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[shadowkat]

Your Question or Information: Will I get a job

Past Raido - Safe travel, movement, obtaining justice in an issue, used to keep a situation from stagnating.

Present Ing - Fertility, successful conclusion to issue or situation, ending one cycle and beginning another.

Future Kenaz - The hearth fire, artistic pursuits, healing, love and passion, creativity, strength.

Cast the runes here:
Rune Caster

I wonder if this means I'll get a job? It made me feel happy for a day, until my natural inclination towards skepticism seeped in. ie: "You're going to believe an internet fortune telling service? Are you nuts?" Ah, the war between the Celtic and Germanic sides of my character continues. I'm no longer certain which is which.

Feel a bit bowed under the heavy weight of rejection and criticism this week, so you'll have to excuse the proclivity towards whining, although is it really whining? Not sure. After reading the fanboards, I've lost all sense of the meaning of the word. One group (see Belly of the Beast's review) accuses Angel of being a whiner while the other group accuses Spike of being the whiner (see TCH's review). I despise whining, by the way.

After class tonight I stood on the subway platform, wondering if life can be compared to waiting for a train. The train comes - some people get on and quickly get to their destination. While others sit waiting, for what seems to be an eternity for theirs to arrive. Some people can take one train and whammo - they are there. While others have to switch four or five times. They might even get stranded somewhere. Speaking of being stranded this reminds me of anecdote, somewhat off topic, about a subway ride to hell on the London tube (I think they still call the subway the tube over there - it was in the 1980s). Two friends of mine were coming back from Wimbledon and got on a train that was not occupied.
Others were. Not their's. Everything was fine, for a while, until about halfway through the journey they realized two bizarre things: one - the train had not stopped any where for quite some time and two it did not appear to be going anywhere near their stop. If anything it had gone around their stop. I can't remember how they got out of it. All I remember is the terror they felt in repeating the story, which reminds me, now that I think of it, of some horror short story I read about once about being caught on an actual subway ride to hell. (Have no clue who the author is.) At any rate, I can't help but wonder if maybe that's how life works - you wait for the right train and are set on your path. But if you miss the train? What happens? Are you stuck at the station waiting forever for the right train to come along?
And how long should you wait? A minute? Two? An hour?
Or should you just hop on another train even if it's the wrong one and just hope for the best? And what if you got on the wrong train? What then? It's not like you can hop off.

(Warning: Following is long personal somewhat depressing rant...)
Today I took two clerical computer tests. I sucked at both, by the way. Not my strength. So I'm sitting there across from this temp agency guy, answering his questions about why I left the evil company, what I want to do next, and what I'm interested in, and if I've had any interviews, and I'm trying really really hard not to look desperate. In the back of my mind, I wonder how I got here - did I jump on the wrong train somewhere down the line? Did I cross a t wrong? Why haven't I gotten one of those jobs? What did the person they hired have that I didn't? Why didn't they at least call me and tell me that I didn't get the job? It's the silence that's the worst part, by the way. Criticism is at least useful. But silence leaves you wondering...what did I do wrong? I've decided we live in a world of spineless passive aggressives. Content to smile at your face, yet knife you in the back when you aren't looking. He was a nice temp agency guy - suggested I could do some market research for a three man firm, it would be only two days a week - internet research. He also could use someone to do some phone research for the temp agency. (Ack. Telemarketing, I must be in hell.) But it's better than nothing.

So I drift on home and check the fanboards, actually I'm in reality checking my email and somewhat frustrated by the selection of job postings go to the fanboards to distract myself, they are okay today. My friend cjl seems to want me to write an essay explaining why I think B/A is dead, while he writes one explaining why it isn't. Yeah, right. I may be masochistic, but I'm not that masochistic.
Feeling rejected and bitter enough, thanks, so do not need to be flamed by the B/A shippers. Besides, I know the ship ain't dead. I may wish it were dead. But I'm tv savvy enough to know the only way that ship is going to die is if SMG decides never to reprise Buffy, which is doubtful since her career is currently based on Scooby Doo and the Buffy fan base.
SMG may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. I'm afraid the whole topic just depresses me too much to bother writing an essay on it.

Again I find myself wondering about trains. There's a Gwyneth Paltrow movie called Sliding Doors which is basically about finding one's life-mate on a train. In one universe she doesn't get on the right train in time and ends up stuck with her husband, in the other she meets the guy who plays Rebus. Actually it's more complicated than that, but I don't want to spoil people who haven't seen it. Is it as simple as that? Do you just happen to bump into Mr. or Ms. Right one day?? And what if you never bump into them? Is romance and love only provided to the lucky ones? Did they get born with that card in their deck? Okay now I'm feeling like Spike ranting to Angel about how grossly unfair it is that he got the W&H building, the cars, the girl who loves him, etc. Which I guess makes me a whiner too? Ugh. All this reminds me of a cool Dorothy Parker poem whose gist is death sucks, might as well live.

Comments

LOL! Yes...

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Here's my supportive cybernetic hug in return!!

Well haven't gotten temp job yet...but first I tried for in a long while. Agreed. Temp work blows big time. I did it for ten years before the evil company. It's why I stayed at the evil company for so long, fear of going back there. Ugh. Hopefully the economy will turn or maybe I should go somewhere where it's better? Any jobs in Canada? How about Australia? England? Ireland? Since I'm not good at any languages outside of English with a little French, I'm a bit limited on where I can defect to.

Anyways thank you muchly for the support and the commiseration. It does help. Here's hoping things get better for both of us.