And I felt overwhelmed.
Acknowledging it - seemed to help somehow in letting it go...because the last few days, Thursday and Friday, I've been less irritable, I've laughed more, and my focus appears to be back - I'm no longer fighting against a wall of endless fog or so it seems. Either that or it is hormonal, and I'll go back to the brain fog next week.
But hey, I got a lot of stuff done at work while it lasted! Most productive two days in weeks.
It's the end of May, and the roses are finally in bloom - just in time for Memorial Day Weekend. My Granny used to clip her roses and lay them on the graves on Memorial Day - by that time they'd fully bloomed and could handle the pruning.
Like my Granny - I love roses. She had a rose garden next to her garage with ten different breeds, some cross breeds.
Irises are lovely, I suppose - but they also look funky - like a large colored mouth sticking its long tongue out at you.
Wandering around the Cemetery today, soaking in the cool breeze...was somewhat freeing. More so, if I wasn't sweating. It wasn't hot. I'm just female, middle aged and fat.
Passed a couple speaking in German. Apparently Europeans are traveling, or they are resident New Yorkers and never bothered with English. At least I think it was German - it could have been something else. I only really recognize the Latin tongues, everything else sounds the same to me.
The virus is receding in the US for the most part. The number of people vaccinated plus those who've recovered from the virus have kind of made it less likely for the virus to find hosts to communicate it about. Or so says the NY Times Corona Virus Briefing.
Meanwhile, as we move towards re-opening, we struggle to handle our varying degrees of grief.
( memorializing the dead )
There are according to the Times, make shift memorials set up by folks here and there. None near me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing to be honest.
In regards to masks? Roughly seventy percent of the folks in my area are still wearing some version of them indoors and on city streets, and Greenwood still has folks wearing them when around others. The gate-keepers were. We live in NYC, it makes no sense not to - regardless of what the government decides. My workplace still has a mask mandate in effect, as do all the public transportation services, nursing homes, stores, museums, prisons, schools, hospitals, etc.
Meanwhile mother is bemoaning the fact that everything is going back to normal in her area, but she's stuck - due to a broken hip that isn't healing. I reminded her that when I broke my foot - it took almost a year for me to get better. But she can't give up on the hope of bringing my Dad back home - she feels terribly guilty that he can't come home because she injured herself - and that she spent more time with her mother, when her mother was ailing than she's been able to spend with her husband. I reminded her that when Granny was ill - she was in her fifties, my father was in his fifties, both were healthy, physically fit, retired, and there wasn't a pandemic.
Why is it we compare uncomparable things to make ourselves miserable or others miserable? It's annoyed me on more than one online discussion. This tendency to compare things that aren't comparable or analogous.
I think the mind makes us all crazy sometimes.
She did visit my father today, and they talked to my brother.( Read more... )
Anyhow a better day. I felt lighter today and more energized. Also first couple of days in what seems like forever - that I wasn't plagued by nasty sinus/tension headaches or allergy attacks.
This is the passage we were discussing:
John 16:22 (New International Version) So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy
I found it comforting. Grief is weird. They say there are five stages, but I've noticed that they don't necessarily come in order or linear fashion. Also I may think I'm over something I've been grieving, and feel fine, and then five years later - it hits me like a two by four.
I realized this week that the grief I was pushing off to one side throughout the pandemic, had finally caught up to me in May. Like a dam wall had finally broken. And there it was. Grief. And I felt overwhelmed.
Acknowledging it - seemed to help somehow in letting it go...because the last few days, Thursday and Friday, I've been less irritable, I've laughed more, and my focus appears to be back - I'm no longer fighting against a wall of endless fog or so it seems. Either that or it is hormonal, and I'll go back to the brain fog next week.
But hey, I got a lot of stuff done at work while it lasted! Most productive two days in weeks.
It's the end of May, and the roses are finally in bloom - just in time for Memorial Day Weekend. My Granny used to clip her roses and lay them on the graves on Memorial Day - by that time they'd fully bloomed and could handle the pruning.
Like my Granny - I love roses. She had a rose garden next to her garage with ten different breeds, some cross breeds.
Irises are lovely, I suppose - but they also look funky - like a large colored mouth sticking its long tongue out at you.
Wandering around the Cemetery today, soaking in the cool breeze...was somewhat freeing. More so, if I wasn't sweating. It wasn't hot. I'm just female, middle aged and fat.
Passed a couple speaking in German. Apparently Europeans are traveling, or they are resident New Yorkers and never bothered with English. At least I think it was German - it could have been something else. I only really recognize the Latin tongues, everything else sounds the same to me.
The virus is receding in the US for the most part. The number of people vaccinated plus those who've recovered from the virus have kind of made it less likely for the virus to find hosts to communicate it about. Or so says the NY Times Corona Virus Briefing.
Meanwhile, as we move towards re-opening, we struggle to handle our varying degrees of grief.
( memorializing the dead )
There are according to the Times, make shift memorials set up by folks here and there. None near me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing to be honest.
In regards to masks? Roughly seventy percent of the folks in my area are still wearing some version of them indoors and on city streets, and Greenwood still has folks wearing them when around others. The gate-keepers were. We live in NYC, it makes no sense not to - regardless of what the government decides. My workplace still has a mask mandate in effect, as do all the public transportation services, nursing homes, stores, museums, prisons, schools, hospitals, etc.
Meanwhile mother is bemoaning the fact that everything is going back to normal in her area, but she's stuck - due to a broken hip that isn't healing. I reminded her that when I broke my foot - it took almost a year for me to get better. But she can't give up on the hope of bringing my Dad back home - she feels terribly guilty that he can't come home because she injured herself - and that she spent more time with her mother, when her mother was ailing than she's been able to spend with her husband. I reminded her that when Granny was ill - she was in her fifties, my father was in his fifties, both were healthy, physically fit, retired, and there wasn't a pandemic.
Why is it we compare uncomparable things to make ourselves miserable or others miserable? It's annoyed me on more than one online discussion. This tendency to compare things that aren't comparable or analogous.
I think the mind makes us all crazy sometimes.
She did visit my father today, and they talked to my brother.( Read more... )
Anyhow a better day. I felt lighter today and more energized. Also first couple of days in what seems like forever - that I wasn't plagued by nasty sinus/tension headaches or allergy attacks.