so now that I read up ^ I see more what you were getting at.
I'm bisexual, so someone hiding that they were transgendered wouldn't matter a lot to me since I'm attracted to both genders anyway. If I thought I was getting a vagina, and ended up with a penis, or vice versa, so what, I like them both.
But I also think it's a little unrealistic to expect someone who is only attracted to one gender, and has only had one kind of genital interaction before, to have a genital!surprise thrown at them in the middle of sex and expect them to just go along with it calmly. And that has less to do with transphobia than just general sexual expectations.
If a heterosexual male doesn't want to touch another person's penis, then fine, that's his deal. He shouldn't feel like he's being forced to participate in a certain kind of sex, and like anybody else, he should be able to withdraw his consent at any point in the process.
It seems like transphobia is a trickier deal than homophobia, because nobody expects you to have sex with a gay person if you are straight. You can like LGBs as people, but not as sexual partners and it's fine.
So then, if you are okay with transfolk as friends, but freak out when you find out you are having sex with one mid-fling, does that make you actually transphobic, or just penis/vagina-phobic?
I feel like a lot of people could be pretty freaked out by having stuff sprung on them in bed and feel like they didn't consent to it - being suddenly presented by a giant strap-on, or edible body chocolate, or a sex-swing, or whatever, and then want to leave because they are not comfortable. It has at least as much to do with sexual expectations and experiences as oppression.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-08-11 09:01 pm (UTC)I'm bisexual, so someone hiding that they were transgendered wouldn't matter a lot to me since I'm attracted to both genders anyway. If I thought I was getting a vagina, and ended up with a penis, or vice versa, so what, I like them both.
But I also think it's a little unrealistic to expect someone who is only attracted to one gender, and has only had one kind of genital interaction before, to have a genital!surprise thrown at them in the middle of sex and expect them to just go along with it calmly. And that has less to do with transphobia than just general sexual expectations.
If a heterosexual male doesn't want to touch another person's penis, then fine, that's his deal. He shouldn't feel like he's being forced to participate in a certain kind of sex, and like anybody else, he should be able to withdraw his consent at any point in the process.
It seems like transphobia is a trickier deal than homophobia, because nobody expects you to have sex with a gay person if you are straight. You can like LGBs as people, but not as sexual partners and it's fine.
So then, if you are okay with transfolk as friends, but freak out when you find out you are having sex with one mid-fling, does that make you actually transphobic, or just penis/vagina-phobic?
I feel like a lot of people could be pretty freaked out by having stuff sprung on them in bed and feel like they didn't consent to it - being suddenly presented by a giant strap-on, or edible body chocolate, or a sex-swing, or whatever, and then want to leave because they are not comfortable. It has at least as much to do with sexual expectations and experiences as oppression.