Y2/D355 - Good Enuf

It was rainy in the morning, brief sunshine mid-day, and overcast in the evening.

Not much happening today. Re-watched a section of the 1961 film adaptation of West Side Story, and as adaptations go, I prefer it to the current one. Mileage May Vary on this.

Talked to Wales today, and mother. Mainly about West Side Story, because there's not much else to talk about without getting depressed to be honest.
And I'm trying to pull myself out of a downward spiral.
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Church actually had a decent service this morning. It was about "imposter syndrom" which is a kind of perfectionism. The feeling that you will be found out for not being "Good Enough". Examples included dreams or recurring nightmares of being about to graduate from high school or college, and discovering you didn't take one class all semester - and it's always Math for some reason. (I mentioned this to mother, who said she had that dream too - but it was also history. Me too. And she didn't get why history - since she loved history.) The other example was about being about to go on for a musical - and not remembering any of the songs or lines. (This is another recurring nightmare.)

ME to mother: Apparently you can get a therapist for "imposter syndrome" or fear of being late to things, etc. Examples he used were his patients were afraid of being late - they were always punctual. Afraid of not paying on time - they always did. And I thought - I wish I knew you could do that - I'd have hunted one down.
Mother: I have a feeling everyone in the congregation identified on some level.
Me: True. The Minister mentioned that.

Also about complaining too much about one's situation.

I think the Universe was trying to get a message across to me this weekend?

Headspace (my meditation app) came up with a brief talk or "radio headspace bit" on FB regarding "Anger". A Young man rails insults and curses at the Buddha for not accepting his gift. Anger, the Buddha realizes is being expended because the young man doesn't feel seen or heard. The Buddha asks him that if he gives a gift to someone and they don't accept - who owns the gift? The young man replies - that he owns the gift. Then doesn't the same hold true with the curses and insults that you flung at me? If I don't accept them don't they fall back on you?

While it can be useful to feel anger, it depends on how you expend the anger and react to the situation. Railing and ranting at it - and those who will not accept or hear your anger only hurts you. If I am angry, and justifiably so at my management, continuing to engage in it - doesn't help me. I can't control them - I can only control myself and how I choose to approach the situation going forward.

The other story was a Wisdom story at church about an old woman kvetching to everyone about her problems, until they became as exaggerated in reality as she'd recanted them. Desperate, she sought out the Rabbi. The Rabbi told her to praise her son, not complain about him. To see the blessings in her life. To see it as good enough. To change her approach to the situation and with that - her mood and general well-being would change as well.

It's easier said than done.

The sermon was similarly about being "good enough" and finding things to be "good enough" and not giving into the meritocracy - which is not real. We aren't truly awarded based on merit, so much as luck and chance, and circumstance. And those who appear to succeed are not successful, while those who appear to fail - are not losers. This idea that if you have tons of friends, tons of family, the house, the car, the great job - makes your life great and you successful, while if you don't have all those things, you aren't - is not reality. Life also is far from stagnant. It doesn't ascend or descend, the storyline most likely oscillates - with peaks and valleys. Good times and bad, and everything in between. And telling this storyline to children and ourselves is far more comforting and reassuring than either of the other two.

[She did lose me at one point though - ( Read more... )

But the Music Director made an excellent choice and instead of doing the hymn she chose - he picked the Beatles song "Let it Be", and I really needed to hear it today. The song, in case you aren't familiar, was written by McCartney during a difficult recording session - where both John Lennon and George Harrison were threatening to leave the band, and he was barely holding it together. The song is about a dream he had - where his mother, long dead, came to him and reassured him, and told him to "Let it Be" - that it will be okay, and not to fuss over it, or force it. Just let it be, and let it go.

It's a beautiful song.

Here it is, in case you need to hear it too - the original 1978 version Let it Be and the much later the 2010 live tour version by McCartney without the Beatles backup 2010 Let it Be - the later version is actually better in my opinion. Away from the other Beatles, and years of doing his own music and touring, McCartney on tour has more confidence.
Also he edits out the Brother Malcolm portion that was in the original but not in the later version. Proof that we are imperfect beings and even McCartney who was considered a genius was constantly correcting his songs, and seeing the imperfections.

The other song they sang which fits this sorry world is Leonard Cohen's Anthem, which isn't sung that much...

Here it is sung by Rufus Wainwright... Anthem.

Sometimes music can say things that...well, just words cannot express effectively.

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Here's a picture: