Day #109

[shadowkat]

Not much to say tonight. The amateur opera singer keeps trying to sing.

Considering watch Hamilton on Disney Plus tonight. Been waiting forever to see this. And thanks to a dear online friend, I can see it for free. This is the best gift ever. Disney Plus and Hulu. Completely unexpected. I do not deserve it. I am trying to deserve it. By paying it forward - I gave money to KWT - the community group that helps neighbors in need. When you get a lovely gift - you pay it forward.

Thank you.

I'm tired. It's been a long week.

My mind has struggled to focus most of the day.

Wales called while I was working. Wales got today off. I get Monday off. My organization is crazy, we've already established this. But then so is Wales, also established.

Wales: Oh, we should do something together..although I'm not quite sure what -
Me: What can we do? We'd have to get on a subway, socially distance, and...
Wales: Oh I forgot.
Me: How could you forget?
Wales: Well...you would not be happy with what I've been doing ..
Me: Probably out partying right?
Wales: Well...
ME: I do not want to know.
Wales: I'll call you tomorrow - it's about A, and -
ME: I don't like A, I don't need to know this -
Wales: If I have to deal with this - you get to know this.
ME: Tomorrow sounds like a good idea.

With any luck she'll forget to call me.

Mother: I think your father is confusing me with your brother.
ME: How so?
Mother: He thinks it takes a long time to get to my house.
Me: He's forgotten he's in it?
Mother: I'm not certain.
Me: My father hasn't made much sense in the last ten years...why should he make sense now?
Mother: I'm still trying to understand why he thinks your brother is gay.

I really want to be in the room when she explains that one to my brother.
Some people have issues coming out to their families or their families are in deep denial. My family decides people's sexual orientations all on their own with little to no evidence provided to support these assertions. I laugh, because my brother for a while thought I was gay. Folks? You don't know someone else's sexual orientation unless they tell you. They could be bisexual, gay, queer, aesexual, heterosexual, lesbian...you don't know, and honestly it's no one's business but theirs and their partner. I've never understood why people care.

Me: Let's see, my roommate my Junior year turned out to be a lesbian, Melinda was bi, I think Melanie was bi, two of my friends turned out to be lesbians or bi, I'm pretty certain Wales is bi, and there were several guy friends who were.
Mother: I didn't realize you had so many friends who were homosexual.
Me: Yep. Although I think I did give two of them the wrong idea, because I was also friends with a few conservative homophobics that I had to keep correcting. People have a tendency to define you by the people you hang with.
Mother: Of course. They need to pigeon hole people, define them.
Me: I confused people. Because I like everyone. I find different people interesting and am willing to ignore certain things. Lucy was totally homophobic - I know, because I kept correcting her. We'd get into arguments over it. She'd insist you could get AIDS from a Hot Tub, and I'd say, eh no, that isn't possible. But I couldn't have parties - putting them in the same room together would not work.
Mother: Your brother had the same problem.
Me: Possibly genetic quirk?

I don't understand homophobia. It honestly makes no sense to me. I can see why people love people of the same gender, and other genders. I don't understand why it is offensive. The whole propagation argument is kind of lost on me - we have too many people as it is. Also love is love. Why deny that with hate? Seems counterproductive and nasty. I don't understand social conservatives, even though I have in the past been friends with a few of them.

Today's mediation was interesting - it was about not judging things. Not placing blame or praise. Stating that often we do this without understanding the underlying motivations or the "why". True. Judgement, the meditation stated, often gets us into trouble, letting go of it can be freeing, not that it is necessarily wrong. Just wise to question.

I'm working on that. I'm very judgemental - mostly of myself. It's why I get so pissed off with folks. Used to annoy the hell out of my father - how could he lecture me or come down on me - when he knew I'd already done it to myself? My father and I used to think alike, now, my father has Alzhiemers, so not so much. I did talk to him today, kidded mostly. I try to make him laugh. I love him no matter what, in part because I know he loves me no matter what. It's a gift to be loved unconditionally and I have that from my family. I know not everyone does. Romantic love isn't unconditional - that's my difficulty with it. It's very much quid pro quo. Friendship isn't unconditional either half the time - and the friendships I've had that were quid pro quo didn't last. Nothing that is quid pro quo can. One of the two people involved is always going to fall short. It's the law of averages.

I hunted exercise machines today. Found one wpadmirer might like
- it is a climbing machine. No clue how much it costs. HERE it is. Again no clue about availability or cost.

Crazy Company is telling everyone to prepare to return to the office next week, blatantly ignoring those of us who have been told to stay put and to continue to work from home, possibly indefinitely. My group. We don't have to go in to do our job. It's actually cheaper for Crazy Company if we stay home. Not to mention safer. It's serves them better if they don't bring us back in.

They said the "return to work" training was available now - it's not. I looked. So am confused. Decided not to worry about it. It's one of those uncontrollables.

Anyhow, beginning to wonder with all this re-opening into Phase 3 - if I'm the only person still leery of this virus. New Jersey is apparently going whole hog - re-opening amusement parks, theaters, etc. (Guess where half the New Yorkers who can drive are headed?)

I don't want to risk it. And I don't trust what I'm seeing at the moment.
Also, I'm an introvert. I don't like crowds. And I don't really want to socialize this weekend, so perfect excuse to stay in and watch television, clean house, and read.

Today, I cleaned my bathroom and discovered a nifty way to remove the mold from the corner of my bathroom ceiling. I sprayed it with Clorox Tilex Mold and Mildew Remover - worked like a charm. No more mold or mildew on ceiling, completely gone. Happy Dance. Also ran out of the mold and mildew remover. It's now filled with Diluted Clorox Bleach. While other items are returning to the stores - cleansers and disinfectants are still gone. You'd think NYC would be cleaner? It's not. I think people are hoarding. Niece told my parents that brother and his wife are obsessed with cleaning and keep telling her that she needs to learn how to clean.

Oh belly dancer/doctor who friend told me, after seeing my Doctor Who reviews, that those were good episodes and all - but I really needed to watch Classic Who and when I was ready, to let her know - she'd seen them all. (I got a lot of other things to finish first like What We Do in the Shadows, Black Sails, and Hamiliton.)

Anyhow...can't think of much else to report. So..picture.

Comments

[dar_vidder]

Folks? You don't know someone else's sexual orientation unless they tell you.

Exactly! It's really bugged me in recent years how a lot of people who say they're progressive are quick to label LGBT people by sight alone. I've seen it in fandom, too. Like in The Hunger Games fandom I saw some folks being all why would Katniss choose 'the gay boy' over Gale? They weren't referring to Peeta as gay because he ever expressed interest in the same sex, they did so because he was more sensitive and artistic and they thought the actor's mannerisms in the movies were effeminate. It'd be one thing if the fans saying this kind of shit were conservatives who were openly homophobic, but no, these are people who claim to be 'woke.' I just find it so strange.

[shadowkat]

People do it though - I sometimes think we can't help it? We're hard-wired to make these kind of assumptions? (shrugs). My niece did it with Spike - she decided he was probably gay. I laughed at her and said possibly or just bi. She did it based on preconceptions - and she's liberal, progressive and "woke".

I think people like to put people into categories. Define them. They are wrong 98% of the time though. Because you really have no real way of knowing. I know very effeminate men who are straight, and very macho guys who are gay for example. Same with women. Just because a woman doesn't like girlish things, doesn't make her butch or gay, any more than a woman who is into them is necessarily straight.

That said, I did figure out that a friend was gay based on his love of James Marsters musical performances. (I'd seen one of Marsters performances, and well, it was kind of like watching a male stripper number. The man was playing up the sex appeal - this was back when he was playing Spike and playing up being a sex symbol. ) It was kind of obvious.
But it's rare that it is... And I figured out that he was gay before he did - again based on how he responded to a television actors musical performances. That was my clue.

But it's rare that it is that obvious.

[dar_vidder]

Oh, yeah, we all make assumptions and snap judgments about other people. That's just human nature. I guess it's just the jump from privately suspecting something about someone to outright labeling that person publicly before they've said/done anything to validate your belief that irks me.

[shadowkat]

Agreed. I waited until the guy came out. I just talked with a friend about it, who told me he didn't think it was true, and shrugged it off. It's not our business.

Also, we can always be wrong. We're making an assumption on limited information. And great harm can be done - by labeling people publicly. It's up to them - on whether they wish to be labeled, regardless of the label. Because people change how they react to you - often based on the label.

[wpadmirer]

The thing looks much better than an exercycle, but of course it's sold out. (sigh) Thanks for mentioning it, though!

[shadowkat]

It's sold out? Ugh. That's what my mother warned me about. She said my brother was having troubles buying weights. That it was very hard to get exercise equipment at the moment - everyone was buying it because no gyms.

Oh well, I may have to go for the exercycle, assuming I can get that, or the mini-trampoline.

[trepkos]

I have impulse-bought a vertical climber ...

[shadowkat]

Hence the reason they are now sold out..;-)