Year 2 - Day 102...Sunday Scaries..

Not feeling great today - I'm thinking it's the unsettled weather coming in. I'm like a human weather vane.

Also, very warm with high humidity.

Talked to mother - who makes me weep. ( Read more... )

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Broadway is opening up again - with Bruce Springsteen Concert. There were protestors upset for being kept out because they'd not gotten vaccinated. Only the vaccinated can see it. [I'm going to wait until 2022 to do this. I do not care what they say. I'll go to a movie or outdoor plays...but not indoor plays, not yet. Also, I don't love Bruce Springsteen that much. The one's I'd be willing to pay and brave a pandemic for are alas, mostly dead.]

Also the Pride Parade happened. There were two - one that is the traditional one with social distancing and virtual participation along fifth avenue, the other the non-traditional one in Bryant Park - held by those who claim the other one has been co-opted by Corporations. They had this huge festival in the lower East Side, with tons of people mingling about. [It should be noted from what I saw on NY1 - the people were all under the age of 35.] No one had masks on. They are acting as if the pandemic is over...I don't know about anyone else? But I don't think it is over. There's variants bopping about.

Outside of a brief walk to the grocery store to pick up greens, radishes, onions, blue corn chips, eggs, nuts, yogurt and chocolate - I stayed indoors. ( Read more... )

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Started watching the French series Lupin via Netflix. I'm watching it in French with English Subtitles. Mainly because the dubbing is atrocious. It's not quite as fun as I'd hoped. Also it drags in places. But I am invested - so will continue. Also the star is charismatic and compelling. But the plot is a bit on the annoying side.

Discovery of Witches has returned to AMC and BBC America, so I'm recording it again. Mother called to inform me - I'd forgotten to tell her.
She has a crush on the lead vampire. I like him too - but I don't have a crush on him. My tastes in male leads have changed a bit over time. I like my boys with a bit more meat on their bones, and facial hair. The skinny hairless ones remind me too much of male family members.

Although an actor can pull me in and make me love him.

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Began working on new fantasy novel - Darkholm again,( Read more... )

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Continued to hunt down Kathleen Turner interviews out of curiosity. She wrote a book - "On Acting" apparently, and did a Larry King interview - which was better than expected. During it - she told King about her most interesting fan interaction. A fifteen year old woman had sent her a letter with two polariod photos - that Turner could barely make out, so curious, she read the letter. Then she looked up the return address and hunted the phone number of the fan. And called her. The fan had written in the letter that she and her friends had skipped school to get tattoos of their heroes. And her hero was Kathleen Turner. Turner called her up and said: "This is Kathleen Turner, and I got your letter - and I wanted to tell you that what you did was really dumb. I'm going to give you a list of books and sonnets to read - and I want to read and write reports on each one, and send them to me." Apparently the girl got really excited about this - and complied. Then a year later, she'd graduated from high school and was applying to Community Colleges.

Turner stated the point of her book was to encourage people to take risks in life. That if you don't try something, you never know. I found myself pondering this. Have I taken enough or any risks? At first, I thought I hadn't but then I really thought about it - and realized I had. Granted it's often in the eye of the beholder.

My risks?
( Read more... )

And I'm sure there's more which I've forgotten or don't consider a big deal.

Risk often results in rejection and failure. It's often painful. It hurts.
And it is always hard. Often harder to do after the rejection or the failure, easier without it. I have more admiration for those who get rejected and fail, but keep on trucking and trying, then those who always succeed.

Kathleen Turner - I've more admiration for than say Meryl Streep, Turner's life has been harder. She's had less support, less validation, less acknowledgement - but she teaches people, and she's found her own way.

It's easy to succeed, it's hard to fail. It's easy to take the path without the stones, well paved, with lovely flowers and waterfalls, and so much harder to take the rugged stony one that goes up a cliff and you fear falling and almost do, most of the time.

They say the Universe doesn't give us more than we can bear, but sometimes I wonder...if that's true?

I don't know what it is about Sundays...but I'm always just a tad maudlin and despairing in the midst of them. Plagued I suppose with my own version of the Sunday Scaries. I used to have nightmares, still do, about going to work or somewhere, and realizing I'd forgotten my shoes. Or my pants. Or something of major importance. It's this fear that I'm missing something, forgetting something that often plagues me. That I'll screw up. And this time there won't be a net to catch me - granted forgetting one's shoes is hardly the same as flying about without a net. But...I still have that stomach churning feeling going into each week, that I'll screw up somehow.

I screwed up last week - I took a risk, I tried to help. It didn't work.
I wish sometimes I had a water gun that sprayed red dyed water, and I could squirt it in the face of all those who rejected me or failed me or smacked me down. It would be a permanent dye that wouldn't come out, leaving a mark. Marking them for life. But alas, they are the ones wielding these squirt guns, albeit invisible. And each time, I'm sprayed, the Sunday Scaries become that much harder to push aside and endure, as a week of human obstacles both small and large, and some with teeth lies inevitably ahead.

The world I think would be easier sometimes if there were less scary people inside of it.

**

On that note, here's some flowers..