In lieu of the Wed Reading Meme....
Feb. 10th, 2016 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatI haven't really read any books worth commenting on at the moment. And have a lot in my reading queue or that I appear to be reading at the same time. So will wait a bit to do the meme.
I've been pondering the whole reading and writing thing today. Years ago, a friend of mine wrote a rather good post on the art of writing carefully...at the time I thought, as I do know, how there is art to reading carefully as well. And in this day and age...that art seems to be often be lost. We're reading so many things, and if you are like me, often multiple things at the same time...which lends itself to rapid skimming or scrolling, or blurring the lines between works. I know there are at least two posts on my friends list that I commented on this past week that I did not read carefully, and for that, you all have my heartfelt apologies.
The problem with not reading things carefully, not taking the time to fully digest the text, is you don't pay attention to what the writer isn't saying. The subtext, the content in between the lines or that has been implied, often subtly. Often a writer, a good writer, will say a great deal with very little. But if your eyes quickly skip over the words...you miss it.
There's a lot I want to say here, but I can't quite find the words to say it. (Deleted this post and rewrote it twice.) Does that happen to you?
Today, an old friend reminded me of an essay I wrote and long forgotten. It was not one that I was particularly proud of or had thought much of, one way or the other. At the time I'd written it -- I was writing meta or Buffy essays like a madwoman. Pumping out five a week. One guy, a moderator of one of the posting boards that I was posting to at the time, told me that I was certainly prolific and had begun to give him a complex. (Grins evilly). I wrote, not for the applause...okay maybe a little, but for the interaction. And ..well, there was a television series I was obsessed with that's metaphors somehow gave voice to those demons or at the very least helped explicate them. I needed to discuss it with like-minded people -- and I had to hunt for them.
Anyhow..I went back out of curiosity to read the essay, just the first part, which I randomly landed on. And...it hit me, why I loved that series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the series with the silly name - and why the series worked for me in a way many others haven't.
It's an odd, rambling essay, that meanders here and there and everywhere, which may explain why the academics didn't quite know what to do with me. Academics tend to like it when you write in a straight clear narrative line and rigidly follow established rules and guidelines. Painting or rather writing outside of the lines or box is strongly discouraged. I can handle that sort of thing at a public agency, but academia is supposed to be about encouraging people to learn and think outside of the box. So, let's just say...there's a reason I was discouraged from pursuing a career in academia.
If at all curious about it -- you can find it here, warning it is long. I entitled it, Restless:Leaving Childhood Behind, Part I - Willow's Dream.
It's odd what resonates with people. I'll never understand it. Yet, there were bits of that essay that resonated with me ...even if I find it ponderous in places. We are our own worst critics after all.
I've been pondering the whole reading and writing thing today. Years ago, a friend of mine wrote a rather good post on the art of writing carefully...at the time I thought, as I do know, how there is art to reading carefully as well. And in this day and age...that art seems to be often be lost. We're reading so many things, and if you are like me, often multiple things at the same time...which lends itself to rapid skimming or scrolling, or blurring the lines between works. I know there are at least two posts on my friends list that I commented on this past week that I did not read carefully, and for that, you all have my heartfelt apologies.
The problem with not reading things carefully, not taking the time to fully digest the text, is you don't pay attention to what the writer isn't saying. The subtext, the content in between the lines or that has been implied, often subtly. Often a writer, a good writer, will say a great deal with very little. But if your eyes quickly skip over the words...you miss it.
There's a lot I want to say here, but I can't quite find the words to say it. (Deleted this post and rewrote it twice.) Does that happen to you?
Today, an old friend reminded me of an essay I wrote and long forgotten. It was not one that I was particularly proud of or had thought much of, one way or the other. At the time I'd written it -- I was writing meta or Buffy essays like a madwoman. Pumping out five a week. One guy, a moderator of one of the posting boards that I was posting to at the time, told me that I was certainly prolific and had begun to give him a complex. (Grins evilly). I wrote, not for the applause...okay maybe a little, but for the interaction. And ..well, there was a television series I was obsessed with that's metaphors somehow gave voice to those demons or at the very least helped explicate them. I needed to discuss it with like-minded people -- and I had to hunt for them.
Anyhow..I went back out of curiosity to read the essay, just the first part, which I randomly landed on. And...it hit me, why I loved that series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the series with the silly name - and why the series worked for me in a way many others haven't.
It's an odd, rambling essay, that meanders here and there and everywhere, which may explain why the academics didn't quite know what to do with me. Academics tend to like it when you write in a straight clear narrative line and rigidly follow established rules and guidelines. Painting or rather writing outside of the lines or box is strongly discouraged. I can handle that sort of thing at a public agency, but academia is supposed to be about encouraging people to learn and think outside of the box. So, let's just say...there's a reason I was discouraged from pursuing a career in academia.
If at all curious about it -- you can find it here, warning it is long. I entitled it, Restless:Leaving Childhood Behind, Part I - Willow's Dream.
It's odd what resonates with people. I'll never understand it. Yet, there were bits of that essay that resonated with me ...even if I find it ponderous in places. We are our own worst critics after all.
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no subject
Date: 2016-02-11 05:12 am (UTC)It's funny (or maybe not so funny), this post came at a good time for me. I have been struggling a lot lately with expressing myself. To the point where I feel very unhappy about it. That being able to express my thoughts and feelings is something I've somehow lost -- I maybe had the skill to some degree but it's atrophied? or never had it to begin with, but somehow I think I used to be able to sometimes? Anyway, it's not that I have something I need to say that goes unsaid -- that would be one thing. But I feel like there is something I need to express, or some connection that I want to, or need to make, but it's not happening, and I don't know how to make it happen. And that's something that I think has some roots in childhood -- where it was hard to communicate and be understood -- but much of it is simply, I suppose, the human condition, though identifying the specific factors in my life is tricky.
I'm not sure if I'm saying this right, but this post (and one of the previous versions -- I only saw one before this one) helped, if that helps. I hope that it is helpful to know that.
no subject
Date: 2016-02-11 10:53 pm (UTC)I have been struggling a lot lately with expressing myself. To the point where I feel very unhappy about it. That being able to express my thoughts and feelings is something I've somehow lost -- I maybe had the skill to some degree but it's atrophied? or never had it to begin with, but somehow I think I used to be able to sometimes? Anyway, it's not that I have something I need to say that goes unsaid -- that would be one thing. But I feel like there is something I need to express, or some connection that I want to, or need to make, but it's not happening, and I don't know how to make it happen. And that's something that I think has some roots in childhood -- where it was hard to communicate and be understood --
YES!!! This is exactly what I was feeling last night. And have been feeling a lot lately. I desperately want to connect, not so much here as well in my face-to-face interactions, and somehow...it feels garbled.
I've also felt that way lately on Facebook (where my family and face-to-face connections are)...here, for some reason, less so...but even, here...like last night, I was feeling vulnerable. I posted it. Then came back to it hours later, re-read the post and thought...oh no, oh no, people are going to completely misunderstand this or...well, I suddenly felt naked and exposed -- if that makes sense? So I tried to edit it. But it didn't work. And I got scared - so down it went. But I still desperately needed to express myself still...so up went the abridged version you responded to.
I sometimes think human relationships are really hard, particularly if you tend to be someone who is sensitive to others.
At any rate, you nailed what I was trying to express above...so much of it comes from past transgressions in childhood, adolescence, and even post-adolescence. The roots though I think are buried in our childhood peer relationships, as well as adult-child interactions. We come into the world a pseudo blank slate of energy/spirit, organic matter, and intelligent electricity...eager to learn, and like sponges pick up whatever is around us.
Some good, some...not so good...some really bad. It's hard to let go of the bad, I think. Particularly when you don't understand it -- and children often don't, not that I understand it all that much now, to be honest.
I saw a previous version of this post where you excerpted a Looney Tunes discussion between characters in your novel (if that's okay to say), which I enjoyed
Oh good. I'm so glad you did. I may put it up again tonight in a separate post. It didn't quite work in the last one..or it didn't feel like it did. But you picked up on why I was including it...so thank you!!
I've learned that if you can connect with just one person...with a piece of writing, sometimes that's enough.
So thank you!!!
no subject
Date: 2016-02-12 03:04 am (UTC)Thank you again for your comment, it made me happy today.
no subject
Date: 2016-02-12 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-12 03:28 am (UTC)I think it's easy to lose oneself in this day and age...in the desires of others, and the desires of the world...what the world expects and sees you as.
At least it is for me.
We live in crazy times. I think. Too much information. Too much interaction that is not real, but superficial.
It can become maddening.