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shadowkatDifficult week - which resulted in me falling off the wagon in regards to my chocolate addiction. Well that, and, ahem, that time of month.
Here's a blurb from a sex scene in a romance novel that I've been reading. The novel is set in 18th century, England, and not a gothic or supernatural story, just your standard run of the mill historical romance:
"He felt he would do just about anything to get her to bare her neck to him again."
Me: What is he, a vampire? Seriously, her neck?
This writer does not excel at sex scenes. Actually, whenever I come across them in her novels - I think, okay, you aren't very good at this, you might want to scale back a bit. Her sex scenes feel a tad awkward and are often a bit funny. And I don't think it is always intentional.
Sex scenes - I've discovered - are actually really hard to pull off. So are action scenes. But I actually think sex scenes are harder - since there's less conflict or conflict resolution - I mean it's not supposed to be a fight with a winner and a loser, well unless its a rape or they are violent, and well, eww. This may be why BDSM sex scenes are the rage in a lot of contemporary new adult novels, along with hate sex, and anal sex - mainly because it is more challenging to write and there's more of a conflict. Ordinary sex can be tedious to write about - because let's face it, there's not that much to it. Most female writers focus on the foreplay (or so I've discovered) while the male writers tend to focus on well the main event. Tells you a great deal about the differences between the two genders, doesn't it? Although, I have read a few female writers who skip foreplay entirely...which I've found to be a bit odd. And a few male writers who seem to prefer it. So there's that.
And granted what you like to read in a sex scene may be a matter of personal taste. I like a certain amount of dialogue, and emotion. Not a fan of flowery or explicit description. I honestly don't need a play by play, less is often more - I do have an imagination and it is unfortunately, often better than the writer's. Also, it helps if it is anatomically correct.
A lot of writer's have a poor grasp of anatomy, either that or they are bored and feel the need to get creative. Most likely the latter, or so I've discovered reading fanfic. (ie. No, he can't enter her womb or cervix, because ow. And women, to the best of my knowledge, do not have a prostrate gland, which is why women experience anal sex a wee bit differently than gay men. Not that it can't be pleasurable - if you want to understand why - go read Naomi Woolf's book The Vagina. I haven't read it yet, but did hear a portion of her talk on it at the Brooklyn Book Fair two years ago. And she discussed various erogenous zones that we didn't know about.)
What a lot of people do not understand about sex is:
a)it's different for everyone, sorry one size does not fit all metaphorically and literally,
b) everyone's experience is unique (weird I know, but there it is)
c) you can be technically speaking a virgin and have experienced more sex than some married folks. (*cough*oral-sex*cough*) Intercourse is not the only way to have sex nor is it always the best way to orgasm, despite what the religious texts want you to believe.
d) sex is not primarily about pleasure or procreation - sometimes it is about power.
e) the size of the genitalia (male penis, female vagina) is only important when it comes to compatibility issues. But there are ways around the problem. There are always ways around things. (ie. if you are physically turned on by each other and truly love one another - then if there is a will, there is a way. If you aren't - then you might want to refrain from having sex - seriously, why bother with someone you aren't into? Masturbation is a lot easier.)
f.)Once a guy gets hard or worked up, he can't stop. (No, he can stop. My college boyfriend kindly stomped on that myth. I remember worrying about it, and he told me - hello, I have two hands, I can always wank off. The man can always stop. It's actually easier for them to relieve their ahem needs, then it is for women.)
g.) Women don't get horny, hot and bothered and worked up like a guy. (Yes, we do, it's just not as bloody obvious. One of the pluses of having genitalia on the inside of the body - is it is hidden. But you do get wet, so having a change of panties is nice.) And by the way - there is such a thing as vaginal secretion. It's not a myth.
h.)it's impossible for a woman to rape a guy. (No, it is possible, just a lot harder. So less likely to happen. But rape is not solely done to women or necessarily a gender specific crime in all instances. It is however statistically and historically speaking done more to women than men, and tends to be on average a gender hate crime.)
i.) the only way you can tell someone else's sexual orientation is if they make it clear to you. Don't assume. It makes you look like an idiot. (Five stereotypes regarding sexual orientation, that I've discovered are false:
1. The person hasn't dated anyone in a long time, lives alone, not married, maybe with a same sex roommate, and appears to be celibate. So obviously they are a lesbian, homosexual or gay.
(Seriously? Not necessarily. Lesbians, homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender, male and female heterosexuals have difficulty finding the right person. Some of people are pickier than others. Not being and not having kids does not equal homosexual. Any more than it means you are pathetic or a loser, it may just mean you have not found the right person for you or someone you click with.)
2. If female - they are athletic, don't wear that much makeup, hate dresses - so gay?
No. Lesbians are no different than heterosexual women - they come in all shapes, sizes, and interests.
3. If male - they are effeminate, into theater, dance, and hate sports - so clearly gay. (No. I've met men who were heterosexual and fit that description. Also met gay men who were macho, into sports, and hated theater. You can't tell someone's sexual orientation by looking at them. Usually, but not always, you can tell by who they are looking at or into - more so with men than women. Heterosexual men don't tend to check out other men, they aren't cultured to do that, while women do check out other women and have been cultured to do that.)
4. They are married with kids or had a lot of sex with the opposite sex. (They could be bi or in deep denial. It's not exactly like our society makes it easy on people to be homosexual or marry people they deeply love. I've lost count of the number of gal friends who had lots of boyfriends, then suddenly revealed that they were gay. They had more boyfriends and more sex than most of the heterosexual women I knew. Same with men - I knew a guy who was macho, married, with two kids - who left his wife to run off with a male lover. You really can't generalize on this sort of thing.)
Another weird thing about sex? We're afraid to talk openly about it. Violence - not a problem. Sex, however is. Ask yourself this question? How early did you or your kids learn how to fight, what a gun was, play cops and robbers, or watch a violent tv show? When did they learn about sex or experiment with it?
Scary, isn't it?
You can write a fic about zombies eating people and no one will blink or want to hide their kids eyes. But write a fic about two people having sex - and oh dear, that's adults only territory, worse it's PORN!!!
Here's a blurb from a sex scene in a romance novel that I've been reading. The novel is set in 18th century, England, and not a gothic or supernatural story, just your standard run of the mill historical romance:
"He felt he would do just about anything to get her to bare her neck to him again."
Me: What is he, a vampire? Seriously, her neck?
This writer does not excel at sex scenes. Actually, whenever I come across them in her novels - I think, okay, you aren't very good at this, you might want to scale back a bit. Her sex scenes feel a tad awkward and are often a bit funny. And I don't think it is always intentional.
Sex scenes - I've discovered - are actually really hard to pull off. So are action scenes. But I actually think sex scenes are harder - since there's less conflict or conflict resolution - I mean it's not supposed to be a fight with a winner and a loser, well unless its a rape or they are violent, and well, eww. This may be why BDSM sex scenes are the rage in a lot of contemporary new adult novels, along with hate sex, and anal sex - mainly because it is more challenging to write and there's more of a conflict. Ordinary sex can be tedious to write about - because let's face it, there's not that much to it. Most female writers focus on the foreplay (or so I've discovered) while the male writers tend to focus on well the main event. Tells you a great deal about the differences between the two genders, doesn't it? Although, I have read a few female writers who skip foreplay entirely...which I've found to be a bit odd. And a few male writers who seem to prefer it. So there's that.
And granted what you like to read in a sex scene may be a matter of personal taste. I like a certain amount of dialogue, and emotion. Not a fan of flowery or explicit description. I honestly don't need a play by play, less is often more - I do have an imagination and it is unfortunately, often better than the writer's. Also, it helps if it is anatomically correct.
A lot of writer's have a poor grasp of anatomy, either that or they are bored and feel the need to get creative. Most likely the latter, or so I've discovered reading fanfic. (ie. No, he can't enter her womb or cervix, because ow. And women, to the best of my knowledge, do not have a prostrate gland, which is why women experience anal sex a wee bit differently than gay men. Not that it can't be pleasurable - if you want to understand why - go read Naomi Woolf's book The Vagina. I haven't read it yet, but did hear a portion of her talk on it at the Brooklyn Book Fair two years ago. And she discussed various erogenous zones that we didn't know about.)
What a lot of people do not understand about sex is:
a)it's different for everyone, sorry one size does not fit all metaphorically and literally,
b) everyone's experience is unique (weird I know, but there it is)
c) you can be technically speaking a virgin and have experienced more sex than some married folks. (*cough*oral-sex*cough*) Intercourse is not the only way to have sex nor is it always the best way to orgasm, despite what the religious texts want you to believe.
d) sex is not primarily about pleasure or procreation - sometimes it is about power.
e) the size of the genitalia (male penis, female vagina) is only important when it comes to compatibility issues. But there are ways around the problem. There are always ways around things. (ie. if you are physically turned on by each other and truly love one another - then if there is a will, there is a way. If you aren't - then you might want to refrain from having sex - seriously, why bother with someone you aren't into? Masturbation is a lot easier.)
f.)Once a guy gets hard or worked up, he can't stop. (No, he can stop. My college boyfriend kindly stomped on that myth. I remember worrying about it, and he told me - hello, I have two hands, I can always wank off. The man can always stop. It's actually easier for them to relieve their ahem needs, then it is for women.)
g.) Women don't get horny, hot and bothered and worked up like a guy. (Yes, we do, it's just not as bloody obvious. One of the pluses of having genitalia on the inside of the body - is it is hidden. But you do get wet, so having a change of panties is nice.) And by the way - there is such a thing as vaginal secretion. It's not a myth.
h.)it's impossible for a woman to rape a guy. (No, it is possible, just a lot harder. So less likely to happen. But rape is not solely done to women or necessarily a gender specific crime in all instances. It is however statistically and historically speaking done more to women than men, and tends to be on average a gender hate crime.)
i.) the only way you can tell someone else's sexual orientation is if they make it clear to you. Don't assume. It makes you look like an idiot. (Five stereotypes regarding sexual orientation, that I've discovered are false:
1. The person hasn't dated anyone in a long time, lives alone, not married, maybe with a same sex roommate, and appears to be celibate. So obviously they are a lesbian, homosexual or gay.
(Seriously? Not necessarily. Lesbians, homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender, male and female heterosexuals have difficulty finding the right person. Some of people are pickier than others. Not being and not having kids does not equal homosexual. Any more than it means you are pathetic or a loser, it may just mean you have not found the right person for you or someone you click with.)
2. If female - they are athletic, don't wear that much makeup, hate dresses - so gay?
No. Lesbians are no different than heterosexual women - they come in all shapes, sizes, and interests.
3. If male - they are effeminate, into theater, dance, and hate sports - so clearly gay. (No. I've met men who were heterosexual and fit that description. Also met gay men who were macho, into sports, and hated theater. You can't tell someone's sexual orientation by looking at them. Usually, but not always, you can tell by who they are looking at or into - more so with men than women. Heterosexual men don't tend to check out other men, they aren't cultured to do that, while women do check out other women and have been cultured to do that.)
4. They are married with kids or had a lot of sex with the opposite sex. (They could be bi or in deep denial. It's not exactly like our society makes it easy on people to be homosexual or marry people they deeply love. I've lost count of the number of gal friends who had lots of boyfriends, then suddenly revealed that they were gay. They had more boyfriends and more sex than most of the heterosexual women I knew. Same with men - I knew a guy who was macho, married, with two kids - who left his wife to run off with a male lover. You really can't generalize on this sort of thing.)
Another weird thing about sex? We're afraid to talk openly about it. Violence - not a problem. Sex, however is. Ask yourself this question? How early did you or your kids learn how to fight, what a gun was, play cops and robbers, or watch a violent tv show? When did they learn about sex or experiment with it?
Scary, isn't it?
You can write a fic about zombies eating people and no one will blink or want to hide their kids eyes. But write a fic about two people having sex - and oh dear, that's adults only territory, worse it's PORN!!!