Year 2 - Day 207...Malaise
Oct. 9th, 2021 05:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatGloomy gloomy day. And digestive issues. Also a kind of malaise permeating the air, which resulted in Wales and I remaining in our separate domiciles and separate hoods in the Great Sprawling Borough otherwise known as Brooklyn.
We talked for a bit on the phone, intermittently interrupted by Mother, eating breakfast, and finally Wales begging off to go back to sleep. Her malaise is apparently worse than mine. I've never felt the need to just sleep. I get up each day, dress, eat breakfast, wash if need be, make up my bed, take my pills, and I write something.
Also talk to mother twice a day. Text my brother on occasion, text my niece on occasion, and play on a soap fan board. I, in other words, keep on floating and don't sink. And for a bit, I manage to push the malaise aside and am for the most part fine. The clouds even on occasion scatter leaving blue sky and brilliant sunshine.
That's not to say, I'm not feeling a-okay at the moment. I am. My mind is blissfully unbusy. Kind of at peace or quiet. Craving, something. But it's not brooding or dwelling on things. And playing with a fantasy novel that is regurgitating old mythic and folkloric tropes that I played with in my youth. I'm writing what I know, and I don't really care if it ever goes beyond my own lap-top and my own head. I may or may not share it beyond that.
So far, I've managed to complete a kind of family tree with most or many of the human characters on the heroine/protagonist's side of the fence. Not done much with the fae, elves, etc yet. (trees are in excel) Except some character charts. (charts are in excel) Also wrote fifty some pages of it. And started a plot outline in excel. I did this once before with a book, but the excel charts got lost somehow, along with the multiple rough drafts.
It has a lot of the Arthurian legend stuff - which is in the Mabinogi and Irish/Scottish/Welsh folklore of the British Isles. But that's the stuff I know best. I'm uncomfortable bringing in the stuff I don't - it's harder to subvert and play with fantasy tropes and myths you don't know very well without stepping on the toes of those who worship at their feet.
**
Watched "Baking Impossible" - the first episode. It's okay. I'll probably continue with it - because the combination of baker + engineer is interesting to me. Also it's more focused on visuals than taste. And I seriously have no interest in eating these things.
Not as good as The Great American BBQ Showdown, Great British Bake Off, Zumbo's Desert Challenge, or Great Pottery Showdown. Kind of falls into the Sugar Rush, and Full Bloom categories...
I've seen a lot of these. I can probably rank them by now. Most are skippable. It's apparently really really hard to do a successful reality baking or other competition series, without falling into schmaltz, sentimentality, nastiness, or just...embarrassment television or worse boredom.
I'm flirting with Midnight Mass, which selenak liked, and Black Widow - now, finally, available on Disney + which my co-workers liked.
Bro saw Time to Kill in a theater in Hudson, which had twenty-five people in attendance, so if it was opening weekend? It wasn't packed.
He told mother it was a bit of a "Dirge".
Me: A What?
Mother: A Dirge.
Me: What in the hell is a Dirge?
Mother: I asked the same thing. Apparently it means kind of dark and dull? Anyhow he said that the romance wasn't built up well and didn't make a lot of sense.
Wales (who I explained this to after I spoke with Mother - she wasn't part of the call, but I'm inserting her in here for effect): It's a Bond movie - romances aren't really a thing in Bond movies.
Me: How was the romance not built up well?
Mother: They did all these flashbacks, and acted as if he'd been dating her all along, but we'd never really seen her before, so it was hard to care. Also the villain wasn't built up well and didn't make much sense.
Me: So not good character development?
Mother: Also, he said the action scenes weren't that great, mostly gun fights, not many good fight sequences or chase scenes. Overall kind of dull. With a plot that didn't make a lot of sense and fell apart.
In short, a dirge.
Wales: a Dirge?
Me: My brother and his slang terms.
Wales: Doesn't sound like a good movie.
Me: Hard to know. But he didn't like it at any rate.
***
Mother's visit with father didn't really pan out like she wanted. He was off today, and she thinks he may have another UTI. Also spent most of their visit in the bathroom. Also when she mentioned him returning to their home, he told her that he knew that was forever out of the question. He pretty much figured out he was never coming back to their house long before she did.
Talking to her today reminded me of watching the old man in the wheelchair at the doctor's office, who kept trying to take off on his aid. She was on the phone. He was bored and lonely. My heart went out to him. Poor guy. They were waiting to be picked up, and their ride was taking forever because of traffic and construction.
***
Meditation has helped the most - it kind of pushes the emotional holes off to one side. I did a meditation this morning -- about how to avoid the negative emotional holes or see them coming via my headspace app. It helped.
I keep repeating that this is temporary...and will pass. I just have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And hope things will change for the better soon enough.
We talked for a bit on the phone, intermittently interrupted by Mother, eating breakfast, and finally Wales begging off to go back to sleep. Her malaise is apparently worse than mine. I've never felt the need to just sleep. I get up each day, dress, eat breakfast, wash if need be, make up my bed, take my pills, and I write something.
Also talk to mother twice a day. Text my brother on occasion, text my niece on occasion, and play on a soap fan board. I, in other words, keep on floating and don't sink. And for a bit, I manage to push the malaise aside and am for the most part fine. The clouds even on occasion scatter leaving blue sky and brilliant sunshine.
That's not to say, I'm not feeling a-okay at the moment. I am. My mind is blissfully unbusy. Kind of at peace or quiet. Craving, something. But it's not brooding or dwelling on things. And playing with a fantasy novel that is regurgitating old mythic and folkloric tropes that I played with in my youth. I'm writing what I know, and I don't really care if it ever goes beyond my own lap-top and my own head. I may or may not share it beyond that.
So far, I've managed to complete a kind of family tree with most or many of the human characters on the heroine/protagonist's side of the fence. Not done much with the fae, elves, etc yet. (trees are in excel) Except some character charts. (charts are in excel) Also wrote fifty some pages of it. And started a plot outline in excel. I did this once before with a book, but the excel charts got lost somehow, along with the multiple rough drafts.
It has a lot of the Arthurian legend stuff - which is in the Mabinogi and Irish/Scottish/Welsh folklore of the British Isles. But that's the stuff I know best. I'm uncomfortable bringing in the stuff I don't - it's harder to subvert and play with fantasy tropes and myths you don't know very well without stepping on the toes of those who worship at their feet.
**
Watched "Baking Impossible" - the first episode. It's okay. I'll probably continue with it - because the combination of baker + engineer is interesting to me. Also it's more focused on visuals than taste. And I seriously have no interest in eating these things.
Not as good as The Great American BBQ Showdown, Great British Bake Off, Zumbo's Desert Challenge, or Great Pottery Showdown. Kind of falls into the Sugar Rush, and Full Bloom categories...
I've seen a lot of these. I can probably rank them by now. Most are skippable. It's apparently really really hard to do a successful reality baking or other competition series, without falling into schmaltz, sentimentality, nastiness, or just...embarrassment television or worse boredom.
I'm flirting with Midnight Mass, which selenak liked, and Black Widow - now, finally, available on Disney + which my co-workers liked.
Bro saw Time to Kill in a theater in Hudson, which had twenty-five people in attendance, so if it was opening weekend? It wasn't packed.
He told mother it was a bit of a "Dirge".
Me: A What?
Mother: A Dirge.
Me: What in the hell is a Dirge?
Mother: I asked the same thing. Apparently it means kind of dark and dull? Anyhow he said that the romance wasn't built up well and didn't make a lot of sense.
Wales (who I explained this to after I spoke with Mother - she wasn't part of the call, but I'm inserting her in here for effect): It's a Bond movie - romances aren't really a thing in Bond movies.
Me: How was the romance not built up well?
Mother: They did all these flashbacks, and acted as if he'd been dating her all along, but we'd never really seen her before, so it was hard to care. Also the villain wasn't built up well and didn't make much sense.
Me: So not good character development?
Mother: Also, he said the action scenes weren't that great, mostly gun fights, not many good fight sequences or chase scenes. Overall kind of dull. With a plot that didn't make a lot of sense and fell apart.
In short, a dirge.
Wales: a Dirge?
Me: My brother and his slang terms.
Wales: Doesn't sound like a good movie.
Me: Hard to know. But he didn't like it at any rate.
***
Mother's visit with father didn't really pan out like she wanted. He was off today, and she thinks he may have another UTI. Also spent most of their visit in the bathroom. Also when she mentioned him returning to their home, he told her that he knew that was forever out of the question. He pretty much figured out he was never coming back to their house long before she did.
Talking to her today reminded me of watching the old man in the wheelchair at the doctor's office, who kept trying to take off on his aid. She was on the phone. He was bored and lonely. My heart went out to him. Poor guy. They were waiting to be picked up, and their ride was taking forever because of traffic and construction.
***
Meditation has helped the most - it kind of pushes the emotional holes off to one side. I did a meditation this morning -- about how to avoid the negative emotional holes or see them coming via my headspace app. It helped.
I keep repeating that this is temporary...and will pass. I just have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And hope things will change for the better soon enough.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-09 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 02:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 12:13 am (UTC)Yeah, I'll be vague because spoilers but, if you watch , don't feel bad if you can't make much sense of bad guy plot and motivation. It may not have helped that they tried to pack plenty of past stuff in also.
I think 's also out on DVD imminently.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 02:39 am (UTC)My brother kind of said the same thing about "No Time to Die" to my mother (note I got all of this second hand). I may just wait for it to come out - "On Demand". I'm waiting for The Eternals and Dune - for the theaters. Also West Side Story. I would have liked to see Ten Rings of Shang-Chi - but alas...missed that one.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 02:48 am (UTC)Incidentally, the sun came out here this afternoon so, if I continue to get weather a bit ahead of you, I guess it'll brighten up in due course!
no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 02:35 am (UTC)I liked it better than Captain America and Captain Marvel - both of which spent far too much time on Shield, and the setting (in Captain America - it was the 1940s and WWII and in Captain Marvel it was the 1970s.) But I did not like it as well as Iron Man and Thor - which I felt built up the characters better.
I think it spent too much time on the whole evil plot, and the action sequences. But that is also the audience, it was made for folks who swing towards more action and less talking. And, I think Black Widow suffers from the fact that they did it after the whole Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame storyline. So that it seems to serve more as an explanation why Natasha did what she did in Endgame, and a way to bring in a new Black Widow into the mix, than a true back story?
But I adored the casting of Rachel Weiz and Florence Pugh.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-10 02:46 am (UTC)