Falling down the hill again

[shadowkat]

I got the rejection letter from that last interview today. "I was extreemly impressed with the caliber of applicants thus making the decision a difficult one. Unfortunately, I have chosen another applicant to fill the position." At least it's a nice rejection letter. Heck at least I got a letter and fast too. Usually they don't respond at all. Be thankful for small favors. I know, I know - it's not the right position, I'll get another better one...yadda yadda yadda. But for some reason I just feel as if someone has once again punched me in the gut just as I was coming over the crest of that hill and I'm rolling head over heels backwards again.

Underneath it was a letter from the evil company informing me that my Cobra insurance bill went up by $33. Okay let's see: rent went up $50, electric
went up $30, cable went up $10, phone $10, dial-up seems to be getting slower and slower...but can't afford a faster service right now.

What do I do? To get a little comfort? Rent a movie? Nah. I buy brownie mix. Spend money I don't have on brownie mix. Well it wasn't that much - only $3, actually cheaper than renting a movie, but still. Brownie mix and mint chocolat chip frosting to go on top of it.

I feel a bit like Sissyphus who has once again fallen down that hill. Cried for an hour. Caught somewhere between an anxiety attack and a depression. And wondering if there really is a light at the end of this tunnel or a top to the hill. It's been over 14 months now. Not counting the interviews and hunting I did while at the evil company. I feel embarrassed, angry, anxious, and I just feel this overwhelming urge to scream at the top of my lungs - GO FUCK YOURSELF WORLD! I don't of course. That would be uncivilized.

Comments

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

So sorry. I know how horrible that feels, and may be that screaming is the best thing to do! But when you're done, know that a lot of us out here see a lot of value in your mind and abilities, and are sure that the right job is out there for you.

And remember that the interviewer might have made a big mistake in not hiring you--could have been what's wrong with them, not what's wrong with you. But I know that doesn't help pay the bills.