Falling down the hill again

[shadowkat]

I got the rejection letter from that last interview today. "I was extreemly impressed with the caliber of applicants thus making the decision a difficult one. Unfortunately, I have chosen another applicant to fill the position." At least it's a nice rejection letter. Heck at least I got a letter and fast too. Usually they don't respond at all. Be thankful for small favors. I know, I know - it's not the right position, I'll get another better one...yadda yadda yadda. But for some reason I just feel as if someone has once again punched me in the gut just as I was coming over the crest of that hill and I'm rolling head over heels backwards again.

Underneath it was a letter from the evil company informing me that my Cobra insurance bill went up by $33. Okay let's see: rent went up $50, electric
went up $30, cable went up $10, phone $10, dial-up seems to be getting slower and slower...but can't afford a faster service right now.

What do I do? To get a little comfort? Rent a movie? Nah. I buy brownie mix. Spend money I don't have on brownie mix. Well it wasn't that much - only $3, actually cheaper than renting a movie, but still. Brownie mix and mint chocolat chip frosting to go on top of it.

I feel a bit like Sissyphus who has once again fallen down that hill. Cried for an hour. Caught somewhere between an anxiety attack and a depression. And wondering if there really is a light at the end of this tunnel or a top to the hill. It's been over 14 months now. Not counting the interviews and hunting I did while at the evil company. I feel embarrassed, angry, anxious, and I just feel this overwhelming urge to scream at the top of my lungs - GO FUCK YOURSELF WORLD! I don't of course. That would be uncivilized.

Comments

Sending hugs and imaginary brownies

[ponygirl2000.livejournal.com]

I know you've heard it all before - that you will get a job, that things will get better. So consider that said and let me add that you need to be nice to yourself. The world is in the process of giving you a fair number of kicks so if you need to scream, scream, if you want to eat whatever, spend on things you don't need, just do it. Look after yourself and know that lots of people are sending you good thoughts.