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shadowkatI post my photos of the Cemetery Angels on Facebook and the Doctor Who fans keep making jokes about them.
Tried to take a walk today, but after about ten minutes, came back inside. If yesterday felt like a steam-bath, today felt like sticking one's head in a sauna or oven. I felt sick and got a headache after about five minutes. The plus side of working remotely from home? I don't have to wander about in the heat any longer. I don't remember last years temperatures being this bad - but they most likely were. Memory is a funny thing.
Less panicked today, as I told my mother - I've moved through the five stages of Grief on to acceptance. I accept the fact that I've zero control over whatever it is that the Universe in its ultimate wisdom decides to throw at me next. Or rather all the crazy people out there struggling to make decisions. At times it feels as if our leadership is throwing jello molds at a wall to see what sticks.
Also decided to focus on getting through this week and Friday's kitchen work first. One day at a time. If I look too far ahead...I'll get lost in dread. I wish for spoilers. But alas, all I have are muddled prophecies from Nostradumus.
Spoke with a guy who was at the office today - about an invoice. I took the opportunity to ask what, if any safety improvements had been made to our floor. Turns out all they've done is buy a lot of hand-sanitizers and masks.
Me: So any plastic partitions?
Guy: No, but there's lots of hand sanitizers. They are everywhere.
Me: How many people?
Guy: We go in groups, Group A/B and D, so there's only five to ten people here at any time. It's kind of sparse.
Me: But no partitions around the cubicles to make them higher or anything?
Guy: No. They do take your temperature at the entrance though.
This makes me think that someone will step in at the final hour and force an agreement. Oh, I figured out that my union Transportation Communications Union is part of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers. It's huge. And includes people who do not work in offices. We have signal guys in our union. They care about things that I don't.
Hope springs eternal and all that. Don't have control over it though.
Also found out today that Crazy Agency, of all the NY State Agencies, is the one that has been hit the hardest by COVID-19. We've lost over 200 people to the virus, and more than 4,000 have been infected. The financial implications are astronomical. The Agency is begging the Federal Government for $4 Billion in aid, it is $16 billion in the hole - a hole it may not climb out of until 2024. New York is in worse shape than it was in the 1970s. We're not climbing out of this economic hole any time soon.
Today, I flirted with feeling sorry for myself. The internet makes this insanely easy - we have all these people telling me how great their lives are...and mine is rather pathetic in comparison, although much like anything else - it depends on whom you are comparing it too. No kids. No significant others. (Never met anyone I wanted to spend my life with to be honest.) Closest family is a four hour train ride away (actually two trains, and a car). Friends - about a twenty-thirty minute subway ride away. All are far. Acquaintances are closer - but alas, they are acquaintances.
It's easy to drive to a parking lot and do the social distance thing. But taking public transportation to do it - is a wee bit dicey, for one thing not everyone is wearing masks on the public transportation. And
you'd have to figure out a safe meeting spot. It's not possible to travel anywhere. I can't visit family members. I can't really do much of anything outside of what I am currently doing. It is what it is.
And the world is scary. Not the world outside my window - it's about the same that its always been except with masks. Now most everyone wears masks, with a few exceptions like the Super of my building. I don't see him often enough to make a big deal about it. And honestly, he always gives me the side-eye, so I've decided it's best not too. I dread the day that the light in my bedroom goes out.
I've decided to pull back a bit from the News. It's just getting worse. And I can't tell what's happening with the virus, the information is confusing. On the one hand we're told that the virus is leveling off in the states, on the other hand, it's spiking and certain states are in critical condition. Same deal with the rest of the world, on the one hand, Sweden screwed up, on the other they were successful in keeping the tallies down. Same with Britain, and various others. Australia reports a record total of ten cases for Australia, and I'm thinking okay, that's nothing - NY had ten people die today, and over 700 cases, and considers itself in great shape in comparison to the rest of the United States.
See? Confusing.
And don't get me started on the contradictory information on the damn masks. "Oh, you need to have multiple layers" - "No, one layer is fine."
"Don't use face shields", "You can use them with a cloth mask under them."
"Don't pull the mask down to your chin - instead take it fully off and carry it, otherwise you are pulling up germs." (Actually taking it fully off isn't all that much better.) It's frightening and headache inducing. No wonder there are people who've given up, like my Super, and not wearing them at all - and just avoiding people instead.
I think half of our problem is too many sources of information, so many that it is difficult to determine what is true. Also everyone and their mother has an opinion on the topic. Note? The Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Slate are most likely not the best sources for information on masks or COVID-19. I'm leery of the New York Times - and check it against medical and science sites, and the Times is the most reliable of the print or newspapers.
Picture of a lovely turtle pond with mausoleums around it. Honestly, the dead have better living accommodations than the living. Possibly because the dead make less of a mess, take up less room, and can become excellent food for trees and flowers over time.
One of the many things that I've become aware of during this crisis is how unequal our society truly is across the board. Forget identity politics for a bit - the inequalities in class know no boundaries. I've always been aware of it, of course. Kind of hard not to be - when every day I would walk through or commute from middle class to upper middle class to working class, and along the way see abject poverty. Online it's become achingly apparent in the posts that I'm seeing.
From my poor cousin who is struggling with plumbing issues, caught the virus and recovered after about forty days, and is renting an apartment with her husband and child outside of Chicago. She delivers food to families in need, that is her current job, and she's a substitute teacher. Her husband was sent back into the office in June. They'd planned their first big vacation this year - to Europe, to see London, Paris and NYC, but alas, had to cancel because of the virus and struggled to get a refund.
Meanwhile, there's the social media friend who lives in a nice house in upstate NY with her husband and two dogs, working for the NY State Department of Heatlh (in the IT department) and hoping for a cabin retreat to the CAPE. She's been traversing upstate NY and Vermont on a series of day-trips.
My brother who has people visit his barn, which he has turned into a kind of apartment. No A/C, but it gets plenty of airflow, it's open on both sides, like one big screened in porch. He has an extensive vegetable garden. They are making their own vinegar, maple syrup, almond milk, granola, etc. And have little picnics with friends outside - six feet apart, since he's on 11 acres, with lots of wildflowers.
And...the people who are struggling. The man who asked today on FB if anyone understood or could explain the rent stabilization guidelines to him, since his landlord just raised his rent by more than $200 a month, and he can barely pay the current rent. Or the woman who asked for aid because they were about to shut off her electricity, water, and wifi.
And...the people taking vacations still. Traveling about. No cares in the world. Having a blast. Camping. Seeing parks. With their families.
And...my cousin who is confined with her family in Pennsylvania, her son who has had knee surgery and can't Captain the Soccer Team like he thought he would this summer (not that they are playing anyhow), her mother-in-law who is now in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer (shipped to stay with them because the son she was living with had been exposed to COVID and was afraid of giving it to her), while my cousin works long hours in her basement with a pay cut.
It all makes me think of Fiona Apple's song.. Relay.
Trees give me comfort in these uncertain times. They are so steady. So strong. So vibrant. I place my hand against it and sometimes, I can swear I feel it breath.
Today, I stared at the ones past my window, which over time have filled out with lush green leaves - there's a sea of green beyond my window, at least ten trees in varying shapes and sizes. Each time I gaze at them, I'm filled with a feeling of peace. And a certainty that things will turn out okay, even though it's very hard to believe that while sailing across this endless sea of dread.
Ah well. Enough.
Tried to take a walk today, but after about ten minutes, came back inside. If yesterday felt like a steam-bath, today felt like sticking one's head in a sauna or oven. I felt sick and got a headache after about five minutes. The plus side of working remotely from home? I don't have to wander about in the heat any longer. I don't remember last years temperatures being this bad - but they most likely were. Memory is a funny thing.
Less panicked today, as I told my mother - I've moved through the five stages of Grief on to acceptance. I accept the fact that I've zero control over whatever it is that the Universe in its ultimate wisdom decides to throw at me next. Or rather all the crazy people out there struggling to make decisions. At times it feels as if our leadership is throwing jello molds at a wall to see what sticks.
Also decided to focus on getting through this week and Friday's kitchen work first. One day at a time. If I look too far ahead...I'll get lost in dread. I wish for spoilers. But alas, all I have are muddled prophecies from Nostradumus.
Spoke with a guy who was at the office today - about an invoice. I took the opportunity to ask what, if any safety improvements had been made to our floor. Turns out all they've done is buy a lot of hand-sanitizers and masks.
Me: So any plastic partitions?
Guy: No, but there's lots of hand sanitizers. They are everywhere.
Me: How many people?
Guy: We go in groups, Group A/B and D, so there's only five to ten people here at any time. It's kind of sparse.
Me: But no partitions around the cubicles to make them higher or anything?
Guy: No. They do take your temperature at the entrance though.
This makes me think that someone will step in at the final hour and force an agreement. Oh, I figured out that my union Transportation Communications Union is part of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers. It's huge. And includes people who do not work in offices. We have signal guys in our union. They care about things that I don't.
Hope springs eternal and all that. Don't have control over it though.
Also found out today that Crazy Agency, of all the NY State Agencies, is the one that has been hit the hardest by COVID-19. We've lost over 200 people to the virus, and more than 4,000 have been infected. The financial implications are astronomical. The Agency is begging the Federal Government for $4 Billion in aid, it is $16 billion in the hole - a hole it may not climb out of until 2024. New York is in worse shape than it was in the 1970s. We're not climbing out of this economic hole any time soon.
Today, I flirted with feeling sorry for myself. The internet makes this insanely easy - we have all these people telling me how great their lives are...and mine is rather pathetic in comparison, although much like anything else - it depends on whom you are comparing it too. No kids. No significant others. (Never met anyone I wanted to spend my life with to be honest.) Closest family is a four hour train ride away (actually two trains, and a car). Friends - about a twenty-thirty minute subway ride away. All are far. Acquaintances are closer - but alas, they are acquaintances.
It's easy to drive to a parking lot and do the social distance thing. But taking public transportation to do it - is a wee bit dicey, for one thing not everyone is wearing masks on the public transportation. And
you'd have to figure out a safe meeting spot. It's not possible to travel anywhere. I can't visit family members. I can't really do much of anything outside of what I am currently doing. It is what it is.
And the world is scary. Not the world outside my window - it's about the same that its always been except with masks. Now most everyone wears masks, with a few exceptions like the Super of my building. I don't see him often enough to make a big deal about it. And honestly, he always gives me the side-eye, so I've decided it's best not too. I dread the day that the light in my bedroom goes out.
I've decided to pull back a bit from the News. It's just getting worse. And I can't tell what's happening with the virus, the information is confusing. On the one hand we're told that the virus is leveling off in the states, on the other hand, it's spiking and certain states are in critical condition. Same deal with the rest of the world, on the one hand, Sweden screwed up, on the other they were successful in keeping the tallies down. Same with Britain, and various others. Australia reports a record total of ten cases for Australia, and I'm thinking okay, that's nothing - NY had ten people die today, and over 700 cases, and considers itself in great shape in comparison to the rest of the United States.
See? Confusing.
And don't get me started on the contradictory information on the damn masks. "Oh, you need to have multiple layers" - "No, one layer is fine."
"Don't use face shields", "You can use them with a cloth mask under them."
"Don't pull the mask down to your chin - instead take it fully off and carry it, otherwise you are pulling up germs." (Actually taking it fully off isn't all that much better.) It's frightening and headache inducing. No wonder there are people who've given up, like my Super, and not wearing them at all - and just avoiding people instead.
I think half of our problem is too many sources of information, so many that it is difficult to determine what is true. Also everyone and their mother has an opinion on the topic. Note? The Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Slate are most likely not the best sources for information on masks or COVID-19. I'm leery of the New York Times - and check it against medical and science sites, and the Times is the most reliable of the print or newspapers.
Picture of a lovely turtle pond with mausoleums around it. Honestly, the dead have better living accommodations than the living. Possibly because the dead make less of a mess, take up less room, and can become excellent food for trees and flowers over time.
One of the many things that I've become aware of during this crisis is how unequal our society truly is across the board. Forget identity politics for a bit - the inequalities in class know no boundaries. I've always been aware of it, of course. Kind of hard not to be - when every day I would walk through or commute from middle class to upper middle class to working class, and along the way see abject poverty. Online it's become achingly apparent in the posts that I'm seeing.
From my poor cousin who is struggling with plumbing issues, caught the virus and recovered after about forty days, and is renting an apartment with her husband and child outside of Chicago. She delivers food to families in need, that is her current job, and she's a substitute teacher. Her husband was sent back into the office in June. They'd planned their first big vacation this year - to Europe, to see London, Paris and NYC, but alas, had to cancel because of the virus and struggled to get a refund.
Meanwhile, there's the social media friend who lives in a nice house in upstate NY with her husband and two dogs, working for the NY State Department of Heatlh (in the IT department) and hoping for a cabin retreat to the CAPE. She's been traversing upstate NY and Vermont on a series of day-trips.
My brother who has people visit his barn, which he has turned into a kind of apartment. No A/C, but it gets plenty of airflow, it's open on both sides, like one big screened in porch. He has an extensive vegetable garden. They are making their own vinegar, maple syrup, almond milk, granola, etc. And have little picnics with friends outside - six feet apart, since he's on 11 acres, with lots of wildflowers.
And...the people who are struggling. The man who asked today on FB if anyone understood or could explain the rent stabilization guidelines to him, since his landlord just raised his rent by more than $200 a month, and he can barely pay the current rent. Or the woman who asked for aid because they were about to shut off her electricity, water, and wifi.
And...the people taking vacations still. Traveling about. No cares in the world. Having a blast. Camping. Seeing parks. With their families.
And...my cousin who is confined with her family in Pennsylvania, her son who has had knee surgery and can't Captain the Soccer Team like he thought he would this summer (not that they are playing anyhow), her mother-in-law who is now in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer (shipped to stay with them because the son she was living with had been exposed to COVID and was afraid of giving it to her), while my cousin works long hours in her basement with a pay cut.
It all makes me think of Fiona Apple's song.. Relay.
Trees give me comfort in these uncertain times. They are so steady. So strong. So vibrant. I place my hand against it and sometimes, I can swear I feel it breath.
Today, I stared at the ones past my window, which over time have filled out with lush green leaves - there's a sea of green beyond my window, at least ten trees in varying shapes and sizes. Each time I gaze at them, I'm filled with a feeling of peace. And a certainty that things will turn out okay, even though it's very hard to believe that while sailing across this endless sea of dread.
Ah well. Enough.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 12:42 am (UTC)This time has certainly brought out the economic disparity in our society. We've always known it was there, but it's really apparent now. And it's frightening how many are on the edge of losing so much.
I'm so thankful and so anxious at the same time.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 01:47 am (UTC)Feel much the same way. It's heartbreaking to see it. I feel somewhat guilty for missing my community's ZOOM aid chat tonight (I've not been able to get myself to do the ZOOM chats yet - I find them stressful). I do however keep donating funds to it - and its existence gives me hope. It formed to help and assist people with COVID-19 way back in April. To date it has donated over $40,000 to people in need, and raised over $43,000.
My community - is pretty much the UN. It's Bengali, Pakistani, Russian Jew, Polish, Italian, Carribean, Irish, Latino, etc. And it was hit hard by the virus. But it has banded together to clean gutters, help people in need, and protest. All I've been able to do is donate money here and there. I hope to do more in the future.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 12:44 am (UTC)What a lovely description :)
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 03:12 am (UTC)When you return to reading, you might enjoy Richard Power's novel, The Overstory.
I love your photos.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 10:09 pm (UTC)