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shadowkatFrom a flocked post on my livejournal on 9/9/13 (http://shadowkat67.livejournal.com/2013/09/09/)
Well...it's happened, I've finally spiraled downwards into a physical depression. I find that I care less and less about things. Have frequent crying jags. Cry at the drop of the hat. Am irritable and cranky. Feel tired all the time and have difficulty focusing on things. Work is exhausting.
This may be due to chronic pain. The back pain from hell has returned with a vengeance. And it's worse than it was before. Sciatic nerve down the right leg and right arm, on top of the slight ache in the healing right foot and frequent headaches. Hurts to sit, sleep, walk, stand, pretty much anything. It should be noted that I have a high tolerance for pain. Have had a heating pad on it all day long. Didn't take any meds - because the double dose of Naproxen yesterday almost did me in last night. Was in pain last night - took pain medication that did not agree with me. Barely slept this weekend. This morning...almost just stayed in bed all day, but I knew I needed to get help. Stayed home from work though. God, it's hard to write...
Life right now just feels like a long endless dark painful tunnel with little point to it. I keep thinking why bother? But I see a spark...at the end, so I'm fighting to reach it. Fighting against this undertow and it's so hard.
Don't know if I will make it out of this downwards spiral/undertow or not at this point. But am trying.
Made an appointment with a holistic healing specialist who specializes in reflexology, reiki, energy therapies, and nutritional remedies. And left messages with Chai healing - specializing in acupuncture therapy, as well as my orthopedist. Orthopedist called back and will send a prescription for more physical therapy for my back to my office and home tomorrow. So I can get it to the new physical therapist - and have them work on my back in tandem with the foot.
Little scared. And very very tired.
*
*
*
12 months later...:
Live journal is sort of dead, isn't it?
Granted I've written very little in it of late. Been busy.
After a little over two months of strenuous hunting, I finally found an apartment to my liking. Taught me a lot about the NYC real estate market - it's not for wimps. Tough and extremely competitive market place. So competitive - that rents in some areas are $2200-1Million for one bedroom apartments. I actually found something far below that - with a soak-in tub, eat in kitchen, high ceilings, floor to ceiling windows, hard wood floors, great air circulation, laundry in the building, and an elevator. It gets plenty of light, is rather quiet, and spacious. There's only a couple of minor draw-backs - 15 more minutes to commute, and grocery stores aren't quite as close. Also the laundry room is closed from 8pm to 6am, which makes it tough to do laundry after work. Not that I ever have.
Tonight - managed to find a way to do window treatments in my bedroom. After dropping off my Time Warner modem, DVR, and remote - you have to return them or they'll continue charging you, I went to Home Depot. [Quick aside - it took an hour to return equipment to Time Warner. This does not include travel time. I waited for an hour for a customer service rep to see me and provide a receipt for the equipment that I was returning. But hey, they'd modernized the office with all sorts of nifty gadgets. Cablevision and Time Warner should be forced to compete with each other, as opposed to dividing territories.] Anyhow - Home Depot was across the street - so I popped in and talked to a sales rep about window treatments. He advised me to get stick on shades, rather cheap, easy to install, and work while your trying to figure out what you want. Cost about $6.00 per shade. Got two light blocker shades in gray (bedroom), and one light filter shade in white (kitchen). Came home and installed them.
I'm amazed at what I've managed to accomplish in the last 12 months. This time last year, I was 60 pounds overweight, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, dreading the future, in constant pain (lower back, hip, knee, leg, and foot), could barely walk,
and convinced I was stuck in a crappy apartment and a job that was going nowhere and sitting in a broken chair. I felt like a complete failure.
In the space of 12 months:
* I lost 60-70 pounds (went down 5 dress sizes)
* Changed what I ate and how I ate
* Co-wrote a play and performed it in as a concert reading in front of an audience
* Made lots of new friends
* Got a short pixy hair cut
* Changed apartments and where I lived
* Got a promotion and soon an additional raise
* Healed my ailments - I no longer have any back pain, leg pain, foot pain, migraines, etc.
* Figured out how to install window treatments and assemble a fan
* Got a new and wonderful ergomatic office chair
Feeling extremely grateful right now. And thinking very few things are impossible.
Well...it's happened, I've finally spiraled downwards into a physical depression. I find that I care less and less about things. Have frequent crying jags. Cry at the drop of the hat. Am irritable and cranky. Feel tired all the time and have difficulty focusing on things. Work is exhausting.
This may be due to chronic pain. The back pain from hell has returned with a vengeance. And it's worse than it was before. Sciatic nerve down the right leg and right arm, on top of the slight ache in the healing right foot and frequent headaches. Hurts to sit, sleep, walk, stand, pretty much anything. It should be noted that I have a high tolerance for pain. Have had a heating pad on it all day long. Didn't take any meds - because the double dose of Naproxen yesterday almost did me in last night. Was in pain last night - took pain medication that did not agree with me. Barely slept this weekend. This morning...almost just stayed in bed all day, but I knew I needed to get help. Stayed home from work though. God, it's hard to write...
Life right now just feels like a long endless dark painful tunnel with little point to it. I keep thinking why bother? But I see a spark...at the end, so I'm fighting to reach it. Fighting against this undertow and it's so hard.
Don't know if I will make it out of this downwards spiral/undertow or not at this point. But am trying.
Made an appointment with a holistic healing specialist who specializes in reflexology, reiki, energy therapies, and nutritional remedies. And left messages with Chai healing - specializing in acupuncture therapy, as well as my orthopedist. Orthopedist called back and will send a prescription for more physical therapy for my back to my office and home tomorrow. So I can get it to the new physical therapist - and have them work on my back in tandem with the foot.
Little scared. And very very tired.
*
*
*
12 months later...:
Live journal is sort of dead, isn't it?
Granted I've written very little in it of late. Been busy.
After a little over two months of strenuous hunting, I finally found an apartment to my liking. Taught me a lot about the NYC real estate market - it's not for wimps. Tough and extremely competitive market place. So competitive - that rents in some areas are $2200-1Million for one bedroom apartments. I actually found something far below that - with a soak-in tub, eat in kitchen, high ceilings, floor to ceiling windows, hard wood floors, great air circulation, laundry in the building, and an elevator. It gets plenty of light, is rather quiet, and spacious. There's only a couple of minor draw-backs - 15 more minutes to commute, and grocery stores aren't quite as close. Also the laundry room is closed from 8pm to 6am, which makes it tough to do laundry after work. Not that I ever have.
Tonight - managed to find a way to do window treatments in my bedroom. After dropping off my Time Warner modem, DVR, and remote - you have to return them or they'll continue charging you, I went to Home Depot. [Quick aside - it took an hour to return equipment to Time Warner. This does not include travel time. I waited for an hour for a customer service rep to see me and provide a receipt for the equipment that I was returning. But hey, they'd modernized the office with all sorts of nifty gadgets. Cablevision and Time Warner should be forced to compete with each other, as opposed to dividing territories.] Anyhow - Home Depot was across the street - so I popped in and talked to a sales rep about window treatments. He advised me to get stick on shades, rather cheap, easy to install, and work while your trying to figure out what you want. Cost about $6.00 per shade. Got two light blocker shades in gray (bedroom), and one light filter shade in white (kitchen). Came home and installed them.
I'm amazed at what I've managed to accomplish in the last 12 months. This time last year, I was 60 pounds overweight, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, dreading the future, in constant pain (lower back, hip, knee, leg, and foot), could barely walk,
and convinced I was stuck in a crappy apartment and a job that was going nowhere and sitting in a broken chair. I felt like a complete failure.
In the space of 12 months:
* I lost 60-70 pounds (went down 5 dress sizes)
* Changed what I ate and how I ate
* Co-wrote a play and performed it in as a concert reading in front of an audience
* Made lots of new friends
* Got a short pixy hair cut
* Changed apartments and where I lived
* Got a promotion and soon an additional raise
* Healed my ailments - I no longer have any back pain, leg pain, foot pain, migraines, etc.
* Figured out how to install window treatments and assemble a fan
* Got a new and wonderful ergomatic office chair
Feeling extremely grateful right now. And thinking very few things are impossible.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-10 08:53 am (UTC)