Day 100 ....

[shadowkat]

One Hundred Days since the world changed completely for me. It's a different date for everyone, I think. And some share mine. Also I suck at counting, so it may be 101, who knows.

I got anxious and depressed today - which with my current hormonal fluctuations resulted in rage. So I took a walk at 4:54 pm. I would have been early, but I got distracted by my super's wife, and wore socks that kept coming off my feet, and sliding into the shoe.

Super's Wife (in a VERY thick polish accent...so thick I had to ask her to slow down because I could not understand what she was saying): You have a package. Three days. You can't leave for three days. Must pick up now!
Me: Eh, I wasn't expecting any packages. I have not ordered anything.
Super's Wife: It says your name and 3M. Must pick up. Or will be stolen. I call you to be nice. Man steal package last week - I tell you.
ME: Okay, I'll get the package today.

It turned out to be the toilet paper that I bought from Amazon in March from some Chinese supplier. It was supposed to come in April. It didn't. So I cancelled it for a refund and bought Quilted Northern instead. So I got the toilet paper and the refund. LOL! And they say the Universe doesn't have a sense of humor.





I now have enough toilet paper to last until 2021. In short, if I have to go under lockdown again, I won't have to worry about running out of toilet paper.

Me:Have a question for you regarding the electrical wiring people - is that all day and will I have access to my kitchen -
Super: All day. No access. They will seal you off into your living room. Bring food you need to eat, and water, etc into living room. No access.
Me: Kind of hard to do since the fridge is in the kitchen.
Super: You can be home or away, your choice.
Me: I'm working remotely from home -
Super: You no access to kitchen, they seal you off, they wear masks.

I got furious. This would not have been a problem if I was still commuting to and from work each day. They could do it when I was away, I wouldn't know about it. Now, not so much. Also, it would have been completed by now - it was going to be done in March.

It's the feeling of having no control over my world that is pissing me off.
People do not wear masks in the complex. There's this old Russian guy, with a braid and torn clothing, who never wears a mask. In fact a lot of the Russians don't wear masks in the building. The young Russian couple doesn't either. It's aggravating. How hard is it to wear a mask? Stubborn people.

Also got furious at my doctor. She did respond to my email last night, with a pat, oh maybe we just need it to adjust, we'll retest in Sept, keep doing what you are doing.

Me: I got furious with my doctor. She told me I had high cholesterol and diabetes.
Mother: I thought your result were better?
Me: From my perspective they are. It went from 6.9 sugar level to 6.4, I see that as a great improvement. And I don't understand the cholesterol (I also struggle with spelling it).
Mother: What did she say?
ME: She told me to go off greasy buttery foods -
Mother: But you never eat any greasy buttery foods -
ME: And fried foods -
Mother: But you don't eat fried foods, you can't
Me: I KNOW! It's so aggravating. She also told me to lay off cheese, and I rarely have any, maybe a sliver or two a week if that -and she told me to exercise thirty minutes cardio a day -
Mother: You're taking 3-5 mile hikes a day
Me: I know! I told the doctor this.
Mother: What did she say?
Me: She said to keep up what I was doing and maybe it just hadn't settled yet or there wasn't enough time between tests? I know the problem - it's MENOPAUSE! But she refuses to acknowledge that yet.

Ugh. People are making me crazy at the moment. Work is too. One of my co-workers have managed to discover new hobbies like gardening and creating a worm farm for composting. I feel like I've failed somehow. Also my socialization is gone, everything is on the internet. (Except for the people I do not want to socialize with - super, super's wife, doctor, and the electrical repair men, also whomever pops up in the laundry room when I'm trying to do laundry. I'm trying not socialize indoors, the Universe is not cooperating with me. )

In other news, the Governors of NY, CT, and NJ, taking a page from the EU, have barred NY, NJ, and CT from South Carolina, Florida, Texas, Arizona, California, Arkansas, Alabama, Washington and North Carolina residents. If they visit the tri-state area, they must quarantine for fourteen days first. Kind of ironic, considering it was the exact opposite two months ago.

BTW - a lot of my family members and friends are in those states. Arizona has a lot of friends (Buffy fanboard ATPOBTVS and college friends), California - family and online friends, Arkansas (church friends), Alabama (online friend), Washington (close family friends), Florida (close family and friends), North Carolina (online friends), and South Carolina (my parents, and various online friends).

Oh well, at least my brother and his family are safe. Small favors.

I feel stuck. Trapped by this stupid thing. I can't do anything really. And I don't see an end in sight. And I'm furious at the people who appear to be able to go about their lives as if it's not a big deal. I feel like these people are gas-lighting me. So, I am absolutely no holds barred furious.

Co-worker asked me today if I was as nervous as she was with everything opening up? Yes. If anything more nervous.

Ex-college roommate posted that she was getting a pedicure. A pedicure? She apparently lives in Massachustus. That's not until Phase 3 or 4 for my area. We've in Phase 2.

And my mother is taking my father to a dental appointment in South Carolina. She assures me that it is safe. I don't know. I worry. But there is nothing I can do. Mother also had her internet, computer, phone, and wifi go out - she can contact people with her cell but that's it. Why? The stupid maintenance people who were digging the drainage around her house to protect her house from a Hurricane, which they promised to do before she moved in and didn't, cut through the cable chord. My mother being my mother, blamed herself for asking them to dig the drainage. Excuse me, no. I was furious with her for being a doormat. She said she wasn't paying them to do it - no, she is paying them. It's part of their fee to live in the community each month. The cable/landline/wifi company can't come until tomorrow morning from 10-12pm. My father's dental appointment which is a long one is from 9:15 to 10:30. My mother told them this, they promised to call her. And I got even more angry - at the stupid repair people, at the maintenance people, and well I'm also worried about them visiting the dentist.

Ugga Bugga.




So I took a two hour walk around Greenwood Cemetery. I walked into an area I never had walked into before - a new lake - Sylvan Lake, which is bigger than Valley lake, and surrounded by mausoleums. You die rich? You may get to be buried in a mausoleum around the lake. (Personally, I don't see the point. You're dead, you're not going to notice. Unless you are a zombie or vampire - and well, being stuck in a windowless mausoleum around a lake doesn't sound all that appealing to me. I think this is more for the people visiting the mausoleums than the dead themselves. People have some weird views on death.)











Ah, they are setting off the industrial scale fireworks again behind me. It's been happening every night between 9:30pm and 10pm, like clockwork. I'm kind of getting used to them. I don't see a point in raging about them - not a thing I can do. One guy requested the kids setting them off in his street stop - since it was 12:30 am, and his kids were trying to sleep. They apologized and did. He must have been very nice. To date, NYC residents have filed over a million 3-1-1 complaints.

If it weren't for my meditative walks around the cemetery, the ability to post these journal posts, and meditation each day - I'd go slowly insane.

I leave you with a clumsy picture of a family of geese eating grass on the side of the lake. Peaceful and undisturbed. Heaven must be coming back as Canadian Geese.

Comments

[shadowkat]

Hmmm, interesting. My parents didn't have cholesterol issues into they got older, and got high blood pressure. And they are on meds for it, both don't have diets that would lead to it. And like yours, they had low blood pressure and low cholestrol up until they were in their 50s and 60s.

I think this may be similar. My diet and exercise have changed a great deal since the lockdown/work from home initiative. And since I can do pretty much everything from my laptop...I don't see that changing any time soon. (It's not as easy. If this continues, I may invest in a desktop.)