Year 2- Day 150...Apathy has set in...
Aug. 15th, 2021 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatFeeling rather apathetic about the human race today. At this morning's church service or as one savy former choir director states - "music and a lecture", it also has a wisdom story, and candle lighting, and asking for money - they were talking about the intrinsic value of every human being on the planet, and how this is one of our faith's guiding principles. [Non-profit organizations ask for money all the time, they are constantly wanting money. Out of one side of their mouth they are condemning our greedy nasty world, out of the other they are begging for money. I feel at times as if the world runs on money and greed. But I digress.]
I'm losing grasp of my faith in humanity or anything really. It's hanging by a thread. I'm finding it hard to care. When they told me I was supposed to care about the immigrants to my country - I thought, eh, why? I mean I'm bombarded with people who I'm supposed to worry about daily.
I told this to mother. [ETA: After she felt the need to regale me about Afghanistan and the Taliban.]
Me: I'm struggling with this, particularly when one of them attempted to steal my shoes off my feet.
Mother: I find that story so bewildering - the fact that he honestly thought you were dumb enough to take your shoes off so he could measure them and steal them.
Me: Playing on my kindness. Little did he know that I wasn't feeling overtly kind that day - actually at the time I was resisting the urge to womp him in the head with a bag that carried a heavy jar of pickles.
I know my brother, his wife, a portion of my church, and various others want to defund the police. But I'm struggling to get behind that concept - when they are having drag races at midnight on the four lane street outside my building, have various products under lock and key at the local pharmacy, and shootings on buses near my work place. We no longer walk around the streets during lunch time at work - it's not safe. I just do it around the train station.
And, I've lost patience with the unvaccinated or anti-vaxxers. Apparently they had another outbreak at the ABC studios where General Hospital is filmed. One actor had to cancel a comedy tour that he'd planned during hiatus, and had rescheduled numerous times, because he got exposed to the virus at work and tested positive. He had no symptoms at least. He's been vaccinated. But clearly others had not. Right now actors and various union members of the Screen Actors Guild are fighting for it to mandate vaccines and masks. They don't feel safe at work any longer.
We all fear the same thing of course - that the next variant will not be vaccine proof - that it will be far worse than the others. And as long as anti-vaxxers exist - this is a possibility. Long ago I nicknamed this pandemic "The Big Mutant Zombie Apocalypse that Wasn't" - as the days wane on, more and more does this phrase fit, metaphorically speaking - which to be honest is how I applied it - as a metaphor.
**
Read the Doctor's summary finally - and as mother stated, when I repeated it to her, doctor was spouting routine advice, without thinking it through.
She basically said my choloestral was too high, and triclicerides were too high and I should go off alcohol, rice, grains, buttery and greasy foods, cheese, and increase exercise by 30 minutes each day. I resisted the urge to write back: "I don't care if I die of this. I honestly don't give a fuck any longer. I'm on a paeolo/keto diet. I'm off alcohol, legumes, soy, all grains, butter, most diary (with exception of some yogurt and some cheese), and do yoga, walk every where, and lift light weights. There's not a hell of lot more I can do. I don't own my own personal gym, I don't own a pool, and I'm living in the middle of a pandemic because dingbats won't get vaccinated and wear masks. If I die from cholestrol - so what. I'm paralyzed with not caring all that much."
Mother: Apparently she'd rather give you the route speech than meds for it.
Me: Yep. I don't care. If I die I die. I doubt it.
Mother: I agree. It's unlikely you're developing much plague.
Me: It's probably a mistake any how, since I have to eat an egg before I go, so I won't faint.
Mother told me today that she thinks humans are bewildering and fascinating creatures that make no logical sense whatsoever.
***
Finished watching S1 of The Morning Show - which was compelling, then left me hunting for something similarly entertaining - but alas, I couldn't find it. I wanted more of it, yet at the same time - it kind of ended in a good place. It's a little operatic in the last two episodes, but I watch soap operas - so am immune. That is to say - I like melodrama or opera, it works for me. And this wasn't that operatic. (Again I'm a fan of two operatic franchises - the X-men, and General Hospital, you kind of have to work hard to beat either.)
What I thought it did rather well - was get across the human toll caused by toxic work environments and a culture that permits sexual harassment to continue in the work place. It also sets itself up well, with some nice surprises - that ensure the viewer sees how complicated and painful this culture is for everyone involved, including the predators. No one gets out unscathed.
There's also some rather good lines here and there. I particularly liked this one.
Cory to Barkley: I get that you want to run away when anyone disappoints you. But I hate to break this to you - that will happen no matter where you go. Humans are universally disappointing. That is universal. No getting around it.
He's right, about that.
And...there's this great scene where a character, Hannah, reaches out to a friend who she's not seen in a while. She needs help with something.
Friend: Why should I even talk to you? You didn't come to my baby shower.
Hannah: I got overwhelmed with work - I'm sorry, my schedule had me traveling...
Friend: Or to my goodbye party -
Hannah: I'm sorry, again my work got in the way, I've not had time to do anything. I've not been able to be there for my friendships, I'm lonely, I feel disconnected, please, I just need some help here ...
I remember thinking as I listened how narcissistic her friend sounded on the phone. "You weren't there at my baby shower giving me gifts and showering me with attention, and validating me." Or "You weren't there at my work place's goodbye party, celebrating my accomplishments."
It's as if friendship has become some sort of transaction. I'm not your friend unless you give me something? A gift? A transaction? I need to be bought? God. I've never understood this way of thinking. It's so...greedy.
The exact opposite of kind. People aren't there to listen, they are there to give advice.
Hannah in the show - desperately needs someone to listen to her - but there's no one. They are all busy talking. Or asking for things. The one time she opens up - to the wrong person - Mitch, her boss, the star of the show - he takes advantage of her. Uses her to fulfill his needs, then casts her aside as if she were nothing. And everyone around him - enables it.
They throw him a huge party, complete with scantily clad dancing girls, and lecherous director. The network brass - looks to replace his female co-host with either another man or a hot woman to stroke his ego. The echo of Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York - I see clearly through the cracks, along with oh so many others.
Watching that hit me hard.
It's not so clear-cut though. Mitch is charming, and weirdly kind. Almost paternal. It's hard to imagine him coercing women. As played by Steve Carrol, he comes across as the nebbishly charming puppy dog anchor, the nerd you root for until you are horrified by the cognitive dissonance of his actions. And how he utilizes a seemingly harmless hug to get what he wants, is enough to make me squire in my seat.
The final episode or season finale - has Barkley and Alex condemning the network together. They are announcing how wide-spread this was and network enabled. They do it not out of altruism or any good intentions, but out of guilt and remorse, and a last ditch effort to assuage their own guilt - when a woman commits suicide due to their own actions, and the actions of those they'd enabled. And the audience kind of feels like an unwitting participant.
I found it to be powerful. Much like Promising Young Woman was. As frustrating as the Me#Too Movement may seem - it is also necessary and a long time coming. I've seen sexual harassment my entire life, some directed towards myself, but mostly towards colleagues. I'm not the sort men try to take advantage of, I'm the sort that they bully. It's made me tough, sarcastic, at times snide. I try to be kind, but it is very hard to be kind to the undeserving. Very hard to see the inherent worth of someone who harasses or bullies you.
At any rate, I recommend it - it's less preachy than most, and far more relevant than one may think.
***
Also watched What If? Episode 1 - Captain Carter on Disney Plus.
It's actually rather well done - particularly in how it follows the arc of Captain America, but switches things around. Peggy Carter is in the role Steve Rogers plays, while Steve is kind of in the role of Peggy Carter, and ends up being the person she left behind. The gender subversion or flip is inspired and very Marvel. (It's actually why I prefer Marvel to DC at the moment.)
The animation is also well done. Fluid and realistic in tone. But they also have Disney Studios behind them this round.
"What If?" is based on Marvel's comic series of the same name. Where Marvel plays around with other versions of its classic stories or orgin tales. What if Peggy Carter took the super solider serum instead of Steve Rogers?
Looking forward to other episodes in the series. I think they have eleven in all - not positive though. It's also a nice off-shoot of Loki which sets up the concept of a multi-verse. Per What If - a multiverse exists when you change something in the time-line setting up a whole new time-line as a result.
My difficulty with Loki and continuing to watch Loki right now - is after talking to my brother, I can no longer watch Tom Hiddleston without cringing. Any more than I can continue to watch Andrew Cuomo without cringing or look at Joss Whedon without cringing. And yes, he's guilty of doing the same things they did - just hasn't really paid for them yet.
I hid this from you all last time. But I just can't after seeing the Morning Show. I know people are more than one thing. But...I'm tired of people hurting others to benefit themselves.
***
I guess I'm not quite as apathetic as I like to think? [ETA: I'm angry and irritable. It seems the wrong people are dying.]
I'm losing grasp of my faith in humanity or anything really. It's hanging by a thread. I'm finding it hard to care. When they told me I was supposed to care about the immigrants to my country - I thought, eh, why? I mean I'm bombarded with people who I'm supposed to worry about daily.
I told this to mother. [ETA: After she felt the need to regale me about Afghanistan and the Taliban.]
Me: I'm struggling with this, particularly when one of them attempted to steal my shoes off my feet.
Mother: I find that story so bewildering - the fact that he honestly thought you were dumb enough to take your shoes off so he could measure them and steal them.
Me: Playing on my kindness. Little did he know that I wasn't feeling overtly kind that day - actually at the time I was resisting the urge to womp him in the head with a bag that carried a heavy jar of pickles.
I know my brother, his wife, a portion of my church, and various others want to defund the police. But I'm struggling to get behind that concept - when they are having drag races at midnight on the four lane street outside my building, have various products under lock and key at the local pharmacy, and shootings on buses near my work place. We no longer walk around the streets during lunch time at work - it's not safe. I just do it around the train station.
And, I've lost patience with the unvaccinated or anti-vaxxers. Apparently they had another outbreak at the ABC studios where General Hospital is filmed. One actor had to cancel a comedy tour that he'd planned during hiatus, and had rescheduled numerous times, because he got exposed to the virus at work and tested positive. He had no symptoms at least. He's been vaccinated. But clearly others had not. Right now actors and various union members of the Screen Actors Guild are fighting for it to mandate vaccines and masks. They don't feel safe at work any longer.
We all fear the same thing of course - that the next variant will not be vaccine proof - that it will be far worse than the others. And as long as anti-vaxxers exist - this is a possibility. Long ago I nicknamed this pandemic "The Big Mutant Zombie Apocalypse that Wasn't" - as the days wane on, more and more does this phrase fit, metaphorically speaking - which to be honest is how I applied it - as a metaphor.
**
Read the Doctor's summary finally - and as mother stated, when I repeated it to her, doctor was spouting routine advice, without thinking it through.
She basically said my choloestral was too high, and triclicerides were too high and I should go off alcohol, rice, grains, buttery and greasy foods, cheese, and increase exercise by 30 minutes each day. I resisted the urge to write back: "I don't care if I die of this. I honestly don't give a fuck any longer. I'm on a paeolo/keto diet. I'm off alcohol, legumes, soy, all grains, butter, most diary (with exception of some yogurt and some cheese), and do yoga, walk every where, and lift light weights. There's not a hell of lot more I can do. I don't own my own personal gym, I don't own a pool, and I'm living in the middle of a pandemic because dingbats won't get vaccinated and wear masks. If I die from cholestrol - so what. I'm paralyzed with not caring all that much."
Mother: Apparently she'd rather give you the route speech than meds for it.
Me: Yep. I don't care. If I die I die. I doubt it.
Mother: I agree. It's unlikely you're developing much plague.
Me: It's probably a mistake any how, since I have to eat an egg before I go, so I won't faint.
Mother told me today that she thinks humans are bewildering and fascinating creatures that make no logical sense whatsoever.
***
Finished watching S1 of The Morning Show - which was compelling, then left me hunting for something similarly entertaining - but alas, I couldn't find it. I wanted more of it, yet at the same time - it kind of ended in a good place. It's a little operatic in the last two episodes, but I watch soap operas - so am immune. That is to say - I like melodrama or opera, it works for me. And this wasn't that operatic. (Again I'm a fan of two operatic franchises - the X-men, and General Hospital, you kind of have to work hard to beat either.)
What I thought it did rather well - was get across the human toll caused by toxic work environments and a culture that permits sexual harassment to continue in the work place. It also sets itself up well, with some nice surprises - that ensure the viewer sees how complicated and painful this culture is for everyone involved, including the predators. No one gets out unscathed.
There's also some rather good lines here and there. I particularly liked this one.
Cory to Barkley: I get that you want to run away when anyone disappoints you. But I hate to break this to you - that will happen no matter where you go. Humans are universally disappointing. That is universal. No getting around it.
He's right, about that.
And...there's this great scene where a character, Hannah, reaches out to a friend who she's not seen in a while. She needs help with something.
Friend: Why should I even talk to you? You didn't come to my baby shower.
Hannah: I got overwhelmed with work - I'm sorry, my schedule had me traveling...
Friend: Or to my goodbye party -
Hannah: I'm sorry, again my work got in the way, I've not had time to do anything. I've not been able to be there for my friendships, I'm lonely, I feel disconnected, please, I just need some help here ...
I remember thinking as I listened how narcissistic her friend sounded on the phone. "You weren't there at my baby shower giving me gifts and showering me with attention, and validating me." Or "You weren't there at my work place's goodbye party, celebrating my accomplishments."
It's as if friendship has become some sort of transaction. I'm not your friend unless you give me something? A gift? A transaction? I need to be bought? God. I've never understood this way of thinking. It's so...greedy.
The exact opposite of kind. People aren't there to listen, they are there to give advice.
Hannah in the show - desperately needs someone to listen to her - but there's no one. They are all busy talking. Or asking for things. The one time she opens up - to the wrong person - Mitch, her boss, the star of the show - he takes advantage of her. Uses her to fulfill his needs, then casts her aside as if she were nothing. And everyone around him - enables it.
They throw him a huge party, complete with scantily clad dancing girls, and lecherous director. The network brass - looks to replace his female co-host with either another man or a hot woman to stroke his ego. The echo of Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York - I see clearly through the cracks, along with oh so many others.
Watching that hit me hard.
It's not so clear-cut though. Mitch is charming, and weirdly kind. Almost paternal. It's hard to imagine him coercing women. As played by Steve Carrol, he comes across as the nebbishly charming puppy dog anchor, the nerd you root for until you are horrified by the cognitive dissonance of his actions. And how he utilizes a seemingly harmless hug to get what he wants, is enough to make me squire in my seat.
The final episode or season finale - has Barkley and Alex condemning the network together. They are announcing how wide-spread this was and network enabled. They do it not out of altruism or any good intentions, but out of guilt and remorse, and a last ditch effort to assuage their own guilt - when a woman commits suicide due to their own actions, and the actions of those they'd enabled. And the audience kind of feels like an unwitting participant.
I found it to be powerful. Much like Promising Young Woman was. As frustrating as the Me#Too Movement may seem - it is also necessary and a long time coming. I've seen sexual harassment my entire life, some directed towards myself, but mostly towards colleagues. I'm not the sort men try to take advantage of, I'm the sort that they bully. It's made me tough, sarcastic, at times snide. I try to be kind, but it is very hard to be kind to the undeserving. Very hard to see the inherent worth of someone who harasses or bullies you.
At any rate, I recommend it - it's less preachy than most, and far more relevant than one may think.
***
Also watched What If? Episode 1 - Captain Carter on Disney Plus.
It's actually rather well done - particularly in how it follows the arc of Captain America, but switches things around. Peggy Carter is in the role Steve Rogers plays, while Steve is kind of in the role of Peggy Carter, and ends up being the person she left behind. The gender subversion or flip is inspired and very Marvel. (It's actually why I prefer Marvel to DC at the moment.)
The animation is also well done. Fluid and realistic in tone. But they also have Disney Studios behind them this round.
"What If?" is based on Marvel's comic series of the same name. Where Marvel plays around with other versions of its classic stories or orgin tales. What if Peggy Carter took the super solider serum instead of Steve Rogers?
Looking forward to other episodes in the series. I think they have eleven in all - not positive though. It's also a nice off-shoot of Loki which sets up the concept of a multi-verse. Per What If - a multiverse exists when you change something in the time-line setting up a whole new time-line as a result.
My difficulty with Loki and continuing to watch Loki right now - is after talking to my brother, I can no longer watch Tom Hiddleston without cringing. Any more than I can continue to watch Andrew Cuomo without cringing or look at Joss Whedon without cringing. And yes, he's guilty of doing the same things they did - just hasn't really paid for them yet.
I hid this from you all last time. But I just can't after seeing the Morning Show. I know people are more than one thing. But...I'm tired of people hurting others to benefit themselves.
***
I guess I'm not quite as apathetic as I like to think? [ETA: I'm angry and irritable. It seems the wrong people are dying.]
no subject
Date: 2021-08-16 12:39 am (UTC)I saw your comment in an earlier post about Tom Hiddleston and have been unable to find any reference to anything untoward online. So many of his colleagues (men and women) seem to report that he's wonderful to work with and he had spoken in support of the #METOO movement. It's awful if true and either way I'm sorry about your brother's friend.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-16 01:06 am (UTC)After watching The Morning Show - it was clear that Steve Carrol's character didn't see himself that way at all. And many of those closest to him - didn't see it either. To them he was kind, paternal, friendly - they liked him. He was pro-Me#Too. He did scathing interviews with others who committed these crimes. From his perspective - it was all consensual.
Kind of like Andrew Cuomo - who saw himself as a defender of women, progressive, pro-Me#Too, he spoke in favor of it and in support of it. He signed into law legislation that supported LGBTA and women's rights. People liked him. They didn't see it. Only those who worked in the agencies - knew he was a bully. But even we didn't know that he was sexually harassing his female co-workers.
Or Joss Whedon - who no one on the Nevers had any issues with, nor did the cast on Firefly, or the Avengers. They didn't see it. Yet others did. The one's who didn't had troubles believing those who did.
What we forget is people are more than one thing. I had a former minister who was kind to me, but I found out years after he left that he was harassing women in the church, and bullied staff. I remembered being shocked. It's scary to realize that people can be monsters to one person and kind to another, often at the same time. We all have demons and angels inside us - which we pick, I think is up to us. And it's why it is so impossible to believe and prove sometimes - because how can a person be great to work with for one group and horrible to the next? How is that possible? But they are.