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Jan. 10th, 2020 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkat1. Wales called and wants to see Parasite -- so I'll probably see it this weekend, assuming she can find it playing in Brooklyn and can coordinate it - I don't care enough either way. I remain ever ambivalent. Although I like Korean Drama. I have decided at some point, hopefully soon, to grab The Farewell (a Chinese-American effort) starring Awakifina from On Demand -- it has gotten good reviews and I really like the performers in it.
[Wales also got her old job back. Along with a raise or a bonus, I'm not sure which neither is she, apparently. Don't ask, the whole thing confused me. I find people bewildering.]
Other things "On Demand" - Hustlers, Spiderman Far From Home, Ad Astra, Judy, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, The Joker, Blinded by the Light (basically Yesterday, except no sci-fi and with Bruce Springsteen's songbook not the Beatles.)
2. The Good Place -- have I told you how much I despise this season? It rivals S1 as the worst, actually it is the worst, S1 got better because of the nifty twist and cool philosophical bits. Also I wisely skipped half of S1...so there's that.
Michael Schurr's brand of humor clearly doesn't work for me. I've tried enough of his comedies based on other's rec's to realize this. None of the jokes in this episode worked for me -- they all fell flat.
When Jason almost clicked the Earth and all the characters out of existence, I was disappointed. I thought erase them already.
The only part of the episode I enjoyed was the philosophy.
And seriously what is it with the continuous references to frozen yogurt? Or for that disco and roller skates? Watching this episode was akin to being stuck in a geeky 12 year old boy's brain in the 1990s.
What I enjoyed? The philosophy. It's the rebirth principle from Hindu and Eastern Philosophy -- where we return to the physical plane to learn, and each time we return we elevate to a new level until we reach Nirvana. But Schurr doesn't quite understand the philosophy..so we get the dumb jokes instead.
I did like Chidi though and possibly the only good line in it was "After you've seen every time line of your own existence -- merged together as one -- that gives you an astonishing amount of clarity." (The Time Knife joke was lost on me.)
I want talk about humor for a minute. In order to find a joke funny -- you have to be able to relate to it in some way. Or find it relatable. And this is well, subjective, and deeply personal. Humor as Michael Douglas' character "Stanley Kominsky" states comes from a place of drama, it comes from a real moment. We have to identify with the character and the situation -- if we can't, it's not going to be funny. If it exists outside of our experience or is not relatable to it, we won't find it amusing.
There are things I say in this journal for example that I find hilarious, and various others may as well, but a lot of my readers won't. Years ago, a friend I met online told me that I had one of the funniest and driest wits he'd ever heard. Yet, another friend doesn't find me funny at all. My jokes and one liners go over his head or fall on death ears. We don't share the same sense of humor.
There are co-workers who think I'm hilarious, others who don't. One co-worker, who I've nicknamed Chidi in this journal told me once that he preferred humor that didn't hurt anyone and felt sarcasm did. I retorted that all humor does. He likes to tease people and sees that as harmless, I find teasing painful and it hurts me. I was ruthlessly teased as a child. But I have a very dry and sarcastic, at times biting wit. I inherited from my father. Spike was the funniest character on Buffy to me. I couldn't stand Xander's jokes. I didn't find Xander funny, I found Spike funny.
Puns don't work for me at all -- or anyone in my immediate family. Slapstick doesn't tend to work for me either. Funniest movies?
* Gross Point Blank (I thought it was hilarious that a hitman was going to his high school reunion, and when he goes home it's a 7-11.)
* Must Love Dogs -- there's a hilarious sequence in which they can't locate a condom. It's more about logistics then sex or body parts. I don't find body humor that funny, it tends to offend me or make me cringe. Embarrassment humor -- I leave the room.
* There's Something About Mary -- was a weird movie for me. I did not find the scene where she uses his sperm as hair gel funny, but when the dog is thrown out the window -- that had me bursting with laughter.
* Noises Off -- is farce, I love well-done farce. Also theaterical farce is funny to me and I could relate to it, because I've worked in theater.
Buffy had a few episodes that made me laugh. "Him" -- the much reviled episode, I found hilarious. There's a sequence where Spike and Buffy fight over a gun, with Wood in the background that had me cackling. On the other hand, I found all the scenes with Dawn unwatchable.
Chuck Lorre's comedies are hit or miss for me. Big Bang - I found funny when they were discussing physics, Star Wars, comics, or the interactions with Amy and Sheldon. But the sexist jokes made me want to strangle the writers. The Kominsky Method has some great humor here and there, but it also has humor that makes me cringe. Same with Bob Hearts Abishola -- which is my favorite of the comedies. I found Two and a Half Men, unwatchable and sexist in the extreme.
I can't watch Tina Fey's comedies, I've tried. 30 Rock -- I found Alec Baldwin funny, but everything else made me cringe. And I find Unbreakable Kimmie Schmit unwatchable.
But, I adore a lot of British comedies. Coupling by Steven Moffat -- I thought was hilarious -- much funnier than How I Met Your Mother -- which often made me cringe.
And I adored As Time Goes On. But Absolutely Fabulous never worked for me, while Cybil kind of did. I adored Cheers, despised Everybody Loves Raymond. MASH made me laugh at times, other times cringe. Fraiser, News Radio, WKRP in Cinnanti, Murphy Brown in its heyday, and Night Court worked for me. But the family comedies rarely did. I hated Three's Company, while my brother religiously watched it.
I can't often tell you what I will find funny and what I won't. It's mood oriented. And often based on what is happening in my life at the moment. I laugh a lot in my workplace. And a lot at stuff online. Stuff many other people wouldn't find funny at all.
The difficulty with being human is we see everything through our own filter and nothing else. It makes it very hard at times to understand why someone, friend, lover, relative, etc is laughing at a joke that we don't find funny in the least or vice versa.
I'm trying right now to understand why people found this week's episode of The Good Place funny. Because I just found it grating, boring, and annoying. (shrugs).
4. The Implosion of the RWA
NY Times - President of the RWA finally resigns
In a statement, the trade organization, which has more than 9,000 members, called the events of the past few weeks “the most painful and tumultuous” of its history. Damon Suede, its president, has stepped down, “effective immediately,” and Carol Ritter, its executive director, has also resigned, though she will remain in the position for the coming months to assist with the leadership transition.
The R.W.A. said it would not immediately name a new president, instead “working transparently with its membership” to develop a process for appointing Mr. Suede’s successor. It didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.
Writers, agents and others in romance publishing — a lucrative segment of the overall publishing industry with a deeply engaged base of readers — have called for Mr. Suede and Ms. Ritter’s resignations since late last year, when the organization came under scrutiny for its handling of an ethics complaint against Courtney Milan, a writer and former R.W.A. board member.
Ms. Milan, who is Chinese-American, had criticized “Somewhere Lies the Moon,” a book set in China in the 1800s, as a “racist mess,” prompting its author, Kathryn Lynn Davis, and her employer, Suzan Tisdale, to file ethics complaints against Ms. Milan. The R.W.A.’s punishment — suspending Ms. Milan and barring her from holding leadership positions — was widely criticized by other R.W.A. members and romance writers. It also prompted wider debate over how the romance genre handles issues of race, diversity and inclusion.
The departures were the latest developments in a head-spinning week for the organization. On Wednesday, several major romance publishers, including Harlequin and Avon, said they wouldn’t attend or sponsor the R.W.A.’s annual conference this year, citing concerns with R.W.A.’s commitment to diversity. Earlier in the week the R.W.A. canceled its awards program, the Ritas, after contestants and judges dropped out.
“We are committed to supporting our authors, however, we cannot support R.W.A. or the national conference until you are fulfilling your mission to your members,” said the president and chief executive of Kensington Publishing, Steven Zacharius, in a statement.
Mr. Suede’s resignation “is a good first step,” HelenKay Dimon, a former R.W.A. president, said in an email. “With that barrier removed, R.W.A. can sit a full Board and start a difficult self-assessment.”
[ETA: The above article and links leave out important information regarding the fight - go HERE - where Milan details what happened from her perspective. This is left out of many of the reportage. And furthers my argument that Twitter is a problematic platform.]
I have mixed feelings about all of this. Outside of the fact that the more I think about it, the more I find it to be incredibly petty and annoying.
The online Culture Wars, while initially amusing, have annoyed me for a while now. Let me explain why. I do not understand why we all can't write, read, watch and create whatever we want (within reason of course). The sky's the limit. Have fun. Sample. Be creative. I consider it the height of selfishness to restrict content to just what one or a couple or a handful of folks prefer or think is appropriate. Who are they to decide? As long as it isn't hurting anyone or inciting anyone to hurt anyone, I don't see a problem. I do draw a line at child exploitation, rape-apologist, blatant racist/homophobic/misogynistic pandering, and torture porn. There's a rape fantasy game out there somewhere that I think should be burned. And I would like to remove certain chapters from American Psycho (the novel), but other than that...
I also don't understand why people discriminate against folks who aren't like them.
Homophobia, Racism, Nationalism, Sexism, Misogyny, etc -- seem to be rather counter-productive and self-destructive to me, and harmful. Isn't it best to get over your nasty self and be kind? I mean come on.
My biggest take away from the last few years? Stay away from Twitter.
On the one hand, I do not like how the RWA handled any of it, and I admittedly have not been a fan of the RWA for a while now. (Also the stuff they were doing on the hidden PAN (Published Author's Network) is enough to make me want to stop buying romance novels for the foreseeable future.) They are not an inclusive group and if you haven't traditionally published, they tend to exclude you. Also if you aren't a published romance writer yet and just trying to become one -- I haven't found them to be that inclusive or helpful. Most groups, however, tend to be exclusionary and cliquish. People are. People are tribal and somewhat nasty about it. I have yet to find a group that isn't. And trust me, I've looked far and wide.
But. I feel it could have been handled better on all sides. Also, it's hard to see Courtney Milan as a disenfranchised or marginalized, when the woman went to Harvard, clerked with a Supreme Court Judge, has had successful career as a romance novelist, and can afford to fly to various countries to watch figure skating. Sorry, honey, you are privileged. Also her incessant whinging and self-congratulatory, and snide tweets have alienated me as a reader -- and I loved her books. And am thisclose to not following her any longer. (And I agree with her and have actively fought for a more inclusive society. But it feels to me that she's not fighting for inclusivity so much as just the empowerment of her group over another, demonizing one and sanitizing the other. And not seeing people as individuals but just members of some racial sub-group or nationality.)
I feel as if some rather powerful and notable and popular writers took down a few writers who are not popular and struggling and yes racist and ignorant and stupid but that STILL ...seems wrong to me somehow. Just because you interpret something as offensive, doesn't mean you have the right to censor it or get it yanked. Critiquing something is different than censuring. Also, constructive criticism is different than suppression. But I could be wrong about this -- it's hard to tell. And part of my difficulty lies with Twitter itself. Have I told you how much I despise Twitter? I think it brings out the worst in people.
I'm also struggling with a society that continues to use labels for everything. And self-righteously broadcast them with loudspeakers in the middle of time square. Posting on Twitter is a bit like screaming in the middle of Times Square.
It's still very US vs. THEM. I've grown weary of arguments online and off - were it's "I'm worse off than you are because...of my race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, country of origin, nationality, gender, size, shape, weight, height...etc." Or "I'm superior because I've done this this and this."
Anyhow, what I've learned from all of this is to try and not fight my battles from a place of rage or self-importance. Although I kind of already figured that one out from the 2016 election and various kerfuffles on my own journal that I wish I'd handled differently. I wonder if they realize they've alienated readers?
I did however find John Scalzi's tweet concerning the whole thing, rather amusing.
He said, and I quote, "So, it took burning the whole organization to the ground to get the president to resign?" Let's hope this isn't true of the US and a few other places I can speak of.
5. Some random links..
* Why the World is Becoming More Allergic to Food -
Some of the most common foods for children to be allergic to are:
Milk
Eggs
Peanuts
Tree nuts (eg walnuts, almonds, pine nuts, brazil nuts, pecans)
Sesame
Fish
Shellfish (eg crustaceans and molluscs)
Where Are Food Allergies Most Likely to Occur?
The frequency of food allergy has increased over the past 30 years, particularly in industrialised societies. Exactly how great the increase is depends on the food and where the patient lives.
For example, there was a five-fold increase in peanut allergies in the UK between 1995 and 2016.
A study of 1,300 three-year-olds for the EAT Study at King's College London, suggested that 2.5% now have peanut allergies.
Australia has the highest rate of confirmed food allergy. One study found 9% of Australian one-year-olds had an egg allergy, while 3% were allergic to peanuts.
The increase in allergies is not simply the effect of society becoming more aware of them and better at diagnosing them.
It is thought that allergies and increased sensitivity to foods are probably environmental, and related to Western lifestyles.
We know there are lower rates of allergies in developing countries. They are also more likely to occur in urban rather than rural areas.
Factors may include pollution, dietary changes and less exposure to microbes, which change how our immune systems respond.
Who Killed the Knapp Family - Across America Working Class Families are Dying of Despair
YAMHILL, Ore. — Chaos reigned daily on the No. 6 school bus, with working-class boys and girls flirting and gossiping and dreaming, brimming with mischief, bravado and optimism. Nick rode it every day in the 1970s with neighbors here in rural Oregon, neighbors like Farlan, Zealan, Rogena, Nathan and Keylan Knapp.
They were bright, rambunctious, upwardly mobile youngsters whose father had a good job installing pipes. The Knapps were thrilled to have just bought their own home, and everyone oohed and aahed when Farlan received a Ford Mustang for his 16th birthday.
Yet today about one-quarter of the children on that No. 6 bus are dead, mostly from drugs, suicide, alcohol or reckless accidents. Of the five Knapp kids who had once been so cheery, Farlan died of liver failure from drink and drugs, Zealan burned to death in a house fire while passed out drunk, Rogena died from hepatitis linked to drug use and Nathan blew himself up cooking meth. Keylan survived partly because he spent 13 years in a state penitentiary.
Among other kids on the bus, Mike died from suicide, Steve from the aftermath of a motorcycle accident, Cindy from depression and a heart attack, Jeff from a daredevil car crash, Billy from diabetes in prison, Kevin from obesity-related ailments, Tim from a construction accident, Sue from undetermined causes. And then there’s Chris, who is presumed dead after years of alcoholism and homelessness. At least one more is in prison, and another is homeless.
* Stop Apologizing For Being Yourself
You know what my problem was? I was afraid to be myself. That’s all. But most of us are simply so scared to admit that.
But I meet people all the time who are afraid to be themselves. Not only at work but also outside of it.
Recently, a reader asked me:
“Hey Darius, do you think I should stop being silly so that people take me seriously?”
And I get emails like this all the time. And it pisses me off. Not that I get these questions, but that we live in a world where these things happen all the time.
You should never apologize for who you are.
I get a lot of questions that can be boiled down to this: I can’t be myself. I get it because I was like that too.
We fear that people won’t like us, respect us, or value us if we don’t “fit in”.
Why do we fear that so much? It’s a waste of energy.
Like all fears, it’s unnecessary. Look, you’re not going to die alone when you become yourself 24/7.
It’s not only a waste of energy, but it’s also a waste of LIFE, if you’re not living it on your terms.
I believe that you should live the way YOU want. You should always say and do what YOU want. I don’t care where in the world you live. “That’s not what we do in our country.” Find a way!
Because what’s the alternative? Do you want to shut down your true personality and become some robot that’s programmed by society or other people?
No one deserves that.
Of course there's also the whole psychological/philosophical movement that believes there is no self and it's just a construct of our mind. So the whole exercise above is kind of pointless.
* How Buying a House Activated All My Worries -- and is why I chose not to buy one and rent instead, so much less nerve-wracking. I just have to worry about my rent going up.
LastLast year I decided to engage in the truest, purest act of banal suffering: I bought a house.
Buying a house isn’t one action; it’s a series of actions: frantically scraping together every penny you have, talking to strangers (real estate agents and lenders), fighting with plumbers, and filling out paperwork. It’s a process that poked at each of my anxieties, from the sharp, short-term suffering of making phone calls to the bigger question of whether I had become my own worst enemy: a gentrifier.
Until the age of 25, I wouldn’t call for a pizza. Middle school sleepovers or high school study parties went snackless until one of my less-fearful friends or exhausted parents would begrudgingly pick up the phone to ring for a medium with extra mushrooms. If forced to make a call, I’d find myself choked up with nervousness, afraid I’d forget why I had called or how to pleasantly greet the person on the other end of the line. Every call I make, to this day, begins with shaking hands and deep-breathing techniques. Every call ends with the internal question: Did I hang up too fast?
Nobody tells you that when you buy a house, you spend a lot of time on the phone. And you’re not just chatting. You’re calling strangers to talk about how much money you have, if that smell is something dead or “just how the house smells,” or if someone could come to look at the roof for less than a million extra dollars. The first home my partner and I made an offer on, a quaint worker’s cottage that leaned slightly to the right, required multiple calls to structural engineers to discuss whether the whole place would eventually fall down on us one winter night while we slept. The news wasn’t great, and we backed out on our offer. But the worst part of that experience? It took five phone calls to reach that conclusion.
My anxiety about speaking with strangers over the phone isn’t rooted in the phone, necessarily. It’s about politeness and appearances, the feeling that if the faceless helper on the other end cannot see the smile on my face, they might think I was rude or coarse. Did I greet them appropriately? Did I sound cheerful or nonchalant enough? Since women have been trained to be pleasing to as many people as possible, am I giving in to some sexist idea that I must be relentlessly charming? Perhaps. Does this all cause me to become awkward on the phone? Absolutely.
""
[Wales also got her old job back. Along with a raise or a bonus, I'm not sure which neither is she, apparently. Don't ask, the whole thing confused me. I find people bewildering.]
Other things "On Demand" - Hustlers, Spiderman Far From Home, Ad Astra, Judy, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, The Joker, Blinded by the Light (basically Yesterday, except no sci-fi and with Bruce Springsteen's songbook not the Beatles.)
2. The Good Place -- have I told you how much I despise this season? It rivals S1 as the worst, actually it is the worst, S1 got better because of the nifty twist and cool philosophical bits. Also I wisely skipped half of S1...so there's that.
Michael Schurr's brand of humor clearly doesn't work for me. I've tried enough of his comedies based on other's rec's to realize this. None of the jokes in this episode worked for me -- they all fell flat.
When Jason almost clicked the Earth and all the characters out of existence, I was disappointed. I thought erase them already.
The only part of the episode I enjoyed was the philosophy.
And seriously what is it with the continuous references to frozen yogurt? Or for that disco and roller skates? Watching this episode was akin to being stuck in a geeky 12 year old boy's brain in the 1990s.
What I enjoyed? The philosophy. It's the rebirth principle from Hindu and Eastern Philosophy -- where we return to the physical plane to learn, and each time we return we elevate to a new level until we reach Nirvana. But Schurr doesn't quite understand the philosophy..so we get the dumb jokes instead.
I did like Chidi though and possibly the only good line in it was "After you've seen every time line of your own existence -- merged together as one -- that gives you an astonishing amount of clarity." (The Time Knife joke was lost on me.)
I want talk about humor for a minute. In order to find a joke funny -- you have to be able to relate to it in some way. Or find it relatable. And this is well, subjective, and deeply personal. Humor as Michael Douglas' character "Stanley Kominsky" states comes from a place of drama, it comes from a real moment. We have to identify with the character and the situation -- if we can't, it's not going to be funny. If it exists outside of our experience or is not relatable to it, we won't find it amusing.
There are things I say in this journal for example that I find hilarious, and various others may as well, but a lot of my readers won't. Years ago, a friend I met online told me that I had one of the funniest and driest wits he'd ever heard. Yet, another friend doesn't find me funny at all. My jokes and one liners go over his head or fall on death ears. We don't share the same sense of humor.
There are co-workers who think I'm hilarious, others who don't. One co-worker, who I've nicknamed Chidi in this journal told me once that he preferred humor that didn't hurt anyone and felt sarcasm did. I retorted that all humor does. He likes to tease people and sees that as harmless, I find teasing painful and it hurts me. I was ruthlessly teased as a child. But I have a very dry and sarcastic, at times biting wit. I inherited from my father. Spike was the funniest character on Buffy to me. I couldn't stand Xander's jokes. I didn't find Xander funny, I found Spike funny.
Puns don't work for me at all -- or anyone in my immediate family. Slapstick doesn't tend to work for me either. Funniest movies?
* Gross Point Blank (I thought it was hilarious that a hitman was going to his high school reunion, and when he goes home it's a 7-11.)
* Must Love Dogs -- there's a hilarious sequence in which they can't locate a condom. It's more about logistics then sex or body parts. I don't find body humor that funny, it tends to offend me or make me cringe. Embarrassment humor -- I leave the room.
* There's Something About Mary -- was a weird movie for me. I did not find the scene where she uses his sperm as hair gel funny, but when the dog is thrown out the window -- that had me bursting with laughter.
* Noises Off -- is farce, I love well-done farce. Also theaterical farce is funny to me and I could relate to it, because I've worked in theater.
Buffy had a few episodes that made me laugh. "Him" -- the much reviled episode, I found hilarious. There's a sequence where Spike and Buffy fight over a gun, with Wood in the background that had me cackling. On the other hand, I found all the scenes with Dawn unwatchable.
Chuck Lorre's comedies are hit or miss for me. Big Bang - I found funny when they were discussing physics, Star Wars, comics, or the interactions with Amy and Sheldon. But the sexist jokes made me want to strangle the writers. The Kominsky Method has some great humor here and there, but it also has humor that makes me cringe. Same with Bob Hearts Abishola -- which is my favorite of the comedies. I found Two and a Half Men, unwatchable and sexist in the extreme.
I can't watch Tina Fey's comedies, I've tried. 30 Rock -- I found Alec Baldwin funny, but everything else made me cringe. And I find Unbreakable Kimmie Schmit unwatchable.
But, I adore a lot of British comedies. Coupling by Steven Moffat -- I thought was hilarious -- much funnier than How I Met Your Mother -- which often made me cringe.
And I adored As Time Goes On. But Absolutely Fabulous never worked for me, while Cybil kind of did. I adored Cheers, despised Everybody Loves Raymond. MASH made me laugh at times, other times cringe. Fraiser, News Radio, WKRP in Cinnanti, Murphy Brown in its heyday, and Night Court worked for me. But the family comedies rarely did. I hated Three's Company, while my brother religiously watched it.
I can't often tell you what I will find funny and what I won't. It's mood oriented. And often based on what is happening in my life at the moment. I laugh a lot in my workplace. And a lot at stuff online. Stuff many other people wouldn't find funny at all.
The difficulty with being human is we see everything through our own filter and nothing else. It makes it very hard at times to understand why someone, friend, lover, relative, etc is laughing at a joke that we don't find funny in the least or vice versa.
I'm trying right now to understand why people found this week's episode of The Good Place funny. Because I just found it grating, boring, and annoying. (shrugs).
4. The Implosion of the RWA
NY Times - President of the RWA finally resigns
In a statement, the trade organization, which has more than 9,000 members, called the events of the past few weeks “the most painful and tumultuous” of its history. Damon Suede, its president, has stepped down, “effective immediately,” and Carol Ritter, its executive director, has also resigned, though she will remain in the position for the coming months to assist with the leadership transition.
The R.W.A. said it would not immediately name a new president, instead “working transparently with its membership” to develop a process for appointing Mr. Suede’s successor. It didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.
Writers, agents and others in romance publishing — a lucrative segment of the overall publishing industry with a deeply engaged base of readers — have called for Mr. Suede and Ms. Ritter’s resignations since late last year, when the organization came under scrutiny for its handling of an ethics complaint against Courtney Milan, a writer and former R.W.A. board member.
Ms. Milan, who is Chinese-American, had criticized “Somewhere Lies the Moon,” a book set in China in the 1800s, as a “racist mess,” prompting its author, Kathryn Lynn Davis, and her employer, Suzan Tisdale, to file ethics complaints against Ms. Milan. The R.W.A.’s punishment — suspending Ms. Milan and barring her from holding leadership positions — was widely criticized by other R.W.A. members and romance writers. It also prompted wider debate over how the romance genre handles issues of race, diversity and inclusion.
The departures were the latest developments in a head-spinning week for the organization. On Wednesday, several major romance publishers, including Harlequin and Avon, said they wouldn’t attend or sponsor the R.W.A.’s annual conference this year, citing concerns with R.W.A.’s commitment to diversity. Earlier in the week the R.W.A. canceled its awards program, the Ritas, after contestants and judges dropped out.
“We are committed to supporting our authors, however, we cannot support R.W.A. or the national conference until you are fulfilling your mission to your members,” said the president and chief executive of Kensington Publishing, Steven Zacharius, in a statement.
Mr. Suede’s resignation “is a good first step,” HelenKay Dimon, a former R.W.A. president, said in an email. “With that barrier removed, R.W.A. can sit a full Board and start a difficult self-assessment.”
[ETA: The above article and links leave out important information regarding the fight - go HERE - where Milan details what happened from her perspective. This is left out of many of the reportage. And furthers my argument that Twitter is a problematic platform.]
I have mixed feelings about all of this. Outside of the fact that the more I think about it, the more I find it to be incredibly petty and annoying.
The online Culture Wars, while initially amusing, have annoyed me for a while now. Let me explain why. I do not understand why we all can't write, read, watch and create whatever we want (within reason of course). The sky's the limit. Have fun. Sample. Be creative. I consider it the height of selfishness to restrict content to just what one or a couple or a handful of folks prefer or think is appropriate. Who are they to decide? As long as it isn't hurting anyone or inciting anyone to hurt anyone, I don't see a problem. I do draw a line at child exploitation, rape-apologist, blatant racist/homophobic/misogynistic pandering, and torture porn. There's a rape fantasy game out there somewhere that I think should be burned. And I would like to remove certain chapters from American Psycho (the novel), but other than that...
I also don't understand why people discriminate against folks who aren't like them.
Homophobia, Racism, Nationalism, Sexism, Misogyny, etc -- seem to be rather counter-productive and self-destructive to me, and harmful. Isn't it best to get over your nasty self and be kind? I mean come on.
My biggest take away from the last few years? Stay away from Twitter.
On the one hand, I do not like how the RWA handled any of it, and I admittedly have not been a fan of the RWA for a while now. (Also the stuff they were doing on the hidden PAN (Published Author's Network) is enough to make me want to stop buying romance novels for the foreseeable future.) They are not an inclusive group and if you haven't traditionally published, they tend to exclude you. Also if you aren't a published romance writer yet and just trying to become one -- I haven't found them to be that inclusive or helpful. Most groups, however, tend to be exclusionary and cliquish. People are. People are tribal and somewhat nasty about it. I have yet to find a group that isn't. And trust me, I've looked far and wide.
But. I feel it could have been handled better on all sides. Also, it's hard to see Courtney Milan as a disenfranchised or marginalized, when the woman went to Harvard, clerked with a Supreme Court Judge, has had successful career as a romance novelist, and can afford to fly to various countries to watch figure skating. Sorry, honey, you are privileged. Also her incessant whinging and self-congratulatory, and snide tweets have alienated me as a reader -- and I loved her books. And am thisclose to not following her any longer. (And I agree with her and have actively fought for a more inclusive society. But it feels to me that she's not fighting for inclusivity so much as just the empowerment of her group over another, demonizing one and sanitizing the other. And not seeing people as individuals but just members of some racial sub-group or nationality.)
I feel as if some rather powerful and notable and popular writers took down a few writers who are not popular and struggling and yes racist and ignorant and stupid but that STILL ...seems wrong to me somehow. Just because you interpret something as offensive, doesn't mean you have the right to censor it or get it yanked. Critiquing something is different than censuring. Also, constructive criticism is different than suppression. But I could be wrong about this -- it's hard to tell. And part of my difficulty lies with Twitter itself. Have I told you how much I despise Twitter? I think it brings out the worst in people.
I'm also struggling with a society that continues to use labels for everything. And self-righteously broadcast them with loudspeakers in the middle of time square. Posting on Twitter is a bit like screaming in the middle of Times Square.
It's still very US vs. THEM. I've grown weary of arguments online and off - were it's "I'm worse off than you are because...of my race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, country of origin, nationality, gender, size, shape, weight, height...etc." Or "I'm superior because I've done this this and this."
Anyhow, what I've learned from all of this is to try and not fight my battles from a place of rage or self-importance. Although I kind of already figured that one out from the 2016 election and various kerfuffles on my own journal that I wish I'd handled differently. I wonder if they realize they've alienated readers?
I did however find John Scalzi's tweet concerning the whole thing, rather amusing.
He said, and I quote, "So, it took burning the whole organization to the ground to get the president to resign?" Let's hope this isn't true of the US and a few other places I can speak of.
5. Some random links..
* Why the World is Becoming More Allergic to Food -
Some of the most common foods for children to be allergic to are:
Milk
Eggs
Peanuts
Tree nuts (eg walnuts, almonds, pine nuts, brazil nuts, pecans)
Sesame
Fish
Shellfish (eg crustaceans and molluscs)
Where Are Food Allergies Most Likely to Occur?
The frequency of food allergy has increased over the past 30 years, particularly in industrialised societies. Exactly how great the increase is depends on the food and where the patient lives.
For example, there was a five-fold increase in peanut allergies in the UK between 1995 and 2016.
A study of 1,300 three-year-olds for the EAT Study at King's College London, suggested that 2.5% now have peanut allergies.
Australia has the highest rate of confirmed food allergy. One study found 9% of Australian one-year-olds had an egg allergy, while 3% were allergic to peanuts.
The increase in allergies is not simply the effect of society becoming more aware of them and better at diagnosing them.
It is thought that allergies and increased sensitivity to foods are probably environmental, and related to Western lifestyles.
We know there are lower rates of allergies in developing countries. They are also more likely to occur in urban rather than rural areas.
Factors may include pollution, dietary changes and less exposure to microbes, which change how our immune systems respond.
Who Killed the Knapp Family - Across America Working Class Families are Dying of Despair
YAMHILL, Ore. — Chaos reigned daily on the No. 6 school bus, with working-class boys and girls flirting and gossiping and dreaming, brimming with mischief, bravado and optimism. Nick rode it every day in the 1970s with neighbors here in rural Oregon, neighbors like Farlan, Zealan, Rogena, Nathan and Keylan Knapp.
They were bright, rambunctious, upwardly mobile youngsters whose father had a good job installing pipes. The Knapps were thrilled to have just bought their own home, and everyone oohed and aahed when Farlan received a Ford Mustang for his 16th birthday.
Yet today about one-quarter of the children on that No. 6 bus are dead, mostly from drugs, suicide, alcohol or reckless accidents. Of the five Knapp kids who had once been so cheery, Farlan died of liver failure from drink and drugs, Zealan burned to death in a house fire while passed out drunk, Rogena died from hepatitis linked to drug use and Nathan blew himself up cooking meth. Keylan survived partly because he spent 13 years in a state penitentiary.
Among other kids on the bus, Mike died from suicide, Steve from the aftermath of a motorcycle accident, Cindy from depression and a heart attack, Jeff from a daredevil car crash, Billy from diabetes in prison, Kevin from obesity-related ailments, Tim from a construction accident, Sue from undetermined causes. And then there’s Chris, who is presumed dead after years of alcoholism and homelessness. At least one more is in prison, and another is homeless.
* Stop Apologizing For Being Yourself
You know what my problem was? I was afraid to be myself. That’s all. But most of us are simply so scared to admit that.
But I meet people all the time who are afraid to be themselves. Not only at work but also outside of it.
Recently, a reader asked me:
“Hey Darius, do you think I should stop being silly so that people take me seriously?”
And I get emails like this all the time. And it pisses me off. Not that I get these questions, but that we live in a world where these things happen all the time.
You should never apologize for who you are.
I get a lot of questions that can be boiled down to this: I can’t be myself. I get it because I was like that too.
We fear that people won’t like us, respect us, or value us if we don’t “fit in”.
Why do we fear that so much? It’s a waste of energy.
Like all fears, it’s unnecessary. Look, you’re not going to die alone when you become yourself 24/7.
It’s not only a waste of energy, but it’s also a waste of LIFE, if you’re not living it on your terms.
I believe that you should live the way YOU want. You should always say and do what YOU want. I don’t care where in the world you live. “That’s not what we do in our country.” Find a way!
Because what’s the alternative? Do you want to shut down your true personality and become some robot that’s programmed by society or other people?
No one deserves that.
Of course there's also the whole psychological/philosophical movement that believes there is no self and it's just a construct of our mind. So the whole exercise above is kind of pointless.
* How Buying a House Activated All My Worries -- and is why I chose not to buy one and rent instead, so much less nerve-wracking. I just have to worry about my rent going up.
LastLast year I decided to engage in the truest, purest act of banal suffering: I bought a house.
Buying a house isn’t one action; it’s a series of actions: frantically scraping together every penny you have, talking to strangers (real estate agents and lenders), fighting with plumbers, and filling out paperwork. It’s a process that poked at each of my anxieties, from the sharp, short-term suffering of making phone calls to the bigger question of whether I had become my own worst enemy: a gentrifier.
Until the age of 25, I wouldn’t call for a pizza. Middle school sleepovers or high school study parties went snackless until one of my less-fearful friends or exhausted parents would begrudgingly pick up the phone to ring for a medium with extra mushrooms. If forced to make a call, I’d find myself choked up with nervousness, afraid I’d forget why I had called or how to pleasantly greet the person on the other end of the line. Every call I make, to this day, begins with shaking hands and deep-breathing techniques. Every call ends with the internal question: Did I hang up too fast?
Nobody tells you that when you buy a house, you spend a lot of time on the phone. And you’re not just chatting. You’re calling strangers to talk about how much money you have, if that smell is something dead or “just how the house smells,” or if someone could come to look at the roof for less than a million extra dollars. The first home my partner and I made an offer on, a quaint worker’s cottage that leaned slightly to the right, required multiple calls to structural engineers to discuss whether the whole place would eventually fall down on us one winter night while we slept. The news wasn’t great, and we backed out on our offer. But the worst part of that experience? It took five phone calls to reach that conclusion.
My anxiety about speaking with strangers over the phone isn’t rooted in the phone, necessarily. It’s about politeness and appearances, the feeling that if the faceless helper on the other end cannot see the smile on my face, they might think I was rude or coarse. Did I greet them appropriately? Did I sound cheerful or nonchalant enough? Since women have been trained to be pleasing to as many people as possible, am I giving in to some sexist idea that I must be relentlessly charming? Perhaps. Does this all cause me to become awkward on the phone? Absolutely.
""
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Date: 2020-01-11 05:13 am (UTC)Even when I'm in NYC I smile at strangers. It's a habit I can't seem to break. (grin)
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Date: 2020-01-11 04:20 pm (UTC)Unless of course you are a saint, in which case more power to you.
In other words, you're in NYC as a tourist. It's not the same thing.
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Date: 2020-01-11 04:46 pm (UTC)