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Apr. 15th, 2018 06:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatHaving troubles focusing tonight. Drinking wine didn't help, but it's a great pain reliever. I don't hurt. I feel comfortably numb. Mind is doing the cha-cha dance. So, brain download follows.
1. Learned a few things putzing around in youtube, most of which I already knew. Because I've known a lot of people in the glamour game or entertainment field. It is by the way the nastiest business on the planet next to advertising and marketing, actually they may be tied. Serial bullying is rampant in the entertainment business, along with sexual harrassment, sexism, racism, and general nastiness.
I remember a former boss informing me that at all the networks, they basically screamed at you twenty-four seven. A recruiter informed me that at NBC, if you interviewed for a job there, they basically sat you in a room, shined a spotlight on you, and interrogated you for four hours. My former boss at the video game developer backed that up.
Every TV show that I've read about -- has high stress. They never know if they'll be renewed. The actors are constantly worried about being fired, unless they are the lead. They all wish for a sitcom.
The hours are long. Normally 12 hours. Some shows go to 22 hours. They start at 4am on Monday and finish at 5am on Saturday. The actors basically need to say the line and hit the taped mark and look good. But what they do isn't as important as the lighting. So they may do 22 takes, and their first take is by far the best, but it's whatever take had the best lighting that goes to print.
I remember an actress friend informing me that it is a young gals or guys game. If you are over the age of 35, forget about it. They don't want you, either to write or act. They are marketing to the twenty-somethings and they don't care about the older crowd. Not entirely true, but unfortunately for women it is to an extent. Sad. That.
And now I've listened and read countless Q&A's and yep, no one was happy. They remember their time on the show as being painful, and sort of like high school. It was grueling work for a perfectionist boss, who was never that satisfied. Then they make money by going to fan events and being asked countless questions about things they know zip about. It's all performance art really and rather meaningless. And yet not at the same time.
I find our society to be rather sad. Competitive, ego driven, and myopic. But sad.
Why can't we see past this shit? Why?
Because we don't want to. It's a bit like drinking a glass of wine to feel numb. It feels good. Or eating a chocolate covered marshmellow bunny. It feels good for a moment.
There is art underneath all of this. Great art. But the people making it go through a weird sort of hell to get there. And I think, WTF? And then they are judged by their fans for being, what? Human? Less than perfect? Having personal problems? Where's the kindness, the empathy, which weirdly is given to the fictional characters but not to the actors playing them? It breaks my heart. It's hard to act, to get up there, and show yourself to the world....then get up and ask questions about it.
You could not pay me enough to do that for a living. Yet they do. God, bless them, they do.
I find what others do for a living fascinating. It's hard. Some jobs I think are harder than others. But who am I to judge? Aren't all jobs hard? Life is hard. Wisdom, if it exists, is admitting that you know nothing and are often wrong, and telling your ego to shut up. I think.
2. Mispronouncing names.
Two people on FB have complained about folks misspronoucing or making fun of their names. First of all, you didn't choose your own name. It was given to you by someone else. At least mine was. Second, being from India or Africa or China or wherever, and living in an English speaking country doesn't mean you are the only one whose name has been misspelled or mispronounced. Mine is all the time, and it's a rather simple name. Often by people from India.
I misspronounce names. Took me forever to figure out how to pronounce the names Marquetta and Turchetto. I kept saying Margretta. My friend patiently corrected me until I got it right.
I have an auditory dyslexia. Phonetics makes no sense to me. I can see the name fine. Spell it even.
But pronouncing it is often a challenge.
People place way too much importance on something that they didn't even pick themselves. It's silly.
It's the ego and the mind talking, not the spirit or the heart. Tell it to shut the frak up.
And be kind. Repeat your name. Or give an alternative. Don't be silly about it. It is just a name after all. It does not define who you are, it never did.
3. You can't change other's minds. You can piss them off. But you can't change or control what they think, believe or perceive things. It's not possible.
Still want to try though. Because Trump.
But, can't. I know that.
I can however change how I see things, how I deal with things, and how I think. Which I'm working on.
Letting go of rage. Handling menopause and perimenopause, which almost killed me. It certainly tried. Really hard. Very happy to have moved to the next stage. Perimenopause was hell on wheels. Being a woman sucks sometimes. Not that I necessarily want to be a man, I don't. But it sucks. Particularly if you are single and don't have children. People are assholes about this -- so many think women are only sister, mother, wife. We aren't. We are defined by are roles in relation to men. Sorry. No.
Frak you.
Is that a bit of anger? Yes. Working on that.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only single woman without kids on the planet. I know this is not true. But there are days...
4. Quiet day...raining, I think. Cold. I think. Have not been out. But heat is on, again. Watching television and writing, mostly. And trying not to think too much about what comes next.
1. Learned a few things putzing around in youtube, most of which I already knew. Because I've known a lot of people in the glamour game or entertainment field. It is by the way the nastiest business on the planet next to advertising and marketing, actually they may be tied. Serial bullying is rampant in the entertainment business, along with sexual harrassment, sexism, racism, and general nastiness.
I remember a former boss informing me that at all the networks, they basically screamed at you twenty-four seven. A recruiter informed me that at NBC, if you interviewed for a job there, they basically sat you in a room, shined a spotlight on you, and interrogated you for four hours. My former boss at the video game developer backed that up.
Every TV show that I've read about -- has high stress. They never know if they'll be renewed. The actors are constantly worried about being fired, unless they are the lead. They all wish for a sitcom.
The hours are long. Normally 12 hours. Some shows go to 22 hours. They start at 4am on Monday and finish at 5am on Saturday. The actors basically need to say the line and hit the taped mark and look good. But what they do isn't as important as the lighting. So they may do 22 takes, and their first take is by far the best, but it's whatever take had the best lighting that goes to print.
I remember an actress friend informing me that it is a young gals or guys game. If you are over the age of 35, forget about it. They don't want you, either to write or act. They are marketing to the twenty-somethings and they don't care about the older crowd. Not entirely true, but unfortunately for women it is to an extent. Sad. That.
And now I've listened and read countless Q&A's and yep, no one was happy. They remember their time on the show as being painful, and sort of like high school. It was grueling work for a perfectionist boss, who was never that satisfied. Then they make money by going to fan events and being asked countless questions about things they know zip about. It's all performance art really and rather meaningless. And yet not at the same time.
I find our society to be rather sad. Competitive, ego driven, and myopic. But sad.
Why can't we see past this shit? Why?
Because we don't want to. It's a bit like drinking a glass of wine to feel numb. It feels good. Or eating a chocolate covered marshmellow bunny. It feels good for a moment.
There is art underneath all of this. Great art. But the people making it go through a weird sort of hell to get there. And I think, WTF? And then they are judged by their fans for being, what? Human? Less than perfect? Having personal problems? Where's the kindness, the empathy, which weirdly is given to the fictional characters but not to the actors playing them? It breaks my heart. It's hard to act, to get up there, and show yourself to the world....then get up and ask questions about it.
You could not pay me enough to do that for a living. Yet they do. God, bless them, they do.
I find what others do for a living fascinating. It's hard. Some jobs I think are harder than others. But who am I to judge? Aren't all jobs hard? Life is hard. Wisdom, if it exists, is admitting that you know nothing and are often wrong, and telling your ego to shut up. I think.
2. Mispronouncing names.
Two people on FB have complained about folks misspronoucing or making fun of their names. First of all, you didn't choose your own name. It was given to you by someone else. At least mine was. Second, being from India or Africa or China or wherever, and living in an English speaking country doesn't mean you are the only one whose name has been misspelled or mispronounced. Mine is all the time, and it's a rather simple name. Often by people from India.
I misspronounce names. Took me forever to figure out how to pronounce the names Marquetta and Turchetto. I kept saying Margretta. My friend patiently corrected me until I got it right.
I have an auditory dyslexia. Phonetics makes no sense to me. I can see the name fine. Spell it even.
But pronouncing it is often a challenge.
People place way too much importance on something that they didn't even pick themselves. It's silly.
It's the ego and the mind talking, not the spirit or the heart. Tell it to shut the frak up.
And be kind. Repeat your name. Or give an alternative. Don't be silly about it. It is just a name after all. It does not define who you are, it never did.
3. You can't change other's minds. You can piss them off. But you can't change or control what they think, believe or perceive things. It's not possible.
Still want to try though. Because Trump.
But, can't. I know that.
I can however change how I see things, how I deal with things, and how I think. Which I'm working on.
Letting go of rage. Handling menopause and perimenopause, which almost killed me. It certainly tried. Really hard. Very happy to have moved to the next stage. Perimenopause was hell on wheels. Being a woman sucks sometimes. Not that I necessarily want to be a man, I don't. But it sucks. Particularly if you are single and don't have children. People are assholes about this -- so many think women are only sister, mother, wife. We aren't. We are defined by are roles in relation to men. Sorry. No.
Frak you.
Is that a bit of anger? Yes. Working on that.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only single woman without kids on the planet. I know this is not true. But there are days...
4. Quiet day...raining, I think. Cold. I think. Have not been out. But heat is on, again. Watching television and writing, mostly. And trying not to think too much about what comes next.