Kerfuffles and Obstacle Courses
Aug. 21st, 2004 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatLovely word irony. While I was scanning through my friends list this morning, updating myself on everything I'd missed during the week, I discovered an entry from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cjlasky
mentioning how a shadowy, feline personage had chided him on not keeping up his live journal. LOL. Yes, well, the shadowy, feline personage hasn't done such a great job of updating her own lately, has she? At least he's been playing on others journals - I've on the other hand, been sadly remiss. Haven't been online all week. Well, briefly to check email and research something.
Temporary consulting assignment disallows personal internet usage, except on a minimal basis. Huge firewalls. I can't post, view, or even check online discussion boards from my work computer. Nor can I check personal email. I do most of it from home now, and this week has been a busy one.
I did however, quickly check out a kerfuffle that happened on one of the posting boards after a friend emailed me about it at work.
The kerfuffle seemed pretty minor to me. But then I've been a part of much bigger kerfuffles in the past, I'm embarrassed to say. (Heck this one didn't even take over the board and it only ended up in two or three livejournals. That's nothing guys. Trust me.) I'm not mentioning which board or place, because honestly does it matter? According to another friend last night there's been a few kerfuffles on other boards over cover art for a TV show DVD. So to be honest, what board hasn't this sort of thing happened at? Or fan community? And come to think of it - the fact that it does happen as often as it does, bears thinking about.
At any rate, was very pleased not be a participant in this one.
Overall the whole thing made me laugh quite a bit. Not at the people so much as the insanity of it all. People, I have decided, are crazy at times. Completely wacko. We get so caught up in our own shit, we can't see someone else. Walking to an interview this week, I realized this. First walking in Manhattan is akin to going through an obstacle course - you have to go around cars, people, construction, and they all have their own views, issues, and desires - which may be in opposition to yours. Some are tourists ambling along. Others business people talking on a cell. Some are confused and can't figure out which street they are on. Some messenger boys. Some shoppers. The list goes on. Trying to run through this mass of people to get to an interview ten blocks away in less than 15 minutes in heels was a challenge. And I did not accomplish it without pissing off at least one person and getting rammed by another. That in a nutshell is life. And fanboards? They are sort of a decompressed map of this. Lots of people with opposing views and ideas trying to get their point of view across. Some better than others.
I felt for the people involved in this kerfuffle, been there done that. In fact I have more than once been the poster who started it or got called on the carpet. Who amongst us hasn't embarrassed ourselves miserably online? Deleted whole sections of livejournal entries? Gotten defensive over a post? Or wanted to push our hand through our computer screen and punch someone out? It's a bad place to be, trust me. So I laughed at myself. So glad I'm no longer wandering the obstacle courses of fandom and sticking instead to the obstacle courses of the business world, which are a whole other kettle of fish, trust me on this. I also laughed at the tendency to allow a cultural distraction or medium to take over our lives due to boredom or other issues we can't deal with. Post-Traumatic Stress being one of those issues. When your world turns upside down and sideways, it's natural to seek out an outlet to distract yourself, to keep yourself from sinking further into the quagmire. Cultural mediums are a wonderful outlet for that, heck they are an outlet for the people creating them as well. I also laughed at the realization that yes, if you work hard enough, you can get out of that quagemire and move on. I feel a little relief that I'm beginning to do that right now, move out of that quagmire. With quite bit of help and support I might add from my sane online and offline friends.
The sad thing is not everyone does. Not everyone can. The world, like it or not, is not a fair place or an easy one. It's filled with obstacles. Some that may be insurmountable, such as an abusive spouse, parent, or child. Many of those obstacles being other people who as I mentioned to a friend last night, we can't live with or without. People are vital to our existence in this world. We can't exist without each other. But we do drive each other bonkers at times.
And let's face it age does not equal maturity. Everyone acts like they are a 10 year old sometimes, just as every 10 year old can sometimes seem like they are 40 or 50 years of age.
A friend of mine told me a disturbing story about a woman who has become so fixated on a tv actor, that she literally changed her birthdate to his. I told the friend that the actor is partially to blame for this situation, his need for validation and his insecurity and desire to seek it out - causes a symbiotic relationship to result. (He'd stupidly given the women his cell phone number.) I think the same thing happens on fan discussion boards. People egg each other on. You don't see the irrationality of your behavior because ten other people are telling you that you are great and right and go you! It's like when a friend calls you about a fight she had with her husband, your first response is to say - you are so right, your husband is such an ass. But if you are a *really* good friend, you might listen more closely, try to see what the issues are, maybe even suggest that her husband may have a point. This happened to me twice recently. Just now in fact, in which a friend mentioned that this post which I've just now rewritten after her comments, had offended and hurt her, she was a good enough friend to point it out and I thought about it for a while. And realized she was right, I had not made my point clearly. I had been a tad too forceful in some places, too snarky, and too pointed and using examples that could be taken the wrong way. (Don't try to find the original it's gone and don't ask who the friend was - that's private, suffice it to say, I looked at the post again from another perspective and saw how it may be taken the wrong way and since this is live journal and not a discussion board, I can actually edit and change it. Thank God. This in a nutshell is why I prefer livejournal!) Another example was a discussion with an offline friend who was missing her boyfriend who had recently moved to another state. She'd visited him the week before and was upset he wasn't visiting her this weekend. I suggested that hey, he just moved there a week ago, he's starting a really tough new job and needs a little time to acclimate himself. Give him a chance. Instead of just egging her on. That is what a good friend does, I think. Force you to see another angle. I've carefully chosen my friends - they are people who do *not* share my views on everything. We have had heated discussions. And that's what I want. I want people who will yank me by the collar when I step out of line, who will challenge my behavior. Too many times online - I see people just egging each other on. Praising one another. Not that this is a bad thing, it's great actually, but in some instances such as the gal who has fixated on this TV star, it can be destructive. I remember when I first started posting essays - everyone said the nicest things. And everytime I did, I got the same feedback from this one discussion board I was on - "Wow!", "You're Brilliant", "How did you do that?", "Amazing!". Which was fine, but didn't challenge me. There were a few people who did challenge me from time to time and because of their posts, my essays improved. Eventually I found the ATPO board which always challenged my posts and often made me want to pull my hair out. The people on that board I count amongst my dearest online friends.
The problem with egging people on - is the behavior good or bad has in essence been validated. I've seen this happen on one too many discussion boards. So instead of correcting it you keep making the same mistake over and over and over again like the energizer bunny. I mean why correct it if 20 other people are telling you that "you're great"? If you have 50 people who've responded to something you said, and told you that you're right, it's easy to ignore the five or ten who tell you that you are wrong.
What so many people fail to realize is maybe the people that are telling you that you're right and great and the best thing since sliced bread aren't the best judge and by only listening to them, maybe you are just surrounding yourself with "yes" men? (Editing this to clarify a point - I am not at all implying that people who post in agreement to a particular post are necessarily "yes men", what I am stating is that if you *only* allow interaction with people who agree and ignore dissenters then you are in effect treating them as "yes men". ) My old evil boss and nemesis did this. He didn't like anyone who disagreed with him, on anything. If you did? You were his enemy and he'd get rid of you. Bad way to run a business. Or a life. HE never listened. It takes courage to admit when you are wrong.
I remember dicussing this topic ages ago with a few friends at lunch - who did not agree with me on something. I stated that wouldn't it be great if everyone agreed? And they stated, quite rightly I might add, "how boring and dull and how would you ever know you were right if you never had to defend your position?" Disagreement is the spice of life. It makes us think. It keeps us honest. And having someone slap us upside the head from time to time telling us we are behaving like a class A jerk is "good"!
So here I am on a Saturday morning musing or preaching, can't tell which, a little tipsy from my Brooklyn Lager, only takes one now, god, I'm such a cheap drunk. I hope it's musing.
Reading Oranges Aren't The Only Fruit at the moment, Jeanette Wintersen's first novel which Wales bought for me ages ago. Weird book. First person reflective narration. Very non-linear. She jumps all over the place and inserts fairy tales in sections. Sort of fond of the fairy tales, but then I'm a sucker for those things. AS Byatt got my attention in the same way. The book oddly juxtaposes with the kerfuffle I mentioned above, and the small bit of the film A FISH CALLED WANDA that I watched last Sat. How people deal with the randomness and insanity of their world, their own insecurities, and the desire to believe in something that validates and makes them feel good about themselves. For some people like Jeannette's mother and Otto this desire manifests as a bit of a superiorty complex or just arrogance (I might be confusing the two). Look, I'm holier than that guy because I'm doing this - see, this validates me. It's all a competiton to these folk. Yet sadly one they can never win. Otto feared being stupid, being seen as inferior to his sister or those around him, and unravels when he's exposed as a fraud. His self-worth comes from what he believes their perception of him is. It's played for laughs, yet if you think about the character for a while, it's incredibly sad and chilling. Just as the know-it-all television characters Elaine (Seinfeild) and Diane (Cheers) are also incredibly tragic. All three are played for laughs.
Just as Jeannette Wintersen's novel is a comedy. Yet, like most comedies, at the heart of the laughter is quite a bit of pain. I think the reason I laugh at these characters is the release - and perhaps the insight, that they represent bits of me. My obsessions and quirks, my tendency to lecture, my desire for validation. By laughing at them, I laugh at myself, and somehow I move past it. I walk away. I wonder if that's the point?
Hmmm...not sure that musing or ramble made a whit of sense or why I keep feeling the need to post these live where others can read them? What does it say about me, I wonder, that I get fiendish delight out the idea that people I can't see and don't know are reading my words, thoughts and musings?
cjlaskymentioning how a shadowy, feline personage had chided him on not keeping up his live journal. LOL. Yes, well, the shadowy, feline personage hasn't done such a great job of updating her own lately, has she? At least he's been playing on others journals - I've on the other hand, been sadly remiss. Haven't been online all week. Well, briefly to check email and research something.
Temporary consulting assignment disallows personal internet usage, except on a minimal basis. Huge firewalls. I can't post, view, or even check online discussion boards from my work computer. Nor can I check personal email. I do most of it from home now, and this week has been a busy one.
I did however, quickly check out a kerfuffle that happened on one of the posting boards after a friend emailed me about it at work.
The kerfuffle seemed pretty minor to me. But then I've been a part of much bigger kerfuffles in the past, I'm embarrassed to say. (Heck this one didn't even take over the board and it only ended up in two or three livejournals. That's nothing guys. Trust me.) I'm not mentioning which board or place, because honestly does it matter? According to another friend last night there's been a few kerfuffles on other boards over cover art for a TV show DVD. So to be honest, what board hasn't this sort of thing happened at? Or fan community? And come to think of it - the fact that it does happen as often as it does, bears thinking about.
At any rate, was very pleased not be a participant in this one.
Overall the whole thing made me laugh quite a bit. Not at the people so much as the insanity of it all. People, I have decided, are crazy at times. Completely wacko. We get so caught up in our own shit, we can't see someone else. Walking to an interview this week, I realized this. First walking in Manhattan is akin to going through an obstacle course - you have to go around cars, people, construction, and they all have their own views, issues, and desires - which may be in opposition to yours. Some are tourists ambling along. Others business people talking on a cell. Some are confused and can't figure out which street they are on. Some messenger boys. Some shoppers. The list goes on. Trying to run through this mass of people to get to an interview ten blocks away in less than 15 minutes in heels was a challenge. And I did not accomplish it without pissing off at least one person and getting rammed by another. That in a nutshell is life. And fanboards? They are sort of a decompressed map of this. Lots of people with opposing views and ideas trying to get their point of view across. Some better than others.
I felt for the people involved in this kerfuffle, been there done that. In fact I have more than once been the poster who started it or got called on the carpet. Who amongst us hasn't embarrassed ourselves miserably online? Deleted whole sections of livejournal entries? Gotten defensive over a post? Or wanted to push our hand through our computer screen and punch someone out? It's a bad place to be, trust me. So I laughed at myself. So glad I'm no longer wandering the obstacle courses of fandom and sticking instead to the obstacle courses of the business world, which are a whole other kettle of fish, trust me on this. I also laughed at the tendency to allow a cultural distraction or medium to take over our lives due to boredom or other issues we can't deal with. Post-Traumatic Stress being one of those issues. When your world turns upside down and sideways, it's natural to seek out an outlet to distract yourself, to keep yourself from sinking further into the quagmire. Cultural mediums are a wonderful outlet for that, heck they are an outlet for the people creating them as well. I also laughed at the realization that yes, if you work hard enough, you can get out of that quagemire and move on. I feel a little relief that I'm beginning to do that right now, move out of that quagmire. With quite bit of help and support I might add from my sane online and offline friends.
The sad thing is not everyone does. Not everyone can. The world, like it or not, is not a fair place or an easy one. It's filled with obstacles. Some that may be insurmountable, such as an abusive spouse, parent, or child. Many of those obstacles being other people who as I mentioned to a friend last night, we can't live with or without. People are vital to our existence in this world. We can't exist without each other. But we do drive each other bonkers at times.
And let's face it age does not equal maturity. Everyone acts like they are a 10 year old sometimes, just as every 10 year old can sometimes seem like they are 40 or 50 years of age.
A friend of mine told me a disturbing story about a woman who has become so fixated on a tv actor, that she literally changed her birthdate to his. I told the friend that the actor is partially to blame for this situation, his need for validation and his insecurity and desire to seek it out - causes a symbiotic relationship to result. (He'd stupidly given the women his cell phone number.) I think the same thing happens on fan discussion boards. People egg each other on. You don't see the irrationality of your behavior because ten other people are telling you that you are great and right and go you! It's like when a friend calls you about a fight she had with her husband, your first response is to say - you are so right, your husband is such an ass. But if you are a *really* good friend, you might listen more closely, try to see what the issues are, maybe even suggest that her husband may have a point. This happened to me twice recently. Just now in fact, in which a friend mentioned that this post which I've just now rewritten after her comments, had offended and hurt her, she was a good enough friend to point it out and I thought about it for a while. And realized she was right, I had not made my point clearly. I had been a tad too forceful in some places, too snarky, and too pointed and using examples that could be taken the wrong way. (Don't try to find the original it's gone and don't ask who the friend was - that's private, suffice it to say, I looked at the post again from another perspective and saw how it may be taken the wrong way and since this is live journal and not a discussion board, I can actually edit and change it. Thank God. This in a nutshell is why I prefer livejournal!) Another example was a discussion with an offline friend who was missing her boyfriend who had recently moved to another state. She'd visited him the week before and was upset he wasn't visiting her this weekend. I suggested that hey, he just moved there a week ago, he's starting a really tough new job and needs a little time to acclimate himself. Give him a chance. Instead of just egging her on. That is what a good friend does, I think. Force you to see another angle. I've carefully chosen my friends - they are people who do *not* share my views on everything. We have had heated discussions. And that's what I want. I want people who will yank me by the collar when I step out of line, who will challenge my behavior. Too many times online - I see people just egging each other on. Praising one another. Not that this is a bad thing, it's great actually, but in some instances such as the gal who has fixated on this TV star, it can be destructive. I remember when I first started posting essays - everyone said the nicest things. And everytime I did, I got the same feedback from this one discussion board I was on - "Wow!", "You're Brilliant", "How did you do that?", "Amazing!". Which was fine, but didn't challenge me. There were a few people who did challenge me from time to time and because of their posts, my essays improved. Eventually I found the ATPO board which always challenged my posts and often made me want to pull my hair out. The people on that board I count amongst my dearest online friends.
The problem with egging people on - is the behavior good or bad has in essence been validated. I've seen this happen on one too many discussion boards. So instead of correcting it you keep making the same mistake over and over and over again like the energizer bunny. I mean why correct it if 20 other people are telling you that "you're great"? If you have 50 people who've responded to something you said, and told you that you're right, it's easy to ignore the five or ten who tell you that you are wrong.
What so many people fail to realize is maybe the people that are telling you that you're right and great and the best thing since sliced bread aren't the best judge and by only listening to them, maybe you are just surrounding yourself with "yes" men? (Editing this to clarify a point - I am not at all implying that people who post in agreement to a particular post are necessarily "yes men", what I am stating is that if you *only* allow interaction with people who agree and ignore dissenters then you are in effect treating them as "yes men". ) My old evil boss and nemesis did this. He didn't like anyone who disagreed with him, on anything. If you did? You were his enemy and he'd get rid of you. Bad way to run a business. Or a life. HE never listened. It takes courage to admit when you are wrong.
I remember dicussing this topic ages ago with a few friends at lunch - who did not agree with me on something. I stated that wouldn't it be great if everyone agreed? And they stated, quite rightly I might add, "how boring and dull and how would you ever know you were right if you never had to defend your position?" Disagreement is the spice of life. It makes us think. It keeps us honest. And having someone slap us upside the head from time to time telling us we are behaving like a class A jerk is "good"!
So here I am on a Saturday morning musing or preaching, can't tell which, a little tipsy from my Brooklyn Lager, only takes one now, god, I'm such a cheap drunk. I hope it's musing.
Reading Oranges Aren't The Only Fruit at the moment, Jeanette Wintersen's first novel which Wales bought for me ages ago. Weird book. First person reflective narration. Very non-linear. She jumps all over the place and inserts fairy tales in sections. Sort of fond of the fairy tales, but then I'm a sucker for those things. AS Byatt got my attention in the same way. The book oddly juxtaposes with the kerfuffle I mentioned above, and the small bit of the film A FISH CALLED WANDA that I watched last Sat. How people deal with the randomness and insanity of their world, their own insecurities, and the desire to believe in something that validates and makes them feel good about themselves. For some people like Jeannette's mother and Otto this desire manifests as a bit of a superiorty complex or just arrogance (I might be confusing the two). Look, I'm holier than that guy because I'm doing this - see, this validates me. It's all a competiton to these folk. Yet sadly one they can never win. Otto feared being stupid, being seen as inferior to his sister or those around him, and unravels when he's exposed as a fraud. His self-worth comes from what he believes their perception of him is. It's played for laughs, yet if you think about the character for a while, it's incredibly sad and chilling. Just as the know-it-all television characters Elaine (Seinfeild) and Diane (Cheers) are also incredibly tragic. All three are played for laughs.
Just as Jeannette Wintersen's novel is a comedy. Yet, like most comedies, at the heart of the laughter is quite a bit of pain. I think the reason I laugh at these characters is the release - and perhaps the insight, that they represent bits of me. My obsessions and quirks, my tendency to lecture, my desire for validation. By laughing at them, I laugh at myself, and somehow I move past it. I walk away. I wonder if that's the point?
Hmmm...not sure that musing or ramble made a whit of sense or why I keep feeling the need to post these live where others can read them? What does it say about me, I wonder, that I get fiendish delight out the idea that people I can't see and don't know are reading my words, thoughts and musings?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-08-21 02:49 pm (UTC);o)
no subject
Date: 2004-08-21 04:37 pm (UTC)weekends.
I've caught your posts on livejournal though - very interesting. Far more so than the real philosophy ones I'd been following. Haven't had a chance to read them closely yet unfortunately.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-21 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-21 04:35 pm (UTC)Was actually thinking about you the other day, wondering how things were going and wondering how you were. I think I lost track of you on live journal. At any rate been missing your posts. Hope all is well?
The assignment appears to be going well. They seem to like me. I got invited back next week. I've made it four weeks so far. This is good. But I'm still keeping a look-out for other offers. Which is why I've been offline so much. Just on during weekends mostly.
It's lots of reading contracts on acrobat viewer, inputting data in a lotus notes based database, manipulating data, and learning as I go (ie. no training - and I crave training), but it keeps my mind busily active which is very good. Also I interact with people every day - in the flesh, which is also good.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-24 11:07 am (UTC)