Day #352 - Kind of Lazy
Mar. 7th, 2021 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatFinished watching WandaVision - which I enjoyed. And the lauded and critically acclaimed, highly rec'd Netflix flick I Care a Lot - which I did not.
I'll post about both in a separate post.
Not a lot going on today. I dozed off again during the Zoom Church Service - which, well I have no idea what it was about because I fell asleep during. They really need to stop doing the meditation bit - I always go to sleep during the meditation bit. Also I had almond flour banana pancakes which is guaranteed to put me to sleep. I don't know why - it just does.
The Kensington-Windsor Terrace Mutual Aid Community Fund (aka KWTM) - has set up a food refrigerator in the neighborhood - for neighbors in need. They can come and get food from the fridge as needed without having to tell anyone. This takes away the shame many feel in regards to asking for help. The neighbors and the KWTM put food in the fridge and get help from NYC Food bank to keep it filled.
Wish I could help - but I don't have a car, and its not close by. But I may go by it to and from the store and put something in if empty. Or maybe leave cloth grocery bags near it - for people to tote stuff away, if needed.
Things like this give me hope that not all humans have given in to their baser impulses.
I've finished Barack Obama's memoir "The Promised Land" about his run for Senate, President and his first four years in the White House. I read the audio book - which was great, because Barack read his own memoir, and he's excellent. I highly recommend the audio version. Now I'm listening Michelle Obama's Becoming - and surprisingly enough? I like it better - she's a better writer than he is. She used the word fastidious and I've found myself using it a lot lately as a result. It's the perfect word.
Besides building empathy, reading also build vocabulary and writing skills.
Audio books work fine for both. I've changed my mind about them.
Spoke to mother, today. We had a brief discussion about writing and books. I told her how the publishers turned down the book that I independently published. She didn't understand that at all. It was different, didn't fit the mold. The problem with the traditional publishing field is - that they want books they know are sure thing, they don't like risks. It's why they are struggling actually. It's also why I've not read that many new "contemporary fiction" books lately - they all sound the same. I've been reading mostly genre and non-fiction lately. And even the genre kind of blends together. So I'm writing my own stories and I don't care whether I publish them or not. I don't quite know when I stopped caring? I think it was sometime after I'd published Doing Time on Planet Earth? After a couple of book clubs read it, I got the normal mix of reviews (ie. there were people who loved the book, and people who disliked it, and folks in between - which is true of all books actually, and all television shows, movies, music, art, food - pretty much everything come to think of it. People are rarely unified in anything or agree on anything, it's usually about 50% loves it and about 50% is either ambivalent or doesn't like it. ). And I realized somewhere along the way - that I didn't care.
I feel like I'm connecting with more people just writing in this journal, to be honest. Or all that meta I wrote and posted to Ao3. I got to talk to people about it. You publish a book - it's kind of a vaccuum. There's no real discussion. It's out of your hands. You sent it out, and it either does well or not. And it's expensive. And a lot of work. With not a heck of a lot of return. I've always written stories - I just never really cared all that much about sharing them. Sharing stories is kind of hard. People are weird about stories. They read stuff into them that you never intended, twist them around to be something they aren't, or once in a blue or red moon, they get it - they actually connect with the story the way you intended. But 95% of the time - it's as if they are reading their own story superimposed over yours.
It's why I don't take a lot of criticism of television shows, books, movies, etc all that seriously. And I stopped paying much attention to reviews. I'm not necessarily going to see the same things in a story that you do. I might, but odds are? I won't. And that's okay. I'm fine with that. But a story doesn't necessarily connect you to another human. Sometimes it does.
Sometimes not.
Anyhow, I'll still write them. That goes without saying. I've been telling myself stories since I can remember - often out loud to hear them. Sometimes in my head. And via type-writer, journals in multi-colored ink, or on a computer. I channel the stories - and when I'm done. I'm done. The telling of the story has never been that difficult for me, really. And they are original stories. I can't do fanfic - I don't like to play with others worlds or characters. I'm like my father in that way - he never could either. It's why neither of us would have made good television writers. Television writers often began as fanfic writers - it's the one field that fanfic kind of works very well with. As does video game/role playing game writing. Or published fanfic. I can't do it. I've tried. I get frustrated, because it feels too much like I'm trespassing in someone else's house and playing with their toys? I don't know. It's never worked for me, and when I spoke to my Dad about it years ago - he was a fictional writer too - he agreed, it never worked for him either.
It's also why I couldn't be comic book writer or a serial writer. Also contained stories. So there's that.
But I'll always write my original stories. Whether anyone gets to see them?
I don't know. And I don't think I care. I don't write for others, I write for me. I always have. If that seems selfish? So be it. It's at least harmless.
My mother at any rate didn't understand why my self-published book hadn't gotten picked up or done better. She liked it better than most of the mystery novels and contempory fiction books that she'd read. My mother is broadly read and highly critical. But many of my father's family members didn't agree. Like I said mixed reviews. Some of my co-workers loved it, some didn't. Some of my friends loved it, some didn't. Some of my online friends loved it, some didn't. It's like rolling dice. Or like COVID. Some people get COVID and it's not a big deal, no different from a cold, others die from it. Life seems to be like that...a roll of dice.
***
I took my trash out. And while I was attempting to lug two big broken down boxes out. I found two packages outside my door. One was the milk delivery, which I'd forgotten about and wished I'd cancelled. (I get almond/coconut creamer milk jugs delivered via Amazon each month.) And the other was a brown paper bag stapled at the top with no note on it. I opened it and it had a food delivery inside that I'd not ordered - nor did I want it - nor could I eat it. It looked like burritos and turned my stomach. I put it back in the bag and took the bag back downstairs and left it in the mail room.
Still no binoculars, but I'm giving them until 10PM on Monday. If they don't arrive - I'm contacting them again.
Anyhow the deliveries this week have been odd.
***
I haven't made the French Silk Pie or Quiche, mother talked me out of it. I have a doctor's appointment on Wed with blood work. That would kick up my sugar and cholesterol counts.
Also the French Silk is frigging hard to make. So maybe not. On the fence.
The pandemic drags onwards. And I find television and movies jarring. I know how they are pulling it off - because I read about it. It's costing them between $250,000 to over $1 Million to do it. They basically put people in bubbles, and cordon off areas.
A lot of actors are just doing voice work though. If you go on IMBD, you realize how much work actors, directors, writers do that you never see. I knew about this ages ago - because I've had friends who worked in the industry, along with family - and they told me why I never saw anything they were in - even though they did the work. It's all about the distributor.
The film industry has the same issues as the publishing industry - whether you are popular or seen, has a lot to do with whether you got a really good marketing launch, and who decides to promote your work. And it has very little to do with whether it is any good.
Depressing. But there it is.
***
I feel I shouldn't end this post there...but my mind is blank and there's not much else to add. It's Sunday. Tomorrow I can sleep in, take long walks, and write my story...without dealing with work. I'm happy about that.
I'll post about both in a separate post.
Not a lot going on today. I dozed off again during the Zoom Church Service - which, well I have no idea what it was about because I fell asleep during. They really need to stop doing the meditation bit - I always go to sleep during the meditation bit. Also I had almond flour banana pancakes which is guaranteed to put me to sleep. I don't know why - it just does.
The Kensington-Windsor Terrace Mutual Aid Community Fund (aka KWTM) - has set up a food refrigerator in the neighborhood - for neighbors in need. They can come and get food from the fridge as needed without having to tell anyone. This takes away the shame many feel in regards to asking for help. The neighbors and the KWTM put food in the fridge and get help from NYC Food bank to keep it filled.
Wish I could help - but I don't have a car, and its not close by. But I may go by it to and from the store and put something in if empty. Or maybe leave cloth grocery bags near it - for people to tote stuff away, if needed.
Things like this give me hope that not all humans have given in to their baser impulses.
I've finished Barack Obama's memoir "The Promised Land" about his run for Senate, President and his first four years in the White House. I read the audio book - which was great, because Barack read his own memoir, and he's excellent. I highly recommend the audio version. Now I'm listening Michelle Obama's Becoming - and surprisingly enough? I like it better - she's a better writer than he is. She used the word fastidious and I've found myself using it a lot lately as a result. It's the perfect word.
Besides building empathy, reading also build vocabulary and writing skills.
Audio books work fine for both. I've changed my mind about them.
Spoke to mother, today. We had a brief discussion about writing and books. I told her how the publishers turned down the book that I independently published. She didn't understand that at all. It was different, didn't fit the mold. The problem with the traditional publishing field is - that they want books they know are sure thing, they don't like risks. It's why they are struggling actually. It's also why I've not read that many new "contemporary fiction" books lately - they all sound the same. I've been reading mostly genre and non-fiction lately. And even the genre kind of blends together. So I'm writing my own stories and I don't care whether I publish them or not. I don't quite know when I stopped caring? I think it was sometime after I'd published Doing Time on Planet Earth? After a couple of book clubs read it, I got the normal mix of reviews (ie. there were people who loved the book, and people who disliked it, and folks in between - which is true of all books actually, and all television shows, movies, music, art, food - pretty much everything come to think of it. People are rarely unified in anything or agree on anything, it's usually about 50% loves it and about 50% is either ambivalent or doesn't like it. ). And I realized somewhere along the way - that I didn't care.
I feel like I'm connecting with more people just writing in this journal, to be honest. Or all that meta I wrote and posted to Ao3. I got to talk to people about it. You publish a book - it's kind of a vaccuum. There's no real discussion. It's out of your hands. You sent it out, and it either does well or not. And it's expensive. And a lot of work. With not a heck of a lot of return. I've always written stories - I just never really cared all that much about sharing them. Sharing stories is kind of hard. People are weird about stories. They read stuff into them that you never intended, twist them around to be something they aren't, or once in a blue or red moon, they get it - they actually connect with the story the way you intended. But 95% of the time - it's as if they are reading their own story superimposed over yours.
It's why I don't take a lot of criticism of television shows, books, movies, etc all that seriously. And I stopped paying much attention to reviews. I'm not necessarily going to see the same things in a story that you do. I might, but odds are? I won't. And that's okay. I'm fine with that. But a story doesn't necessarily connect you to another human. Sometimes it does.
Sometimes not.
Anyhow, I'll still write them. That goes without saying. I've been telling myself stories since I can remember - often out loud to hear them. Sometimes in my head. And via type-writer, journals in multi-colored ink, or on a computer. I channel the stories - and when I'm done. I'm done. The telling of the story has never been that difficult for me, really. And they are original stories. I can't do fanfic - I don't like to play with others worlds or characters. I'm like my father in that way - he never could either. It's why neither of us would have made good television writers. Television writers often began as fanfic writers - it's the one field that fanfic kind of works very well with. As does video game/role playing game writing. Or published fanfic. I can't do it. I've tried. I get frustrated, because it feels too much like I'm trespassing in someone else's house and playing with their toys? I don't know. It's never worked for me, and when I spoke to my Dad about it years ago - he was a fictional writer too - he agreed, it never worked for him either.
It's also why I couldn't be comic book writer or a serial writer. Also contained stories. So there's that.
But I'll always write my original stories. Whether anyone gets to see them?
I don't know. And I don't think I care. I don't write for others, I write for me. I always have. If that seems selfish? So be it. It's at least harmless.
My mother at any rate didn't understand why my self-published book hadn't gotten picked up or done better. She liked it better than most of the mystery novels and contempory fiction books that she'd read. My mother is broadly read and highly critical. But many of my father's family members didn't agree. Like I said mixed reviews. Some of my co-workers loved it, some didn't. Some of my friends loved it, some didn't. Some of my online friends loved it, some didn't. It's like rolling dice. Or like COVID. Some people get COVID and it's not a big deal, no different from a cold, others die from it. Life seems to be like that...a roll of dice.
***
I took my trash out. And while I was attempting to lug two big broken down boxes out. I found two packages outside my door. One was the milk delivery, which I'd forgotten about and wished I'd cancelled. (I get almond/coconut creamer milk jugs delivered via Amazon each month.) And the other was a brown paper bag stapled at the top with no note on it. I opened it and it had a food delivery inside that I'd not ordered - nor did I want it - nor could I eat it. It looked like burritos and turned my stomach. I put it back in the bag and took the bag back downstairs and left it in the mail room.
Still no binoculars, but I'm giving them until 10PM on Monday. If they don't arrive - I'm contacting them again.
Anyhow the deliveries this week have been odd.
***
I haven't made the French Silk Pie or Quiche, mother talked me out of it. I have a doctor's appointment on Wed with blood work. That would kick up my sugar and cholesterol counts.
Also the French Silk is frigging hard to make. So maybe not. On the fence.
The pandemic drags onwards. And I find television and movies jarring. I know how they are pulling it off - because I read about it. It's costing them between $250,000 to over $1 Million to do it. They basically put people in bubbles, and cordon off areas.
A lot of actors are just doing voice work though. If you go on IMBD, you realize how much work actors, directors, writers do that you never see. I knew about this ages ago - because I've had friends who worked in the industry, along with family - and they told me why I never saw anything they were in - even though they did the work. It's all about the distributor.
The film industry has the same issues as the publishing industry - whether you are popular or seen, has a lot to do with whether you got a really good marketing launch, and who decides to promote your work. And it has very little to do with whether it is any good.
Depressing. But there it is.
***
I feel I shouldn't end this post there...but my mind is blank and there's not much else to add. It's Sunday. Tomorrow I can sleep in, take long walks, and write my story...without dealing with work. I'm happy about that.