Box meme part II
Oct. 29th, 2005 06:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatFinished my errands. Made some chocolate covered coconut macaroons. Bought the macaroons from a bakery, then mixed chocolate chips with half-half crème and heated, makes a nice chocolate dipping sauce – amount of milk added determines thickness. Used it on small bowl of Breyer’s vanilla ice cream and raspberries. For dinner last night concocted an interesting dish – due to the fact that I’d forgotten some ingredients. Bought coconut milk but forgot green curry past and no time to get it, also had cold rice pasta, chicken, Portobello mushrooms and snow peas to do something with. Decided to use cayenne pepper instead of green curry paste, and soy sauce (found some gluten free made by Tamaric). Mixed a pinch of cayenne pepper, a pinch of soy, some lemon grass, a little parsley seasoning with coconut milk – coated chicken, put it in skillet. Then added more coconut milk, which I watered down, added snow peas and scallions and Portobello mushrooms, let simmer for a little while, took off when the snow peas were done, then poured over thin rice noodles. Quite tasty. I like to cook but am weird about cooking for other people. I fear their reactions. People are so critical. If I could cook or fix something for them but not tell them I did it, until after the fact – maybe which would work? I told this to Wales who was surprised – “that’s so ironic”. Why? I asked. “Because you’re such a great cook, I’d think you’d be fine doing it for others.”
Day still gloomy, with the sun forcing itself through the black gray clouds intermittently, reminding me, hey I’m here – you can’t block me out for long!
Have decided to do the rest of my box meme, for good or ill.
The box meme part II.
11. Listening habits: Radio stations, music, ipod, mp3, just CDs, tapes
Ugh how to answer this. Not my favorite question. I listen to CDs. Rarely to the radio anymore. Odd really, since as a teen and a young child – I listened solely to the radio and rarely to tapes or records. Records unnerved me – was always terrified of breaking the needle or scratching the vinyl – maybe because I did so often. Tapes were more useful – you could tape off the radio – music for free or other people. I think the reason I stopped listening to the radio is two-fold: 1. reception, get lousy reception in my apartment. The stations I get, suck, or come in intermittently. 2. Annoyed by the radio commercials and talk shows. Mostly just listen to the radio in my parent’s car whenever I visit Hilton Head. Oh that’s another thing, I listened to the radio more when I drove or owned a car. There’s nothing like a good radio station on a long drive. When I went to law school – I drove a lot. Long ass drives to and from my parents and grandmother’s house. To and from Bar reviews. To and from job interviews and internships. For me the radio is linked to a car stereo system or the stereo I owned as a teen. Forever gone, but not forgotten.
Favorite stations? Ah, NPR, and the one that played alternative rock, classical, jazz, or easy listening favorites.
Don’t own an ipod – it’s a gadget and I’m not techy. Not exactly a luddite, but definitely not techy. It looks complicated to me and expensive. Much easier to listen to CDs for now. By the time I get around to buying one, i-pods will be out of fashion.
Have yet to figure out the MP3 player on my computer and have not figured out how to burn CD’s – so, well, there’s your answer.
Favorite music? Runs the gamut. Easier to tell you what I don’t like. Don’t like any voice that is too nasal – which includes quite a bit of country. Dolly Parton makes me cringe. Not found of high soprano nor do I like anything too high pitched. Music that has heavy instrumentation – to the extent that you can barely make out the lyrics or the lyrics feel more like screams annoys me. Rap and hip-hop – depends, some of it feels more like yelling at people, some moves me and haunts me. I adore the Fuggees and like Eminme’s 8 Mile songs. Also the new song that is the title to Jarhead and was sung at the Katrina Benefit – with the choir occupant is quite amazing. For me, music is a mood thing.
I’m not overly fond of live music, unless I can hear it and am not engulfed by people and background noise. The problem with live music is the background noise will often dilute it for me. Don’t like going to bars or stadiums to hear musicians play, acoustics is important. Also not fond of crowds, I get horribly claustrophobic and start hunting exits.
Importance? 1. Don’t care what others music tastes are since mine are so broad and I’m more or less willing to try anything.
12. Food – favorite foods, food issues, foods won’t eat – Vegetarian, Non-Vegetarian, Vegan?
Love food, all food, even though I currently have this gluten problem and can’t eat certain things. Pickiness annoys me. High maintenance really grates. This possibly explains why I hate this gluten sensitivity issue. I hate being picky about food, since for me, food and eating have always been an exciting new adventure. Favorite foods are exotic ones, ones I haven’t tried.
My mother was a bit of a gourmet – took courses, bought exotic cook books, joined gourmet cooking groups. She had been raised meat and potatoes, bland German Midwestern fair, while Dad had been raised on Chef Boyardee and cheap canned foods and meats. Neither experienced new and interesting foods until they reached college and began to travel – then they were more or less ruined for anything else. Growing up, my parents avoided most fast food restaurants and would splurge on upscale or interesting restaurants. At home, Mom pretty much cooked everything and still does. She collects recipes and recipe books the same way some people collect stamps.
For me? Cooking is a chemistry experiment, play time. I enjoy it. I even lose myself in it. But I suck at measurements and thus have never been great at following a recipe. Yet seem to be a natural at finding just the right mix. At least I like the taste. When I was in my 20s I came up with a chocolate chip cookie recipe that was so good my brother kept telling me to try and sell it. His girlfriend even asked me once what I was doing, because Mom whenever she made cookies for us didn’t come close. I said it was hard to tell anyone or write it down, I just played, did it by taste and instinct. Adding two tablespoons of pure Vanilla abstract (from Mexico), a pinch of coffee, more brown sugar than white sugar, combined butter and Crisco, scaled back on the salt and baking soda. Also scaled back on flour. (Maybe I was always gluten sensitive and didn’t know it?)
Baked the cookies for less time than the recipe called for, so they were always soft and gooey. Also added more chips. I miss those days sometimes, although now, I just find new foods to play with. Next up? Butternut squash.
Importance? 8. Food is important to me. And it helps if the people I’m with like it. There’s a saying that my granny has – there are folks who live to eat, and folks who eat to live. I’m the former. Kidbro is the latter and you can tell. At the same time, I’ve had friends who aren’t into eating and right now, that’s oddly helpful since going to restaurants can be tricky, unless of course the friend is not a picky eater and adventurous. Wales certainly is. She likes Peruvian which has no glutens and has suggested I try gnocchi which is an Italian pasta made entirely with potato flour. Currently I’m into Thai cuisine – gluten free, baby.
13. Liberal or Conservative? (can be economic or social or both)
Weird category. I think how you define this may depend on where you live and how you were raised and religious upbringing and education.
My high school history teacher had a saying: “When you’re young if you aren’t liberal, you have no heart. When you’re old, if you aren’t conservative, you aren’t that smart.” Or something to that effect. I think he was referring to the economic definition.
I define liberal in two ways, one economically and one socially. Economically – a liberal is someone who is left-wing or communist. Believes the state should take care of everything. We should take care of everyone. Shelter all people. Money should be communal. While a conservative believes that the state should not be involved at all, live and let live as it were. People should be responsible for themselves. No one should have to worry about someone else. No laws. No left turn signals. A libertarian. Or in some respects the Objectivist via Ayn Rand.
Socially, it’s ironically the opposite – a liberal believes that people should live liberally, as they see fit, without someone looking over their shoulders, basically be treated as adults. Be allowed the freedom to state their views. A conservative believes in moral standards, set rules of behavior, that people are children and need to be kept in line. What’s odd is the economic definition seems to contradict the social one, demonstrating that like it or not, people are not consistent, personality and behavior is more or less dependent on the situation. This may be the reason that most communist regimes turn into dictatorships – the people who are economic liberals assume that the state will be socially liberal as well when in fact it becomes socially conservative.
Where do I fit in? Ah. Moderate. I believe that as long as no one is hurting anyone they should be allowed to live as they wish. That while we need laws and order and regulations to a certain degree, we also need individual freedoms in order to create to endeavor, to evolve. No one can create let alone breathe in a prison. By the same token I don’t think we should do away with all laws, all rules, all orders – pure chaos would exist. There are some people who need boundaries. Need rules.
Importance? 5. I get along with liberals, moderates, and conservatives. As long as no one enforces their beliefs on to me or my life, we get along fine. But if you start telling me how to live my life or how I have to fit your moral code, watch out. Claws come out. I’m opinionated and stubborn and do not like to be told what to believe or who to trust. I like to find that out for myself even if it causes me pain and suffering in the process.
14. Religious belief (not to be confused with heritage: ie. Are you practicing a religion and do you believe in God?)
Short answer: Yes, I believe in God. Just have problems with organized religion, so not practicing any religion at the moment. If I find one that fits how I see God and the universe, then maybe but haven’t yet. And tried quite a few – all far too ritualistic and constrictive for my taste. Importance? 5. I’m not sure I can be around someone who wants to convert me to their faith, constantly thrust it down my throat, or reject for not believing as they do.
15. Sexual Orientation
Heterosexual. Do not care what people’s sexual orientation is. Have had gay and bisexual friends since I was 16, never mattered. People are people. Shouldn’t matter who they find attractive or who they choose to love. Don’t understand why society or organized religions care about this. As I told someone at work once, how does this affect you? Why does it matter? What someone else does in their life and how they live theirs is their business. If you don’t want people telling you how to live your life and who to love, what gives you the frigging right to tell someone else? Want to have your cake and eat it too, don’t you? Well, I hope you choke on it. Absolutely no tolerance for people who make a fuss over this. None. To me it’s no different than being a racist bigot. So importance level? 1. Society’s? Too frigging high for its own good.
16. Sports/Athletic Pursuits (what you watch, what you play, how much time you put into watching, do you bet on them)
Not a huge sports fan. Keep trying since so many people seem to be into it. But watching sports on television to be honest, bores me. Only ones I find halfway interesting aren’t technically sports – figure skating, gymnastics, and to some extent track&field and diving.
Was a swimmer in my formative years. Quite good actually. Won ribbons and races. Swam every single stroke but the back-stroke. Had a fear of banging my head into the wall. Also a runner – cross-country in Junior High, track and field. Did pretty well.
Watched Basketball in Law School – Jayhawks, they seldom won. Also watched the Chiefs for a bit, was often made fun of by my Torts Law Professor for not knowing the score of the last Chiefs game, some guys in law school took pity on me and tried to teach me. Drove to a Kansas City Hockey match also in law school – took a few people. Can’t remember much of it. So clearly was not memorable. Went to lots of NBA Basketball Games as a kid and baseball games. Played Field Hockey and Basketball, did a little softball – not all that great at ball sports. Tried tennis. Parents are tennis fanatics. They watch all the championship tennis matches and play it seven times a week if they can. Don’ t get the appeal myself. Tried it, found it frustrating and dull. Sports? Not quite my thing, but I do keep experimenting with it.
Importance? Don’t make me laugh. Don’t care a whit. 1. Lots of friends who are sports fanatics. Most of the men I’ve met, actually almost all the men I’ve met are into sports. So I try to put up a good front, pretend to like them, try not to look too bored when they launch into an in depth analysis of a baseball or football game.
17. Married or single – Single. Importance? 0, except of course if I'm physically attracted to you, than a 10, nothing turns me off quicker than someone who is married. Rule - will not ever date a married man or a man who is romantically attached to someone else. Too painful and masochistic.
18. Do you drink (alcohol)? Socially? Extensively? Alone? Not at all? – Occasionally and mainly socially. Like the taste of alcohol and enjoy it. But rarely drink much any more since most wines, beers, and mixed drinks give me wicked heartburn.
19. Smoke or don’t smoke? Don’t. But don’t care if others do too much. Am allergic but not painfully so. Also, one of my closest friends smokes and I’d rather put up with her filthy habit than not see her at all. I get how she’s addicted and how hard it is to stop. She’s tried, since I’ve known her, 30 times, and literally tried everything under the sun. Nicotine ain’t an easy thing to go off. Importance? 8, Since allergic. But am tolerant.
20. Fashion or Favorite Clothes (do you pay attention to fashion? Are you a shopper?)
Not a shopper. Like clothes, but not into fashion. Like clothes that are simple, tailored, comfortable and not too flashy. Hate to stand out. Like color. Splashes of it. Am somewhat artistic about clothing. Do not like accessories – get in my way. When it comes to shoes and clothing – I’d describe myself as pragmatic and conservative. Also hate spending tons of money, but would rather spend money on something nice, tailored, comfortable than buy something at a thrift store that I need to get tailored or cleaned or is fits oddly. So am picky. Very picky. Also very sensitive skin, can’t stand wool for instance. Importance? 1.
21. Current Abode – home you live in (apartment, house, boat, trailer) and where
One bedroom apartment, 3rd floor of a brownstone in Brooklyn, NY. Right now electricity is doing wonky things, TV keeps flipping on and off, lights flip on and off, refrigerator roars then quiets. Must speak to landlord. The folks renovating the downstairs apartment have either done something wonky with the wiring or there’s a ghost. Importance? 7. I care where I live. But don’t really care where you live, if that makes sense.
22. What state or country or territory do you currently live in? What village, city, suburb?
Brooklyn, NY. City. Part of NYC. Biggest borough of the five boroughs. Street residential and tree lined, walking distance to everything more or less. Importance?8, see above. Oh and it does make a difference, since I’m not a huge traveler. Love being at the destination, not overly fond of the ordeal of getting there and back. Logistics man, they are killer.
23. Children ? (Do you have them, how many, do you plan on having them, how do you feel about them? )
I hate this question. Really do. How do I feel about kids? Ambivalent.
Do I want them? Not really. Would rather get a kitty to be honest and can’t afford that at the moment. Boss is working on me though, regarding the kitty not the kids. She knows numerous shelters just dying for owners. Part of me thinks I should want them or at least be into them. But not. Kids…sigh they don’t interest me much until the hit the stage in which we can have an intelligent conversation. Feel guilty for not wanting them. Wish less people had them or wanted them – world seems incredibly over-populated at the moment. Yet at the same time, feel like I’ve missed out on something important for not having one and if I don’t hurry up, I never will. Does not help that 75% of the people I know have small babies right now – and that it feels a bit like a huge barrier wall has arisen between us since I honestly can’t, try as I might, identify with them on this point. So, what I do is try to identify through my niece and my brother’s struggles with the little tyke, who I’ve seen maybe twice this year. Feel guilty and ambivalent about that as well.
As I write this, I fear the reactions. I fear being pigeon-holed, because I know these feelings could change, they are largely motivated by mood and my current situation. And the fact that I have four kids’ books burning a hole in my floor that I bought for people’s children but have not been able to give to them.
Importance? Don’t know. Maybe a 7. Since it does definitely affect how people relate to me. People with kids, I’ve noticed, seem to relate better with other people who have kids or are into kids. My mother tells me that I’m wrong about this. But I worry. I feel like the kid who took art while everyone else took gym, if you know what I mean. Do I plan to ever have children? I have not ruled it out. Never say never as the saying goes. Although to be honest the thought of having kids in my 40s seems a bit tough. Also, I refuse to raise a child without a husband. Nor would I want to.
24. Occupation Currently Have and Occupation Currently Dream of. (Can be one and the same)
Contracts Administrator – I analyze all sorts and varieties of vendor contracts for a health insurance company, also authorize purchase orders, determine what is a purchase obligation, draft contractual language, and negotiate contracts with the assistance of attorneys or vice versa. I do not in any way shape or form act as an attorney myself. My boss has been doing this job for 20 years and never went to law school.
Artist/Writer – Illustrate and Write books. Create graphic novels. Do pottery. Metal and silver sculpture. Paint and draw and exhibit. (Am taking steps to explore this in greater depth, have decided to take more art courses next year than academic or business ones. May also take a film analysis or film story-boarding course.) I love art – my demons seem to disperse when I am creating something artistic, whether it is a meal, a piece of art work, a story, a painting, a piece of jewelry. But I fear showing it to others. I fear the rejection. It’s easier somehow to be rejected in my business endeavors, my heart isn’t in it you know? But when someone rejects a story, something I’ve made – it’s like they are jabbing me in my heart. I feel it more. I care more. So over time I’ve protected myself or tried to. Yet, like any artist, I crave in-put, I want to share it, so I throw it out there. The essays I wrote on Buffy were more pieces of artistic writing than scholarly articles, I often made fun of the scholarly academic approach or formal style of writing – deliberately taking a causal conversational approach. Writing them in an odd stream-of consciousness almost flippant style. I crave the in-put, yet fear it. Odd. My father is like this as well, he writes and self-publishes his books, gives them to people who want to read them, having long given up on the publishing industry. He also used to do watercolors and draw people’s faces. Quick impressions. But he keeps these pieces of art close to the chest, sharing them with friends and family but that’s it. I can’t see myself making any money as an artist nor do I think I’m good enough, but I enjoy it, it quiets the demons inside, so I will do it on the side, while I continue to do the real job, the money making job above.
Importance? 9. To me, what I do for a living is critical, but I am trying hard not to define myself by it. A friend of mine, name of Boringuen Gallo told me ages ago, not to define myself by my work. Work does not define who you are. It is but a portion of your make-up. You do so many things. I think that is true. I am multi-faceted. Most people are. We are not necessarily what we do. I don’t really care that much what others do for living, no wait, that’s not true, I do care – in fact I’m fascinated by what people do for a living. I love to listen to people talk about what they do at work or what their work is like. One of my favorite non-fiction books is called “Gig” – it’s a big yellow book that contains interviews with people who do all sorts of interesting jobs from janitorial to movie producer to exotic dancer. We spend 80% of our time at work – it does to some degree influence us. But I don’t believe it defines us.
Also the work you do today by no means determines what you will do tomorrow.
25. What do you fear?
Rejection. I fear that the most I think. Nor do I handle it well, often rejecting people before they can reject me. Or pulling back. I don’t reject vocally or orally or in your face, I do it quietly, I retreat from the conflict, pull back. Disappear inside myself, like a turtle pulling its head inside its shell, which is amusing since the shell is still visible. Then panic and take steps to come out again.
Spiders. Total arachnophobe. Hate them. Will be happy when Halloween is over in a way, so will see less them.
Being lost and stuck and abandoned. May tie into the whole rejection fear.
Importance? 10. Can be crippling this fear. I fight it. Sometimes I win sometimes I lose.
Do I judge others on their fears? No. I understand fear.
Day still gloomy, with the sun forcing itself through the black gray clouds intermittently, reminding me, hey I’m here – you can’t block me out for long!
Have decided to do the rest of my box meme, for good or ill.
The box meme part II.
11. Listening habits: Radio stations, music, ipod, mp3, just CDs, tapes
Ugh how to answer this. Not my favorite question. I listen to CDs. Rarely to the radio anymore. Odd really, since as a teen and a young child – I listened solely to the radio and rarely to tapes or records. Records unnerved me – was always terrified of breaking the needle or scratching the vinyl – maybe because I did so often. Tapes were more useful – you could tape off the radio – music for free or other people. I think the reason I stopped listening to the radio is two-fold: 1. reception, get lousy reception in my apartment. The stations I get, suck, or come in intermittently. 2. Annoyed by the radio commercials and talk shows. Mostly just listen to the radio in my parent’s car whenever I visit Hilton Head. Oh that’s another thing, I listened to the radio more when I drove or owned a car. There’s nothing like a good radio station on a long drive. When I went to law school – I drove a lot. Long ass drives to and from my parents and grandmother’s house. To and from Bar reviews. To and from job interviews and internships. For me the radio is linked to a car stereo system or the stereo I owned as a teen. Forever gone, but not forgotten.
Favorite stations? Ah, NPR, and the one that played alternative rock, classical, jazz, or easy listening favorites.
Don’t own an ipod – it’s a gadget and I’m not techy. Not exactly a luddite, but definitely not techy. It looks complicated to me and expensive. Much easier to listen to CDs for now. By the time I get around to buying one, i-pods will be out of fashion.
Have yet to figure out the MP3 player on my computer and have not figured out how to burn CD’s – so, well, there’s your answer.
Favorite music? Runs the gamut. Easier to tell you what I don’t like. Don’t like any voice that is too nasal – which includes quite a bit of country. Dolly Parton makes me cringe. Not found of high soprano nor do I like anything too high pitched. Music that has heavy instrumentation – to the extent that you can barely make out the lyrics or the lyrics feel more like screams annoys me. Rap and hip-hop – depends, some of it feels more like yelling at people, some moves me and haunts me. I adore the Fuggees and like Eminme’s 8 Mile songs. Also the new song that is the title to Jarhead and was sung at the Katrina Benefit – with the choir occupant is quite amazing. For me, music is a mood thing.
I’m not overly fond of live music, unless I can hear it and am not engulfed by people and background noise. The problem with live music is the background noise will often dilute it for me. Don’t like going to bars or stadiums to hear musicians play, acoustics is important. Also not fond of crowds, I get horribly claustrophobic and start hunting exits.
Importance? 1. Don’t care what others music tastes are since mine are so broad and I’m more or less willing to try anything.
12. Food – favorite foods, food issues, foods won’t eat – Vegetarian, Non-Vegetarian, Vegan?
Love food, all food, even though I currently have this gluten problem and can’t eat certain things. Pickiness annoys me. High maintenance really grates. This possibly explains why I hate this gluten sensitivity issue. I hate being picky about food, since for me, food and eating have always been an exciting new adventure. Favorite foods are exotic ones, ones I haven’t tried.
My mother was a bit of a gourmet – took courses, bought exotic cook books, joined gourmet cooking groups. She had been raised meat and potatoes, bland German Midwestern fair, while Dad had been raised on Chef Boyardee and cheap canned foods and meats. Neither experienced new and interesting foods until they reached college and began to travel – then they were more or less ruined for anything else. Growing up, my parents avoided most fast food restaurants and would splurge on upscale or interesting restaurants. At home, Mom pretty much cooked everything and still does. She collects recipes and recipe books the same way some people collect stamps.
For me? Cooking is a chemistry experiment, play time. I enjoy it. I even lose myself in it. But I suck at measurements and thus have never been great at following a recipe. Yet seem to be a natural at finding just the right mix. At least I like the taste. When I was in my 20s I came up with a chocolate chip cookie recipe that was so good my brother kept telling me to try and sell it. His girlfriend even asked me once what I was doing, because Mom whenever she made cookies for us didn’t come close. I said it was hard to tell anyone or write it down, I just played, did it by taste and instinct. Adding two tablespoons of pure Vanilla abstract (from Mexico), a pinch of coffee, more brown sugar than white sugar, combined butter and Crisco, scaled back on the salt and baking soda. Also scaled back on flour. (Maybe I was always gluten sensitive and didn’t know it?)
Baked the cookies for less time than the recipe called for, so they were always soft and gooey. Also added more chips. I miss those days sometimes, although now, I just find new foods to play with. Next up? Butternut squash.
Importance? 8. Food is important to me. And it helps if the people I’m with like it. There’s a saying that my granny has – there are folks who live to eat, and folks who eat to live. I’m the former. Kidbro is the latter and you can tell. At the same time, I’ve had friends who aren’t into eating and right now, that’s oddly helpful since going to restaurants can be tricky, unless of course the friend is not a picky eater and adventurous. Wales certainly is. She likes Peruvian which has no glutens and has suggested I try gnocchi which is an Italian pasta made entirely with potato flour. Currently I’m into Thai cuisine – gluten free, baby.
13. Liberal or Conservative? (can be economic or social or both)
Weird category. I think how you define this may depend on where you live and how you were raised and religious upbringing and education.
My high school history teacher had a saying: “When you’re young if you aren’t liberal, you have no heart. When you’re old, if you aren’t conservative, you aren’t that smart.” Or something to that effect. I think he was referring to the economic definition.
I define liberal in two ways, one economically and one socially. Economically – a liberal is someone who is left-wing or communist. Believes the state should take care of everything. We should take care of everyone. Shelter all people. Money should be communal. While a conservative believes that the state should not be involved at all, live and let live as it were. People should be responsible for themselves. No one should have to worry about someone else. No laws. No left turn signals. A libertarian. Or in some respects the Objectivist via Ayn Rand.
Socially, it’s ironically the opposite – a liberal believes that people should live liberally, as they see fit, without someone looking over their shoulders, basically be treated as adults. Be allowed the freedom to state their views. A conservative believes in moral standards, set rules of behavior, that people are children and need to be kept in line. What’s odd is the economic definition seems to contradict the social one, demonstrating that like it or not, people are not consistent, personality and behavior is more or less dependent on the situation. This may be the reason that most communist regimes turn into dictatorships – the people who are economic liberals assume that the state will be socially liberal as well when in fact it becomes socially conservative.
Where do I fit in? Ah. Moderate. I believe that as long as no one is hurting anyone they should be allowed to live as they wish. That while we need laws and order and regulations to a certain degree, we also need individual freedoms in order to create to endeavor, to evolve. No one can create let alone breathe in a prison. By the same token I don’t think we should do away with all laws, all rules, all orders – pure chaos would exist. There are some people who need boundaries. Need rules.
Importance? 5. I get along with liberals, moderates, and conservatives. As long as no one enforces their beliefs on to me or my life, we get along fine. But if you start telling me how to live my life or how I have to fit your moral code, watch out. Claws come out. I’m opinionated and stubborn and do not like to be told what to believe or who to trust. I like to find that out for myself even if it causes me pain and suffering in the process.
14. Religious belief (not to be confused with heritage: ie. Are you practicing a religion and do you believe in God?)
Short answer: Yes, I believe in God. Just have problems with organized religion, so not practicing any religion at the moment. If I find one that fits how I see God and the universe, then maybe but haven’t yet. And tried quite a few – all far too ritualistic and constrictive for my taste. Importance? 5. I’m not sure I can be around someone who wants to convert me to their faith, constantly thrust it down my throat, or reject for not believing as they do.
15. Sexual Orientation
Heterosexual. Do not care what people’s sexual orientation is. Have had gay and bisexual friends since I was 16, never mattered. People are people. Shouldn’t matter who they find attractive or who they choose to love. Don’t understand why society or organized religions care about this. As I told someone at work once, how does this affect you? Why does it matter? What someone else does in their life and how they live theirs is their business. If you don’t want people telling you how to live your life and who to love, what gives you the frigging right to tell someone else? Want to have your cake and eat it too, don’t you? Well, I hope you choke on it. Absolutely no tolerance for people who make a fuss over this. None. To me it’s no different than being a racist bigot. So importance level? 1. Society’s? Too frigging high for its own good.
16. Sports/Athletic Pursuits (what you watch, what you play, how much time you put into watching, do you bet on them)
Not a huge sports fan. Keep trying since so many people seem to be into it. But watching sports on television to be honest, bores me. Only ones I find halfway interesting aren’t technically sports – figure skating, gymnastics, and to some extent track&field and diving.
Was a swimmer in my formative years. Quite good actually. Won ribbons and races. Swam every single stroke but the back-stroke. Had a fear of banging my head into the wall. Also a runner – cross-country in Junior High, track and field. Did pretty well.
Watched Basketball in Law School – Jayhawks, they seldom won. Also watched the Chiefs for a bit, was often made fun of by my Torts Law Professor for not knowing the score of the last Chiefs game, some guys in law school took pity on me and tried to teach me. Drove to a Kansas City Hockey match also in law school – took a few people. Can’t remember much of it. So clearly was not memorable. Went to lots of NBA Basketball Games as a kid and baseball games. Played Field Hockey and Basketball, did a little softball – not all that great at ball sports. Tried tennis. Parents are tennis fanatics. They watch all the championship tennis matches and play it seven times a week if they can. Don’ t get the appeal myself. Tried it, found it frustrating and dull. Sports? Not quite my thing, but I do keep experimenting with it.
Importance? Don’t make me laugh. Don’t care a whit. 1. Lots of friends who are sports fanatics. Most of the men I’ve met, actually almost all the men I’ve met are into sports. So I try to put up a good front, pretend to like them, try not to look too bored when they launch into an in depth analysis of a baseball or football game.
17. Married or single – Single. Importance? 0, except of course if I'm physically attracted to you, than a 10, nothing turns me off quicker than someone who is married. Rule - will not ever date a married man or a man who is romantically attached to someone else. Too painful and masochistic.
18. Do you drink (alcohol)? Socially? Extensively? Alone? Not at all? – Occasionally and mainly socially. Like the taste of alcohol and enjoy it. But rarely drink much any more since most wines, beers, and mixed drinks give me wicked heartburn.
19. Smoke or don’t smoke? Don’t. But don’t care if others do too much. Am allergic but not painfully so. Also, one of my closest friends smokes and I’d rather put up with her filthy habit than not see her at all. I get how she’s addicted and how hard it is to stop. She’s tried, since I’ve known her, 30 times, and literally tried everything under the sun. Nicotine ain’t an easy thing to go off. Importance? 8, Since allergic. But am tolerant.
20. Fashion or Favorite Clothes (do you pay attention to fashion? Are you a shopper?)
Not a shopper. Like clothes, but not into fashion. Like clothes that are simple, tailored, comfortable and not too flashy. Hate to stand out. Like color. Splashes of it. Am somewhat artistic about clothing. Do not like accessories – get in my way. When it comes to shoes and clothing – I’d describe myself as pragmatic and conservative. Also hate spending tons of money, but would rather spend money on something nice, tailored, comfortable than buy something at a thrift store that I need to get tailored or cleaned or is fits oddly. So am picky. Very picky. Also very sensitive skin, can’t stand wool for instance. Importance? 1.
21. Current Abode – home you live in (apartment, house, boat, trailer) and where
One bedroom apartment, 3rd floor of a brownstone in Brooklyn, NY. Right now electricity is doing wonky things, TV keeps flipping on and off, lights flip on and off, refrigerator roars then quiets. Must speak to landlord. The folks renovating the downstairs apartment have either done something wonky with the wiring or there’s a ghost. Importance? 7. I care where I live. But don’t really care where you live, if that makes sense.
22. What state or country or territory do you currently live in? What village, city, suburb?
Brooklyn, NY. City. Part of NYC. Biggest borough of the five boroughs. Street residential and tree lined, walking distance to everything more or less. Importance?8, see above. Oh and it does make a difference, since I’m not a huge traveler. Love being at the destination, not overly fond of the ordeal of getting there and back. Logistics man, they are killer.
23. Children ? (Do you have them, how many, do you plan on having them, how do you feel about them? )
I hate this question. Really do. How do I feel about kids? Ambivalent.
Do I want them? Not really. Would rather get a kitty to be honest and can’t afford that at the moment. Boss is working on me though, regarding the kitty not the kids. She knows numerous shelters just dying for owners. Part of me thinks I should want them or at least be into them. But not. Kids…sigh they don’t interest me much until the hit the stage in which we can have an intelligent conversation. Feel guilty for not wanting them. Wish less people had them or wanted them – world seems incredibly over-populated at the moment. Yet at the same time, feel like I’ve missed out on something important for not having one and if I don’t hurry up, I never will. Does not help that 75% of the people I know have small babies right now – and that it feels a bit like a huge barrier wall has arisen between us since I honestly can’t, try as I might, identify with them on this point. So, what I do is try to identify through my niece and my brother’s struggles with the little tyke, who I’ve seen maybe twice this year. Feel guilty and ambivalent about that as well.
As I write this, I fear the reactions. I fear being pigeon-holed, because I know these feelings could change, they are largely motivated by mood and my current situation. And the fact that I have four kids’ books burning a hole in my floor that I bought for people’s children but have not been able to give to them.
Importance? Don’t know. Maybe a 7. Since it does definitely affect how people relate to me. People with kids, I’ve noticed, seem to relate better with other people who have kids or are into kids. My mother tells me that I’m wrong about this. But I worry. I feel like the kid who took art while everyone else took gym, if you know what I mean. Do I plan to ever have children? I have not ruled it out. Never say never as the saying goes. Although to be honest the thought of having kids in my 40s seems a bit tough. Also, I refuse to raise a child without a husband. Nor would I want to.
24. Occupation Currently Have and Occupation Currently Dream of. (Can be one and the same)
Contracts Administrator – I analyze all sorts and varieties of vendor contracts for a health insurance company, also authorize purchase orders, determine what is a purchase obligation, draft contractual language, and negotiate contracts with the assistance of attorneys or vice versa. I do not in any way shape or form act as an attorney myself. My boss has been doing this job for 20 years and never went to law school.
Artist/Writer – Illustrate and Write books. Create graphic novels. Do pottery. Metal and silver sculpture. Paint and draw and exhibit. (Am taking steps to explore this in greater depth, have decided to take more art courses next year than academic or business ones. May also take a film analysis or film story-boarding course.) I love art – my demons seem to disperse when I am creating something artistic, whether it is a meal, a piece of art work, a story, a painting, a piece of jewelry. But I fear showing it to others. I fear the rejection. It’s easier somehow to be rejected in my business endeavors, my heart isn’t in it you know? But when someone rejects a story, something I’ve made – it’s like they are jabbing me in my heart. I feel it more. I care more. So over time I’ve protected myself or tried to. Yet, like any artist, I crave in-put, I want to share it, so I throw it out there. The essays I wrote on Buffy were more pieces of artistic writing than scholarly articles, I often made fun of the scholarly academic approach or formal style of writing – deliberately taking a causal conversational approach. Writing them in an odd stream-of consciousness almost flippant style. I crave the in-put, yet fear it. Odd. My father is like this as well, he writes and self-publishes his books, gives them to people who want to read them, having long given up on the publishing industry. He also used to do watercolors and draw people’s faces. Quick impressions. But he keeps these pieces of art close to the chest, sharing them with friends and family but that’s it. I can’t see myself making any money as an artist nor do I think I’m good enough, but I enjoy it, it quiets the demons inside, so I will do it on the side, while I continue to do the real job, the money making job above.
Importance? 9. To me, what I do for a living is critical, but I am trying hard not to define myself by it. A friend of mine, name of Boringuen Gallo told me ages ago, not to define myself by my work. Work does not define who you are. It is but a portion of your make-up. You do so many things. I think that is true. I am multi-faceted. Most people are. We are not necessarily what we do. I don’t really care that much what others do for living, no wait, that’s not true, I do care – in fact I’m fascinated by what people do for a living. I love to listen to people talk about what they do at work or what their work is like. One of my favorite non-fiction books is called “Gig” – it’s a big yellow book that contains interviews with people who do all sorts of interesting jobs from janitorial to movie producer to exotic dancer. We spend 80% of our time at work – it does to some degree influence us. But I don’t believe it defines us.
Also the work you do today by no means determines what you will do tomorrow.
25. What do you fear?
Rejection. I fear that the most I think. Nor do I handle it well, often rejecting people before they can reject me. Or pulling back. I don’t reject vocally or orally or in your face, I do it quietly, I retreat from the conflict, pull back. Disappear inside myself, like a turtle pulling its head inside its shell, which is amusing since the shell is still visible. Then panic and take steps to come out again.
Spiders. Total arachnophobe. Hate them. Will be happy when Halloween is over in a way, so will see less them.
Being lost and stuck and abandoned. May tie into the whole rejection fear.
Importance? 10. Can be crippling this fear. I fight it. Sometimes I win sometimes I lose.
Do I judge others on their fears? No. I understand fear.
